tonibugg

Less than 12 hours until my surgery. Only a bit under nine and a half hours until I need to be at the medical center.
 
I want to be super excited, but I find I am just EXHAUSTED from work and clear liquid diet (I can't seem to find much of anything with protein that is clear and liquid). I feel like I could sleep for days.
 
Next time I talk to you guys, I will be sleeved! See you on the other side!

When I started my WLS journey, I never expected to be a blogger. If you would have told me three months ago that I would be typing out my weight loss funny moments....and some not so funny moments, I would have told you that I thought you had lost your mind. Well, I would have been wrong. The other day I checked to see how many visits I have had and I was shocked to see that in only three months, you all have read my blog 10,000 times. DANG.....that's a lot of reading. Thank you so much for the support, and I hope I can continue to make you laugh and smile throughout our journeys together. I finally understand why Sally Fields said, "You like me. You really like me." It wasn't ego....it was pure shock.
 
Ok, now that I got done with all the sappy stuff. Stay tuned as I plan to write about my exploits from the past few days. I will explain that getting drunk isn't anything like it used to be....and I still have the ability to fall for no reason. Can't wait to write about my 20th H.S. reunion and let you all know how great it felt to be around the same size I was in H.S. So many stories....so little time. Stay tuned.

NOTE: As always, this is a funny look at the things that have happened/are happening as I continue on my weight loss journey. I in NO way plan to replace food with alcohol or need to be told how bad I am for drinking one night with a friend (mind you it's a friend I haven't seen in 15 years). Please don't feel the need to lecture me or get passive aggressive with your comments. As my regular readers know, I am just giving a comedic side to WLS. Also, remember that everyone's journey is different and just becasue I may or may not be doing it the same way you are, does not mean that I am better or worse than anyone else. Ok, I think I covered it all. As always, enjoy and I hope the story puts a smile on your face.
 
 
Sorry it's been so long since I've blogged but I've been one little busy beaver. I had my friend and her family in from Costa Rica, then my friend from Ireland came in for two weeks (she is still here), and while she was here, my brother-in-law and niece came for a two night visit. Needless to say, I've been the hostess with the mostest. I've really missed doing my blogs. They seem to keep me focused and help me put things in perspective. I've also not had time to do myfitnesspal.com. So, for about a week and a half, I haven't written any of my food intake down. That just makes me feel like I've been a bad, bad girl....and not in a kinky good way. (sorry, those hormones are still pouring out of the fat cells LOL)
 
Anyway, I have so many stories for you all. I wish I could just sit down and type them all for you but I can't so today I am going to let you know about my first drinking experience since the sleeve and the interesting things I've learned from that experience. I hope I can give you a good idea of how the night went as I am not sure if I remember it all....but more on that later.
 
First, you have to understand how I met my Irish friend Cat. 15 years ago, I worked and lived at the beach. Cat worked at the same place and even though she didn't live with me, I swear there were times I thought she did. We were 21/22 and we were having fun. We worked hard and played harder. We spent many nights at a bar across the street from my house and only a 1/2 block away from work. I somehow was able to keep up with all the Irish kids that were in town for the summer. I could go one for one with them with any drink (except Guinness. That stuff is REALLY thick). I was even told I had become an honorary Irish lassie ( I even learned most of the Irish pub songs that they sang). I tell you all this to explain that after 15 years, loosing more than 1/2 my stomach, and a lot of weight I for some reason thought I could still drink like a fish. Never mind the fact that I haven't drank in almost a year (except for an occasional glass of wine or a night cap).
 
So, we go into a local bar and order two drinks. I got a L.I.T (long island iced tea) as I have always enjoyed them when they are done well. As I drank my drink and did some catching up with my friend, I could feel the effects of the liquor seeping into my blood. I won't lie, I enjoyed it. Paying less to feel this way was great (before anyone freaks, I don't plan to go out drinking on a regular basis......BUT....it was nice to go out and spend less money and get tipsy). This is about the time I knew the night was getting ready to change. The bartender (a little bored) asked if we wanted shots. "Are you buying them for us?" I asked. Of course he wasn't but after talking it over with Cat, we decided, "Hey, why not"? Now as I explained already, I haven't seen Cat for a long time and we needed to go on "a tear". Patron it was. Lick. Slam. Suck. OHHHHH how smooth. Now, from that moment on, the night began to just blend together. I know I played pool...and lost. (wonder why!!!) The drinks went down easier than I ever remember them going down and I have to admit, I was enjoying myself. Through it all, I never felt “drunk”. I mostly felt tipsy and then I would feel mostly sober....then tipsy again...and so on and so forth. I never thought anything about it as I was having fun and enjoying being out and about...the alcohol was just an added positive.
 
