~c~

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I need some personal advice ,it could get long to get a history. Would anyone mind?It has to do with my marriage and i would rather 'talk' with people who don't know my husband and i. Please let me know honestly.I am realy upset right now... Chantal

DeLarla!! Holy Cow i left stuff out!! His Mom is nouveau rich and is very selfish. We were having MAJOR hydro problems this winter and she refused to help us.My disabled mom took a loan out at the bank to help us out! The last time i went to my mother in law's she yelled at the then 2year old to get his fingers off the walls(the $$$ paint job don't ya know!) When we used to be all together she would totally 'parent' the kids even though we were there.I asked my husband to talk to her but she is unreasonable and he refused. He is scared to talk to her and i don't blame him. He went over there last week because she has the screens for the front windows.We haven't had them for 2 years and this year i refuse to leave the windows shut.Let the damn flies come in, it's hot!!Anyway she said she didn't know where they were and that her boyfriend would find them when he got back from vacation. So no screens!!! If we needed money for life saving medication for the kids she would refuse,even though she now has money to burn! I accept that his family doesn't like me and i don't like them either so in a way it suits me.I hate that they are wrong about me though.I will talk to him tonight and hope he doesn't just have to say"i don't know'or my favorite"what do you want me to say!' Do you guys want to know how it will go down or am i boring you? Chantal

If we did not have the kids i would not be living with him at this moment.I have stayed to keep our family intact because of the children.But for sure if we had no kids i would have left. What does that say?I cannot admit it.Should i fight for my marriage.Like i said these are issolated incidence and are not the norm. I just want to have a normal family.Since we did choose to have kids and did take vows,i believe we should do ALL in our power at this point to make it work but i am starting to think i am making a mistake.I am also scared to seperate and find it worse.Not being alone...I can handle that but maybe realizing that we do have an ok thing and i didn't try hard enough. ahhh crap!!! I wish i could predict the future!! Chantal

Please don't apologize for your response.I want to thank you for sharing Penni. It gives me stuff to think about.

I know about the physical aspect sounds really bad.The last time with the van WAS the last time.I control myself and have since the lamp incident. We haven't had physical confrontation since that time with the van and we did say that we would not let it go that far ever again. I know how to control myself but do not trust him enough to think that if he gets upset enough he won't hurt me.I just have to stop before he gets too angry and that does say alot. We do need counselling and i will set that up.I just wanted to see what you guys thought because being right in the middle of it all i am so confused. When we are not in the middle of these type of things i feel like we are ok. I haven't felt those lovey feelings in a while but my sister says she doesn't have those feelings either.That it's more of a comfort kinda feeling.I would be ok with that.Is there more to a relationship?I've only been in 2 serious relationships.The first was when i was 15 to 25 (we moved in together at 15)he left me for another at 25.Three months after that i met my husband and we were married the following year. All the above mentioned stuff happened in the last 2 years,not all at one time. i would say that we had 3 serious ALMOST physical fights. The rest is just petty aurguements,mostly about his not taking responsibility for his chores. I will make a budget to seperate our earnings and each be reponsible for our own money...maybe that will help. He needs to understand what lying does to our relationship though... p.s. to clarify...My children adore their father and are not afraid of him at all.My son was scared that day in the car because i was afraid.

