CdnExpat

One of the questions I had for my doctor was about feelings of hunger - I had read that in the current version of the VSG, the fundus is removed in its entirety, thereby eliminating "hunger pangs." I've had chronic feelings of hunger, but mentally (and sometimes physically) gag at the thought of eating. The doctor informed me that though this is the norm, some people still experience a sensation of hunger. I'm one of them. He suggested that I use the sensation to remind me to sip Water constantly. This is what I've done, and I'm working (12 weeks out) into making it a habit. But the hunger sensation is real, not acid induced (I'm on a PPI and have been since surgery), and just something I have to deal with. The shrinking number on the scale is great incentive to think 'water' when my stomach acts like my throat's been cut. Hang in there. As the others have pointed out, there could be a variety of reasons why you feel hungry, and with time and experimenting, you'll figure out what's up and adjust.

I am very bad at self-care. Considering what I do, it's a bit like the old adage, "The cobbler's children have no shoes." Or, if I were being less nice, I'd say I'm probably hypocrite material. Not liking this aspect of myself very much. I recently signed up for SuperBetter, a groovy little app I learned about from Jane McGonigal's TED talk. I've determined I will invest in the "quest" for better health, and so I've made myself check in with SB every day. Today's spizzy little blurb was about emotional health and mental resilience. I sighed out loud at the instructions, but decided I might as well "get it over with." I shut my office door, switched my iPhone to music, and put my feet up to listen to music for 10 minutes as per instructed. The music app is on "Shuffle" so instead of fiddling, just listened to the first four songs on tap. The play list ended up being 1) All I have to do is Dream (Roy Orbison original) 2) All My Life (Hot & Wet), 3) All the Glory/And He Shall Reign (Graham Kendrick) & 4) Always (Bon Jovi). My 10 minutes are over, and I am having mixed feelings about this. The break was truly rejuvenating, and I feel like I have a few more brain cells operating. But I also feel a bit ashamed that something so simple can make me feel better, and I just don't it. Everything and everyone else comes before me and what I might need at the moment. I seem to be primarily controlled by the tyranny of someone else's agenda. That soooooo sucks! I think I'm going to take a couple of behaviour experiments I give my clients and practice them myself. Starting with looking myself in the eye in the mirror and practicing saying, "I'm afraid I won't be able to help with that project this week or next, but I could look at how I might help the first week of August." (I'm falling about laughing as I think about actually saying something like that to any of my staff or colleagues. They'd pass out.) Stay tuned.

I'm back to exercising. Feels amazing. Prior to being diagnosed with MS (in the year from hell) my formerly active life was whittled away to almost nothing. Some days, it was amazing I could walk around my house, never mind do anything else. Given that I used to weight train daily, and had begun to rack up miles of race walking (daughters and husband biked or rollerbladed), the slow slide into inactivity really, really sucked. I grew up on a farm ("The Money Pit" as my father called it), working with horses and doing daily chores including milking cows & goats, feeding chickens, and managing my several breeding hundred rabbits. Physical activity (and health) were taken for granted. Grew up, married, had my girls, and just went on living. Married a city slicker, so the horses had to go, but otherwise, I didn't mind the changes. The year I turned 33 started out well, with a family resolution to get physically fit. My girls were 13, 12, & 11. We planned our 'Get Fit' campaign and got to work. In the small town in which we lived the local gym was owned by a couple who were competitive body builders, so the facility was awesome. As a part of their business, they both offered personal training, so we took advantage of that, and started working out on a schedule. Eventually, they gave us the code to the gym and we could use it 24/7 which was convenient for us as my husband was on shift work. By about June, we were all pretty pleased with ourselves and our new level of fitness, and we looked forward to the workouts and our nightly walks as a family. In July, we decided to try rollerblading, and I got a new pair for the first time out. But I could only go to the end of the block. My legs felt soooo heavy, and I was having trouble with my balance. My right foot was dragging, and the girls were teasing me about walking like a drunk. Then I developed a black 'hole' in the vision in my left eye. Yikes! That made me go to the doctor. Hell compressed into a sentence - after months of tests and assessments, I was diagnosed with MS in December 1996. So. No exercise. Fatigue, staggering, dropping things, slurred words. Some good days, lots of bad days. Weight gain. Lots of it. Ugh. I was in a very stressful job, and the specialist told me, "Change careers, de-stress your life, and get rid of some responsibility or you'll slide into a wheelchair and stay there." (I was already using a walker) So, I did exactly that. Changed careers, changed cities, and dumped responsiblity. Got out of the wheelchair, and began to make serious health-related changes. All of which helped me to feel better, but did nothing to dislodge the 80 pounds I'd gained in 1996. Fast forward 16 years. I had given up on losing the weight until the idea of VSG came up with the doctor here. I took the time to do the research, met with the doctor, and decided to go ahead. Sleeved April 4, 2012. Last check up I'd lost 44 pounds. Three days ago I started exercising again. Really exercising. It feels soooooooo good! My muscles are sore, my legs protest as I stand up, and I love it. I have to be mindful of the MS, but I'm remembering what it feels like to have gotten sweaty/hot enough to produce natural endorphins. *baskinginthehappiness* :wub: I certainly can't do what I used to do, but who cares? I'm doing something I haven't been able to do for years. After I was diagnosed with MS I wanted to do a half marathon for the MS Society in Canada, but I couldn't manage the fatigue and the extra weight. Now, I've learned how to manage myself with regards to the MS, and I'm losing the weight... which is making a big dent in the level of fatigue I have to deal with, and I have waaaaaaaaaay more energy. Maybe... just maybe, I'll be able to get to the point where I can do that half marathon. Wouldn't that be something? For now, I need to stand up and get some work done. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ready? Nope.

