secondchancesally

I totally understand. I haven't posted any year. I was so excited for this been to help but I cannot find that sweet spot of restriction. Either I'm vomiting up everything because everything gets stuck except liquids, or else I'm able to eat, small bites and well chewed, but still I never feel that phone is that I thought was supposed to happen to help me stop. If I was a person who is good at stopping eating after a cup, I would not have needed the band. I was really excited to be able to eat small portions and feel satisfied but that never happened. And I'm still the same exact way to year and a half later.

So I recently (mid sept) had an total unfill because I was having surgery and then I had surgical complications and wound up losing 13 lbs. I was enjoying being 170 lbs...the thinnest I've been since I was a kid. But I was also enjoying eating and my weight went up to 179. I know, I know, its just 9 lbs and many of us would be very excited to be at 179... But this AM, after the person Im dating told me, as nicely as a person can say such a thing (I love you and want you to be the healthy vibrant person you should be) that they are no longer attracted to me sexually because of the weight gain. Of course they offered to diet with me and they are not breaking up...but the email I got made it clear that the weight gain is really not ok. My first impulse is to not that 1) I weighed 185 when we met and you were into me then.... 2) I hate to point out that you have gained quite a bit of weight since I met you also....but the truth is none of this is relevant. It really hurts to hear someone you are so in love with and attracted to isn't attracted to you. This was my first relationship post surgery and presurgery I hadnt been with anyone sexually for a long time. The chemistry that we had was so good for my self esteem, it was just so amazing to be that way again. But now I'm just feeling so mortified to read an email that says, "Ive been noticing how you fill your plate and then eat everything" "I see you lumbering out of bed and I know the weight isnt helping". We are supposed to go on a vacation next week and I dont know how to face eating meals together, sleeping in the same bed together etc. My impulse is to end the relationship and see if I can lose the weight. I just want to crawl under a rock. Then I keep telling myself that setbacks happen, and you start over. I shouldnt make such a big deal of it. But I need advice. Im at work and cant stop crying. Im glad all of this happened via email. I could not have handled this face to face. But what now? I need support people...

I started as a low BMI bandster who needed to lose because I have spinal arthritis and small kids. I have lost 31 lbs in a year but struggle to eat healthy and its especially hard since I cant seem to get the restriction right. I either dont feel it or Im getting stuck on teeeeny well chewed bites. I have had so many fills and infills. Now its going to come down to just being disciplined even though I dont have the restriction to help me. I would love a local NY area mentor who has had success and lasting weight loss. I am 46 years old, a professional, and a mom...not that it matters...we ALL have food issues here... but just in case it resonates w someone out there.

I had surgery 10/23/12 and have lost 31 lbs. I can not seem to get this restriction sweet spot. Im either unrestricted or getting stuck, but continue to work it all the time. filling unfilling etc. GOOD NEWS!!!! I'm at my halfway point today. 31 lbs lost, 31 to go. So inspired by those of you who have lost 50 or 80 etc. It can be done!!! Hard to imagine but you give me faith.

OK so I went on vacation. It was quite awkward and I felt very self conscious, but frankly, the whole time I was there I was noticing my partners eating habits which are certainly not beyond reproach. She had dessert after every lunch and dinner and had between 4-6 alcoholic drinks a day. As much as I felt tempted to point this out, I didn't. I just minded my own business and ate how I wanted to eat, which was healthy. salads with fish for Protein mostly. I was pleased that although I dont yet really have perfect restriction I was able to eat in moderation and I was so glad to not be getting stuck on vacation. Clearly the part about not being attracted was not an issue because there was a lot of stuff that only should be discussed in the powder room area, but lets just say that it was not wishy washy. So what do I do with this information is the big question? Because I feel really hurt by what happened. I do NOT want to have the kind of relationship where we nag at each other and chip away each others confidence over too much drinking or unhealthy eating. Frankly that just results in my sneaking off to have a snack and feeling ashamed. Which I did. And which I am not proud of. I mean, she was having Desserts twice a day, so if I was craving something sweet why couldnt I have just indulged in moderation alongside instead of sneaking. It was just a granola bar for God's sake, not like I wolfed down a banana split! Ive never been ashamed of my weight or my eating and I dont intend to start now that I/m down 30+ lbs. So we need to continue to discuss this and I just hope I can be firm and resolute. I am not a child and I dont want to be motivated by fear or by someone else's disapproval.

