mylynn1377

Today I had my 2 week post-op appointment. It was originally scheduled for exactly two weeks after my surgery but my surgeon got called out of town and so they bumped it up to today. I'm at 11 days post-op today. My visit with my dietician went well. I was instructed to have a protein-dense diet and stay away from red meat, fruits, vegetables and starches still. I'm looking forward to cooking a fresh halibut dinner tomorrow night. I plan on pan searing the halibut steaks with either a dill cream sauce or with a lemon dill beurre blanc. For the kids and Will I'm going to be serving it over asparagus, though I'll end up just eating the halibut.
 
I have been going to a local spot to do bar trivia for the past year, essentially as long as Will and I have been together. One of his friends is the quizmaster and our team consists of two of Will's friends and two of my friends. I stopped going to trivia two weeks before my surgery because I knew I was going to have to not go for a given amount of time until I recovered. Then in a fit of feeling sorry for myself, I resigned myself to not going for a few months because I was worried about not being able to eat or drink anything there. I felt like I was just taking advantage of the hospitality of the bar if I didn't go there to eat or drink and just play trivia. I'm still on the fence about whether or not I'm going to go tomorrow night. I told Will I'd think about it.
 
I'm so excited about moving to soft foods. I plan on having scrambled eggs as breakfast most mornings now. Though I'll probably end up having my Premier Protein chocolate shake when I first wake up at 6 just to make sure I'm getting a good amount of protein in at the beginning of the day. I need to get to the store and get some more Chobani in addition to some string cheese so that I can get used to have them as snacks throughout the day. The current suggested diet is 3 meals a day and 1-2 snacks per day. The snacks on the recommended menu from my dietician are scheduled at 3:30 pm and 8 pm. I'm going to play it by ear and see how I feel in the mornings between 8 and noon. That's a long time for me to go without putting anything in my body now that I'm used to eating every two hours.
 
I'm feeling very close to normal and every day is progress. I'm having a bit of problems with my attention, however, and that worries me a little. I work in software development and manage a QA team. I worry that if I am not at the top of my game mentally when I return to work it is going to negatively effect my team. I had scheduled with short-term disability to return to work on July 1st, but the first month runs out on June 21. I'm doing so well that I'm sure that I won't get authorized for that extra little bit of time so the 21st is my target date for being completely recovered, both physically and mentally.
 
On a more personal note, I've started to have sex again. Over the past year it's been hit and miss with either of us being in the mood. But since my surgery my sex drive is through the roof.
 
All good things.

I'm about three and a half months post-op, and my weight hasn't budged for about three weeks or so. I know plateaus are totally normal, but I feel like over the past week or so I haven't been a good bandster. I know I'm stuck on this plateau, so I've let my eating habits slip and exercise essentially stop. I know, I know, I'm awful!!
 
The thoughts of - - maybe I'm only supposed to lose this much weight; maybe I'm supposed to be a 190 lb girl - came pouring back in. On prior weight loss adventures, my lowest weight was 189. That's where I'm stuck now.
 
So this morning I had a nice little thinking session, and decided that I will NOT accept being 189 lbs. I KNOW I can reach my goal. I KNOW I can be a better bandster. So I'm kicking my butt back into gear.
 
I started today going back to basics - two protein shakes during the day then a healthy dinner. I'm going to get back into walking daily, no excuses.
 
I didn't really "fall off" the wagon, but I was hanging on tightly to the side, fingers slipping. So I'm climbing back on, sitting in the drivers seat, and taking control of this.

Ok I have been reading posts and blogs lately and it seems like right after getting banded a lot of people go through an emotional upheaval and wonder if they can do this or if they have done the right thing.
 
I'm not banded yet so I can't begin to understand that...or wait...maybe I can't understand the banded part but I really can understand overwhelming decisions. Not the same but maybe this will help.
 
I was a 2 pack a day smoker for 19 years or so. I smoked through both pregnancies (which still makes me cringe) and I didn't care until I realized that my oldest son was sick all the time. I was at the end of my pregnancy with the youngest, it was November and cold as crap, and I knew I was having a scheduled c-section. So I asked my parents what did they think about coming to my apt and getting all the ash trays and lighters out while I was in the hospital. My thought was if I was going to be in there not smoking for 5 days then what would be the point of keeping it up after I got out? I knew I wasn't going to haul my butt downstairs and out the door to stand in the cold and smoke after just having a c-section. So that's what I did.
 
And then I came home to the reality of taking care of a 19 month old and newborn after just having surgery and all by myself. No help. It was nightmarish honestly. I had bad postpartum on top of the quitting smoking. There were times when I could have cheerfully strangled someone for a smoke. I cried a lot and asked what did I do to myself? My best friend said she couldn't do it because she just couldn't fathom not ever being able to smoke again for the rest of her life...and then the light came on...
 