Thanks to TED Talks (www.TED.com) I was introduced to an app that is the buzz of the self-help world. "SuperBetter" (available through App Store) is a small app set up as a quest/challenge game for people looking to change some aspect of their lives. The TED talk by Jane McGonigal is worth watching. It seems like a simple concept, but it's also true that as busy human beings we no longer take the time to do the small things that add up to better health, greater wisdom, more leisure, etc. In my case, using the language of SuperBetter (which is free for a limited time), my ultimate Bad Guy is "Time Tyrant." I have convinced myself, and truly believe, that I don't have time for these things. It's twenty seconds I could be doing something productive rather than choosing to take my eyes off my computer screen to look at something restful for twenty seconds. I don't have time to do three minutes worth of isometric exercises at my desk - I could write a letter or email in that three minutes and cross another task off my endless "To Do" list. I know the most help I need is to change my perspective about caring for myself. This certainly seems to be hallmark of my generation, and I know it needs to be different. This morning on FB a friend had posted a wall pic that was so appropriate and I repeat it here because it's certainly something I need to remember. Make sure Before you say "Yes" To someone else, It doesn't mean You're saying "No" To yourself. I've been using SB for four days having decided that I clearly cannot manage my habit of not caring for myself on my own, so I might as well give this app a shot. Unexpectedly, I find myself checking in willingly. The app is structured as a Quest, and in order to unlock the clues/next level, you have to complete challenges. I am nothing, if not competitive. But this competition is with no one other than myself. And I chose the challenge. I further guaranteed that I would check in regularly by inviting my husband to be an Ally in SB. As an Ally, he knows which challenges I've completed, which levels I'm stuck on, and he can add challenges or quests to my game which are in keeping with the goal I've set for myself. (To have completely changed my lifestyle by the time I turn 50). Since I am also his Ally on SB for his challenge, we support and encourage each other. You choose the challenge yourself. Each level has a range of choices, and at every possible juncture one can access a short helpful video about the quest they've chosen. There's a "Science Behind..." section that allows you to know and understand why the things you're doing are good for you, and you receive encouragement and reminders by email. I'm impressed, and I didn't expect to be.

I have been struggling to get enough Protein. I've tried the blender, adding fruit, turining it into a smoothy, freezing it like a popsicle and... Ugh. All I can buy here is Isopure, so I've been making it work. This week I read about using Crystal Lite with the mix, and I tried it yesterday. Just Water, the Protein powder, 2 tsp sugar-free juice crystals (no Crystal Lite here ), stir like mad, add ice, and voile! Drinkable, not gritty, and I finished the whole thing a sip at a time. It got colder by the minute and no wretching happened on the last 3 or 4 ounces. I think I've got it! *clapping*

Sounds like a successful day. Triumph over old habits - asked for help; not giving in to emotional eating; insisting unreliable relative do the right thing; clean clothes; and a new idea for independence from said deadbeat relation. All this and a trip around the world. Hoo ha.

I actually don't like the app. I log into VST on my iPad through Safari. I've changed my profile pic through the web-based interface (even if I can't remember how it's done).

