BlessedBeyondMeasure2012

Um....get back to work and quit antagonizing your biggest advocate. Laura has defended you more times than you know. She's stressed. You're stressed. We're all stressed. But let's not burn all the bridges this week.

Cheri! Not chopped liver... You are a fine pâté to be enjoyed along with a good friend and a bottle of wine... Hey? did I just describe a Ménage à trois?

I'm pouty today...
I'm going to go to the store and buy a Bracelet making kit my son wants. And no he's not gay!
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But my lesbian daughter hates kids so he's my only shot at grand babies
It might cheer me up to spend money.
Oh and sorry fluff you weren't interrupting.
This might just be out meeting place for a while.
Nice to see your grumpy puss here too revs!!
And butter I'm not a cougar I'm a chicken hawk.
Ask my much younger husband what the difference is...

Change of topic because I need to share happy and since no one can see the compliments thread (or most any other threads if it comes to it), I am posting it here because I love you guys.
My client told me I look like a coke bottle
This is such a cultural reference that I wasn't sure I got it. I had to come back and ask my team if that was a good thing or not. Twenty-seven years in this country and there are still certain things...
but anyway...apparently it's a good thing, and apparently I look like one. yay me!

I just snorted so loud I woke up the missus.

Butter clearly you failed to specify what you meant when you said "hit that"

He was cute and young, I took him for a ride

PAAAHAHAHAH!!! She got you there, Butter!

What kinda incompetent hitman did you send the first time that you have to send him AGAIN?!

Well, I am so glad to have you in MY corner!!! I'd rather you beat up the other guy!!

I just snorted while eating my lunch...very clever

So Laura, we have had the confessions thread and the enabling thread ... when are you going to start the Denial thread? I think it would be best started by someone caring and loving.
As GamerGirl so accurately noted, I do not have the literary skills to make such a thread and not come off harsh or judgemental.

For me, I need tough facts and no pity when it comes to support from this site. I get enough enabling sympathy from people around me who have no clue how hard it is to stay on track. The pity sympathy just encourages my weak mind to stray further.
Around here, I want a swift kick in the derrière .. Not pity. I'm a grown adult.

Regain is definitely easy! Great point.
As for the rest.....you know I feel your pain. It does not feel good to go back to that level of inactivity after living right for the last 18 months. I've been taking daily walks and I never knew how boring walking was until I started running everyday. I just keep telling myself it's only temporary....but the results of my TT are permanent.

I thought I read my post carefully before I hit the send button. Lol. I guess I start an addiction transfer thread about breast and internet porn. Lol.

Don't mind Butter, he has boobs on the brain.
~Cheri

Haha....Wrong website dude.

Butterthebean, you posed the question of whether people hitting the bottom - or not - is a factor in how they behave post sleeve. That's really interesting as it's something I have pondered while reading this post and others around enabling.
I did this surgery because I was at the bottom. I had no hope and nowhere to go. I couldn't see an end to my weight related issues and ill health. I believed - and still believe - this was my last chance to live a happy, healthy life.
So I have been what my dietician calls a compliant patient. I have stuck to the plan. Occasionally I fall off because I am human. But I stick with it because I am scared of the alternative - going back to my miserable, sick self. So I do wonder if some people have the sleeve too soon, before they have hit rock bottom or run out of options, that's why they are casual about what they do. I also wonder if age is a factor - for some, not all - because they are young and haven't had the 20+ years of misery I had? I don't have the answers.
But I do know that I am grateful for my sleeve, every day I thank it and I try my best to work with it because I am it and it is me. I have nowhere else to go - maybe others haven't got there yet....