Then, we decided to go to another bar only a block or two away. Now, you have to understand that drinking and feeling tipsy was a whole new experience to me. I would go from being (or should I say feeling) sober then in just a few moments, I would be “footloose and fancy free”. The back and forth wold happen so fast, it wouldn't make any sense but to be honest, I wasn’t trying to make sense out it as I really didn’t care.. So, when we left to go to the other bar, I REALLY thought I was sober...that is until the curb jumped up and tripped me. I know it grew at least a foot with out telling me. There is no way a sober gal, like myself, could have missed that curb. Then, as always, I did my thing. I fell. I fell hard...and I fell fast. My knee was the only thing between my face and the pavement and because of that it was all scrapped up. Even my hands had stones imbedded in them, and I am sure I messed up my back just a little more than it was. It was such a hard fall that even the person driving passed stopped to make sure I was alright. Poor Cat, was so concerned, and all I could say was, "Really, I had to fall TONIGHT?" LOL...then it happened. I felt DRUNK. I collected myself, raised myself up from the ground, dusted off my knees and hands and tried to focus on the person only a foot away from me. Needless to say, it took awhile to focus....mostly because my glasses went flying off my face were now in Cat’s hands. Not seeing well is only intensified when your half blind. LOL
 
Once I put on my glasses, Cat and I began the walk (she walked I stumbled) to the other bar. Then it hit me when we were almost there. I was sober. It was like I hadn’t had a drink at all. How was this even possible? So, I did what any sober person of sound mind and body would do....I ordered a drink. LOL As I was sipping on my drink, we decided to get something to eat. I also figured that maybe getting a little food in my tiny stomach may help....it didn’t. I still went back and forth from sober and drunk but now it was happening faster than I can even begin to describe.
 
After finishing up there, it was time to get home. Yes, we were safe about it and no, we didn't just wait for me to "feel sober".. I thought my husband would find my stories funny...and he did when I told them to him sober. But BAM, next thing you know I’m drunk again. This of course caused an argument. Now, I should be more honest. My lack of knowing when to just keep my mouth shut and go to bed is what caused the argument....nothing else. But for some reason I felt it would be a great idea to go for a walk. So I walked out the door and made it down three steps and then THUMP....yes, that’s right, I fell down the steps. I figured this would be a good time to go back inside with my head down and my tail between my legs. Once I did that and listened to my husband give me a very short lecture, I took my Tylenol and went to bed. When I awoke the next morning, I remembered why it was that I no longer drink like I am still in college and then I then looked at my knee. I should say I felt my knee...then I looked at it. Yep, it was bad. It was all scrapped up and swollen. It was so stiff that I was unable to walk down the steps of my condo to get to the pool. I felt like a total gimp having to take the elevator because I was sloppy drunk...or should I say a sloppy sober one minute, drunk the other person? Anyway, .I did get the to pool and worked it out. I had to as the day after my Irish drinking reunion, I had my 20th H.S. reunion (more on that tomorrow) and I figured I would have to be able to walk that night for it. It worked. I got my knee working (and ended up hurting my shin...not sure how), and I was ready to face all the people from H.S....or at least as ready as I'd ever be. Funny thing is, I was more upset to realize that I was no longer Irish!!! Apparently when they took my stomach, the doctors also took my Irish drinking crown as well. Needless to say, lesson learned. Funny thing is, I am sure it won’t be the first or the last lesson I learn after having this surgery....I mean it’s only been three months. But to be honest, this lesson was a fun one to learn...up to the point I fell down...no, that didn't damper the mood.....it was fun until I woke up the next day hung over. LOL

My last meal was bruschetta, little toasted pieces of baguette, rubbed with garlic, laden with chopped tomatoes and basil. I thought maybe I would never be able to eat them again, I mourned a little that it had come to this, I was excited to have hope again, I was already bookmarking favorites in online shopping, filling the imaginary shopping cart with pretty items in never before dreamt of sizes.
 
