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secondchancesally
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secondchancesally got a reaction from sabz in Weight loss since surgery
I had surgery 10/23/12 and have lost 31 lbs. I can not seem to get this restriction sweet spot. Im either unrestricted or getting stuck, but continue to work it all the time. filling unfilling etc. GOOD NEWS!!!! I'm at my halfway point today. 31 lbs lost, 31 to go. So inspired by those of you who have lost 50 or 80 etc. It can be done!!!
Hard to imagine but you give me faith.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from lisacaron in Halfway To Goal...need A Mentor
I started as a low BMI bandster who needed to lose because I have spinal arthritis and small kids. I have lost 31 lbs in a year but struggle to eat healthy and its especially hard since I cant seem to get the restriction right. I either dont feel it or Im getting stuck on teeeeny well chewed bites. I have had so many fills and infills. Now its going to come down to just being disciplined even though I dont have the restriction to help me. I would love a local NY area mentor who has had success and lasting weight loss. I am 46 years old, a professional, and a mom...not that it matters...we ALL have food issues here... but just in case it resonates w someone out there.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
-
secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
-
secondchancesally got a reaction from DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! in Need Some Support-Gained Lbs And Partner Not Attracted To Me Anymore
Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside.
That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive.
So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok.
Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from n2win in FYI: you may Need to get unfill before surgery
Just wanted to give everyone a heads up based on a bad surgical experience I just had. I had my band placed a year ago. Two weeks ago I went in for an elective pelvic procedure for incontinence. I wound up having to stay in the hospital for two weeks because I developed something called An ileus, which is when your bowel stops working. It's pretty common after abdominal surgery, but usually only last a day or so. It's why they have you start with Clear liquids. My surgeon suspected that mine may have lasted way longer because of my band pressing on my Vagus nerve.
Also, I did not know that we should probably have complete un fills before any surgery. When your bowel stops you need to vomit, and I couldn't because my band was full. When they finally deflated my band, oh boy, did I vomit for ages. But that's what my body needed to do and it couldn't because of my fill. So just a heads up, if you are having surgery of any kind, talk to your surgeon first. You may need an unfill before hand.
I'm now 14 days post op and finally able to eat something other than Clear Liquids. Lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks because I was just on in fluids. Lookin skinny but man, that's not the way to do it.
Also of note. During the worst of the emergency my family, my dr andi all called Dr Ren at NYU for info and NO ONE called us back. Imagine! A self pay 20k fellow physician patient has a surgical emergency and for a week no one from the bariatric team ever called us back despite paging in call dr repeatedly. This is appalling. Shame on you NYU.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from n2win in FYI: you may Need to get unfill before surgery
Just wanted to give everyone a heads up based on a bad surgical experience I just had. I had my band placed a year ago. Two weeks ago I went in for an elective pelvic procedure for incontinence. I wound up having to stay in the hospital for two weeks because I developed something called An ileus, which is when your bowel stops working. It's pretty common after abdominal surgery, but usually only last a day or so. It's why they have you start with Clear liquids. My surgeon suspected that mine may have lasted way longer because of my band pressing on my Vagus nerve.
Also, I did not know that we should probably have complete un fills before any surgery. When your bowel stops you need to vomit, and I couldn't because my band was full. When they finally deflated my band, oh boy, did I vomit for ages. But that's what my body needed to do and it couldn't because of my fill. So just a heads up, if you are having surgery of any kind, talk to your surgeon first. You may need an unfill before hand.
I'm now 14 days post op and finally able to eat something other than Clear Liquids. Lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks because I was just on in fluids. Lookin skinny but man, that's not the way to do it.
