ladyarwenrose

Wow, has it really been that long since i've been on this sight? I can't beleive how much life has changed since my surgery. i've lost a total of 130lbs since my highest weight ever. it feels so great to have lost that much weight and I never want to go back. my boyfriend proposed to me Christmas Day 2012 in front of my entire family. now we are getting ready for our wedding, official ceremony to take place on Nov 21, 2014. and i'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. Before I started this journey I never expected to ever have a life long partner, let alone be getting married and being a mom. I could have never gotten this far without his love and support. he was there every step of the way pushing me to do what i was supposed to be doing and picking me up when i wanted to give up. My family has come around and is glad i've done it. but it was a hard struggle for awhile since none of them agreed with my decision. but i'm healthy and happy for the first time in my life. and my life is so much better for having gone through this. If I had to do it all over again I would. For all of you trying to decide if this is the decision for you, trust in your heart. Don't listen to anyone else. Don't ask for their opinions. What they think doesn't matter. Decide for yourself why it is you want to do this. Your heart will tell you if this is the right path for you. it won't lead you astray. only you know if this is right for you.

So, for those of you that don't know....I have Bipolar and struggle with Depression. And as you know after surgery we will undoubtedly hit a point in our journey where our hormones go wacky and we'll battle with depression and grief (from lack of our fav foods) and many more emotions. well for those of us that have depression, etc. issues to begin with...this is made much worse. I've been battling the blues all weekend and there's no end in sight. I'm withdrawing from friends and family and VST and my facebook peeps. I'm even withdrawing slightly from my boyfriend.....EEEK! All I want to do is lay around on the couch and watch TV (olympics!). It's so hot here that I can't go walking like i'm supposed to. and they told me not to use my gazelle. so what the hell am I suppose to do? I live in a tiny apartment, so i can't walk around, too much stuff in the way to make it worth while. yeah, someone suggest going to the mall.....but i'd want to spend $ and I don't have any to spare. I haven't been released to go swimming either or i'd get a gym membership and go swimming....the one near me is only $10/month. I'm not losing weight as fast as most of you because of my lack of excersize. to make it all worse there is TONS of candy around the office and i'm trying hard to avoid it all. but when people as you OVER and OVER and OVER again if you want a piece, or if I want some cake, or if i want a cookie, or if I can't have.......fill in the blanks. it makes it very hard to keep positive about your choice to have this surgery. don't get me wrong, I would do it again in a heart beat....it's saving my life. I just wish they had prepared me better for what to expect afterwards. not sure why i'm saying all this. not even sure if people will read it or if it will help anyone. i'm rambling and complaining and i'm sorry. I'll cya again when i'm in a better frame of mind.

i wear bigger sized clothing because my hips are so big. that and i've never been comfortable with clothing being too tight so i wear my tops larger than most would.

i was told that you can use docolax. and that you can take some light prune juice to help as well.

actually had something like this happen today. my boyfriend took me to my doctor appt this afternoon. he didn't eat before we left. and I haven't been eating much today either. so when we were done he was starving. i stopped off at burger king and he got a big mac meal. I didn't get anything. the only thing on the menu that I could have gotten away with eating was their smoothy which i'm sure is so full of sugar my nut would KILL me. so i sat there and watched him eat. didn't bother me a bit. i could smell the grease on the burger and it actually made me queasy. the fries didn't appeal to me either. and he had a coke...omg....a coke! but i didn't crave it (slaps forhead and falls over). i was perfectly fine just sitting there and chatting with him. Now I wouldn't be able to do that with everyone. he knows better than to offer me any. he wants me to succeed. and it would also depend on the food. not so sure I could have passed up on brownies, choc chip Cookies, icecream, or itiallian food. lol