Two years ago today I woke very early, 6 perhaps, amazing how some things get forgotten ... I had drunk the horrific milk of magnesia the night before and had my final water at the same time and now was nervous and thirsty, the adrenaline making both sensations all the more acute. My Mother and I were at a hotel around the corner from the hospital and we drove there, or did we take the shuttle? I was in my pyjamas, having just showered with the special cleanser they gave me. I was private pay from one of the best surgical teams for VSG in the world, Laparascopic Associates of San Francisco, so I got a pretty 5 star treatment, private changing room, garment bag for my things, robes etc. with the LASF logo stitched on. I must have been nervous but my adrenaline kept me from really feeling much. My Mom and I waited in a private room, I laid on a bed in my gowns. One last trip to the bathroom and it was off to the OR to meet the kindest anesthesiologist ever, I think she had all sorts of dogs printed on her surgical cap, that's all I remember ...
Next thing, I was waking up in my room with a view of the City, in and out of consciousness ... there were popsicles ... there was walking ... there was feeling like I was going to barf but nothing happening ... I didn't pee when they wanted me to and a few other things so I spent an extra day in the hospital ...
 
The following few days are mostly a blur, 2 years later my Mother tells me the timeline of events during those days and it's all news to me. I spent 3 weeks recovering in the country, in a little cottage up the coast a few hours from SF. That first night I stayed on the couch in a sitting position and the following 3 nights I slept in bed but only on my side as sleeping on my back gave me terrible sensations. My body was a foreign landscape that first week and for the first month I felt as close to vampiric as one can, I had no human bodily functions - no need to pee or poop, no interest in human food, in fact a revulsion of nearly every food or beverage.
 
Before I walked into the OR they weighed me one last time, 294. 2 weeks later I came back for a check up and they weighed me, 274. 20 pounds! Those first 20 pounds were more stunning than the following 100. After all the research, all the thinking, all the talking to sleevers, it still had never genuinely sunk in that this was real and that it really does work. I sat in my Dr's office, stunned!
 
There are plenty of people here on VST who tell delightful tales of reaching and exceeding their goals within 6 months, how they are now under goal, wear a size 0, and chirp chirp chirp, tweet tweet tweet. Well, good for them, wish I was one. That has never been my VSG story however. It was a full year before I joined the century club and 2 years out I am still shy of surgeon's goal by approx. 25 lbs and personal by approx. 50.
 
Two years out I sometimes still reflexively tense up when I sit in a chair with arms, genuinely expecting to not be able to fit into it. I still stiffen up when in crowds, thinking people are staring and staring for negative reasons. I still FEEL fat often, I still feel frustrated that after so much time and effort I still probably look like a pudgy lazy bones to the average lay person, but I would rather be at this stage of the game rather than having never begun and still at square one!
 
I've learned that losing weight and becoming physically active and strong does solve a lot of problems and does bring a lot of simple joy but that losing weight or becoming a specific size doesn't automatically confer happiness and that fat or thin life can just suck sometimes. Weight loss is NOT a fairy tale prince come to swoop me onto a horse and ride me off into a happily ever after sunset, a fact that honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with.
 
One final thought, I think I might not have made the decision or had the success I have had or a lot of positive things if it weren't for this forum and the support I've found here. Fellow sleevers from around the world have supported me, advised me, commiserated with me and have just been indispensable on this journey. I hope I have been able to give some of that back. Here's to the continued adventures, the continued seeking of and eventual attainment of goals, for me and for us all,
 
-Globetrotter

It's been 7 weeks since WLS and life is finally moving on in a more normal fashion. I am returning to work next week and actually looking forward to it! I have been walking, but my weight loss has been stalled since last week. I feel great though and that's what counts. I have started a food journal to help me track what I am actually eating. This week I went to our families big summer barbecue and also celebrated my husband's birthday at a steakhouse. The barbecue was challenging and although I did eat about an ounce more than normal, I felt good about not eating the favorite sweets and such that I normally would have. Out to dinner was easier because there was not a buffet of every food I grew up with on display. The 2 oz plastic cups I take with me everywhere are my savior! They help me stay in control of the portions. My goal for week 8 is to incorporate weight training and get more protein in my daily diet. Here's to continued weight loss!

Week 14
 
Last week’s weight – 207
This week’s weight – 205.2
Total weight lost this week – 1.8 lbs
 
Total weight loss since surgery – 41 lbs
 
Average weekly weight loss since surgery – 2.4 lbs per week
 
Happy to write that I broke the 40 lb mark this week and I am closer to my goal of being under 200 lbs by the time we head back to school in August.
 
