meyouus

Yeah, what they said! :wub:

Hi, this is a topic that was requested of me to write this post and ask for help by my therapist. She believes many of you will relate to, even if you don't post back....I'm reluctant because: 1. It's a heavy topic for me to post on the internet, to people I will never know. 2. It's exremely painful for me to even venture in this territory. But it is something that is at the core of my where and who I am today, as a someone fighting to lose the psychological pounds I have put on over the years. I was brought up in a highly dysfunctional family (to put it lightly), and there was sexual abuse, emotional deprivation and abuse, alcoholism, parental fighting and divorce, self-harm, para-suicidal actions and more things that I can't access right now. I was raped and beaten repeatedly by a boyfriend in high school, my best friend comitted suicide, I married a wonderful man who is also an alcoholic, and last year, my Mother passed away from breast cancer. It was engrained into me as a child that I was fat (I wasn't even heavy or plump till a year after marrying my husband in 92) and utterly worthless. Most of me believes that to this day, but thanks to all of the therapy I'm in, medications and recently Al-Anon, I am learning that I might not be worthless. "might not". My reason for writing this...I feel majorly worthless right now (I'm in a tough place in therapy AND my go to, bad food, has been taken away from me, by choice) and am having a bloody hell of a time fighting all the negetive "voices" in my head, and adhering to my diet. I was banded 5 years ago, gave up on it 4 years ago and got unfilled, then found myself back in the Doctor's office wanting to try again, three months ago. For two months I did very well, losing 20 pounds. Feeling that I understood my relationship with food, eating very well. I thought I had it in the bag. But this month, I am deliberately buying junk food to sabotage myself. I want to "hurt" myself by eating junk food. Obviously I am not in a good place. My baggage got me to today, and frankly I am proud as hell to have made it to the age of 46. Albeit a confused 46. My therapist wanted me to ask of you how some of you overcame those negetive voices, hurtful relationships with food and became a successful Bandster. I'm not looking for "atta-boy"s or "you-poor-girl"s or "you-can-do-it"s...I'm down but not out. How do you fight the inner demons that make you reach out to bad foods for a coping mechanism? I mean, I know the tricks, but they're not working. I know that some day, I will know that answer, but it will take a long, long time. I want to be a successful Bandster like I was the last two months, now. You guys are doing so well, how do you do it? Can you even relate or am I just a freak? Bless you for reading my post, and I'm sorry if I annoyed you and please do not pity me. I'm just looking for support...

kittylove... Thanks, it was hard to write, but everybody was so sweet to offer a hand, and I learned a lot about myself and how to move forward. I'm on disability too, 12 years. Congratu;ations on your new addition! It takes a stron person to enter this journey, so don't sell yourself short. I think your knees, feet and back will feel better as you contnue to lose weight. Honey, though I struggle with it myself, NOBODY is worthless. Not even you! One thing...yes, keep busy, keep your hands busy...but as far as keeping out of your head, that can be very bad. CAN be. IF you're in productive therapy right now, look into your head and deal with the things that keep you down. Exorcise those bad things, and try your hardest to move forward. But stay in therapy. Good luck with everything, I'm sure I'll see you around!

When she was a puppy, she "barooed" (thats what they call the odd noises that come out insted of barking) when we put her in her crate, and when we left the house. But no, her Daddy's gene's took over in the barking area. She doesn't bark like a beagle though, thank God. But she is very quiet most of the time, except for the above occassions and if I attempt to bring her out for a walk and she see's other dogs. At 25 pounds, she can pull this big Momma all over the place! Geesh.... Besenji's are very quiet, but they do baroo, it's like thy're singing. Look on youtube, it's so cute!

Update: I am using http://www.myfitnesspal.com and finding it to be amazing, a little time consuming (I'm still learning it) and eye opening! It's kind of fun. Except when I find that what I already ate had to be weighed, not counted (like shrimp or baby carrots). I just have to learn AS I prepare or eat my food. Did you know that SF popsicles have carbs?! Not many, but WOW. I have a feeling I'm gonna have more WOW moments. Bandster living is always an evolving experience. Whew!