Thanks you guys!When i looked at the Support forum it list support for before and after lap banding.Under the Lounge it said general conversation so that's why i posted in here.I guess it doesn't really matter..I would liket o get as many opinions as i could though,so i will just go for it.We're all friends here,huh? I will try and keep it condensed. I have been married for 6 years and i am not sure i love him,in fact i am pretty sure i don't but can hardly admit it! We have 2 kids, 2 and 5 years old. The first sign of trouble i chose to ignore.I became pregnant and after the blood test my doctor called me at home to tell me there was a problem.The hormones level was ++low meaning i would miscarry.I was devastated and in shock,crying on the floor in the middle of the living room.My husband had told his Mother that he would go to help her bottle wine that evening so in the middle of my back and forth calls to the doctor and my devastation HE LEAVES!It was not across the street either.Once he got there and told his Mother what was happening she sent him home to me. I had a baby the next year by emergency C section after 2 days of labour.It was major intense and we almost lost the baby. Once home, i was asking him to help with laundry and that's when the "i'll do it later" started.(it still is happening. I had to hold my staples while lifting the laundry into the machine. Yes i could have waited but the baby was finally sleeping and the house was a wreck since i was gone for a couple of days. This is how my marriage started. I didn't know him very well and did not know how irresponsible he was until we had kids and a home and responsibilities. Last year we had a big fight and he went to his Mother's and told her every nitty gritty detail of what i had done,not telling her what HE had done.He grabs me by the throat(after i threw a lamp) She won't talk to me anymore.*But before this* she bought a house and said we would basically rent to own that it would be 'our'house.She kept coming over in the beginning to 'help'in the renovations.I had to leave every day with the kids because she said they would be in the way or it was dangerous.She re organised the kids closet to HER liking!!Washed MY UNDERWEAR!!I never asked her to do this and took offence.Her boyfriend had yelled at my son one too many times and i blew up at him instead of explaining calmly and told him he had no right to talk to my son this way. I called her and tried to explain but she got majorly defensive and said she would never set foot in the place again(and she hasn't) So we don't speak.What sealed the deal was my husband blabbing about our fight.He was going to leave me.Said he hadn't loved me for at least 2 years.(but we still had sex!)I found an apartement and everything moving entails.The day i was to move he asked me to stay.I agreed on the condition that we NEVER fight like that in front of the kids.I promised to control my anger and he promised to try and be more responsible. This winter we were kinda arguing not loud but still not getting a long in the car.I have anxiety issues in the car and he knows that.(we were almost killed when i was pregnant with my son since he was watching me play with the radio.we ran into a city bus going 80mph) Anyway he got all upset and braked in the middle of the icy road and went to the side to turn around.i was sooo scared and so was my 5 year old.he was bringing me home.I kept calmly saying that he had to calm down first, he wasn't going anywhere with the kids until he did. He kept getting more & more upset.He banged the van door so hard it came off its' hinges and i locked all the doors because he was literally foaming at the mouth.I KNEW that if i got out he would hit me.I fled. He went to his DAD's this time and told the whole family,aunts,uncles ect that i REFUSED to let him bring the kids and that he was divorcing me.AGAIN. I cannot face any of his family. I handle our financial affairs because he is so irresponsible.we combine our earnings. A few months ago i realized he was lying about his pays and keeping a few HUNDRED dollars for himself.I confronted him.At first he kept saying he did nothing wrong.I finally thought he understood but today found out he did it again!!! He needed to buy a tool for work so he did.100$ He thinks this is ok! I do everything as well as work full time.Yes i have an office job as opposed to his hard one(mechanic)but i have STRESS. i am an employement insurance officer and deal with upset people,security issued the works. All i ask of him is to take out the trash,take care of the floors and bring up the clean folded laundry so i can put it away.I always have to push him to do these things and then he tells me i 'squeal' I don't know if we can fix this.I don't know if i want to be a single Mom.I know that i am not happy. Chantal Please don't hesitate to be frank.

Darcy! Congrats girlie!! Yes what you're feeling is normal and does fade once it sinks in that you won't 'break'anything!! Sooo happy for you! Chantal

Can we shoot for October 8 9 and 10?The 11th is Thanksgiving in Canada and that means loonggg week end!! Whadya think?? Chantal

I just told my hubby and it's almost more than he can take!! Losing weight,more confidence,and now a trip to Vegas. he sure is looking at me differently and this is a good thing!! Him:'you're going to Vegas without me?!' haha silly boy! C

OOOOHHH KAREOKE!!! I want green hair and orange nail polish.I'm french so i can talk REALLY fast at the ole bingo:) Chantal 'some say love it is a flower and youuuu it's on-ly seed.....'

I am sooooo there.Just tell me when!! i'm going to Vegas..i'm going to Vegas!!! I CANNOT wait to meet you all. Chantal

Me too me too!!! I've never been anywhere...hey can someone pick me up from the airport??? Chantal

I had a second fill on Wednesday.This time a have a huge bruise where he picked me.It seems to have a dark red line through it but i think that it's just more blood.SHould i be concerned or just wait for it to fade??

It's funny...just last night we were thinking of renting the old stand up comic tapes.Robin Williams,Dennis Leary(his a**hole song is KILLER!!)Eddie Murphy(GI Joe swimming in the water!!) Chantal

Holy Cow Donali!!:think This came as such a shock to me that i needed a few days to respond. I want to say i am so sorry you are losing your band.I am so proud of how you are handling this.I am sure you will be successful.It will of course be harder without the band but you seem so strong and you HAVE learned so much. Take care of you and know that we are here to hold you up if you falter! All my best wishes XX00 Chantal

Thanks it worked as far as the purge thing goes.There is no record of any of the emails anywhere that i can find. Geez i promise myself to not do anything dumb like that again!!! I love my job and would be totally lost without it!I don't know what i was thinking...wasn't thinking that's the problem!! Oh well it was a mistake and if it comes to light i am prepared to acccept the consequences. just hope it all vanishes into the background!!