Also of note. During the worst of the emergency my family, my dr andi all called Dr Ren at NYU for info and NO ONE called us back. Imagine! A self pay 20k fellow physician patient has a surgical emergency and for a week no one from the bariatric team ever called us back despite paging in call dr repeatedly. This is appalling. Shame on you NYU.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from n2win in FYI: you may Need to get unfill before surgery
Just wanted to give everyone a heads up based on a bad surgical experience I just had. I had my band placed a year ago. Two weeks ago I went in for an elective pelvic procedure for incontinence. I wound up having to stay in the hospital for two weeks because I developed something called An ileus, which is when your bowel stops working. It's pretty common after abdominal surgery, but usually only last a day or so. It's why they have you start with Clear liquids. My surgeon suspected that mine may have lasted way longer because of my band pressing on my Vagus nerve.
Also, I did not know that we should probably have complete un fills before any surgery. When your bowel stops you need to vomit, and I couldn't because my band was full. When they finally deflated my band, oh boy, did I vomit for ages. But that's what my body needed to do and it couldn't because of my fill. So just a heads up, if you are having surgery of any kind, talk to your surgeon first. You may need an unfill before hand.
I'm now 14 days post op and finally able to eat something other than Clear Liquids. Lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks because I was just on in fluids. Lookin skinny but man, that's not the way to do it.
Also of note. During the worst of the emergency my family, my dr andi all called Dr Ren at NYU for info and NO ONE called us back. Imagine! A self pay 20k fellow physician patient has a surgical emergency and for a week no one from the bariatric team ever called us back despite paging in call dr repeatedly. This is appalling. Shame on you NYU.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from autumn_moon in 6 months out -only 30 lbs down
Currently at 180. Wish I was lower but it seems many low BMI bandsters don't lose as radically as people w more to lose. My band still allows me to eat portions that are bigger than a cup. 6ccs in a 10 cc band. I get stuck if I try to eat anything in the am. lunch needs to be liquid. Dinners neeeeed hot tea first and then I can usually get down fish. I eat much healthier now even though I'm still size 16, and only 1 size down from where I started. But I want to feel sexy naked people!!! So i still have a ways to go. Goal weight 150. Gimme some support peeps. We can do this together!
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secondchancesally got a reaction from autumn_moon in 6 months out -only 30 lbs down
Currently at 180. Wish I was lower but it seems many low BMI bandsters don't lose as radically as people w more to lose. My band still allows me to eat portions that are bigger than a cup. 6ccs in a 10 cc band. I get stuck if I try to eat anything in the am. lunch needs to be liquid. Dinners neeeeed hot tea first and then I can usually get down fish. I eat much healthier now even though I'm still size 16, and only 1 size down from where I started. But I want to feel sexy naked people!!! So i still have a ways to go. Goal weight 150. Gimme some support peeps. We can do this together!
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secondchancesally got a reaction from autumn_moon in 6 months out -only 30 lbs down
Currently at 180. Wish I was lower but it seems many low BMI bandsters don't lose as radically as people w more to lose. My band still allows me to eat portions that are bigger than a cup. 6ccs in a 10 cc band. I get stuck if I try to eat anything in the am. lunch needs to be liquid. Dinners neeeeed hot tea first and then I can usually get down fish. I eat much healthier now even though I'm still size 16, and only 1 size down from where I started. But I want to feel sexy naked people!!! So i still have a ways to go. Goal weight 150. Gimme some support peeps. We can do this together!
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secondchancesally got a reaction from autumn_moon in 6 months out -only 30 lbs down
Currently at 180. Wish I was lower but it seems many low BMI bandsters don't lose as radically as people w more to lose. My band still allows me to eat portions that are bigger than a cup. 6ccs in a 10 cc band. I get stuck if I try to eat anything in the am. lunch needs to be liquid. Dinners neeeeed hot tea first and then I can usually get down fish. I eat much healthier now even though I'm still size 16, and only 1 size down from where I started. But I want to feel sexy naked people!!! So i still have a ways to go. Goal weight 150. Gimme some support peeps. We can do this together!