So I went in to see my NUT today. I only lost 6 pounds last month, so I asked for more advice. She said I am eating too little (get that!) and I may be eating too much (not alot, but just over) judging by my journaling. I'm on the South Beach-ish Diet. I notice many of you eat a Cup of food at a meal. I asked her if I should be doing that. She said, not really and that my Protein could fit into a cup alone and my diet technically calls for two cups of veggies (I eat only one cup). So where can I hunker down to lose MORE weight? Well, she explains and hands me a stack of papers outlining how to eat the way she wants me to. I'm to eat 3 proper meals and two small Snacks to keep my metabolism going. I admit I don't always eat all three meals or both snacks which can sometimes put me in starvation mode where I won't lose weight. I haven't read through these papers yet (too worried about the election). Then she said she wants me to start counting my calories, eat 1500 to 1600 a day. She aims for 1-2 lbs a week loss, I want more. Then she asked if I had ever heard of myfitnesspal, well, uh, YES! So I'm going to give that a try. She wants to wait until I see my PA next month to see about another fill, as I'm hungry past the point of what I'm supposed to eat. I have .05cc's in a 10cc band. I think a little tweek is in order, don't you? I'm walking every day, not very far yet, but that will come (Thank you Missy)....success MUST be around the corner, RIGHT? I'm a proud Northerner, but I'm gonna let it slide to say, "Love Ya'll!"...I do.

Awwww... Give them some food, on me.

Here is a picture of Stevie (Lynn Nicks)...Rescued her from the SPCA. Her Mother is a purebreed Basenji (African hunting or herding dog, and we assume her slutty Mommy done gone out and canoodled with a Beagle. Here is a puppy photo from her crate at the SPCA, and another pic taken last year. She is my life.

Here is a picture of Stevie (Lynn Nicks)...Rescued her from the SPCA. Her Mother is a purebreed Basenji (African hunting or herding dog, and we assume her slutty Mommy done gone out and canoodled with a Beagle. Here is a puppy photo from her crate at the SPCA, and another pic taken last year. She is my life.

I have what I call hiccaburps, when either I eat too fast/much or somethings on the road to being stuck. But I don't feel any pain. Are you new to the band?

Boy, you have quite the zoo at your house! How does an iguana or bearded dragon or lizard show "sweetness?" I've only worshipped them from afar and think they are cool, but how is one sweet? That's really sad about hundreds of iguana's freeze to death during cold snaps. Hell, I found a dead bird in my driveway, and I'm going to bury it in the yard I feel so sad. No iguana's or bearded dragons for me. I live near Buffalo, NY where it is cold a good part of the year. You're so lucky to be in Florida. But as I watch Animal Planet on cable, I notice that you also have alligators, boa's on the loose, and some animal that "shouldn't" be wild in Florida, they resemble Giant Monitor Lizards but are extremely viscious. I LIKE my 25lb dog being safe in MY yard! I'll take the snow up here over the various wild reptiles you have down wandering around down there! Nothing against Florida mind you, just an irrational fear of wandering alligators, etc. Me thinks I watch too much Animal Planet! But your bearded dragons are gorgeous, I wish I could reach out and hold one! How do the pugs and dragons comingle?

I feel for you, I really, really do. I got banded in 07, took it seriously for about a year, then the experience that you are having realy hit me hard. I became disillusioned, got an unfill and spent the last 4 years eating like I had no band at all. I gained some weight during that time. 3 years ago I was hooked up to my umpteenth therapist, and we hit it off big time! 4 or 5 months ago, I realized that I was in a BAD way and needed to change that. We discussed my food addiction, which I will always have, and I decided to go back to my WLS clinic and start over. They took me back with open arms, re-taught me, gave me a teeny weeny fill and I joined this site. I am now 25-30 pounds lighter (I forgot what my last weigh in was, oops!) , struggling my way through and never giving up. I was once told that if I can't do it (lose weight/change lifestyle) for myself (I don't like myself much)...then do it for someone who loves you. Well, I whittled that down to my Dad, my Husband and all the people here on LBT. I do it for them, until I can do it for myself. "Fake it till you make it." I tell you this because I was disappointed with my life and the decisions I made after being banded. I was responsible for my weight, ie. fate. I hate to see you feel the way you do, and eat the way you do. You're a bright girl, you will make your own decisions, I just hope someone's words will make sense to you, you take action and become a successful Bandster. I'm rooting for you from afar, and I wish you all the self love you can dream of! Polly

Thank you, Honk. I will. But it'd have to be reduced free at this part of my financial status!