Thank you all so much for all the amazing support. I have spent the last 2 days alone just working and thinking. On the one hand I knew I had regained as much as I wanted to. But what bugs me most is that my partner felt entitled to say something knowing this is a sensitive issue and I'm already as on top of it as I can be. By the way,my partner is a woman...which I think makes it more egregious because one of the nice things usually about being in love w a woman is that they aren't as visually oriented as men and much MORE likely to love you for whats inside. That said, she also should have known better because once before she was critical of the way I dress in such a bohemian style. And I took it very badly. I love dressing like a hippie chick. It's how I express myself and my creativity and how I Celebrate weekends away from my conservative job. Despite telling her she was an ass for making me feel badly ( that time she also said,dress how you want I'm just not attracted to that look) I wound up feeling unable to wear those hippie clothes because the whole time I was aware that she was finding me unattractive. So i don't dress that way around her. So basically I plan to talk to her tonight and say that I really don't feel comfortable going on ths vacation. That I will be crawling out of my skin. Feeling judged and overly self conscious. I have decided to just be on Protein shakes during the trip and not go to restaurants with her because I will be wanting to eat and currently just can't. I also will tell her that I can't be physical right now because I feel too self conscious and bad about myself. If she has a problem with that I really don't mind not going. But most importantly indeed to tell her that her 'intervention' was not productive, I had decided to lose weight on my own but now I am motivated by shame and humiliation not by the right reasons. By now she should know that that kind of conversation makes me feel unloved and bad about myself. Each time she does it, it chips away at how much I can love her, feel safe with her, and be supported by her. I plan to tell her that I don't thi k our relationship can tolerate,ugh more of me being ,are to feel that I'm not ok. Ill report back on how it goes. Thank you again guys for all the support and anger and thoughtful words and cyber love. It really did help.

I just wanted to share my profound disappointment with the bariatric team at NYU. I had a lap band w Dr Ren a year ago and had a successful outcome. 2 weeks ago I had an unrelated surgery and developed post op complications. My surgeon needed to speak w Dr Ren so he called, I called, may parents called, all asking Dr Ren or the resident on call to call us back. No one EVER called back. I let them know I was a fellow physician here in NY. I let them know i was having a surgical emergency. No one called back. I even in desperation told them that I was a self pay patient and oir $20k I felt I deserved a phone call. Nothing. My surgeon had to unfill my band and I couldn't eat anything, just IV fluids for 2 weeks. When I go in to get a refill you can bet I'm going to give them am earful!!! So wrong.

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up based on a bad surgical experience I just had. I had my band placed a year ago. Two weeks ago I went in for an elective pelvic procedure for incontinence. I wound up having to stay in the hospital for two weeks because I developed something called An ileus, which is when your bowel stops working. It's pretty common after abdominal surgery, but usually only last a day or so. It's why they have you start with Clear liquids. My surgeon suspected that mine may have lasted way longer because of my band pressing on my Vagus nerve. Also, I did not know that we should probably have complete un fills before any surgery. When your bowel stops you need to vomit, and I couldn't because my band was full. When they finally deflated my band, oh boy, did I vomit for ages. But that's what my body needed to do and it couldn't because of my fill. So just a heads up, if you are having surgery of any kind, talk to your surgeon first. You may need an unfill before hand. I'm now 14 days post op and finally able to eat something other than clear liquids. Lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks because I was just on in fluids. Lookin skinny but man, that's not the way to do it. Also of note. During the worst of the emergency my family, my dr andi all called Dr Ren at NYU for info and NO ONE called us back. Imagine! A self pay 20k fellow physician patient has a surgical emergency and for a week no one from the bariatric team ever called us back despite paging in call dr repeatedly. This is appalling. Shame on you NYU.

Currently at 180. Wish I was lower but it seems many low BMI bandsters don't lose as radically as people w more to lose. My band still allows me to eat portions that are bigger than a cup. 6ccs in a 10 cc band. I get stuck if I try to eat anything in the am. Lunch needs to be liquid. Dinners neeeeed hot tea first and then I can usually get down fish. I eat much healthier now even though I'm still size 16, and only 1 size down from where I started. But I want to feel sexy naked people!!! So i still have a ways to go. Goal weight 150. Gimme some support peeps. We can do this together!

