susansilver

Personally, I am not a fan of 12 step programs. If abstinence was enough then the recidivism rate for addicts of all kinds would not be so high. I believe that you must get to the root of your addicitive behaviour - not the object of your addiction. You must deal with the underlying issues that led to addiction and heal those wounds first.

I take my pen with me because I only have one typ eof insulin to take during the day (novorapid). I have a meter at home and at work, so I don't need to carry it around at all. Have supplies of strips, lancets etc at each place. I found that really helps not to carry around everything - I feel less "burdened" by having to test all the time.

Oh Mandi, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. This must be a very traumatic time for you. I re-read your post a few times and each time I can't help thinking how the timing was right for you and your mom to say goodbye. I would say that you are in a bit of shock and that is completely normal! We are grieve differently, in different times and different way. When my mom died I was just turning 16, as a matter of fact she died 1 week after my sweet 16 and was candid with my friends to say that she waited for then (her prognosis was 3 months and she lived 13 months). I believe it was the right time for her to let go - just like it was the right time for your mom to let go. She had said goodbye to her precious daughter, saw and heard how well you are doing and knew she was able to let go. It was a Sunday when my mom died and when we came home from the hospital our house was filled with people. One of them was our "grouchy old man" neighbour. He grabbed me and starting hugging me and I could not stop laughing!! He thought I was crying so held me tighther which made me laugh more. I finally broke away and ran into the bathroom to calm down - I was mortified! My mother had just died and I was laughing like a hyena. I finally realized later in life that it was a way to relieve all that stress and tension. So please don;t worry about they way you react - if you cry or not - or worry if you will become hysterical at her funeral. This is your time to grieve and you should grieve however it comes to you. Mandi, my thoughts are with you. Time does heal the wounds and you will continue planning and living this wonderful life you have ahead of you. Your mother will be so pleased. Susan

Since I have come back here following my tumble into the weeds for a number of months, I have been doing very well. I have now lost all the weight that I gained plus 1 lb more! But the best NSV I could ever hope for is that since then I have been able to reduce my basal insulin. (This is a long acting insulin that I take once every evening to give me a level of insulin in my body for 24 hours). Three weeks ago I was taking 50 units in the evening and now I am down to 36 units each evening. This is a huge difference in managing my diabetes. Ironically, one of the reasons I fell so hard and so fast was that I felt like a failure because other diabetic bandsters were reducing and even going off completely their meds and/or insulin and it was not happening for me. I was very discouraged. But then I told myself, even if it does not happen that I reduce my insulin, I still must lose the weight. So I resigned myself to staying that way. And now...loook what happened! :biggrin: I am so proud! Yah for the Band!

When I got on the scale this morning, I was at 225 lbs. This number has always been an invisible barrier for me psychologically. I am not sure why, but a few years ago when I began this weight loss journey with Weight Watchers I started at 289 and my last weigh in I was at 225. It was all downhill (or should I say UP hill) from then. Just before banding I was 268 as my ticker states - so as you can see I gained quite a bit of it back and that is one of the reasons I chose banding. I really wanted to take off the weight for good. Well, as I said, I hit 225 again this morning (I only change my ticker once a week on Mondays) and was bursting with pride! This time I know that I will go below that and more - all the way to my goal this time. I put on a fabulous new dress for work and have received so many compliments today that it makes it all the more sweeter! Thanks for your support, I know that I would not be doing so well without you guys.

MummaBear - what you are going through is what I have recently experienced as well. I did not realize that I was not emtoinally prepared to give up my drug of choice (food), once I got banded. I was so full of self pity that I could not eat a sandwhich (bread, my love) or a large piece of thick steak and feel all the food in my full mouth and then have that sickly stuffed to the gills feeling.... I was in mourning and in my grief turned to my addiction food - only I couldn't do the above so I turned to chocolate, chips, Cookies and ice cream. It has only been since I started therapy and started to understand my feelings and deal with my past that I am more a peace with myself - i.e. not abusing food. Don't give up - get help. If you can't do therapy - do self help - read anything and everything you can on addiction and dealing with emotional issues (especially those from your developmental years). You can take these books out of the library for free. You are NOT a failure - your addiction is just very strong at the moment and you are too exhausted to fight it. I understand, I am sure many of us understand, but take that first baby step back. Please.

This thread is exactly the support that I am looking for. I have know for a while that I am addicted to food. Even though I was told 100 million times that the band was only a tool, I somehow deluded myself into thinking it would solve all my problems. After 40 lbs down I started to eat around the band when life got extremely stressful. I gained back 15 lbs and of course was even more miserable! Finally, FINALLY I started seeing a fabulous therapist and working on WHY I am an addict (it could have been drugs or alcohol or any of a myriad of substances). I do alot of reading on the subject as well and I am working hard to nurture that little girl in me who never really gew up. I am 48 years old and often think and feel like an adolescent! Until now I did not realize the effect that losing my parents ( 1 literally, 1 figuratively had on my development) Growing up a little each day, treating myself with love and compassion is beginning to heal those wounds and I find that most days I do not want to abuse food. Bonus? I have lost those 15 lbs and more, have drastically reduced my insulin and feel more powerful and self confident than I have in years. I will always love food - I love to cook and taste, but I am learning to control using food as a weapon against myself.

