CdnExpat

Ah. "Retired teacher and counselor..."

*sigh* I've been thinking about what it would take to actually put myself first when considering my options. I'm not very good at this, and often end up doing things or committed to stuff for someone else's benefit. Which suuuuuuuuuuucks. So what would I do? Probably the smallest, and most easily sustained change at this point (being Ramadan and all) would be to block off my time when I'm not available. When my booking secretary calls asking me to make an exception for someone who insists it's a crisis, I resolve to remain firm in saying "No!" to any appointments outside those times when I'VE decided I'm available. :)Your question prompted me to stop thinking and start doing... thanks. CE

Months. But I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, so I expected difficulties. It takes some experimentation, but there are great suggestions in this thread, and one of them is sure to work. I hadn't thought of the Chia seeds - and I definitely prefer a natural solution so I'm going to try that.

This is a common problem. Keep up the liquids and regular fiber. In the meantime, rather than an enema, try glycerine suppositories. Use as per instructions, and maybe use some KY jelly or other similar lubricant when moving your bowels. It took ages for things to get back to normal for me, and I found this the least invasive and most manageable option until things settled down.

I'm 3 1/2 months out and I can just now tolerate some bites of a thin crust pizza. I've taken to putting a small dab of my favorite (think "expensive") jam on rye crisps or multi-grain flat bread. That works for me. My nut suggested I try to stay away from anything with yeast in it as it tends to cause bloating and heartburn. Since I got both of these after eating fresh bread before surgery, I've just stayed away. Works for me.

Way to go! I am excited about that aspect of this whole business as well. All things being equal, this is the LAST time I'll have to lose this weight. I've lost about three whole people over my lifetime trying to stay slim. This is it. Congratulations on getting to this point. CE

I'm back to using the Kinect to exercise. My husband (He Who Hates to be Named = HWHN) got it for me over a year ago after a party at a friend's house where they introduced us to Group Kinect. We had a blast competing to pop bubbles and other silly stuff. At that time, he wondered if I'd like the Dance Central game. He thought he'd get one of the exercise/gym games. Anyway, we did, and I stuck with it long enough to learn the dance routines to "Pokerface" and "Funky Town." HWHN had me try the exercise game a few times, but in truth, my knees couldn't take it, and with the extra weight, the fatigue factor from the MS just did me in. The routines are actually not bad, and HWHN had chosen a "coach" that was young, female, and curvy. I teased him about it, but he said he thought it would be easier to deal with a woman telling him what to do, since he's had lots of practice. (I threw a pillow a him) Anyway, it was only about six games later that he's yelling at the avatar. She even had the audacity at one point to refer to his performance in light of his age. I fell about laughing, and he said bad words. The next time he did the game, he called her The Witch. It stuck. Eventually, discouragement and fatigue caused me to stop doing Kinect at all, and HWHN went on to other things like online racing. Yesterday, we got out the Kinect again, and did the new adventure game we bought. It was great. We can play at the same time, and I am much lighter and in better shape generally, the MS being in remission. I remembered that the original exercise game had some good floor workouts, and one section that focused on abs, so I got it out again. Oh boy. After three sets, I wanted to commit acts of graphic violence on The Witch's person. Her perky, smug voice (enclosed in an impossibly perfect figure) says, "That's not quite what we were aiming for. How about if we take a break and try again? You can certainly do better." HWHN said more naughty words. Argh!!! How totally aggravating. "This is not quite what we were aiming for?" How does she know? And, there's no way for the avatar to understand the actual situation, so she can't adjust how she offers encouragement or support. I know enough about technology to do the things I need to do, but what I know about the Kinect and its controllers is confined to inserting and ejecting the disks, and waving my hand to get the program started. But I was determined to do something about The Witch, so I fiddled until I figured out how to change her. Next time HWHN goes to do his gym workout, he'll find The Witch has been transformed into a middle-aged man who looks suspiciously like himself... gray hair and beard included. Since I've already tried him out, I know that he says completely different things for encouragement, and he seems all enthusiastic that I'm even there, at nearly 50 years old, trying to get into shape. The perky little Witch is perfect for... oh, say, perky little witches. And that would not be me.

What she said.

Even if I have "walked a day in your shoes" Chitowngirl, I would still have no real knowledge, and no true understanding of your situation because it isn't mine. There are all sorts of factors here that make your situation difficult and I think that, like everyone else in life, you make the decisions that work in the situation as it happens. The original issue seemed to be the guilt you feel over the inequalities between your style or parenting and your in-laws. There's been some great advice and ideas so far and you can take the best ones and try them. (The pooling gift money and making a joint decision about gifts is an awesome idea) As for your relationship with your SD and grandson, you're not the only player on the field, and you clearly don't have the most influence, so all you can do is be yourself. You are right about not being able to parent your SD now, and quite Iikely your opportunity to parent her at 15 was also very limited. It is what it is. My suggestion? Limit your grandson's opportunities to wreak havoc in your home by planning activities out, or by insisting that his grandfather be present when he is visiting. Your situation is complex meaning absolutely no one but you actually knows what you've done or need to do to make it work for you, your son, and your husband. Some great suggestions here... Try them out and let us know what works. Your life doesn't need to be controlled by either guilt or regret. Hang in there. CE

Congratulations and happy birthday! What a lovely gift.