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secondchancesally got a reaction from autumn_moon in 6 months out -only 30 lbs down
Currently at 180. Wish I was lower but it seems many low BMI bandsters don't lose as radically as people w more to lose. My band still allows me to eat portions that are bigger than a cup. 6ccs in a 10 cc band. I get stuck if I try to eat anything in the am. lunch needs to be liquid. Dinners neeeeed hot tea first and then I can usually get down fish. I eat much healthier now even though I'm still size 16, and only 1 size down from where I started. But I want to feel sexy naked people!!! So i still have a ways to go. Goal weight 150. Gimme some support peeps. We can do this together!
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secondchancesally got a reaction from It'sTime in 16 Days Post Op, Down 20 Lbs
Hi guys. It's been weird here in NYC because my doctors have DISAPPEARED post Sandy. I didn't get to have my post op appointment at NYU or my esophogram. I call all the time and the say they will call back but don't. I called to see if I should advance my diet, no one called back. So I'm just winging it. But it's going ok. The weight loss is encouraging of course but eating is weird. Dies this sound normal to you? I am never hungry because I always feel stuffed. Yes, stuffed. food goes down fine... I'm on mushies. No stuck episodes. But I can't eat much at all, I know that's the point, but I'm on mfp and every day it tells me I'm eating too few calories. Yesterday I had 655 calories. I can't eat more than 1/2 to 1 cup of food 3 times a day.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from lee72 in First Fill Today
I finally had my first post op today even though surgery was oct 22. It went great. Esophogram was fine and Dr gave me my first fill. Apparently at the surgery she put 2ccs in my 10cc band and today she added another for a total of 3ccs. Here's the good news. I was nervous the fill would hurt. She had me lie on my back with my hands behind my head and do a crunch, and by the time I crunched the needle was IN! No pain at all! It took like 4 seconds and done! liquids today and tomorrow, then back to normal on thanksgiving. They gave me a sand filled hourglass timer that times 30 seconds. I flip it when I chew meat so as to be sure to chew for 30 seconds. Then when I swallow I flip it again and wait 30 seconds for it to settle. My surgeon Dr Ren has the advantage that her husband is Banded, so she has watched him for years and this is the technique he uses. So I'm going to try it. Now for my BIG question: can you guys eat stuffing? It is my big treat after losing 20 lbs and I want some.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from lee72 in Weird Week
I'm 4 weeks out. The first 2 weeks I could barely eat and really lost. This past week I have NO problem eating 1200cal per day, and NO weight loss. But I do notice restriction. I really can't eat more than a cup at a time. And although. 1200 seems to be a decent amount for weight loss, it is SO much less than the portions I used to eat that I thought weight would be flying off.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from elgrande in Banded On The 17Th Of October
So I was banded oct 22 and I just re read my post op diet orders. 6 glasses of fluids. 2 Protein Shakes. I can have Tomato Soup, broth, juice etc. the thing is, I feel SO full just taking my meds and a few sips of Water. Until tonight I just had juice and after. So tonight I made some watered down Tomato Soup. I kid you not: I dipped the spoon and licked it off 5 times and I feel stuffed to the gills like the worst thanksgiving ever. I know this surgery is supposed to make you feel full fast. But this is crazy. I'm hoping I can digest and get more comfortable because I need to take 2 tsp of medicine and that seems lie a huge volume. I think I'm gonna call my dr tomorrow to make sure this is normal. I don't want to get dehydrated. It's just post op day 2. Anyone have this experience?
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secondchancesally got a reaction from donna12 in Why In The World Did I Let It Get This Bad
Hey Donna. I'm 46 and newly divorced too. Well, not divorced but we were never legally married because we were in a same sex relationship. So we can't get a divorce despite our white wedding, two kids, business and home. My ex went a bit crazy when our family biz was struggling and did some financial things I can't forgive. Lied to me about terms of loans and bullied me to sign and threatened me with our relationship if I didn't sign. She got meaner and meaner until our home became frightening to me and to our daughter. One year ago in the midst of a screaming match I just walked out and I havnt been back. Not after surgery. Not now after hurricane sandy when I have no heat and am 2 weeks post op. adding to the challenge is that after 12 years of being a very traditional wife and mother, making a hoe, raising the kids, helping start a business, I am not entitled to a part of the home or the business we built together. We own the apartment together, but she feels that she can buy me out for a pittance because over the years she contributed more. When you are a wife the premise is that this role as value tat entitles you to a share if what you have built together. Not so in a same sex relationship. So strangely, I ENVY people who are divorced. My moms at school who totally cheated on their hubby's are in the family home with their kids getting child support and having their rent paid. I left so i get nothing except thank god, my kids half the time.