My Dad offered me a lot of really good advice that he has gotten from being in AA. He's been sober 14 years now. And he told me not to look at the big picture but only look at what I could handle today...can I say that I am not going to smoke for the next 5 minutes. I could do that and the picture looked a lot less overwhelming. Now I can say almost 4 years later that I am still a non smoker and I'm pretty sure that I won't have a smoke for at least the next few days. Can't garuntee longer than that because I can't predict the future.
 
Where I am going with this long story is this is the same approach I am using now in my pre/pre op diet that my doctors want me to work on. I can say that in the next 5 minutes that I will not eat half a pan of brownies. But I'm not going to say that I will never eat them again because that is just too much for most of us to handle. So if you can say that you won't eat the bad, and keep eating the good in whatever increments of time that you are comfortable with, it just might make ever thing seem doable.
 
The approach works obviously a lot of people have quit drinking with those tools. I am thinking that with the band it would be a bit easier because I won't be able to eat half a pan of brownies. Or a whole Big Mac. And later on down the road when me and food have come to a better understanding instead of a co-dependent relationship, then and only then, will I contemplate maybe having that brownie, but only a small one.
 
Just like my philosophy with stopping smoking, I am not going through all of this for nothing. I want results and I am determined to get them.

My name is Vanessa and I am turning 40 on December 14th. My first 40 years, it seems, I have spent trying to manage a healthy weight with a string of diets and will power. All of that has got me where? To my heaviest weight to date. My next 40 years, I want to spend traveling...reaching my goals......raising healthy children. All without my body being a hinderance.
 
Earlier this year.....I couldn't ride a rollercoaster with my 11 yr old son. I couldn't fit in the seat. I was mortified for him...for me. That was my rock bottom.
 
For a fat girl...I have alot of energy and am pretty athletic as I am on a softball team and a yoga student. My mind believes that my weight, in general, doesn't keep me from living life. In part that's true. But my heart and soul wonder, what could the healthy weight girl do? What could she accomplish? How much "better" could she be!
 
I would be a rockstar....a super hero!
 
I look forward to meeting her once I dig her out of years of weight gain and disappointment.
 
I know she's there....I can hear her!

I think my stomach is trying to enter "Bandster Hell". My brain isn't going to accept that. My stomach is GROWLING. It's screaming "FEED ME" but my brain is set on following the diet plan. My stomach is just going to have to tough it out. I'm getting really good at this mind control thing. The stomach no longer calls the shots. I know what's best for my body and what it needs, so I'll just keep to my plan.
 
I feel very lucky to be losing like this post op. I hit 30 lbs lost yesterday, my 30 day "anniversary" of the surgical consult. I had surgery on May 18th, so three weeks out from surgery and I'm over a third of the way to my goal. Each day I've been losing between 6 oz and a pound. It hasn't been easy, my brain and stomach are constantly at battle, and I still don't love running on the elliptical a few miles a day or drinking SO much water, but it's working so I'm going to stick to it.
 
My goal is to be at 210 by the time I go in for my fill on the 19th. Eleven days, 3 lbs. I would love to be at 205 but I'm trying to keep my goals realistic in case the weight loss slows down.
 
I do really love being happily surprised by my scale every morning. I always think "okay, I probably gained three pounds yesterday and I'm okay with that" then the number pops up and it's lower than the day before.
 
So for now, life is pretty good for this girl.

Well, if I am starting a blog to hold myself a little more responsible then I guess I should start with a bit about my journey thus far:
 
I was banded June 8, 2010 and June 9, 2010 by the most wonderful surgeon, Dr. Nahmias here in CT. Yes, my band immediately slipped and I had to have a second surgery, but really it wasn't all that bad. The worst part was the NG Tube before the second surgery - I swear I could have punched the nurse tech who did it square in the face it hurt so damn bad. But after I woke from my second banding I felt like a million dollars and I didn't look back from there
 
I started about 262 lbs and by I lost my 100 lbs within 15 months, although the last 10 were as a result of my TT. But I am relatively happy with my size 10 bod.
 
I will say though I have HUGE body image problems. I think I look worse now than I did before. I don't see (somehow) that I look smaller. It's insane, but it's true. I have gone from a size 22 and a 44DDD to a size 10 and a 36DD and when I look in a mirror I see no improvement. I know it's all mental, and I am working on it, but it's HARD!!
 
My TT was uneventful, except for the hospital not being able to give me any ICE.. freakin crazy.
 
My JP Drains were removed within a week - I did have 2 small probs after - some fluid that had to be manually drained by my doc every week for about a month; and a small wound right above my pubic bone (smaller than a dime) that had to be chemically debrided - but it did eventually close (icky scar).
 
Lately I am maintaining my 96-100 lb weight loss - but I am occasionally bored with my food choices and I do push the envelope at times. I rarely vomit - only if I am talking when I am eating or I eat too fast or something I really shouldn't (more than 3 french fies)
 
I have to say my journey has been pretty easy - I lost my weight with minimum exercise which has led me to not want to exercise. I have been trying to walk again though.....