Hello, I am in a good place with having to change my diet, but I have to work on changing the lifestyle. I had just finished physical therapy with my second knee replacement when I decided to re-start banded living. I weigh 310 (5' 5"). This is WAY too much weight to be placing on prosthetic knees, that's just part of why I decided to try the life again. I tried to exercise at the gym, but found it way too difficult and painful. I can't walk for a very long distance without my knees hurting and I'm out of breath. I'm not supposed to use a treadmill, but they'd like me to walk. I want to say I can't, but I think I should be trying. I am mortified of people "seeing" me outside, doing anything let alone walking! I "think" everyone is watching that fat lady waddle for 1/2 a block. It;s being adressed in therapy, but I can't get past it. My 310lbs is hurting me and my new knees. This shortens the longevity of the prosthetics. I'm only 46. How can I overcome my fear of walking in public? Oddly, I don't want to do a DVD thing. If you had knee replacements, how did you work with them and the weight? You guys have helped me out SO much! I need to change my physical lifestyle. I cringe when I have to walk any lengths. If you weigh 300 or more, how did you start walking?

JennyBee... I opened your post, expecting (hoping) to see a picture of two iquana's! I saw a picture of a beautiful woman, no damn iguana's! Until....I had a DUH moment (I have lots of those) and clicked on your picture. Suddenly there was a BIG picture of a beautiful woman, but with two awesome iguana's attached to her! They're so cool! I always wanted an iguana. The stuffed animal iguana I got while in Aruba that sits on my TV just doesn't cut it, you know? Don't your babies want to run away when you go outside? Do you have other pets as well? Thanks so much for posting your beautiful picture, albeit small at first.

Hm...My surgeon picked mine. I thought 140, he said lets try for 160. I'm just going to shoot for 160 and go from there.

On http://www.myfitnesspal.com , how do I input things like a very hearty, beany chili? Or other foods that have a great deal of ingredients? I'm still trying to figure out how it works.

Thanks FLORIDAYS, Is 1000 a day very hard to do?

I told her of the same worry, but she just said to eat what fits on a small plate. My band is only .05 cc's filled, I can eat medium sized meals, but often do not. I was banded 5 yrs ago and unfilled 4 years ago. During that time, I ate everything, even bad foods in large amounts. I wonder if my pouch is stretched, but don't really know the facts of what a stretched pouch is. I just can't eat a cup of food and be satiated. That's when she said to count calories and eat on a small plate. We're open about a fill next month, after she see's how I'm going to do this month. It's taking a long time to straighten things out.

Pools are not in my imediate future, but thank you!

I looked into the Auquafit classes, can't work it around my schedule. I have Medicare, and am waiting for the YMCA by me to open (it's new) to look into what it might cover. Thanks for the advice, I love this thread too! Missy got me to walk (it's killing me, but I'm doing it!)

Something is bumming me out on LBT... I read post's daily, and I like to look at the poster's picture. How is it you all have SO much ro lose, yet you all look thin to me! Are you posting old pictures? I get disheartened when I see someone really struggling and saying that they need to lose 100+ pounds, yet they're thin and beautiful. I am so obese that I have a picture of my dog as my photo for goodness sake! What gives?

aswaffor....You GO girl! You are a very pretty woman! Yay!

Nini......boy, reading your description of the state of your body (parts) reads like a medical journal. Some of it was French to me. But I get the jist. I'm not willing to try any other WLS, I prefer to work with what I've got. I'm on a high Protein, low (bad) carb, reletively low fat, no processed flours, sugars or foods, diet. I am doing pretty well, but I'm sure there's room for improvement! I'm seeing my NUT today, after I VOTE, to tinker with my plan. I have .05cc in a 10cc band, and want more of a fill but I don't have an appointment for that until next month. I started walking a block a day, on top of my everyday walking. So, the weight loss "should" pick up. I can't cycle because my knees won't fully rotate. I really wish I could go back for more physical therapy, but I hit the insurance cap months ago. I might try to pick it back up when the cap goes back to zero on January 1st. IDK. Thanks for helping me out!