BlessedBeyondMeasure2012

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Yesterday was my birthday, and this is what I had:
(It was wonderful and didn't make me feel sick or guilty)

The other thing that our kids have that we didn't have is 24/7 access to electronics…says the woman who has spent the last 10 days recovering on her couch with a laptop, iPhone and TV remote within reach.
It is HARD but not impossible to sandblast them out of their complacency, particularly when my example (working from home) is that I'm usually hanging around using a laptop. That's one reason we signed up for CF together. I brought him to a kids' class and he turned to me and said, "Only if you do a class after me." Couldn't very well say no.
And sure, some of this is genetic, maybe a lot. But that doesn't completely explain why one is thin/normal and the other is chubby. My daughter is not particularly more active than my son. And he is thisclose to puberty hitting, so some of this will likely straighten out as he grows (he's 11 and about my height, so he is going to grow a lot taller.) But that doesn't solve how he LOVES to eat fast, and until it hurts. (Thanks, Dad.) As a matter of fact, when I was pre-op I went out to dinner with the three of them (husband, daughter, son) and was almost sickened watching them shovel food down their gullets while I was eating broth. I am really interested to see how the sleeve changes my husband for this reason. And how, in turn, that might affect the way my kids approach food.< /p>
Edited to add: It sounds like I am blaming my husband for everything and I'm not. I cook the meals, I run the household, and I was known for sitting on the couch in my (figurative) underpants with a glass or six of wine of an evening. There are lots of behaviors to modify here. If I'd been the goddess of health and good fortune, I'd still have that 85% of my stomach.

I have been reading this thread the last few days, and I want to thank all of you who contributed from the bottom of my heart. It's made me realize (yet again - we all need reminders sometimes) that I need to stop kidding myself. I'm yet another food addict. I always have been, and sleeve or no sleeve, fat or thin, I always will be.
There's definitely a lot of enabling that goes on on these forums. A lot of judgment too, and I'm certainly no exception. Me going on about binge drinking as a bad life decision last week is really rather hypocritical now that I think about it, being that right around the same time I was sneaking trips to the office kitchen for halloween candy my co-workers brought in. Blech. I feel disgusted with myself on so many levels. He/she who is without sin, cast the first stone. It doesn't have to be a cliche.
My coworkers are horrible enablers. They are always bringing baked goods and candy into the office (especially around the holidays) and plopping them in the office kitchen (RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK). Not a soul can see me walk into the kitchen. I hate it. I hate them. I hate my boss for saying I couldn't move to the other bank of offices down the hall. I hate myself for not being able to resist. Grr.
But I'm going to do something productive about it this time, rather than give in again this week. Heading out to an OA meeting tonight for the first time in forever. It's not ideal because I'm not a religious person and the OA meetings near me seem to stress certain steps over others, but I can't afford private therapy right now. I'm an addict, and I need help. I really want to and need to succeed this time, at more than just weight loss. So time for me to take responsibility. I am not going to fail at this, unless I let myself.

You are a leader here, so you should do what you think is best.
For me, it's too much effort for not enough return. Someone else usually pops in (not just you Laura-Ven!) saying something about their bad decision. And I don't think people really spend a lot of time looking through old threads because they are constantly asking the same questions.
As a longer term vet, I prefer to mostly answer questions and comment about life 1+ post op. There are plenty of people commenting about earlier issues. You rarely see people 1+ years out who are eating whatever they want and searching for ways to stuff more food in because if they continue that behavior, they are regaining weight and they disappear from the group.
Lynda

Well I'm a little late to the party, but I know I'm a food addict. It's why certain foods are not welcome in my house. I'm squarely in the never say never camp, but I control problem foods with a very tight leash by not buying them, and making them very occasional treats. I also weigh daily to keep overrating in check.
After years on this group, I have to admit that I ignore most threads where people are bragging about how they progress their diets too fast. I do reply to threads asking about what we can eat eventually and how much.
And I also struggle with how I look on some days. But on most days, I'm happy with what I see.
Lynda

I am finding this thread to be most thought provoking.