Ok i am totally paranoid and freaked out. I corresponded w a guy from one of thoses online dating sites I was looking for a 'friends only'deal but then things got out of hand quick before i could think of the consequences of doing this from work. Ok so i reeled it in and unsubcribed but now this is my problem: I have microsoft outlook.we were not chatting through the datind site. I deleted the e-mails but if i go to tools i can 'recover'the permanatley deleted stuff. Is there a way to erase my messages so there is no record? Or do i have to live with the fact that my employer could at any time open this stuff and see these messages if they choose? Lesson SOOOOO learned. help please!

So...i figured out how to purge the permantly deleted folder. When i go to the retrieve deleted item there is nothing.There is no record anywhere of those emails.I don' know much about computers so could anyone tell me if my employer could still find those somehow? Thanks

Hi I live in Ottawa Ontario Canada. I had my surgery in Bay- St- Paul QC in May 2002.I've only gotten a fill recently April 2004 and have lost a total of 40 lbs. There are a few reasons for not getting a fill: Originaly Dr was 8 hrs away by bus. Went over there 2nd month after sugery had not lost any weight and he refused to fill me!Total of 16 hrs on a bus with 1/2 appt in between!! I though i was a failure and just went about as normal. THEN i found this place!!! When i finally went back he had relocated to Montreal which is 1 1/2 hrs away and i can get there by car and i went armed with knowledge. I had to have a port revision then went for a fill in April of this year. Fills DO make a difference!! I've gone from a size 24 to 18! I have one son who's 5 and a 2 year old daughter. Chantal

Well... i am not posting because i feel like a failure!!I am thinking that i wish i had the 'other'surgery.(but i would never do it!!)chicken I am trying to follow the rules but if only i would see the scale move i would feel better,more motivated,ya know??!! I hear all the time how it's up to us to make it work.I understand that i have to make good food choice and exercise.I never was able to do this before and now it's not so different.If i always ate Protein,salad and then other and moved i wouldn't have been big in the first place. I am going for another fill and don't even know if that's a good idea.I know i can eat quite alot.If i eat a huge salad with a small chicken breast for lunch,i can hardly make it home i am so hungry!! Ya i guess a fill is in order. Last night I ate a whole rib steak bbq'd ,one bite of potato w sour cream and three bites of garlic bread.geez.At least I didn't snack afterwards! The other night i got home and we were suppose to eat the steaks,my son had a minor problem and we rushed to the Dr. We got them mcdonalds on the way home,I thought that we would cook the steak after the kids went to bed but my husband went to visit his Dad(his dad is having hip replacement surgery today) Soooo,we never made supper.Of course i was starving and ate really bad.I wrote it down but just changed it because it was REALLY bad and even if you don;t know me i am too ashamed to put it out there. How does a person change their habits!!! i do want to lose weight and i know what to do but it seems like as soon as i decide that i will make better choices i want all sorts of things that i shouldn't eat if i want to lose! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chantal

I'm sorry you are so upset Birdee!I really sucks because YOU know how hard you've tried and no one else does.This person and alot of others think that we have surgery and BOOM we're suppose to be perfect.Except every meal we have to make a conscience choice about what we will put in our mouths.If this person has surgery she will soon find this out,whether it's Band or not! Take care Birdee!! Chantal

Thanks for all the advice.Yes there was the lock and the lady had responded which has reassured me. Thank You.

i am worried about an order i placed from the web. I ordered samples from bariatriceating.com. My mother gave me her credit card # and i placed the order over 2 weeks ago.I've sent two e-mails to the web address listed there and have had no response.I've never ordered online before and am a bit nervous(paranoid??!!) If it was my visa # it wouldn't be so bad but my Mom's, geez! Anyone ever order from there?Do you think i've made a mistake? My mom is away so i can't ask her to check her visa. Chantal

Hi! I've never ordered online before and i am a bit nervous about security since my mom gave me her credit card # to do the ordering. My question is have any of you ordered from www.bariatriceating.com?Is it safe to give the # online like that? If yes,what have you tried? I ordered the samples of Gold double chocolate ice cream as well as Nectar roadside lemonade. Chantal