Take home message girls? Get it all in writing, don't work free thinking oh, this will help my spouse and then my spouse will take care if me/be fair to me. All my years of being a wife and a mom and I am completely starting over. Thank God I have a career to go back to. But living in NY is SO expensive and I have to stay because my kids are in school here. It as been a year of friends couches and now finally one rented room I share w my daughter. So of course it may seem nuts that the first $20k I have is spent on my self pay lap band. It seems very self indulgent. But it's just me now. I have no one to fall back on. I have to make ends meet for my kids. I have to make a better life so they can someday not have to share my bed when they come over. (It's not easy trying to get a baby and a 7 year old to go to sleep in a room you are in. ) I need to be strong and at my best. I can't have my back problems or my insecurity slowing me down.
While our relationship was far from perfect, it really wasn't scary til the end. But when I look back there was so much, like years of celibacy, that I used to say..." It's bad but its not a deal breaker". I convinced myself I was staying for my kids. The truth is it should have been a deal breaker. I should have left ages ago. I looked at my life long and hard and I realized the reason I didn't leave was my weight. I was too afraid I would never find anyone else. I allowed myself to believe that things were my fault because I was overweight. It wasn't my fault. But when I realized that my weight was my excuse for staying in a suboptimal situation, for staying in an emotionally abusive relationship, I realized the weight had to go. Because the new me is not going to put up with any ****. So it's 2 weeks post op. I'm broker than broke, I'm working like a dog. But I believe for the first time in a long time that I'm headed to a better place. For sure. And I love my lap and friends who are on this journey with me.
You are SO not alone Donna. Lets do this together. And share dating stories along the way.
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secondchancesally got a reaction from lee72 in October 2012 Bandsters
Day 4 post band for me. Last night skipped the meds. My belly feels SO full on 4 sips. I'm not hungry at all so that's ok w me but I am working on getting enough Fluid and Protein in. I'm supposed to have2 Protein Shakes / day and I had about half of one. I'm supposed to have 4-6 cups liquid and I have about 2-3/ day. The scale dipped below 200 today! Suddenly I'm 197 and was 203 yesterday and that has to be fluid, right? 13 lbs down from start date. Today the weather is supposed to be awesome so I'm planning a stroll to the park. How are all my other October bandsters?
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secondchancesally got a reaction from lee72 in October 2012 Bandsters
Day 4 post band for me. Last night skipped the meds. My belly feels SO full on 4 sips. I'm not hungry at all so that's ok w me but I am working on getting enough Fluid and Protein in. I'm supposed to have2 Protein Shakes / day and I had about half of one. I'm supposed to have 4-6 cups liquid and I have about 2-3/ day. The scale dipped below 200 today! Suddenly I'm 197 and was 203 yesterday and that has to be fluid, right? 13 lbs down from start date. Today the weather is supposed to be awesome so I'm planning a stroll to the park. How are all my other October bandsters?
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secondchancesally got a reaction from lee72 in October 2012 Bandsters
Day 4 post band for me. Last night skipped the meds. My belly feels SO full on 4 sips. I'm not hungry at all so that's ok w me but I am working on getting enough Fluid and Protein in. I'm supposed to have2 Protein Shakes / day and I had about half of one. I'm supposed to have 4-6 cups liquid and I have about 2-3/ day. The scale dipped below 200 today! Suddenly I'm 197 and was 203 yesterday and that has to be fluid, right? 13 lbs down from start date. Today the weather is supposed to be awesome so I'm planning a stroll to the park. How are all my other October bandsters?