I’ve been walking pretty consistently every morning (3 miles) but now that I am in a normal summer routine boredom has kicked in a bit (which equals eating more for me). I am going to have to watch that in the coming weeks.
 
I’ve started making green smoothies in the morning with kale, bananas, and mixed berries (plus other stuff). I actually don’t mind the taste and feel that I am getting some healthy items in my diet (not that I am eating unhealthy but it is nice to know that I am getting a decent amount of fruits and veggies in one serving).
 
My Non Scale Victory (NSV) this week was fitting into a bathing suit top that I haven’t worn for years (but I spent a lot of money on and didn’t want to give it away – miracle suit top $$$ in size 18W). My Lands End 22W suit is way too baggy now.
 
Until next week!

So after much consideration I decided I would go ahead and blog my sleeve journey.... I wasn't going to because of keeping up with it but after surgery I find myself on this forum 3 and 4 times a day! So I guess I'll start out with why I decided to even get the sleeve and go from there This first blog will be long!! sorry!!
 
In May this year, I had a meeting with my knee doc who explained to me that if I did not lose at least 60 to 80 lbs in the next year I would have to have a knee replacement because it was simply not holding up to my weight requirements. I cried and complained, went on yet another diet and failed and then ran across an ad for Dr Nicholson's weight loss seminar. I thought yay! I'll get the lap band and get this weight off! Well, I went to the seminar and loved him and all of the information, if you can possibly absorb all of that info in one setting! Anyway, after hearing the info I went home off on my own new journey to find the best option for me because what he was saying about the lap band was definitely going to be a no go. I did not want to deal with the fills and unfills and the possible erosion complication just from the info he was giving me. I started to look at video blogs of people with the lap band and couldn't believe it! There were problems with food getting stuck, vomiting if your food didn't like your band (ex: a piece of lettuce covering your opening), NOPE! the band was def a no go for me.. I did not like the extreme of the RNY or Gastric Bypass but the sleeve seemed like a good fit for me! Low complication rate, quick recovery, back to normal (albeit smaller portions) food after a couple of months and people are keeping the weight off! So I sent off my paperwork to Dr Nicholson's clinic!!
 
Now for the Doom and gloom .. lol
 
My Aetna policy has a weight loss surgery exclusion on my policy, as I am self employed so if I was going to consider going on with the surgery I was going to have to self pay. I contacted several medical financing companies and even my bank but for what I was doing and the associated costs it was just simply not going to happen. As I said before, I am self employed, as is my husband so those are hard circumstances to get financed for a large unsecured loan like I was talking about, approx $14K. Now, you have to know my personality, if I want something, I don't just sit back, I am a go getter and something like financing was not going to hold me back! I researched and dug and found a couple of companies would either 1) finance me or 2) do it for much cheaper. I was thrilled! Until I learned that these surgeries were in Mexico AHHHH!!! Are you kidding me?!?! Surgery in Mexico?!?! Don't they harvest your organs there?!?! I know, I went a bit overboard but I couldn't believe I could afford it so it was at least looking into right? Well, I researched lots of Dr's in Mexico and decided on Dr Jose Rodriguez in Juarez. He operated out Star Medica hospital. I researched his credentials, his staff, the hospital, the area and on and on. I found out that he had been doing these surgeries longer than Dr Nicholson and had a low complication rate. He was out of a company called Belite Weight and they would finance half of the surgery for me as long as I could cover the other half up front! Woo Hoo! So Mexico it was!!!
 
Now for the surgery
 
My surgery was scheduled for June 29th and I was completely prepared. I did the preop diet of Dr Rod's choice, basically the Atkins diet but with 50 carbs a day. I could handle that, as a matter of fact my husband and daughter (21 yrs) went on it with me and we lost weight! I lost 19.2, my husband 30 and my daughter 10.4. I was so stoked to get on with this surgery! I had bought our airline tickets in the early part of June and gotten our birth certificates to cross the border (don't believe the hype, the birth certificates worked just fine, no problems!) finance documents signed, family doc here on board with my journey, and so on and so on. I was prepared! We landed in El Paso and the hospital sent a shuttle for us to take us across the border to the hospital. We crossed the border and Juarez was a pit... a desolate pit. Scary as a matter of fact, sand lots with kids playing in them, people living in conditions I couldn't even fathom! They lived in cinder block houses!! businesses boarded up, people driving like idiots, I freaked completely out! I thought, what the HELL have I gotten myself into?!? Now, please know at this point that my husband and my daughter insisted on going with me so I am not alone but there were 2 other women there who were alone! I couldn't imagine being alone! Well, we finally got to the hospital and man was I relieved!! It was so nice! It was super clean, modern, smelled nice (not hospitally lol) so completely different from the outskirts of Juarez! There was mall across the street, nice restaurants within walking distance, the US Consolates office was 2 blocks away. Couldn't have been more pleased! Anyway, we did a brief stay at the front desk (I was with 4 other patients) to get our arm bands, checked in, pre op, etc. All went well and we headed up to our rooms. I was completely floored! It looked like a spa hotel room with 2 rooms, leather couches, cushy futon with giant pillows and a really nice bathroom. So nice! I was calming down at this point and happy we were in a safe area!!
 
