This morning I weighed in at 185.2lbs and then I walked into my closet and stared at the emptiness. My closet is EMPTY. I literally cannot wear anything I was wearing five months ago. Well, at least not unless I'm going for the baggy look.
I'm so surprised that I've stuck with it. I'm still doing all my protein, getting in all my fluids, taking my vitamins, and exercise is just a part of my life now. But my name is Miss Fickle, I'm known to grow tired of doing the same thing within a matter of weeks or months. I'm just amazed. I've been able to change my habits. Seriously change them. I still worry about the day I let my guard down, but I can't imagine it right now. I do not crave popcorn when I go to theaters, I feel *sick* after just a few tastes of my friend's ice cream (a splurge for me) -- and I'm not sad about it. Real food has never tasted so good to me. And the *fake* foods just do nothing for me now. I have a few bites of pasta, and I'm not jazzed about it like I used to be. Funny thing, I love the smell of the pasta cooking. Some days, I just don't know how I got here. It seems like just yesterday I was waking up from my surgery. It was just last Christmas I was huffing and puffing on my brother's stairs.
I have gotten out of the habit of journaling. Not happy about that, but it's been nice to have a break. I got to the point I had almost every meal memorized, so I just stopped. I'd like to get back into it, I know I will. But so long as I'm still losing, I'm not too worried about it. I keep to what I know, only deviating for a bite here and there of special things on rare occasions.
It's nice to feel normal again. To not worry when a friend wants to go out, to not panic when I'm going to be gone all day and need to pack snacks. I look at my scars and wonder if it was just a dream?
Now, I just need to sell some of these clothes that are taking up all the space in my guest closet before my mom comes to visit!!
I have waited over 14 months for my sleeve day to get here. I've been through a lot of emotions over this time period as well. Approaching the mandatory counseling with a lackadaisical attitude -- not even sure if surgery was right for me. Even got to the point of quitting and then realized that if I ever wanted to consider the surgery down the road, I would have to go through this all over again. I discovered the sleeve (was looking into g-bypass) and that peaked my interest. TI became a sponge and tried to read everything about the VSG. Got super nervous that the insurance company wouldn't approve me but they did. Then changing doctors because I didn't like the first one. Once I got my approval at the beginning of May, I was able to select my own date since I knew I couldn't have the surgery until June due to work logistics. Then waiting for June 14 to get her and now I'm almost there!!! My hat goes off to all of the forum members who had to do more than one day of a pre-op diet. I only had to do it today and I'm freakin' starving!! I've just been keeping my mind busy -- tying up loose ends at work.
I went through the panic stage over the last month, thinking to myself, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??" I just kept the reasons I'm doing this, in the forefront so as not to lose site of the reason I started this journey. My BFF and my daughter also kept refreshing my memory as to why I'm doing this. I am 55 years old and I truly wish this was an option through my insurance 10 years ago but, hey! whaddya gonna do? LOL
Tomorrow at 9am I will begin the first day of the rest of my life and join all of you kind people on the infamous losers bench!