hey everyone. long time no see. I've been busy with pre-op diets and such....and then surgery on July 2nd....and now post-op diet stuff. it's been 9 days since surgery and i'm feeling ok. been a lot of ups and downs. pre-diet wasnt so bad! Due to diet restrictions I was able to have a tiny bit of real food mixed in with a lot of protein shakes and broth. the two weeks flew by pretty fast and it wasn't until the last few days that I started having the runs. that was embarassing at work.....in my head, no one actually noticed thank god! threw out a few pairs of undies though. surgery day everything went smoothly, took 2.5 hrs actual surgery time. they did repair a hiatal hurnia as well. I basically slept that day/night away and wasn't good for anything until the next day. i'm like that from anesthesia. I was in the hospital for 2 days as my blood showed it was fighting something. they wanted to make sure it wasnt infection. I walked a lot the 2nd day and was able to get liquids down. not as much as they would have liked, but enough. Please make sure your hospital knows who you want in the pre-op room, etc. don't let what happened to me happen to you........ day of my surgery I was in the pre-op room, in a hospital gown in the bed. i was about to talk to my bf about something personal that would get my mind off things. I tend to internalize everything and dwell on things. i was making myself anxious and starting to panic. i'd wanted to talk to him about stuff like dreams of vacations, etc. i open my mouth to ask a question and I hear a voice in the hall. i clamped my mouth shut and in walks a co-worker.....AND HER HUSBAND!!!! first of all i didn't want her there in the room with me. 2nd of all you bring your HUSBAND???? what made her think i wanted him to see me in a hospital gown? they spent the next 10 mins prattling on about their life, etc. probably to try and get my mind off things but it just made it worse. the anesthesia guy comes in and I had to talk about personal med stuff in front of them. they didn't get the hint to leave! then a few minutes later the doc peeks his head in and I turned to them and said, well I gotta kick you out now. yep, i was rude....but they didn't get the hint before! doc asked me who they were and I said a co-worker and her husband and he was appalled that they were there. the staff hadn't even tried to see if I wanted to see them! i made sure he and my bf knew that when the update came afterwards it was NOT to be in front of them. I was in full blown anxiety and panic by the time they wheeled me off to surgery. luckily they didn't notice as it only showed in the way my right leg was moving. I hide it well. if they hadn't sedated me almost the minute i was in the OR i probably would have jumped down and ran. and i also hear that they went up to the room afterward. i slept the full day so I have no clue who was there and who wasn't. Home everyday has gotten better. i was on liquids for a week and by the end was drinking everything i was supposed to with no complications. i'm now on pureed foods. people say that's the worst stage. I won't lie, it's no fun eating mush when my boyfriend is eating chinese and fried chicken, etc. however, with that said i don't feel hungry at all. i eat because im supposed to eat. I have no cravings for food as I thought I would. i see him eat something and think yeah that would taste good. but i'm fine eating what i need to and letting him eat his fav foods. lol i'm still bruised up a lot....especially from all the heprin injections (have to for 2 weeks). I still have quite a bit of pain on my left side and will need to ask the doc about that on Friday. and I wasn't able to go poop (sorry for graphic) since before the surgery. yesterday i was FINALLY able to and feel soooooo much better now. it hurt like HELL though! i've been sleeping on the couch so I can be propped up some. kinda depressing since my bf and I are now sleeping seperately. but I just can't lie flat and get back up in the morning. first thing in the morning my pain is worse. frustrated beyond belief right now. been having a hard time swallowing one of my night meds. it's a capsule so it's not like I can make it smaller. and if i take it out and take it as a powder I wanna puke. so called my psych and he switched it to liquid for me. got a call yesterday from the pharmacy (2 days later!) saying it would be over $100 (per month) with the discount card. discount card? what happened to my insurance? they won't cover it. so now i'm stuck with my capsules and hoping that they won't get stuck on the way down each night. i'm near tears! my stomach pain isn't going away and they gave me a little bit of a hard time calling in more for me on Monday. i feel so bruised up inside, i look like a pin cushion from all the heprin shots and I'm getting frustrated that I can't even do normal everyday activities. i'm eating everything i'm supposed to to the T...no extra stuff. I've only lost 6 lbs. i did lose 3 inches of my belly, so guess that's something. maybe my shakes have too much sugar or something? trying not to give in to the feeling of eating even less just to lose more weight. all in all it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. however it is still a very emotional journey and it's not over yet. i'm lucky to have the most amazing man in my life to help me through this and not let me slide down into my dark depression again. if anyone is reading this and still debating on the surgery please know that even after all i've just said I'd do it again. it really is worth it! one step at a time and i'll eventually get to that healthy life I desire so much

Only you know if it was the right decision. All I can say is that it was (or will be) the right one for me. I know someone that went to Dr Nicholson and raves about him. http://www.nicholsonclinic.com/testimonials/ my friend is the third one down, Joseph. I hear that dr Nicholson is VERY good.

christy, this may help: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/h-pylori/ds00958/dsection=symptoms

I started my pre-op diet on Saturday. from that day until now I've been extremely tired. I just can't keep my eyes open during most of the day. Once I eat lunch i'm a little better, but it's really bad. is it the diet, because of such low calories? Or could it be something else? I'm risking losing my job because I just cant keep my eyes open during the day. I've been going to bed around 8:30 and I get up at 5am. that's plenty of sleep, so not sure what's going on. boyfriend is starting to worry too. maybe I should email my doctor? maybe it's my meds? maybe they are too high of a dose right now since i'm eating so little calories? idk, I just know that it's starting to scare me!!!

was told not to take supplements that i'm not already on. I take D and B12 already. i'm on a VLCD that is partial liquid, partial food. I get more than enough sleep during the night. when I wake up i'm perfectly fine.....for about 2 hours. IDK what's going on. will wait it out I guess, no other choice. I too have struggled driving...and when it's bad enough I call someone on the phone (i have a headset) and make them talk to me until i'm home. thats the only thing that works for me.

no, only HR knows and a few co-workers. yes, i have 2 weeks off after surgery. wish I could afford to take off before surgery too. this is not going to be fun if I can't have any carbs for two weeks. have a feeling this exhaustion is not going to go away any time soon.