Day of Surgery!!
 
I was so nervous the morning of the surgery! They came in and drew blood and took my vitals and EKG the day before so the day of surgery you don't have much to do or think of except that you are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime! Your choice! The thoughts that went through my mind were... 1) What if I am not one of those people who recovers quickly? 2) What if I die on the operating table? 3) What if I need a blood transfusion? How does that work in Mexico? Do they have the same strict testing as the US? (the answer is yes by the way lol I asked!) 4) What if I don't get to see my grandson ever again? CRAZY questions!! My mind was playing tricks on me and I was doing this surgery electively!! What the crap was wrong with me? doing this in Mexico no less?! My husband was wonderful in calming me down and so I just cried instead of backing out =) When they finally came and got me around 11:30 I was about ready to just back out, call it quits and go back home, stomach in tow! lol They got me down to preop and I was praying (along with my husband :wub: ) that everything would be fine, quick recovery, the whole bit! I remember them giving me something to "relax" me and off I went..... I woke up in recovery and they wheeled me back up to my room quickly so I was with my family. I had a little gas under my shoulder blade and a little pain from the drain site but great other than that! I got up after about and hour and walked walked walked! The gas pain went away after the first day and I never really had any nausea problems so I was a lucky one!! God is good!! My mom and her boyfriend came to the hospital to see me, yep! they drove in my Dallas and came to Juarez for 2 days to spend some time with me! I love my supportive family <3 My whole family and all of my friends were so supportive and good to me the whole time! I love them all!! Anyway, fast forward a couple of days to going home!!
 
Home again, Home again, jiggity jog!!
 
We left for the airport around 9:30 am although our flight wasn't until 1:30pm. We needed to make sure we got across the border in time to catch our flight and had heard horror stories about it taking sometimes 3 hours to get across. Lucky for us, it was the Mexican Election day!! There were only 3 people ahead of us to get through the border so less then 20 min to get across! Woo Hoo! We got to the airport with plenty of time to shop, go through security and time for me to sit down and rest for a while. The flight home was uneventful and once home I was content to take a nap =) Happy to see my kitties (Bella and Momma) and my 12 year old lab Buddy. I have a grandson that is 1 year old and lives with us and seeing him made me melt!! There is nothing better than a grandbaby!! I love him dearly!!
 
Well, after all that, I am home! I work from home so it is nice to be able to work, nap, sip sip, work, sip sip, nap lol I feel like one of the cats! I feel good though! I have walked, done some laundry, cleaned and even cooked a little. I will venture out tomorrow!!!
 
Thanks for reading!!! They will be shorter here on out! PROMISE!!
 
Oh by the way, my weight!!!
 
6/15/2012 247 lbs
6/29/2012 227 lbs -19.2 lbs
7/1/2012 229 lbs (gotta love the IV fluid and being swollen!0

I have today and tomorrow to get ready, and then my surgery is on Monday!
 
I am finding it very difficult to wrap my head around all this as I'm just not thinking of myself because my beloved cat is really sick. She was given to me by Godmother and my Mom before she died- so she is very special to me and is only 12 years old. She has had a temperature, stopped eating and was dehydrated and the vets have done blood tests, a chest X-ray, and a tumour scan and they still don't know what it is and this has been going on for over two weeks. She has had a feeding tube inserted through her neck into her stomach because she has lost so much weight -she is just skin and bones although recently she did put on a little weight. She has been in and out of the vet and is there being monitored right now. They still have no diagnosis, she still is not eating and they are bareIy keeping on top of the temperature. If she is utterly miserable with no clear positive prognosis I will have to make a difficult decision because I just can't put her through more pain and misery. I simply can't bear the thought of losing her though - as I live alone and much of my life pretty much revolves around her. (I'm the original weird cat-lady) NOT good timing :-( and very much adding to my worries with the surgery. Oh, and to top it all, it is costing me an utter fortune (although her health has no price to me).