Addict.
And it's all on me. I cook. Folks can have any treats they want. I can't.
I can't have anything except what I plan to have. Period.
I will never be the 'well I have a little of whatever I want' guy.
I enjoy parties and restaurants, I just focus on the people and not the food.
I don't have time to feel sorry for myself, but I'd like to.
I just ate, and ate, and ate some more. All the time, anytime. Can't do that no more...

that's a really good point. I will be 54 in a few weeks. If I had been thin my whole life, I would have got to this face gradually and not considered it old and ugly (I don't think), just the natural progression in life. With this rapid weight loss revealing the face underneath, I got here much too quickly for my brain to catch up. Thanks for that perspective.!

Wow that's a good AND loaded question. I definitely can say that weight loss doesn't cure all of my issues of not looking good enough.. And not being good enough to be seen in public...
I also have to say it depends on the day..
I still have down days, as you know from our 5:2 group discussions. I can be hypersensitive about imperfections and fluctuations.
Years of being told (by others AND myself) that I am my appearance will do that. On those days I can feel like I don't want to leave the house.
But I have days that I feel down right great. Hell sometimes down right sexy!
I have been known to get gussied up, hop in the Porsche (ok the car helps with the self image dammit) put the top down and cruise to the pet store to get dog food feeling like I'm the prettiest 47 year old Laura there is!
I think the best days are when I just feel comfortable in my own skin moving about in life not putting to much thought one way or another how I might be perceived.
Like I said loaded question..
Good question...

For me there is still a fine line between having a taste and eating it all. That makes me an addict, so I try not to have trigger food in the house. But on Halloween there was a potluck at work. I ate the fresh fruit. And an Oreo. And then made sure to walk past the table three more times that day for one more Oreo. I just can't be around free food, it seems.
I'm so scared of failing at this. I love the results so far, but this is the easy part, the rapid weight loss part I'm good at. It's the gradual return to eating anything I see that is my fear. That's what I get out of this place: the knowledge that yes it's a struggle but success is possible.

So a couple of things I've learned on my pre-op diet...
1. I am a sneaky eater - I would eat when my husband and son would go somewhere. I would tell them I couldn't go with them because I had work to do or something around the house. Then I would eat.
2. I ate a lot out of boredom.
I didn't realize the extent of either behavior until I started the pre-op diet and I'm not able to eat. It's really disturbing. But, I'm glad I'm going thru this - it is hard, really hard, but I know I'm getting better, not perfect, better.

May I be so bold to suggest that those who justify and seek permission/absolution with regards to their drug of choice are the same ones who thought WLS was a cure? That the sleeve would do the fighting for them?
When I went to Mexicali for my WLS Dr. Campos made an analogy that really stuck in my head.
Summarizing the analogy:
Losing weight, especially for the obese, is like a table with 4 legs. Two of the legs are WLS. The 3rd leg is choosing good fuel to put in your body as opposed to crap. The 4th leg is exercising. Get off your rear and move more.
If you take any of those legs away from the table, the table does not function as well as it could/should.

My wife had me in training for years, she would by it and I would eat it. I'd ask her, tell her, beg her, don't by it and i wont eat it, her response have some self control... I won't go to the store at 8 or 9 at night to get it, but I will walk to the pantry. As it turns out she was right, and I've told her so. How bad do you want it, self control, willpower, it like a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets. I have weak moments, my goal is to make better choices, stop mindless eating, if I'm that hungry eat something good. Each moment, each hour, each day, week, month... Takem one at a time be strong.

Good thread. I always sit on the fence about labeling myself an addict, but whatever you call it (or don't call it) the behaviors were destructive enough to allow me to get up to 300 pounds. I used to say cake is like crack to me, and it still is. I weighed 140 pounds when I met my husband, and he enabled me to gain that weight. He would offer and go get whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. Now he enables me to lose weight by not doing that, and encouraging me every day to stay on track. I never blamed him for my weight gain - that was all on me. He couldn't stop me from gaining now if I wanted to. So I know I have to monitor myself and my habits and intake all day, every day, forever. I'm not perfect, and don't even care to be, but at least I know what I'm consuming. If I had to point to just one thing that I've learned and feel has contributed to my success so far, I would say that it is tracking and being honest with myself about what I eat - ALWAYS. Even when I don't want to, and even when I've eaten too much, I force myself to face it.