You've got a lot on your plate, Newbie girl. I think you'll have a hard time with that cocktail of pain meds and post op recovery. For help you might want to get some support from a health psychologist who specializes in chronic pain management, and/or a Neurofeedback therapist with a specialization in pain. Under the circumstances, you may be able to get the treatment covered. Taking advantage of all the help that's available is one way of leveraging the effort to change your life into the maximum chance for success. It's totally empowering to take back control of your body AND lose the weight. You can do it. Been there and done that.

NewbieGirl, you've got a lot of things going on. I think you're going to have trouble with that cocktail of pain meds and managing post op recovery. My suggestion is that you look for professional help. Under the circumstances, you may be able to get the treatment covered. A psychologist with experience in chronic pain management working with a Neurofeedback therapist can work miracles in helping you take back control of your life. It would be very empowering to get control of your body AND lose the weight. Taking advantage of every available option for help is one way to boost the chances of successfully changing your whole life. Been there, and done that.

Oh yes. Handfuls of it. Sleeved April 4, hair started falling out at the end of June. I don't have long hair, so I've gone with a really short pixie cut which has gotten lots of compliments (not many 50 year olds with pixie cuts. lol) I did some extensive research and learned that the hair fall is due to the surgery and the wls and it's a temporary problem with VSG. For some of the other bariatric surgeries, it can be permanent due to long term/chronic malabsorption which doesn't have to be a problem for sleevers. Ensuring you have enough Protein helps with the regrowth but does NOT stop the fact of hair loss. The amount happens on a continuum, from a little bit more than normal to a LOT. I'm clearly going to fall on the LOT end of the spectrum. I have decided I don't care. I would rather be slim than anything else, so if the hair loss gets too bad, I'll be shaving my head a la Demi Moore or wearing wigs a la Dolly Parton. In the meantime, I'm doing all the things the nut says to do, and am expecting the hair loss to last about 2-3 months.

Oh, do I get this one! We were both 18 when we got married (celebrated 30 years last month) and the VERY best thing we did was move far, far away from both families for the first five years. (My mil still hasn't forgiven me for "making" her oldest son move ;D We've never told her it was his idea.) What great collective wisdom and counsel there is in this group! ❤❤

Just as an aside... why so much Gatorade or Powerade? I've learned to be cynical thanks to a very eventful (former) career as a patient advocate. If the surgeon can't a) medically justify recommending those particular drinks, or offer an acceptable alternative, I'd be asking when he last went on a cruise or vacation on PepsiCo's dime? But that's just me.

You're losing. That's the important thing, right? How much and when are less important than the fact that you're losing. Try some of these things for the obsessing: 1. Write down the ruminating thought(s). Those repetitious phrases that echo round & round in your head, write them down. 2. On a scale of 1 to 100, rate how much you believe the thought to be true. (1 not at all, 100, totally) 3. Under that thought, write down anything - anything at all - that contradicts the thought. 4. Now write down as a percentage how much you struggled with these kind of thoughts before surgery & wls. 5. Carefully re-read everything you've written, and come to a conclusion about the repetitious thoughts. 6. Re-rate their accuracy based on the objective information you've gathered. 7. Visualize yourself shrinking the thought(s) into their proper perspective in relation to the truth of your life. It takes mindfulness, but it works. Lastly, I'd suggest you see a nutritionist if you're not already to discuss the "Always having a Gatorade in my hand" thing. Maybe this could maybe be translated into something more helpful (and healthful). You could also change up your exercise routine a bit (there's great suggestions in that forum) and you could try SuperBetter (as an app if you've got an iPhone or iPad, or online at www.superbetter.com if not) for encouragement and support. Keep at it... setbacks and stalls are not failure. Giving up is. CE

If the issue is causing conflict between you and your husband, best to hie yourself off to a professional to a) get on the same page, and learn how to deal with the problem together. If it's not causing conflict, and the issue is the expectations/rules you have about what parenting should look like, maybe try some reading? Boundaries (Cloud/Townsend), The Smart Stepmom (Ron L. Deal) or Hang on to your Kids (Gordon Neufeld) are good choices. Or, you could talk with a professional about the situation. Or, alternatively, you could "let sleeping dogs lie." CE

I can't seem to change my blog from VST mobile to the web interface. I'm on my desktop, and I've clicked (numerous times) on "Change Theme" and changed from VST mobile to VST Web, and hit "Go" as instructed. Still my blog is displayed in VST mobile, meaning that all the emoticons are turned into text (ugly) and some of the features are disabled. Help? CE

What a great quote! I've copied it to Google Plus - it deserves a wide audience.

