godete

[font=georgia, serif]I've tried every diet under the sun and then some, you name it I did it and i'm done. I like to exercise and if I had the time like these celebrities to have everything done for them and not have to worry about paying the bills I too would be skinny, but I dont' so I'm not. Oh, and when i do go to the gym, why do I still feel like the fat girl in gym class? surrounded by the skinny popular girls?

Finally decided this is it, i'm done. it's June 14th. and I have my first meeting next week and I wish i could fast forward it to the actual surgery. I'm so tired of being depressed and beating myself up not looking right.

My age is another huge factor, I'm 40 and finally has a decent guy who wants to get married and have a family- so of course the voices in my head starts... if i'm weigh this much at 40, pre baby... i'm going to be house after.. if I can even get pg since weight gain is a big factor. Throw in some bloop pressure and diabeties in the family makes for me a hot mess. I haven't confirmed my weight.. i have a certain number in my head but the way my jeans are tightening I know i'm more :(

So I am going to be a good girl and not allow the bad thought to make me feel more gross than I already am, and look forward to this new journey.[/font]