BigDennis

So after 2+ years of thinking about this surgery EVERY day and the commitment to change, I have finally scheduled the surgery. I feel a sense of relief that I have made the decision and can now move on. I guess you can't call me "impulsive."
 
I now have a sense of fear and desire to eat everything before the big day. I am not planning on doing that, but needed to get that out there. Just typing those words helps take out the power of them.
 
Well, we'll see how this goes.
 
Best to all.

I've been out of comission for a while, had to get a new computer. Got a little netbook so I can keep in touch everywhere I go! The other notebook laptop had a bunch of stuff on it from my kids (games) and I couldn't get it to run. I got this just for ME ME ME! Had a long day today, applied for my passport for the trip to Mexico,should be here in 2 1/2 weeks- 3 weeks they said. Just a waitin'...

Yea thats right I am gonna punch you food right in the face! I am sick and tired of you always winning and in this long hard battle we are enduring is over. I am fianlly taking over my life. Its not live to eat but eat to live. Your just there to nourish me and keep me going. I am sick of letting you consume me when in the long run it does NO good. I am miserable and just sitting and regretting oh why did I do that. Well, no more regrets I am getting healthy and you can just move on. I no longer will hide and make myself feel bad because I will continue to do all the right things and in the end when I am standing on top I will reach my healthy goal weight and live longer and continue to have an amazing life. So Food I give you the middle finger and say buh bye. I will only need you to nourish my body!

Everyone deserves a second/third/fourth+ chance to make the band successful. Having the surgery is not the cure everyone hopes it to be. I am certainly seeing the benefit to the band, I eat less, I cant ( usually) down a full meal when going out etc.
 
My worst enemy is liquids. When I am having a bad food day, I will go for smoothies and sometimes drink sweet tea:-( I realize that I need to change my ways again and go search deep inside to figure out what the block is.
 
It seems my block is resistance to change. I am afraid how I will react when I lose the weight. I have been overweight all my life, so thinking of being thin like everyone else, I worry how I will react.
 
What spurred this? quite possible the cruise weight that came on in November that I can't seem to lose. The stress of having my inlaws visiting for 5 weeks ( my FIL is slowly losing his memory) my son graduating, my daughter turning 16, issues with the hubby, friends losing marriages, heck losing friends.
 
I have started therapy to deal with all of this in a healthy way. I need to realize that what other people do ( mainly mistakes) do not define ME as a person. I have one the best I can and need to move past the self hate which means I go to my comforts ( food).
 
I am back in physical therapy and have rejoined the YMCA to get back in the water. High impact exercise causes too many issues at this weight, so I need to rething and recreate a plan just for me.
 
I am hopeful that some of you may be dealing with the same issues I am. I can help with the newly banded issues, but I am coming back to deal with the what now issues.
 
ME