Nicci

I am still in the pre-op phase and today at nap time with my 3y/o daughter I had a horrible dream. I was going in for my psych eval and three "professionals" met me in this office. I use quotes around the word because they acted anything but professional, eating and drinking and interrupting me, it was ludicrous! Any ways I had to get two out of the three of them to sign off on my eval and I only managed to get one to sign off because, as she said, I was pretty and she liked beautiful people. The second one wouldn't sign off and she refused to tell me why. The third one refused to sign off because she asked me what my worse fear concerning the surgery was and I said "Death". She then interjected and was like "I didn't ask for your ultimate fear I asked what a bad fear of yours is!" So I then began to explain to her that a fear lesser than death would be a leak along my staple line. Lol IDK why I am sharing the horrible dream I had with all of you, other than to possibly see if any of you experienced the same thing pre-op? I have been having mixed thoughts concerning the surgery after I read a thread about a woman whom is still fighting for her life 2 months post op. If the dream I had has any indication of truth to it I need not worry because the psych team wont let me have it done :-/

The largest I have ever been in my life is a 24. Since I had my ankle surgery in late April 2012 I have ballooned up to 321 lbs. NONE of my pants, besides sweats and pajamas, fit me :-( If any one has a 28 or 30 they would be willing to part with that would be awesome just let me know!

Leaks are often associated with increased heart rate, fever etc (from what I have read) and also the stomach is on the left side of the body (anatomically speaking). It is possible for your pain to be radiating from the left side of your body to the right side, thats what I experienced with my gall bladder and it confused my doc at first because the gallbladder is on the left and I had no left sided pain. 4ALongerLife have you discussed the possibility of having your surgeon fix the leak with a stent? From what I have read this generally heals the leak (I am doing sooooo much research before I have my surgery that I am beginning to feel like a walking encyclopedia for WLS, lol!).

have you done anything that could have aggravated the site? Pulled a muscle, stood up funny, lifted something heavier than what you are suppose to?

Well I received the call for my first surgical consultation today, its scheduled for next Thursday. Suddenly s**** just got real for me :-) I'm excited and nervous all at the same time!

I find myself to ow be the one i the pre-op position, constantly debating and struggling internally with myself if this is something I should do (or not do). Given the 3 specific percentages quoted here I have done all 3 and survived...so I should be good for this too, or have I pressed my luck enough and if I choose to do this my number will be up?!?

Have any of you whom have already been sleeved found that your relationship has changed, either for the better or worse? I read someones comment last night that said most relationships fail after gastric surgery because the partner that has lost weight now realizes that they deserve better treatment than what they have been receiving. I was wondering how much validity there was to that statement. Have any of you found that your relationship has improved since you started dropping the pounds?

I decided tonight that two foods I will truly miss post procedure are CHOCOLATE and chili dogs :-P How silly is that? I am addicted to chocolate though and am sad to know I must say goodbye to it. A healthier, thinner me is more important than that chocolaty yummy goodness. Oh dear sweet chocolate i will miss you so! :-P

I think I grew feathers and a beak because I just called and canceled my appointment with the doctor for tomorrow I read a couple horror stories and everything is just so life or death that I can't calm my anxieties enough to go to my appointment. I'm afraid I may be stuck in this fat suit forever

Actually there are quite a few morbidly obese senior citizens in Wisconsin, lol darn cheese! Trust me I know, I have had to lift my share of them in the hospital and for a brief period when I worked in a nursing home. Thank you though for the well wishes, being "average" size is something I want and the only way to get what you want is to go after it! Honestly the whole guy being able to pick me up and spin me around is one of the things I am looking forward to post-op. It seems so silly (and yeah I could probably find some huge body builder guy who could do that to me at my current weight) but that is my biggest off scale victory that I am looking forward to, next to being able to cross my legs :-)

My 6y/o daughter cried when someone told her she was just like her mom (they meant her personality) because she thought it was their way of calling her fat. She was constantly telling me I'm too big and she even excluded me from a picture she drew at school of her family because I was too big I wouldn't fit on the page with her dad, brother, sister and herself. (Yeah I cried when no one was looking). After having decided to go through with this surgery I feel better about the way she views me now because I know it wont be forever. The other night though, we were watching the actual procedure on youtube and she came in to the room and apparently started watching it as well because the next thing I know I'm hearing her say "That's NOT going to happen mom! There is no way I am letting someone hurt you like that and make you bleed. You're not having that surgery." LOL, well yes I am having this surgery and it will make all of our lives better! It just seemed so weird to see how her young opinion changed so quickly once she seen what it actually involved, she decided she would rather have a fat mom then to let her mom go through all that. She doesn't have a choice in the matter, but it was very sweet to know she was concerned for me.