You've been to TED live?!! I'm so envious! =)

50 pounds is great, and I bet if feels really good even if your pants don't sag yet. If you used to Celebrate victories with food, make sure you celebrate with some other tangible token. (I started collecting unusual hearts) and lately, I've begun to celebrate with pics to mark new goals because I'm so much happier with how I look. I call it my "Loser Wall." Congratulations! CE

The connection between strong negative emotions and the compulsion to action is usually our downfall. (So it is with food, drugs, alcohol... any addiction) Some suggestions for alternative actions? (Some worked for me, some didn't. I tried them all until I found what gave me the ability to think through the emotion to a constructive rather than destructive action) Get a glass of ice cubes. Crunch them in your mouth. Compel yourself to a physical action (walk around the block, go up and down the stairs four or five times, play Wii, Xbox, etc. Something you can do right now to wear off the adrenalin of the emotional hijack) Speak up - even just a little. Give yourself a voice. Stuffing what you think about the circumstances results in an emotional void needing to be filled. Call someone you trust and set the timer to vent for five minutes, then talk through what action you need to take to be positive. Journal - stream of consciousness - no self-censoring. Fill three pages with the thoughts in your mind. It won't be pretty, it won't be nice English, but it will get those destructive, habitual thoughts out of your head and into tangible form. After three pages, put the journal away and make a date with yourself to read it later. Later, when you do read it, make some concrete decisions about how you want to think about (______________) behaviour. (i.e., your brother's) Even if you can't talk to him, you can write him a short note taking personal responsibility for your response to his words/actions. Something like, "I was very (emotion) when you (action) and I need/choose/ask you to stop/change. If you don't, I will need to limit our contact for my sake. I choose not to be a part of that kind of encounter again." Or something similar. You may not be able to say it to your brother, but you can use the opportunity to practice self-advocacy. Lastly, use positive self-talk. When you're not in an emotional crisis, learn some things you can tell yourself when you are. "I am not compelled to action because I am feeling (emotion)." And other phrases that you learn when not under stress. Using them does make a difference. I promise. Keep at it. All this stuff is so much easier to say than to do. But you already know that. Sometimes, just having extra tools/ideas can make all the difference in the world, one stressful situation at a time. CE

The "mental issue" isn't solved through surgery, and as KS Fort Worth pointed out, without a mental change, the weight will come back. I found that having admitted I couldn't lose the weight on my own, and having decided that I was going to do the surgery, it seemed to "break" some barrier in me about asking for help. I don't know about you, but changing the habits of a lifetime didn't come easy and I was incredibly grateful (and helped by) a CBT therapist, especially at the beginning. Making the time to see a CBT therapist with experience in motivation or coaching could be the difference for you between success and the alternative. :)CE

Congratulations on getting to where you are. I so get the "confer happiness" thing. Though I feel better having lost a significant amount of weight after VST, the truth is that it started another whole grieving process for me because I realized that unconsciously, I'd connected the weight gain with being diagnosed with MS, and therefore, weight loss is the "cure" for MS. Not. Though generally positive and optimistic about life, I've really struggled the past few weeks with coming to grips with the reality that while MS may have caused the weight gain, being some ideal weight won't cure it. It'll take a little time to adjust my thinking to reflect the truth, and in the meantime, I read your blog entry and it totally resonated. "Weight loss is NOT a fairy tale prince..." -or a fairy godmother with a magic wand. Here's to continued adventures, indeed.

"Failure" is not in falling down, or making mistakes, or in actions we regret, but in giving up. You haven't done that, Shelli D. If you put the whole thing in a different perspective, you're doing better than average. Or use another habit (other than food) as an example of what you're trying to accomplish. If you want to stop chewing your fingernails, you can count on at least six weeks of mindfulness, and in that six weeks, you will chew your nails. Possibly right off. But they grow back, and you learn to keep your hands busy and your fingers out of your mouth. lol Don't confuse set backs with failure. You're right that we can't just give up food, but the mindfulness we need is the new habit we want to cultivate. And next time those "f'd up already, might as well do x, y, or z" thoughts happen, you'll have that mindfulness a little quicker, and that little longer willpower. Maybe enough even to get yourself to somewhere or someone who can distract you from the action of the old habits. You can do it. In fact, you already are. Go, you! CE

I had a headache tonight when I came home from a date with my husband. I don't get headaches very often, but when I do, they're bad. Took some codeine. BIG mistake.. I didn't think my stomach was empty. We'd eaten out, and I took the pill with some milk. Apparently, my stomach was empty and this is not a good thing with codeine. I am currently sitting on the sofa feeling lightheaded, sweating, with a pain in my stomach that is as bad as anything I had when I had gallstones. OMG! On the plus side, my headache is gone.