It's most definitely more complicated than an us and them conversation, because many of us, at some point on our journey, are on either side of that line.
I do not know a single vet that hasn't slipped, ever. It's impossible to separate out "good vs. bad" when you're talking about food, something we all ingest daily.
I think there's a boundary here and that things that AREN'T enabling are being lumped in because to some people, it's a temptation. That's a personal issue. Someone gleefully posting that they ate a pizza, followed it up with ice cream and then washed it down with a soda - and then getting virtual pats on the back and likes for their post? That's enabling. That's also disgusting, quite frankly.
But there's a line. Because confessing that you ate something off and someone replying "It's not that bad, it's not the end of the world." I'm seeing people group THAT in as enabling, when more likely, that's a person trying to be positive and supportive. Because there are still people here (loads of them) that think support is ONLY positive and saying anything even remotely critical is being mean and unhelpful.
Hey, guess what? It may bother some people, but I still like food. I still love to bake. I'm sorry if the fact that I cooked something today that wasn't a green smoothie or grilled chicken breast makes someone want to go off the rails on a food orgy. The planning of menus and the preparing of food for my family or entertaining is a large part of my life. And yes, it balances in with my surgery. But I'm expected to keep any and all talk about that to myself, for fear of someone taking a nose dive into the candy bar aisle?
That's the part I disagree with.
Above all else, this site should be supportive. It should also be respectful. That means respecting that we're all individuals on individual journeys. Hey, let me tell you, some of these threads make me incredibly upset. Nobody should be saying it's okay to break surgeon guidelines or binge eat! I don't care what your friend or nutritionist or doctor told you. It's not okay behavior. But that's MY opinion. Because if someone wants to fail at this? That's not my issue. Oh, it'll make me upset and maybe angry and definitely frustrated with people. I might even rant about people not being educated before a major operation. If you want to eat a damned cheeseburger while you're healing, I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for your family. Because food is probably going to kill you if you can't get your act together.
Again, I like that you started this thread, Laura, but I still feel there is a huge amount of personal responsibility that comes into play. We're all behind computer screens. Nobody is holding anyone else's hand and leading them to the cookie jar. If you cannot get a grasp on YOUR OWN (and this is not directed at anyone specific) disordered eating, wake up! Because NOBODY, NOBODY is going to change your life but YOU.
Food is part of life. We cannot avoid it. Birthdays? Cake? Parties? Alcohol? These things are not going away because we opted to have surgery. Expecting nobody to post about how to incorporate these things into their lives (in a healthy way, hopefully!) is unfair. It's akin to expecting your non-sleeved husband to stick to a liquid diet with you because you chose to have surgery, or being angry that he can eat more than 500 calories a day when you can't. The world doesn't revolve around us!
I wish there were a way to separate it out. Overwhelmingly, I see people asking advice here about food and taking it from strangers on the internet. Really? Do you REALLY think it's okay to eat cake during healing just because someone, somewhere says that their surgeon said it was okay to have "just a little?" (That's enabling.) And why on earth do you really have to ask?! You know darn well cake isn't okay while you're healing! Post to lament the fact that you're missing out, post to ask what you can do instead, post a positive on what you'll do instead, but for goodness' sake, don't ask us to tell you it's okay when you know it's not. Invariably, there will be ONE person out there saying, "Oh yeah, sure, go ahead!"
The addict is looking for that one person. They'll skip the 22 "WTH are you thinking?" posts to go with the 1 that tells them what they want to hear. The person seeking support is looking to be told it'll be okay, so the 22 "WTH" and "It'll be okay" posts are encouraging and keep them on the right track. But you can't guess who's going to read it and what their intent beforehand is, so jumping in and saying those posts aren't okay at all isn't fair to the people that want a more moderate approach.
The biggest solution would have people educated prior to surgery, so they're not looking for validation and approval for their poor choices on the internet.
I can do moderation (usually...) despite having food addict behaviors. I will never overcome my addiction. I choose moderation, because deprivation makes me angry and resentful. I weigh daily and do not allow myself to fall off the wagon (at least not for long...) and I make the right choices more than 90% of the time. You know what? Three years out and there are stressful and "hungry" days when every single fast food sign I pass pulls on me and tempts me. I know darn well that McDonald's food tastes like crap but those golden arches still make me want their crappy food sometimes. It's up to ME to resist.
It boils down to personal responsibility. Posts make me angry. They make me sad. They bother me because people give stupid advice. How I choose to react is entirely up to me. The same goes for food. If we're going to blame food discussions for making us eat, let's lump in television, too. Because late night food commercials? They get me every time.
Laura reacted well. She chose to start a safe thread discussing what bothers her. It's some of the talk here that it's all enabling, or the idea that we all have to police one another that I find objectionable. Support, yes. Hard truth when needed, yes. Blunt truth when needed, yes. Policing or shutting down threads I don't agree with? No.
~Cheri

Seela, I think it's a little more complicated than that.
It's not "us" and "them". We are them, they are us..
And if there wasn't the opposing conversation? I think there would be a lot more "failures". I did not come into this having it all figured out. **** I am still trying to figure it all out..

I wanted to share what I did at work yesterday. Can't seem to post pictures right now, what with the website maintenance, but here goes.
A post-it note taped to my computer monitor at work. It reads:
"Not Even One Bite!"
It was my fiance's suggestion He's a keeper for sure.

Ok, I haven't been sleeved yet, but I see those types of posts constantly. Constantly. This DOES need to be "stickied" or something because this is something that happens every day. Sometimes I'll read that someone a month out is worried because they were able to eat half a jr burger and think they may have done something wrong and tons of others are saying "just get back on the wagon" and I guess I'm the only b***h reading it because all I'm thinking is WHY THE f**k ARE YOU EATING A BURGER???
I don't come here to be coddled. I want the truth. Black and white. If I EVER eat some crap I shouldn't or do something stupid that will endanger me or my chances at weight loss I hope someone slaps me upside the head, not tell me it's ok because "everyone" does it.
April
-end rant-

Wow! What a great thread. As one of the people who is consistently blamed for being non-supportive and stirring pots, it is so nice to see and read this thread. I vote that it be stickied.
It is hard for me to stay away from "enabling" threads because I feel my silence is just another means of enabling. Of course, it is seen otherwise and it is something I struggle with myself and my family. I am by no means perfect. I practice progress, not perfection. Awareness, honesty and willingness to change are keys for me.

I'm going to be the bad guy. Don't eat cake. Do something nice for yourself instead. You'll feel better and be proud of yourself. What better gift than the gift of health? Go get a massage or a pedicure, go to a great chick flick, just do something cool and awesome for yourself that doesn't involve food. You can do it, just be strong and don't listen to the enablers. This is a new life, don't fall back into old behaviors. Cake sucks, don't do it. Celebrations do NOT need to be about food. Let us know what happens, I believe in you and that you can do the right thing for yourself. Happy birthday to the new you!