Sorry, but I had to say it. I just got back from spending the day at mom's house. was doing some laundry there (gotta love free laundry) and having a good time with her. Dad calls and asks to speak to me. I'd just put the last load in the dryer and was trying to fold my shirts. I took the phone and he proceeds to lay into me about how bad a decision i'm making and to not do this. i.e. he thinks its a bad idea and expects me to bow down and follow HIS decision. First he tells me that i've never really tried to "work the program" in my weight loss before. That I can't expect to lose weight if I don't work at it. When that didn't work he suggests that what i'm doing is like what my other sibling is doing (long story, don't ask). I blew up. it's nothing like each other. i'm doing this for my health! not because I just want to change my body. When that didn't work he says that what i'm doing is like if he wanted to quit smoking he'd have them take one of his lungs away. WTF? really? WOW! I was seeing red! and I went silent. he could tell I was upset and ended with "i just wanted to say my opinion." I got off the phone and cried. I can't take much more of this from my parents. One more time! One more time and they are out of my life! I don't care how freakin hurt my dad is by that, he'll be out! mom will come around, I know she will. But he wants a relationship with me he'll shut up and just deal with me doing this! He hasn't changed my mind as he'd hoped. if anything he's pushed me closer to it! now I have an "i'll show them" attitude. not sure if that's good or not, but there you have it. On the way home I was so quiet, made my boyfriend nervous. we got about 3/4 of the way home and i blurted out what I'd been thinking. I've come a long way....and i mean a LONG way! (I've always had fights like this with my dad, we've always butted heads. and up until 3 years ago I let him control me in every way. my boyfriend knows this.) I told him that a year ago this would have made me go to the store and get a 12 pack of coke, a bag of chocolate chunk cookies, a big bag of tostito's scoops, a can of cheese sauce, the biggest meal at whatever fast food place, a huge glass of chocolate milk (for the cookies), and a pint of ice cream to inhale later. and I would have eaten the whole thing! today? i just talked myself out of my mood. progress! ttyl HUGS

this may sound stupid...but what is Epic?

I have bipolar, so my emotions swing like mad anyway. i'm on meds to help level them out. I had a counselor that I was going to for about 2 years now. but she left the practice and I will need to find a new one I guess. I'm sure i'm going to need someone afterwards that I can talk to. Good news is that my boyfriend knows just how to snap me out of things when it gets bad. and he lives with me....God help him! LOL Yeah, i'm nervous about it getting worse. and also wondering if I should just tell my team before I leave so that they know whats going on. that way they don't get too upset when I get back and i'm possibly an emotional wreck. my other idea was just letting it be and if i'm an emotion wreck afterwards then I can tell them on the day I get back. For now i'm leaving it be. i'll either tell them the friday i leave, or the day I get back. and yes oneangelone I am leaning heavily on God. I don't pray alot and I don't go to church. but to me church is where ever you are, because it's in your heart that matters. I beleive God is carrying me thru this, like he has so many other situations in my life. It's the biggest reason i'm still sane. My life is a testimony to the grace and goodness of God. TY for your responses everyone....HUGS

I thought your hormone's were supposed to go haywire AFTER the surgery? I'm 16 days until surgery. All week i've been so emotional, going from one extreme to the other. I have an anxiety and panic disorder too so this makes it worse. I've been dealing with back pain and numbness down the sides of my legs for several months now. but the past month it's been progressively getting worse. I'd gone to the doctor on Wednesday and it did absolutely no good. they lectured me for 20 minutes on not living a life filled with narcotics. then proceeded to give me 1/4 of my normal quantity and 1/2 the strength of my normal perscription. I was really upset. I mean what am I supposed to do? Do they not beleive me? Am I just supposed to "block out the pain"? So yesterday i'm at work and the pain was really bad. I can normally block it out pretty well at work, but not this time. I was getting frustrated with myself because I couldn't block it out. then I was getting increasingly depressed because I couldn't do anything to stop it, or make it go away. That started the anxiety. shaking my legs up and down. my thoughts racing. add that to my crying that I was trying so hard to hide. and then the panic hit! CRAP! It took me half an hour to calm myself down again. But I was able to (thank GOD) and went about my work day. but all night I was really upset about the whole ordeal, and my back, and the impatience over this surgery. I want it NOW, I want it over with, I want to get on with my life and work towards a healthier me. one that will hopefully not have this pain all the time!!!! I just can't help thinking that if i'm this emotional now.....how am I going to be after the surgery? LOL

sorry guys, i've been MIA for a bit. dealing with some stuff in real life. and have been in a lot of back pain lately. I started a blog here if you're interested in reading it. I start my pre-op diet tomorrow. wish me luck because day 1 of the diet and i'll be at mom's all day. she is completely against my doing this, so should be interesting. How's everyone doing?

It's friday.....how did it go? I hope it went okay and you can still go for surgery! HUGS