I think I'm going to live. What an awful night! If it hadn't been for the info posted on VST, I would have gone to the hospital, thinking terrifying things about the integrity of the sleeve. Going to the hospital can be a bit of a nightmare all on its own, so I'm glad it wasn't necessary. Note to self... "The doctor gave you liquid paracetamol for reason. Duh." (Oh, to have remembered that before scarfing down a TEC3.) *sigh* Thanks for the empathy. CE

Me, too.

96 days post op, I have cautiously tried nuts. Specifically cashews and pistachios. No problem except the tendency to suddenly comprehend I've had one too many. So now I ration myself to 5 fresh roasted cashews over an hour. I savor each one, and I make sure to chew it thoroughly. (Not sure I get a great deal of protein benefit from 5 cashews, but I certainly get a lot of physical and mental enjoyment. ) As for Plantars nuts.... eeeeewwwwww! Unless you know they were roasted/packaged/shipped in the past 7 days, you're actually eating rancid nuts. You can only eat so very little - make it SUPREMO quality. CE

It's pretty standard to take a med such as Pariet (PPI) for 90 days after surgery. Some people get off of it, some don't. If you have acid reflux before, it could get better/disappear and it might not. But meds do take care of the problem, so not to worry. CE

Something's not right. Same sleeve date for me, and other than a few days of nausea, and difficulty with gagging on pills etc., for the first month, I've slowly worked up to eating "real" food in small quantities without a lot of problems. I've lost 40 pounds since sleeving, and the doctor tells me now the wls needs to slow down to about two pounds per week, which I am still happy with. It's down. I know I was given many dire warnings about losing too much weight, too fast. If you're still not able to keep liquids down with certainty, it would be wise to see your doctor. CE

So I hadn't gagged (that I remember) or thrown up in 30 years. Now 3 months post op, I gag at the idea of eating certain foods, I had a terrible time swallowing even the smallest pills in the beginning, and I've gone through eleventh-three flavours of toothpaste, gel, and powder trying to find one that doesn't cause me to begin gagging before the brush is even on my teeth. Trial and error produced these solutions: 1. I don't eat (or even think about eating) food that isn't high quality, freshly prepared, and in small quantities. (This actually turned out to be the key. If it looks like a lot of food, I'm in trouble) I keep thinking about the scene in Ratatouille- "If you can muscle your way past the gag reflex, it's not bad." Well, I'm not doing that anymore. If I can only eat 1/2 cup at a time, I want SUPREMO quality. =) 2. I, like one of the other posters, began using skim milk to take medication. Voile! It seems easier, and I've stopped wrenching up those hideously expensive Biocytin pills intended to prevent hair loss. 3. For the teeth, I experimented and ended up with a very soft toothbrush, cinnamon flavored gel (which will last until I die because i use such a small dab) and warm Water. I brush slowly and carefully, and I force myself to concentrate on the job the brush is doing. I mean really thinking about and feeling the process of brushing my teeth. As soon as I become mentally occupied on something else, I brush more vigorously, and *poof* I'm gagging and heaving. Gross. Keep experimenting. You'll find something that works for you. CE

