priscillajoy

I am 5'3 and currently weigh 230 lbs. This is the highest my weight has ever been and when it strarted making my knees crackle and hurt, I got out of breath going up the stairs and debated whether or not to just leave something I dropped on the ground to avoid the effort in bending over to pick it up, I knew it was time for a change. I have struggled with weight since high school and want year 30 of my life to be the one where I take control. I have been addicted to food for many many years. Therapy has determined it is most likely due to my early childhood. My birth parents were drug addicts and would leave me alone for days at a time. For years after, I didn't realize I was a food hoarder or what a big role in my life, food would play. I have epilepsy and had brain surgery to remove an abnormality in Feb of 2012. That was the scariest thing I have ever been through and words can't describe the relief I felt when I woke up from surgery, alive and with all of my motor functions intact. I felt as though I had been given a new chance, a new lease on life. My entire view of the world changed in the days and weeks following that surgery. I came home, purged the negativity out of my life including my boyfriend of four years who never really treated me well and with respect and decided I was going to start living for ME. Now that I have taken control, he wants me back which I just really get a kick out of. have an AMAZING family and mother who would go to the ends of the earth for me. I am not fearing the surgery itself but the after effects of it. I definitely have some food demons that make it difficult to cope with the fact that I no longer can just eat whatever, whenever I want. I have had my mind on overdrive thinking all of this through and when I get too scared about the after effects of the surgery itself, I remind myself why I am doing this. I am beyond excited about the postive changes headed my way and have finally stopped googling about all the things that could go wrong. I did the same thing with my brain surgey up until the day of surgery and really phsyched myself out. God is in control of every single aspect of my life and I am a very blessed person to have the support that I do! I apologize for how ridiculously long this is. I sat for the longest time not knowing what to write. Go figure..Everyones posts are so encouraging and anyone who does this is very brave. I have been so encouraged just reading about other peoples experiences these past couple weeks. Thank you all and good luck in your journeys to putting YOU first