My response to you is about looking inside yourself. You talked about your defiant child - but you need to understand why she is defiant and why she has not yet grown up. I have the same issues. I am fortunate to have found an amazing therapist who is helping me understand the reasons behind my food addiction. What does food mean to you? What do you get out of overeating or eating unhealthy foods? I know that for myself, until I could understand that I am dealing with an addiction that was formed early in my life and rooted in my family dynamics, I would never be successsful with the band. It is after all only a tool. I absolutely blamed myself for being a failure and weak with no will power. I have learned that abstinence (dieting) alone will not work unless I have the understanding of what drives me to abuse food. Once I realized where I needed to focus my energies, I went to my clinic, got a proper fill and am back on track with a new attitude. I no longer hate myself, instead I am trying to nurture that little girl inside, just as a nurture and raise my own daughter. She deserves the best love, care and attention and so do I. Loving and accepting myself - along with my fabulous tool, the band - allows me to make good choices and feel confident about facing life. I know you said you cannot afford therapy, but there are many good self help books. I am current reading the old classic The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. I have also read a number of books on addiction. Perhaps you can go that route. Also....this is a great place for support - all kinds - from Salsa's tough love to the friendly hugs. We all understand! Take care, Susan

Thanks guys - it feels good to be back on track. It looks like I will be reducing my insulin usage even further. I am amazed!

Hi Kirsten, I have recently been where you are. I lost 40 lbs at first and then when things in my life became stressful, I had no other ways to cope and turned to that good old standby food. I have since learned that I would never succeed until I understood why I used food the way I did and was fully prepared to give it up in that way. With the encouragement of my therapist, I called my clinic, got the proper fill and am very much back on track with a new understanding of what I have chosen to do and how to make it work for me. Please don't give up until you have explored all your options i.e. seeing your surgeon, talking to a therapist etc. At first I felt like a failure - now I know that I had to go through what I did last year in order to be here now. Let us know what is going on - we care.

Hi guys, Recently, I have been losing quite well and I finally starting to loser my insulin usage. But I also take Diovan and Hydrochlorothiazide for high blood pressure. I have had many dizzy episodes and light headedness in the past few days. I do have a home monitor and las night had one really weird reading of something like 65/33, but when I took it again in was 113/65. What were your symptoms when you realized you had to lower your meds? Did you call your doctor about it? Thanks for any suggestions, Susan

Hey Brandy, I relate to everything you have written! I would love to write more right now but have to leave work - so perhaps tonight or tomorrow, but I just wanted to reach out and hug you - hug all of us. Yes - we need to start a little group on here and a thread where we feel safe sharing our feelings and experiences.

As are all of these posts - we need to work together to figure this stuff out. You are all such intelligent people, it is clear that it is not through lack of trying that we are stuggling with this band!

BJean: YES! We must stop beating ourselves up. Part of what I am coming to terms with is my feelings of failure. How in the heck did my weight or body size come to be equated with my worth as a human being! For goodness sakes! I am so much more compassionate with everyone else than myself! The other day I was feeling very hungry! So i ate more than I have been recently and yes it included a few Doritos and a dish of ice cream - BIG DEAL! The key is I Was eating out of true hunger and not using the food to deal with some other issue. I did not turn on myself - I consciously made this decision and I was fine with it. I really felt that my body needed this extra food - and this type of food. End of story. The next day I was back to usual.

Hey Froggi, Those six months are going to pass no matter what you do - so imagine at the end of those months if you had not started this process and had not completed the diet plan. Now it is 6 months later and nothing to show for it! Now....you hung in there, taking in all the advice and words of wisdom on this site and now the 6 months is over and you are having your surgery and giving great advice to others. Much better? I think so. You are young and so of course you are impatient. Perfectly understandable. Just hang in there and stay on this site as much as you can. Good luck

