Minnie Me

OK....... So the food funeral is over and the 2 week liquid diet began today in preparation for a July 19th surgery date. Sooo the last piece of food I ate? Drum roll...... A home made chocolate chip cookie! As I ate it, I thought, this is only going to set me back but I ate it anyway. I hope I am mentally ready! I think I am. In fact I am acting on faith alone, since I have not heard about my insurance approval YET. I figured if the insurance approval came then it was too late to start the 2 week liquid. And if it didn't come, well I got a head start on the weight loss. The approval just better come. I am so close I can feel it. I have rearranged my whole life for this and changing it again will be ohhh soooo stressful.

I found the liquid diet today to be more difficult than I expected. I have done a liquid diet before, so I thought this would be easy enough but not so. I bought the powder slim fast and I made up a shake and drank a cold one on the way to work. It tasted ok and I thought "easy". My husband was going to bring me some of the cans for later in the day at work and then everything changed. He was sick and I was out in the car for work and it is coming up on lunch and I am feeling the hunger and I am thinking "Where is the drive thru for slim fast shakes?". They really should have a drive through ya know. Anyway, I heard that some places actually had refrigerated slim fast at the local stop and shop. I go there and there is none. So I find the closest drug store and they have everything but slim fast, so I grab the ensure which has more calories but I figure I can drink less of the other shakes later in the day. Of course it is not refrigerated and I am in the hot car in the middle of the summer in Vegas and I consider drinking it at room temperature and then think better of it. Then I am on the search for ice somewhere. I finally find it and am drinking ensure (they aren't bad by the way) and then I think "what I am I going to do with the rest of the 6 pack while I go to my appointment? The stuff is going to rot in the hot car for the next few hours and be undrinkable". I took it home and am debating whether I should risk poisoning myself with it or just throw it out.

My plan is to take the powder with me and then I just have to look for milk in the future if I am on the road. I should have thought of that before. Anyway, the evening time was way more difficult than expected. That is when I am the most hungry usually. But I stuck to it and drank all night and avoided the kitchen as much as possible. Why did I want a piece of cheese so bad? Who knows? Oh well, I guess if you are on liquid diet, you just want what you can't have. I am trying to keep the vision of my future where I am able to sit on chairs with arms and not even think about it and stand for long periods of time without getting tired and cross my legs without effort and go on an airplane without anxiety that I will be asked to pay for two seats. And most of all I want to crave my life more than food. I want to replace cravings for cookies with cravings to travel and see the world and do all the other things I want to have energy for as a lighter, healthier person.

Craving A Fulfilling Life

7/8/2012 4th day on Liquid diet!
It is getting easier. In fact yesterday I don't think I drank all 6 shakes by the time for bed. I have not weighed myself because I don't have a scale that will do so at this weight. Maybe that is for the best since I don't want to see what damage I did during the food funeral stage. I will ask to weight on the day of surgery and get back with you on it. Being on day 4 on the liquid diet means only 10 days until surgery. The liquid diet is counting down to surgery like the Christmas home made paper chain used to count down until Christmas when I was a kid.