I get stuck about 3times a week. Eating small and chewing lots but boy do I have a hard time with solid proteins/meats/scrambled eggs. Yet I can still eat more than a cup. I try not to. I portion out a cup and I wait after I've had that but I'm still hungry. So sounds like I need a fill right? But the problem is I'm already having trouble eating and not getting stuck. Starting to feel like maybe I'm just a pig or don't have the discipline to eat so little. Also I'm a single working mom and my day starts at 7 and ends at 2am so I get hungry at night. Needless to say I haven't lost much more than the 25 lbs I lost pre op. do I get a fill? Or am I too tight? Surgery was oct 23

I was banded 10/22 and have 3 cc in a 10 cc band w no restriction yet. I'm careful not to eat late or to overeat, but every single morning at 4 am I awake w terrible back Bain that radiates up to my palate. I'm too young for a heart attack and it goes away if I have a tums and sit up in bed, but it comes back at 6 am requiring another tums and sitting up in bed. The pain feels like when I had my gallbladder attacks. It is bad. But my gall bladder is out. I had a hiatal hernia repair so it shouldn't be reflux, but clearly it's acid related because tums helps. What is this and how do I avoid it so I can get a full nights rest!!??

Also some XL tops. Anyone here in NYC think they will be rocking an 18 next summer? Otherwise I'll donate and get a tax write off but thought d ask here first

I had my first fill 2 weeks ago and she hit a capillary. She could tell because it was squirting. We pressed it and I thoughts its no big thing. That night I had a bad bruise. But it actually myst ave still been bleeding in there because it got really big and dark purple about 5 inches across. It's still purple and hard now. Anyone have this problem? I'm looking for tips to get fills without this happening every time.

I finally had my first post op today even though surgery was oct 22. It went great. Esophogram was fine and Dr gave me my first fill. Apparently at the surgery she put 2ccs in my 10cc band and today she added another for a total of 3ccs. Here's the good news. I was nervous the fill would hurt. She had me lie on my back with my hands behind my head and do a crunch, and by the time I crunched the needle was IN! No pain at all! It took like 4 seconds and done! Liquids today and tomorrow, then back to normal on thanksgiving. They gave me a sand filled hourglass timer that times 30 seconds. I flip it when I chew meat so as to be sure to chew for 30 seconds. Then when I swallow I flip it again and wait 30 seconds for it to settle. My surgeon Dr Ren has the advantage that her husband is Banded, so she has watched him for years and this is the technique he uses. So I'm going to try it. Now for my BIG question: can you guys eat stuffing? It is my big treat after losing 20 lbs and I want some.

I'm 16 days post op and SO apply to be back in my home AND have heat! Our grocery store was barren. Shelves completely empty. They have produce and canned stuff but no meats, no frozen things, no dairy. This is all a bummer for a girl on mushies. Thank goodness for healthy babyfoods! the veggie options are great and the portions are perfect for bandsters but i can totally understand why my babies spit out any of the meat options! one day I was looking forward to yogurt, cottage cheese etc. so I made a trip uptown where life is normal in NYC and filled in on supplies. Mmmmnnn tuna, laughhingcow low fat cheese, yogurt smoothies, mashed potato mix with unjury cheese powder protein. Down 17 lbs from start of pre op diet. Haven't started exercising yet. In fact I still haven't had my post op visit because NYU apparently is in a bad way and not re opening for weeks!! Another

I'm 4 weeks out. The first 2 weeks I could barely eat and really lost. This past week I have NO problem eating 1200cal per day, and NO weight loss. But I do notice restriction. I really can't eat more than a cup at a time. And although. 1200 seems to be a decent amount for weight loss, it is SO much less than the portions I used to eat that I thought weight would be flying off.

Hi guys. It's been weird here in NYC because my doctors have DISAPPEARED post Sandy. I didn't get to have my post op appointment at NYU or my esophogram. I call all the time and the say they will call back but don't. I called to see if I should advance my diet, no one called back. So I'm just winging it. But it's going ok. The weight loss is encouraging of course but eating is weird. Dies this sound normal to you? I am never hungry because I always feel stuffed. Yes, stuffed. Food goes down fine... I'm on mushies. No stuck episodes. But I can't eat much at all, I know that's the point, but I'm on mfp and every day it tells me I'm eating too few calories. Yesterday I had 655 calories. I can't eat more than 1/2 to 1 cup of food 3 times a day.