My thoughts on this: Although "head hunger" is mentioned on this forum somewhat, there is not a lot of depth on the subject. Most people will say find a hobby, take a walk instead of eating or some such thing. Frankly, I think that is nonsense. I am a food addict. It could have been drugs or alcohol or gambling, but in my situation, it is food. Now, I am not a believer in 12 step programs because "abstinence" and "willpower" dont work for any significant length of time. If it did - we would not be obese. I lost 40 lbs immediately before and after my surgery. Then I hit the wall. My business life became a very tenuous situation and there were crises in my family as well. I fell into a depression and bam - stopeed taking care of myself. That meant eating around the band (I can so relate to the ice cream and tortilla chips), not monitoring my blood sugar - I too am diabetic on insulin. I also like you take meds for high BP and an anti-depressant/anti anxiety meds. I am also 48! (are we some sort of weird crosss border twins) hahaha. Anyways, I gained back 15 lbs and of course became even more depressed. I went to see my GP one day in February because I had back problems and wanted a doctors note so that my insurance would cover my physio. I broke down in her office and she was so alarmed. She told me I need helpp immediately and recommended a good therapist. (At that time the psychiatrist I was using only prescribed - no therapy). I was so desperate, I called and started to see this wonderful therapist. She recommended some reading and at the same time I picked up some books on addiction. I realized that my addiction, any addiction needs to be looked at for the root causes. With encouragement from my therapist, I called my clinic, got a fill and have been taking baby steps back. I haven't gone into a major exercise program. I don't count calories or anything like that, but I don't try to eat around the band anymore and I fllow rules like no drinking immediately after meals. I have lost 13 of those lbs. I am sorry this is so long! What I really want to say is that of course the band may not be for everyone, but sometimes we must dig DEEP to find out why it is not working for us. I wish you all the best,

(I also posted this in the general forum) Hi guys, Recently, I have been losing quite well and I finally starting to loser my insulin usage. But I also take Diovan and Hydrochlorothiazide for high blood pressure. I have had many dizzy episodes and light headedness in the past few days. I do have a home monitor and las night had one really weird reading of something like 65/33, but when I took it again in was 113/65. What were your symptoms when you realized you had to lower your meds? Did you call your doctor about it? Thanks for any suggestions, Susan

I have been where you are Chloe. I was banded a year ago, lost 18 kg and then stopped. I learned how to eat around the band. It was a very stressful time in my life and I was not ready to give up food as my "comfort". This lasted 7 months! I gained back 7 kg (without the band I would have gained it all back and more). I finally realized that no band, no gastric bypass, no surgery, no magic potion would work unless I really got into why I used food in the first place. For fodd addicts like myself, "willpower" or "abstinence" will only go so far - after that I will and have failed every time. In March I started therapy and with the encouragement of my therapist, I called my clinic and got a fill. Sure, it was not easy to face them and see the scale because denial is what I have been doing my whole life! But, I did, I am back on track, have lost 6 kg and feel so much better about myself. Chloe, I am taking little tiny baby steps back because that is what I can handle right now. I am not following any formal food or exercise program except to follow the bandster rules for eating. The exercise will come when I am ready - I choose not to overwhelm myself. Now I understand that the band is only a tool - even though I have heard that many, many times and I will use it as such. It is my head and heart that have to change, my body will follow. Look deep and hear all this advice and decide what is best for YOU, dear. Good luck and keep us posted. We care.

What a great story Kammi! Perhaps my information is outdated since it was almost 13 years ago that I first wanted to conceive. I guess the answer is to make sure that your obgyn is aware of your diabetes etc. and to follow her/his advice. Although classified as high risk because of my diabetes. I too had a very healthy pregnancy. The 5 months of morning or should I say all day sickness was awful, but that did not impact on my having a beautiful baby girl.

Wow! That's great Donna! It is so encouraging to hear.

I wish you the best of luck in your baby making! This sounds like an exciting time for you with your band surgery coming up and the pregnancy to look forward to! Okay, I understand now what you meant about the bypass and dumping. For me though, I never seriously considered the bypass.

Thanks! I will look into it.

Hey Doddie, I had a big dental surgery last month! Are you comfortable sharing what yours is? What do you expect to happen with eating etc?

Thanks Ariel, I know you are right, but I am deliberately keeping my band tight right now because on top of everything else - I also had dental surgery and cannot chew very well!:biggrin: Keeping my band tight reminds me not to eat too much of pureed food. I can now eat the equivalent of real food, which is allowing me to lose weight. Yes sometimes liquids are tough, especially throughout the day but I sip slowly and manage to get quite a couple of litres of Water in every day regardless.

I can't agree that Gastric Bypass would be a better option just because you have diabetes. I have lived with diabetes for over 25 years and have been on insulin, the off insulin when I had lost weight then back on insulin when I wanted to conceive (for anyone who does not know this - you cannot take meds like metformin etc while trying to conceive or while pregnant). I had my daughter 11 years ago and have been on insulin since. the issue is committing to the band, not which surgery works better, because you can "cheat" on both. Managing diabetes is about the right balance of food. exercise. meds and monitoring! I am finally getting that in my thick head and have lately seen great results with my blood sugars and reductions in my insulin as well. Go with your gut as to what surgery is right for you. Best of luck!