When I have made the comment that I eat what ever I want..I do not follow the no Pasta, carbs, sugar free, just Protein thing...
I mean that I eat a little of everything that is good for me...I only eat a cookie if it is low in calories and high in protein...But when I sit down to a meal I do not eat any different then anyone else at the table..I cook a meal I think that follows the new way I eat....It is up to me to chose the right combinations...
I read on here all the time about people who will never eat this or eat that again...I thought the same thing at first...a lot of zeal..I realized that balance in all things are important....I stay away from the things that are sliders for me...but I am not going to eat lettuce and meat for the rest of my life...I live in a real world with real food and so I must learn to deal with it all...Fix the head and the body may follow.....
The quotes that are mentioned here were supposed to be done with humor..It got way out of control and like everything else it became horrifying to learn what some sleevers are doing to themselves....
I will never be perfect but I am so going to keep struggling to put my food addiction in its place.....I want my life back but I certainly want to enjoy the food that I do eat..even if it is just a little bit.....

What a great thread Laura. Yes, this place is a hot bed of enabling. All the "I ate a snickers bar one week post op and I don't feel bad about it....."
Yeah, those people see that as a victory over food guilt, but they fail to see it reads like a go ahead to eat snickers bars to all the people who aren't sure what they should or can eat. Then they follow it up with...."I'm still losing weight just fine....."
Yes you are, for now. You may make it all the way to goal and maintain goal forever like that, but the odds are against you. The majority of people either don't make it to goal or can't maintain it unless they have some control over what they're eating. That's the message we really need to be sending out....not "I eat whatever I wanna eat." Didn't we all eat whatever we wanted to eat before surgery? It clearly didn't work for us then. Not one of us.
And, as we've discussed before, you can't say one word about it or you get called a bully and accused of being non supportive. Is this a support forum? Yes it is. Have you ever been to a support group? If you walk into an AA meeting and announce that you drank a case of beer and you don't feel guilty about it, you're likely to catch hell. Patting people on the back and telling them that their life threatening behavior is ok is not support. It is enabling. Support is trying to help people save their own life. And make no mistake, obesity is as deadly as anything we're likely to face.
Yes I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I've eaten candy, pie and donuts....all in the last month. But I don't say "I eat anything I want" because if I truly did I'd be living on candy, pie and donuts. I have to exercise some self control. And unfortunately the sleeve is no substitute for self control. It will not control your portions adequately to allow you to eat whatever your heart desires.
Sorry if I ventured off topic a little.

You're right. Depending on what support you're looking for this site can be either good or bad for us.
For me, I need the slap in the face, tear me apart reality that slipping up is not an option.
People need to realize that sure eating like you did before might be working now, but it's not going to work down the road and it's going to lead right back to pre-op stats/issues.
I firmly believe our wls will only be long term effective if we take advantage of it and change our eating ways while it's easier in the beginning.

I understand. My family doesn't really "celebrate" Thanksgiving but we all end up together with a crap ton of food. I'm thinking of going late after everyone has eaten. Even though it's still a month away and I'll be on soft foods, I'm not sure I can handle it. I might have someone set aside a tbsp of mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes (or whatever soft stuff there is) on a little plate. Otherwise, it's too fresh for me to trust myself. I'm still in the highly addicted stage.... I need to avoid food like an alcoholic needs to avoid a bar!

Laura - those posts you just posted make me feel sick. These people obviously missed the entire point of the surgery. It makes me sad to read stuff like that on here... when people post it, it seems like they want to have their bad actions validated and have someone tell them, "It's OK. We all make mistakes." We do all make mistakes, but 15 days out of surgery having a burger? Really? You could justify yourself back to your starting weight and all of the pain and money would be for nothing. This has to be a life-altering, life-long commitment.

Being around other people triggers my impulse to eat.. And sometimes I still find myself mindlessly picking up chips or a snack food just because that was my whole life in social settings.
I will forever be a recovering food addict and this site's more or less my personal support sponsor
*sits back down*

I am a food addict...But....I never ate in private..i was totally open with it because I thought this was it..This was all that was left for me....BOY was I wrong...
I will always love food but not like that anymore.....I am becoming free of the affects of food addiction and I hope and plan to remain that way for the rest of my life...
A good reminder posting this!

It "could" get stuck, true... early on...
It might not be a good diet staple...
so, whats the deal?
http://www.fatsecret.com/calories-nutrition/generic/popcorn-popped-in-oil-unbuttered
seems like little nutrition there, and can you stop with one cup of popcorn... unbuttered popcorn, by the way? The devil's in the details.