Butterflylegacy

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]I am 37 years old, and a mother of 3 beautiful children. 2 girls, and 1 boy. I have been overweight since my mid-teens, and it is all psychologically and emotionally related.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]I grew up in a very difficult household where it was made apparently clear at a very young age that I was not wanted, and was resented upon. I'm not really sure why I was kept, if I was despised as much as I was, but never the less, I was forced to grow up in that environment. I was told repeatedly how fat I was, and that I could never do the things that I wanted to do. If I was caught watching gymnastics or figure skating on tv I was told it was pointless to watch that because I could never do what those people were able to do. Essentially, I was in a household of no support.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]Thankfully, I had my older brother, who is 3 years my senior. He and I lived through the mental and physical abuse together. We were each others rocks.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]At 15 years old, I decided I had had enough, and moved out. I've been on my own ever since. At 17 I got pregnant with my first daughter, and gave birth at 18. I gained 50 pounds with that pregnancy. Before I had a chance to lose any of the weight, I got pregnant again when my daughter was 4 months old. I gained another 50 lbs with the 2nd pregnancy. I was tired, and depressed, and I didn't have any support from anyone. My life was not exactly going as I had hoped.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]When my daughters were 2 and 3, I found myself in a very dangerous and abusive relationship. In an effort to protect my children, and get myself out of the relationship, I mistakenly trusted my Mother to help me, and instead she contacted my half sister whom I had a very limited relationship with to help. Thankfully though, my sister agreed to keep my daughters for a little while to allow me to get out of the relationship and get on my feet. It was a break that I needed, and was not in any situation to turn it down. I agreed to give my sister temporary physical custody, and with that, my daughters left the state of New York, and moved to Florida. I then left New York as well, and went to Texas, where I've been ever since.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]Once I moved to Texas, I met my son's father, and we began a relationship, got married and had our son. I gained 75 pounds with this pregnancy. My son's father was (is) an extreme Mama's Boy, and that relationship did not work out. I had hoped to be able to bring my daughters home, but my son was born with a Cleft Lip & Palate, and required multiple surgeries in his first years of life. My sister and I spoke and agreed that it would not be fair to bring my daughters into this situation, nor would it be fair to my son, since he required so much attention. Thus, my daughters have remained and grown up with my sister, and are now graduated from high school and in or on their way to college.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]I mention all of this because in one way or another all of these set backs and emotional upheavals have contributed to my weight gain. I can't even say that I've dieted over and over again, because I haven't. I've just pretended like I wasn't depressed, and smiled a lot, and became the "funny girl", but deep down inside, I've always felt like I'm less than who I am, and I believed I could never be truly happy. I did try the HCG diet last year, with minimal success. I lost 30 lbs, but other than that, since I began having children 20 years ago, I've been in the 200+ range.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]All of this changed when a new girl was hired at my office, and she had the VSG done prior to her starting working at my company. I had looked into doing the Lap-Band about 2 years prior, but just couldn't commit to it. The thought of vomiting really put me off, and I knew that I could not live that kind of life style, so I decided that WLS probably wasn't for me. Having someone so handy that had done a WLS and was so clearly happy with her decision gave me the opportunity to begin asking questions. She was so helpful to me, that I seriously feel like I owe her my life! She never got annoyed with me, with any of my questions, and she always had a "You can do this" attitude. It was so different than the internal voice that I've adopted from my childhood which has always told me "Don't bother, you're just going to fail...".[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]Hiedi talked to me about her surgeon, and explained how the process worked. I got so excited I made an appointment. I was very impressed with the office and how smoothly the operation was run. The experience as a whole was so different than the one I had previously had when exploring the Lap-Band. Dr. David Kim in Colleyville, Texas knows exactly what he's doing, and how to manipulate (for lack of a better term) the insurance process to reduce the out of pocket cost to his patients. He definitely does not want the cost of the surgery to prevent anyone from saving their life. Thankfully for me, since my son was born with so many challenges, my current husband and I have the best insurance plan his company offers. My individual deductible was $700 with a $3000 out of pocket max. I didn't really understand at first how I was going to accomplish meeting the out of pocket max, but that's where Dr. Kim's brilliance comes in. He has all of his patients do a series of tests, which naturally are presented to the insurance company. None of the tests are abnormal or fraudulent considering that we're all obese and/or morbidly obese. For Dr. Kim, it serves 2 purposes. 1, it presents a much stronger case TO the insurance company that this surgery is medically necessary. 2, through out the process of these tests being presented to the insurance, it begins to reduce the amount of your deductible and/or out of pocket max. For me, the most I had to pay out of pocket was $250.00. I did have to pay co-pays here or there, but they were very small amounts, and thus it made this entire process much easier and put me on the path of success rather than road block after road block.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]One of the tests that Dr. Kim orders is a sleep study. Doing mine, I found out that I have Sleep Apnea, and had 148 instances of apnea the night of my test. Talk about scary!!! To think that I stopped breathing 148 times really scared me, and opened my eyes, that the VSG was something that I definitely needed to do if I wanted to survive. I now have a CPAP machine (which I dread using), but I admit I am definitely sleeping better, and I hope that once I have my surgery and lose a significant amount of weight that I can eventually get off the machine.[/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]So.... this is my story as of today. I am 9 days away from my VSG. I'm so excited I can barely contain myself. I am really looking forward to what life will be like when I don't have to carry around an extra (almost) 200 lbs. I have never been a think or skinny adult. I've missed out on a lot of opportunities, and I know that I've hidden inside of my weight to avoid getting close to anyone. It has effected so many relationships of mine, and I am ready to hopefully feel and experience loving myself! I really am excited to begin this journey, and I am so blessed and thankful to have a Husband and a job that support me through this. I have never had cheer leaders before, and I have to admit, I am really enjoying it!![/size][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif][size=2][size=3]I can't wait to post before and after pictures! [/size][/size][/font]