Today is 3 days prior to surgery. I feel confident......and apprehensive. I'd be a fool to not be apprehensive. Seriously, I am venturing into uncharted waters. I am making a permanent change to my body. About time!!!
 
Today is Father's Day, so I called my Dad. He's scared......and for good reason. This is an extreme measure. I am paying cash, out of pocket...no insurance coverage for me. Dad asks, "Isn't there any other way? How many ways have you tried?" My reply, " Dad, if there was another way, don't you think after 20 years I'd have done it? Seriously, I am paying over $10,000 out of my pocket to have someone cut my stomach out." If there had been another way, I'd have damn sure done it.
 
And then, I'm scared. What if I do this and fail......oh dear God. That would be the ultimate failure. I mean really. To pay $$$$$$$ and still be fat. OMG!!! I think I am more apprehensive about failing post surgery than I am the misery and discomfort. I know the misery, discomfort and learning to be the new me will pass. But failure, that doesn't pass. That **** hangs around to haunt you.....and taunt you. I should know. I've been failing at weight management all of my life.
 
But the question is, am I ready for this?
 
And the answer is .......oh yeah!!!
 
Probably the first time in my life I've actually been ready for the change......well, maybe not, but typically changes come to me whether I'm ready or not. I know this will be challenging. I won't say hard. I've been fat for 20 years. That was hard. And I wonder if I will ever understand why I stayed fat, even though it was hard. Maybe......maybe not. Does it matter?
 
So, enough with the fear/apprehension/doubt. Let's talk about my vision for this. It is honestly like giving birth. You've got to prep, talk yourself up, or in the heat of it all, you just wimp out. I'm ready. There is a prize at the end of this road.......the prize will be me!!! A me who can shop in normal sizes, walk without exhaustion, do yoga and reach my toes, or not.....but my belly won't be in the way!!! My feet will get a break.......and hopefully give me a break so I can wear heels again. God I miss high heels. Not even the 6 inch things......just the 4 inch ones. I miss f#ck m# shoes. You know the ones that are good for about 20 feet of walking/strutting/dancing? Yeah, I miss those things. I'm so sick of fat chick shoes.
 
So, am I having surgery so I can wear stripper heels?............maybe.
 
No really, I am doing this cause I've spent the past 25 years raising 4 awesome kids and it is about time I make a HUGE change and concentrate on what I need. The kids are mostly grown, and doing their own thing. I've moved from manager to consultant in their lives........which is sooooo AWESOME. They are fantastic people and are excited for me to do this. They don't have a memory of me when I was normal sized. They are kinda excited to meet that me. I am too!
 
Not to mention, the hubby of 27 years, is excited. He is such a wonderful guy. He has loved me, despite what size me was. Ain't that grand? The man loves me.......no matter the packaging. And he's excited.......and scared. But not afraid of failure, he just wants me to be ok. So do I........but a successful OK!!!!
 
So, here we go.........I give birth to me June 20, 2012.
 
Just had another thought. When a mother gives birth to an infant, we start with the birth weight and measure their health, in part, by watching their weight increase. So, when this mother gives birth to herself........we will measure my health by watching my weight decrease.
 
I hope as they are rolling me down the hall to the surgery suite, I am singing "Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me....."
 
or maybe Brahm's lullaby?

Tomorrow, tomorrow, he'll sleeve me tomorrow.....it's only a day away!!!
 
Yes, I love music.....and shoes. Funny how those 2 things seem to be the back drop of my life and memories.
 
But for tomorrow, I am as ready as I'll be.
 
My mother asked yesterday if I was afraid, if I was prepared. My answer was, " I don't have time to be afraid or prepare. Are you kidding me?" And that is so true. Between work (I really do love my job), my 4 kids, and 1 very pregnant daughter in law.....I am a busy girl. I laughingly told my mom "I'm really kinda looking forward to the 24-48 hours of peace and quiet!"......she just sighed.
 
My sister calls today (she is the youngest). She is excited for me to have the WLS so she can see how much trouble it is. Honestly, why am I the guinea pig? I'm the oldest, that's why. She's obese too and knows something has gotta give.......she's just hoping that something won't be her knee!
 