This morning while spinning away my 30 minutes on the stationary cycle (I hate this form of exercise ) I was cruising the TED talk forum again, and came across this talk. This guy (Jared Ficklin) is a serious geek. I mean really. But, he's also fascinating enough to while away 10 minutes of my stupid peddling. This is the real gauge of any of the TED talks I watch. If the one I'm watching is fascinating enough to make me forget I'm sitting on a cross between an elliptical trainer and a stationary bicycle, it's a five-star in my estimation. (I'm not sure how others rate the videos, but I suspect they use a slightly different measuring stick.) The comments after each video are interesting as well. There's always someone who criticizes, someone who wonders what the point of this talk is, and someone who believes that the speaker needs personal defending. Sometimes the comments will keep me peddling mindlessly for a few extra minutes after the video is finished. When the TED email comes out each week, sometimes it's a total bust. Everybody is boring or a horrible public speaker, or the subject is so mundane or esoteric I can't get into it. In that case, I go to TED.com and choose "Inspire Me" and ask for videos about the length of the time I need to cycle. So far, this random picking has worked out pretty well. So while I'm exercising, I'm getting smarter - I can feel it. Just hearing all these talks by geeky, brilliant, quirky, famous, or creative people adds brain cells and grows my brain. (Did you know there's a great Ted talk by Thandie Newton?) So the whole process has been part of changing my lifestyle. I need to exercise... no, I choose to exercise, but I have to do something that will increase the likelihood that this is a sustainable behaviour change. I'm not going to run out and buy a treadmill (my preference over the wretched peddling) until I know the habit of exercise is a part of my new life. So I am making do. And I do that by watching TED talks. Who knows? Maybe my IQ will go up as my weight goes down. Wouldn't that be something?

Feeling more "normal" helps with the rest of the stuff we have to cope with. Go for more hugs... they really work. ;D I've just added flax seed back into my morning diet. I've missed it. I used to 'pop' it in the microwave and eat it instead of popcorn. I haven't done that yet, but next movie night at home I'm going to try it. CE

The wild card is always the client. No matter what the professionals do, or the skills they may have, or the techniques they may employ, if the client isn't invested enough in making the changes required to be different, then no matter what magic wand is brought to the table, it's not going to work. I understand from the doctor and nutritionist that the more weight to be lost, the more dramatic the loss ...in the beginning. As the body adjusts to the new regime, it begins to be more efficient in using the calories that are consumed. So this can backfire big time. If there are no changes made to eating habits, the lower calorie intake will cause an initial wls, but if the foods chosen are sabotaging, then the more efficient your body gets at using those calories, the slower, and slower the loss. When the high calorie foods are the only source of nutrition, wls is negligible. (Living in the Middle East, the doctor and nutritionist had many examples of bariatric surgery that "didn't work" as a weight loss procedure fro these exact reasons) It is typically very difficult for people here to make the lifestyle changes necessary to sustain the new weight. After lurking on VST for months before joining, I can definitively say that the one consistent tip, hint, trick, or suggestion is that in order to take advantage of the "tool" of bariatric surgery, one has to be prepared for a whole and complete, permanent lifestyle change. If that one piece is missing, everything else is a crap shoot with the chances of success dropping to about equal with winning the lottery. "Winning" the lottery... through hard work, CE

Lasted for about six weeks for me. Gone now.

Congratulations... it gets better from here, and feels worth it as those numbers shrink. Any abdominal surgery can have this effect, and this particular one for sure. Also, if the surgery was done laparoscopically, you were pumped full of CO2 to make room for the instruments. Serious bloating and gas are the result. Walking, as you're doing helps move things along, and as you feel better physically, spending about 10 minutes at a time (3-4 x per day) on your elbows and knees with your butt in the air also helps. Not exactly elegant, but it is effective. CE

Congratulations on the driver's license thing. That's WAY more of a milestone than skinnies understand. No more lying to the nice lady behind the desk. One of the biggest disappointments for me after VSG was finding out that alcohol no longer agrees with me. In fact, it so doesn't agree with me that I have no difficulty saying no to the offer of a vintage glass of white wine (my fave). It sounds like I was an alcoholic, but my husband and I are serious Foodies, and a beautifully paired glass of wine with a gourmet meal was a highlight of our expat life. After 14 weeks, I'm slowly getting to share in the 'gourmet' part again, but no matter what I choose, alcohol just hits me wrong. *sigh* On another note, I'm curious about the weekly weigh-in. One of the things the doctor here made me promise to do was get rid of my scale, and leave the weigh-ins to check ups with him. I'm glad I did. I've gone down every month, and I've gotten rid of the tyranny of the ".2" thing that always happened to me before. (Well, it was actually a fluctuation of 5 - 7 pounds between morning and night pre-op). I just wondered about the level of discouragement that happens to see ANY gain at all, when likely over the whole month, you'll lose. I don't think I could handle the psychological/emotional upset of seeing the scale go up. Good luck with your class and the eating out. =) CE