I am amazed to be seeing steak and rice and all kinds of stuff I didn't think we could eat after band, so you guys don't get stuck on beef?

Me too! Tonight was my first solids. I had salmon and mashed potatoes. For lunch I had turkey chili. Please suggest solids and veggies you can eat. Can you eat salads?

I have no fills and am 3 weeks post op. I may still be swollen/sore but I definately can't eat as much. I max out at a cup of food. Soup, chili, mashed potatoes, yogurt. If I try to eat more I feel uncomfortably full and have back pain that feels like that bad post op gas pain.

Thanks for your feedback guys. Still can't reach my dr. I get a person and they say someone will call me back but no one does. Monday I'm supposed to advance to normal food but I think I'm gonna stay on mushies. No harm right? Very encouraging and reassuring though that others feel the same and that others are doing ok on the caloric intake I'm doing. Thank you so much

I saw in the news they had to evacuate 215 patients from NYU. That's where I had my surgery last week? My 1 week follow up with esophogram was canceled because of hurricane Sandy. I'm so glad I'm fine post op day 9 because my team s banished from their hospital.

Hey Donna. I'm 46 and newly divorced too. Well, not divorced but we were never legally married because we were in a same sex relationship. So we can't get a divorce despite our white wedding, two kids, business and home. My ex went a bit crazy when our family biz was struggling and did some financial things I can't forgive. Lied to me about terms of loans and bullied me to sign and threatened me with our relationship if I didn't sign. She got meaner and meaner until our home became frightening to me and to our daughter. One year ago in the midst of a screaming match I just walked out and I havnt been back. Not after surgery. Not now after hurricane sandy when I have no heat and am 2 weeks post op. adding to the challenge is that after 12 years of being a very traditional wife and mother, making a hoe, raising the kids, helping start a business, I am not entitled to a part of the home or the business we built together. We own the apartment together, but she feels that she can buy me out for a pittance because over the years she contributed more. When you are a wife the premise is that this role as value tat entitles you to a share if what you have built together. Not so in a same sex relationship. So strangely, I ENVY people who are divorced. My moms at school who totally cheated on their hubby's are in the family home with their kids getting child support and having their rent paid. I left so i get nothing except thank god, my kids half the time. Take home message girls? Get it all in writing, don't work free thinking oh, this will help my spouse and then my spouse will take care if me/be fair to me. All my years of being a wife and a mom and I am completely starting over. Thank God I have a career to go back to. But living in NY is SO expensive and I have to stay because my kids are in school here. It as been a year of friends couches and now finally one rented room I share w my daughter. So of course it may seem nuts that the first $20k I have is spent on my self pay lap band. It seems very self indulgent. But it's just me now. I have no one to fall back on. I have to make ends meet for my kids. I have to make a better life so they can someday not have to share my bed when they come over. (It's not easy trying to get a baby and a 7 year old to go to sleep in a room you are in. ) I need to be strong and at my best. I can't have my back problems or my insecurity slowing me down. While our relationship was far from perfect, it really wasn't scary til the end. But when I look back there was so much, like years of celibacy, that I used to say..." It's bad but its not a deal breaker". I convinced myself I was staying for my kids. The truth is it should have been a deal breaker. I should have left ages ago. I looked at my life long and hard and I realized the reason I didn't leave was my weight. I was too afraid I would never find anyone else. I allowed myself to believe that things were my fault because I was overweight. It wasn't my fault. But when I realized that my weight was my excuse for staying in a suboptimal situation, for staying in an emotionally abusive relationship, I realized the weight had to go. Because the new me is not going to put up with any ****. So it's 2 weeks post op. I'm broker than broke, I'm working like a dog. But I believe for the first time in a long time that I'm headed to a better place. For sure. And I love my lap and friends who are on this journey with me. You are SO not alone Donna. Lets do this together. And share dating stories along the way.

My post op was cancelled due to hurricane sandy and we had to evacuate NYC and I don't have my surgery nutrition booklet with me. Can you all share what you could eat when you advanced to mushies 10 days post op?

But at what day were you allowed to progress from liquid to mushie? I can't believe my doctor is still totally MIA. When you call you get a busy signal no matt what time of day or night. I guess that's what happens when a hospital has no electricity! I think it was day 10, but I want to take a poll to be sure since all my materials are home in NYC.