is the coffee thing just because of how acidic it is? If thats the case I would imagine at some point your stomach will be able to handle it again, would you think so? I mean like once the wound is completely healed. IDK I'm no nutritionist, or is it the caffeine? If thats the case could you still drink it so long as it was decaf? I don't think potato's will be out of my diet forever, I suspect I may have a bite or two of them at holiday meals (I mean c'mon who is going to eat a christmas salad instead of a christmas ham? lol) but it will definitely be in moderation!!!!

lol I was smiling through this entire post. I often fantasize about what life will be like post-op. I will admit I never thought there could be a brain and body disconnect like you described, but I suppose that is a very real possibility that I should begin to mentally prepare myself for (if preparation is at all possible!). I can only imagine what it will feel/be like when a guy can actually physically pick me up and twirl me around....*sigh*.... for now it's just a dream but I swear I am going to bring that dream in to reality! Being overweight has never stopped me from having relationships BUT I has stopped me from having the RIGHT relationships! Always settling and never demanding what I deserve, tolerating way more garbage than I ever should have. I can't wait to be on the other side of WLS and love what I see in the mirror, and eventhough I know I could technically still do it now I avoid horseback riding...I guess I just feel like at my current weight it would be considered cruelty to animals, but when this weight comes off post-op I am looking forward to going for a long horse ride!!!

I know that the er horror stories are often exaggerated, lol, my mom was an er nurse for many years, now shes an educator. I think she is only against the idea of me having this surgery because they use to teach their er nurses that when a WLS patient comes in with a sense of impending doom chances are the patient will expire. But you're right, soooo much has change in WLS in just the last 10 years alone! I will try to remember what you said if my recovery nurse panics, lol, I was way to groggy to be sarcastic (and her fear poured over in to me. I was hoping she would tell me not to worry about it, that it was another patient but no she admitted it was I whom had the elevated HR, btw thats how out of it I was at that point I couldn't even feel my heart taking off and I'm a sensitive one, my anxiety keeps me in pretty good tune with the rest of my body). I believe at this point I have decided to move forward and stay on the surgical path. I deserve to have a full and long life, and to enjoy the life I lead without trying to avoid photos and hiding behind someone else on the rare occasion I allow someone to take my picture. I deserve to love what I see in the mirror. I am worthy of all of this, even if I am terrified. I feel like this is a "leap of faith" for me and I just have to trust in my doctors and listen closely to my body so that I get medical intervention if necessary (even if it means finding a different bariatric surgeon post-op because the surgeon who did the procedure isn't listening to me, as Miss Iggychic did! And good for her for continuing to push, she listened to her body and did everything she could to get the help she needed.). 321 lbs isn't ok for my relatively small frame to carry around for long!

Wow I wasn't aware that the hormones for hunger would/could potentially come back! Huh....I know I don't want multiple procedures (I hate the idea of going under for any reason, but I can buck up when I have to).

I have been following that very same post! Thats the one that made me "re-think" what I was getting myself in to as well.

Yup, that's the one that ALMOST did me in. I am slowly finding some confidence in going through with this, I have even spoken with "Iggy" via private messages and she said even knowing what she does now she would still encourage me to do it simply because of where I'm at (321...although today at the doc it was 320, lol hey 1lb counts man!), and that she was much smaller than I when she initiated this process.

Thank you soooo much for your support and encouragement. It truly means a lot to me, I have a lot of negative people in my life which I am assuming will change when/if I do go through with the surgery, I have heard of many people whose friends turned out not to truly be their friends but in fact their frenemies, or significant others whom just couldn't handle the new and improved partner. It's a breath of fresh air to come on here and actually be supported and encouraged no matter what decision I make!