Fourth doctor's visit last night. I'm down to 178, and it's the first time I've been below 180 for about 15 years. A loss of 11 pounds. Doctor tells me from now on, it should be two pounds a week as I eat more "real" foods. Okay by me. Anyway, he quizzed me about the meds which I've taken faithfully. (I also did the Heparin shots on myself at home for 10 days after surgery - an action that tore a whole in the Ozone over here because in this culture, they hire a nurse to give insulin shots! ) I'd had blood tests after the last checkup, and the doctor gave me a copy "for your records" (like THAT would ever happen in Canada) and we went over the numbers together. And how lovely they were. Upshot is that I can stop taking the iron tablets (yeah!!!), don't need to take calcium separately anymore, and I can stop the nightly Pariet. If I have occasional heartburn, I can do like everyone else and eat an antacid. All my left with is the Centrum multivitamin. No biggie. I had a few questions about my hair loss which is becoming more obvious, and he confirmed the research I've done. The hair loss is in fact the result of the surgery and the wls. Ensuring I get enough protein is to prevent Ketosis and to ensure I lose fat, not muscle mass. The side-effect of enough protein is that the hair loss lasts for a shorter period and the regrowth starts sooner. After we were done, the doctor told me I didn't need to see him for two months, and that he wished all his patients were like me. He talked a bit about compliance - how difficult it is in this culture to ensure his patients do as they need to do for optimum health. (Think the insulin thing) There is no psychological assessment here prior to surgery, and no one is turned away except for grave medical risk. He told me that the consequence of that is the majority of his patients lose the weight but end up with severe nutritional deficiencies which have a life long impact on their quality of life. Yikes. He ended by telling me that I've been the perfect patient and he wished he had the opportunity to work with more expats. A nice little bit of validation, considering that I'm pretty forthright and demanding in my encounters with the medical profession, having been a patient advocate for years. My husband insists I'm the worst patient EVER, and sometimes I agree with him. But in this case, it's all good. So I'm basking in the happiness of being "perfect" at something. As an added bonus, I got the doctor to give me all the stats. I don't have a scale and I never wrote them down, so he gave me the record of original weight, weigh-ins, and goal weight. I've adjusted my ticker, and I'm halfway! I hope on Thursday when I see the cardiac specialist, I'll get off the BP medication after four years. Fingers crossed.

I finally decided to actually join VST. I've lurked on the forums for about nine months as part of my decision-making process. Unexpected things happened when I finally talked with my doctor here, and I ended up being added to a study in progress here in the Middle East. So instead of having to pay the whole shebang myself, I only had to pay the hospital part. That definitely swayed my choice toward surgery. So here I am. April 4 was sleeve day, and other than some pretty incredible nausea afterward for about three days, everything went really well. I had no pain medication at all, much to the surprise of the nursing staff here who are accustomed to giving morphine every four hours on the dot. No thanks. No drains, and no other complications either. Whoo hoo. I guess the biggest surprise is how quickly my attitude toward food changed. I thought a lot about what being sleeved would mean before the surgery, and actually had a grief response at the idea of not being able to eat as before. I didn't really think of specific things I would miss, but rather that I would miss eating itself. My husband (HWHN) and I are Culture Vultures and Foodies... for about the past 30 years. I couldn't imagine how that would work for us if I couldn't eat. So I imagined how I would feel and got all emotional. Reality is that I'm now completely turned off by foods I used to love. I have been reflecting on the change - I HAVE to eat rather than I WANT to eat. It's so different. Sometimes I get "mental hunger" but thanks to reading the forums I expected that, and given what I do, took a little mini self-quiz and recognized that the mental hunger comes when I'm Bored, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (the bane of addiction). That was a bit of a shock, since I would never have said I was addicted to food. Other than the initial weight gain during/after diagnosis, I've remained at a stable weight... too much, but stable. ;P Never would have said I'm addicted to food, but the mental/psychological struggle tells a tale. So I'm getting back to doing some things I loved and let go. Swimming, photography, writing, and reading what my mother always used to call, "Penny Horribles." (Novels with no redeeming value except to pass time pleasurably) And... HWHN and I had our first official date post op this week, and it was great. He orders what he wants, and I nibble off his plate. Beautifully done cube of rare roast beef and a sliver of Manchego cheese. Heaven. Tonight is my regular doctor visit, and I know I've lost weight because of my clothes, but I don't know how much. I don't keep a scale at home. I want the amount to be a surprise, and I want to gauge where I am in the process by how I'm feeling about myself, not by the numbers on some stupid torture instrument. Had enough of that. After 96 days, I'm down 6 sizes and coveting those pink skinny jeans. CE

I'm sorry some of the side effects of getting healthy have been a little painful, KingOxNyc. Change is scary because it's heading for an unknown destination, and we tend not to like this very much. Makes us prickly and cranky. (Or suspicious and insecure). It sounds as if your wife is suddenly confronted by the fact that what's she taken for granted (she's the only one who wants you) is changing. And if she's got any insecurities about why you're with HER, trouble ensues. This is a great time to make space for the "We" that is created by both of you. Maybe find someone in your area who does the Prepare-Enrich Couples Assessment?It's a great, non-threatening way to identify the strengths you have and areas of growth/flux. Both of you investing in "We" will probably make it come right. Good luck and congratulations on the changes you've already made. CE