Weight, really is a ghost......haunts every aspect of your life.
 
My kiddos are pretty pumped. The father's day card I gave their father depicted a man dressed in tails with a shapely woman in a red dress on his arm (wearing great, black, high high heels). They all laughed and said,"Dad, that'll be you and mom next year!' I laughed too cause I was thinking the same thing!!
 
I don't have any wisdom, poignant thought at this point.
 
I'm too busy day dreaming about really great heels.................

http://mygastricsleevelife.blogspot.com/2012/06/week-5-pictures-measurements-and-weight.html

NOTE: If Sex is a four letter word to you and you are not comfortable talking openly about it, I recommend that you stop reading right now!!!! ................Go on, I'll wait for you to leave................If you're still here, please be advised that the following blog will be talking openly about sex, sexual positions, feelings during sex, and different forms of sex (meaning oral/regular). If that sentence scared you and you feel that this may be too blunt of a topic, please leave now or forever hold your piece (pun intended) LOL. I do not want to read anything telling me that this topic isn't appropriate. Almost everyone has sex and when you lose weight, the experience changes. That's what I'm talking about today. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, there may be some humor thrown in for good measure.
 
Ok, whom ever is still with me, I thank you for understanding that many things change after weight loss surgery/ And yes, sex is one of those things. How do I know this you may ask? Well, it took a while for me to get all my hormones in check and allow my loving husband to "take charge". Once I was able to do that, not only did I get what I've been wanting for for awhile (three months to be exact), but I have to admit that it was AMAZING. With all the extra hormones in your blood after surgery, the sex is more intense. It's what I would imagine being on ecstasy and doing it would feel like. I am sure anyone who has ever done EX is going, "ummmmm....no, not even close", but since I don't really know, it's what I imagine it being like. The feeling of a touch, kiss, lick and yes, penetration is so much more intense. And for the record...I LIKE IT A LOT!!!
 
So, my husband and I did the dirty today.....banged....got it on...he "hit" that...and any other way you want to say it. I was wondering how different it would feel after an 80lb weight loss. I knew with my thinner body, things would be different, but I didn't expect how different it would be in only two months. First, the ability to be on top and not feel as though I was going to cause his lungs to stop working or his blood to not get to his legs was nice. The better part was that being thinner, my legs wrapped around him much better and I had better movement during the act. In case you're wondering why I'm kind of speaking in code, it's becasue I am not sure just how blunt I can be. What I am saying is that my thinner legs and butt allowed for deeper penetration and becasue of the weight loss, I was able to move more than I have in the past five years. It was also much more enjoyable for him. Having less weight on him made it much more comfortable and he was able to enjoy the act even more than before. Also, when spreading my legs, my thighs didn't peel apart and only allow a small space for him to do what ever he wanted to do. What did happen was that I was able welcome him in with open legs and much smaller thighs. I also didn't feel as though I was smothering him with my thighs while he was ....well, you know. There was no peeling of any kind. Ok, that sounds so gross, but I always said I would be honest about weight loss and we all know that our thighs become very close when we are bigger. Sometimes I've wondered if I could ever get them to separate. Even when I walked they just stayed together or rub one another (sometimes they rubbed each other too much). So, if that visual offended anyone, I am sorry...I am just trying to keep this blog honest.
 
Now, back to the sex talk. I was shocked at the changes with sex so soon. Besides the great orgasms...yes there was more than one.....thank you hormones!!!! (and husband) I felt more comfortable with myself and my body and therefore I was able to be closer with my husband during the act. I don't mean that becasue my stomach was smaller, there was less fat between us (though true). I mean that becasue I felt good about myself and my body that I was able to enjoy the intimacy with him while having sex. Even afterwards, I allowed the intimacy to continue. I wasn't trying to cover up or get dressed afterwards. I laid in his arms and enjoyed our time together.
 
Now, I know I have a lot more weight to lose, but right now I am so happy with the way I look and feel that I can't imagine it getting any better. With that being said, I can't wait until I am half the size I am now. When I have sex then, it will be COMPLETELY different...and I can't wait. I joke with my husband that every time we're together he get's a "new" woman but I get the same man. His response? "I don't want a new woman. I just want you...in any shape or size that may be." Yes, that's why I love him...and how he manages to get me into bed whenever he wants. Now, I just have to figure out how to get him into bed whenever I want and we will be even.