That is soooo wonderful to hear!!! I find it comforting to know that the two foods I will miss the most can still be eaten as an occasional treat, and ya know I never thought about going without the bun....perhaps I will start to do that even pre-op :-)

No, I (knock on wood) have never thrown a clot before, but there is a first time for everything and given my current weight (which is the largest it has ever been) I'm sure my chances are increased. As far a Varicose veins go I have never really seen them in someones foot before, mainly just their calfs, hands and arms....so I wasn't sure if a foot one, which constantly has pressure placed on it while standing/walking, would bare any increased risk. I did mention that I have PCOS, which honestly other than cosmetically, hasn't impacted my life (oh and I had to use fertility medication to get the child that died an hour and 10min after his birth, as well as my twins). It's more preventative measures in my mind, not that I have to explain my reasoning for even having an interest in this surgery to you or anyone else. I think it would be great to FINALLY know what it's like to be average to slender in size, and at 30 I still have plenty of life to live and cute clothes to wear (well not at my current weight, clothing options are limited and tend to age a person or just be down right gaudy!). So yes, I would like to look good. I would like to know what it feels like, just once in my life, to have a man literally sweep me off my feet, I would like to go to theme parks and be able to ride the rides without fear of embarrassment of not fitting in the seat or possibly breaking the cart off of its hinges, to be confident and comfortable in my own skin and not feel as if I am being judged based on my appearance but to know any judgement being cast is based on my character! I would like to go white water rafting or mountain climbing with the girls. I would love to be more actively involved in play with my children and possibly even coach one of my daughters softball teams instead of sitting on the sideline and trying not to draw attention to myself. I would like for my 6y/o not to cry when people tell her she's just like her momma because she thinks that is their way of calling her fat (which shes not). I am entertaining the thought of possibly having this surgery simply because I can! Thanks for asking It went pretty well and the surgeon agreed that this is probably in my best interest, given all the attempts I have made in the past (she laughed when I went as far back as Richard Simmons Deal-A-Meal plan and his sweatin' to the oldies routine). She gave me a book entitled "Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies" and she said it's informative yet entertaining I am optimistic at this point. She wants me to continue to jump through the hoops, and she continued to remind me that I am not obligated to commit to this and even once the surgery is scheduled I can cancel it at any time, even the day before the surgery if my feet get too cold Apparently Sweden has done studies on people whom are 20+ years out and they have a significantly decreased death rate from cardiac related deaths and incidence of cancer. I would love to read some of these studies as so many people in my every day life tell me that this is so new, blah blah blah, we don't know what it will do to you 10 or 20 years down the road. I'd enjoy battling them with the Swedish statistics and show them that yes we do know and this is why.

Well I may have to retract that last statement I made....I believe I just found a varicose vein in my foot that I had surgery on in April....I felt a burning sensation as I was walking down stairs so I sat on my bed and removed my sock and I have a HUGE vein running across the instep of my foot. I guess that's something I will have to address tomorrow with the surgeon. Can, in fact, people with varicose veins safely have surgery? Clots terrify me (no I have never had one but I truly do know how deadly they can be, I have taken care of many patients whom were stepping down from the ICU once their clot(s) resolved. For those of you that don't know, I'm a CNA whom is ever so slowly making my way through my BSN.).

Honestly no, I have been big my whole life and don't have diabetes or high cholesterol or high bp or anything life threatening like that, Aside from my weight I'm in excellent health.

Thanks guys...I am listening to ALL of you At 4:45pm I called my doc's office back and admitted to them I am scared and my fear was the reason I canceled. IDK if this is a "sign" of any kind BUT the receptionist totally understood and said that my appointment time was still available if I wanted to re-book it.....so I did. Tomorrow at 9am I will be going in to talk with the surgeon about all of this and letting her know all of my fears. The last surgery I had was just this past April, I had to have my ankle re-fused because it didn't heal right the first time. When I woke up in recovery my heart started to race on me and my nurse kinda scared me with the panic I could hear in her voice (she was yelling to the others "This one is going tachy! Mine is going tachy on me!" I kept asking her who was going tachy, if it was me? Finally she told me "Yes, you." so I bared down and took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds and released it and my heart rate came back down to normal before she ever had the chance to get me any sort of meds. Not sure if that was just like that I came back to normal on my own or what but it freaked me out pretty good. Later I asked the doc about it and he said no one had mentioned it to him but that maybe I was just having a slight reaction to one of the anesthesia drugs? He wasn't completely sure what could have caused it....but this was orthopedics not GI).