kristikay

Well I think I may have turned the corner on feeling better. I took a long nap this afternoon and woke up feeling more like myself. I also stopped the pain meds today. As far as the surgery went I can't say it was a piece of cake or I was up and going the next day but it definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was afraid of being sick to my stomach and vomiting but had no issues in that regard. I have mostly been tired and had pain with my largest incision. I can't tell if the pain is from just the incision or from inside where the staples are located .Tomorrow I have an appointment with my surgeon and my nutritionist. I am looking forward to seeing how much weight I have lost. I am missing food and eating and will be glad when i can add a few more things to my diet. I think the next stage is called the pureed diet and includes eggs, mashed potato, beans, soft fruits and veggies that are blended.
 
My husband has a job tomorrow so my friend is taking me to the hospital, so glad I don't have to go alone. I will Post my weight loss tomorrow!

It has been quite awhile since I checked in here. About three weeks after my WLS I started a bout of cluster headaches. I had not had cluster headaches for 18 years and not sure why they started up again. I did some research and my two best guesses are that the weight loss released a large amount of hormones stored in the fat the somehow triggered the headaches or they were caused by using morphine in the hospital. Cluster headaches are headaches that hit in a cluster, mine were hitting about four to five time a day and they are extremely painful, The nickname for cluster headaches is suicide headaches. Anyway i worked with my doctor and used different medications and Oxygen therapy and now they are much better but the strange thing was that during the whole headache ordeal I did not lose any weight. I was not eating much at all and trying to stay on my program although was not exercising at all. Now I feel like I am so far behind were I should be and were everyone else is, I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but s is hard not to. I even stayed away from VST because I was feeling like such a failure. I have lost a couple more pounds since the headaches lessened so trying to take that as a positive sign. Now if I can start exercising I can make up some lost ground.

This is a long time coming. "They" say that journaling is a good way for people on a weight loss journey to deal with "things". I am a little over halfway to goal, so I'd say it's about time. I thought I would start with my story- what got me to this point. The point of absolute desperation. The point at which I was so desperate to lose weight that I ELECTIVELY allowed a surgeon to remove the majority of my stomach. When it is put that way (and honestly when I tell someone verbally what VSG is), it sounds so ridiculous. I mean, who does that?
 
I wasn't ever a really fat kid. I was pretty active and grew up in the 80's, a time before video games, PC's, cable TV, and a lot of the technology that keeps kids of today sitting for hours instead of playing outside. I was just a little chubby until I became less active around puberty, then began the constant battle. I spent my high school years gaining weight, until I was a little under 200 lbs by the end of my junior year. I was also by this time a "secret eater". I worked in a bakery when I was 15, and would sneak in a big bag of bakery fresh cookies to my bedroom and eat them all when no one was looking. And so it went on, until the summer between junior and senior year, when I went on the Nutrisystem diet plan and lost 45 pounds before the start of my senior year. My senior year was pretty fab- I was a drama geek, and due to the weight loss, I landed the lead in the fall play and a significant part in the spring musical.
 
In college, I gained it all back. Over the years, I have lost and gained probably hundreds of pounds. I got married in 2002 at 217 pounds, had a baby two years later. A week after my son was born and all the water weight was gone, I was at 245 lbs. In 2007, I was up to 285. By this time last year, I was at my all time high, 302 lbs. My mom called and asked if I would be interested in WLS. She said she would help me pay for it. (Backstory: my 32 year old brother died suddenly in Feb 2011, and she was/is really afraid to lose another child). I went to the information session in April 2012 and had my 1st appointment in May. Over the next several months, I completed all of my pre-op requirements, including losing 30 pounds. Due to my crazy work and school schedule, I had to have my surgery just before Christmas, on December 17, 2012.
 
It has been kind of a crazy ride, and I am still learning how to "work my sleeve", but so far, it has been so amazing. I couldn't have done it by myself. After more than 30 years fighting this battle, this I know.

My official intro, you may know me as DrmBig4Evr, or Kathryn, but allow me to introduce to you The High Heeled Ninja Assasin.
 
Going through the official pre-operation phases from research to pre-authorization, approval and now finally pre-op status I have gone through a number of emotions. I know all of us have pre and post op.
 
In reflecting on this past week I realized a number of items I wanted to blog about, but didn't get around to it. This morning I realized the best way to do this is to write this blog and title it appropriately.
 
All of my life I have been known as a fighter, a fighter against adversity. Now, I realize that is not enough. Why fight adversity to gain a "normal" sense of life when I can go up against my fears, additions (food/abuse), problems full force as a ninja and break through each one and move FORWARD?? I've been living my life the wrong way.
 
A little background on my past, but this past does not define me...
 
* Teen mother
* College Graduate
* Abbusive Relationships
* Supportive Family
* Narcissistic Husband
* Overweight
* Single Mom of 2 beautiful boys, turning 11 & 18 at the most appropriate time, the weekend of my surgery
* Professional & Strong Woman
 
I have allowed the above "classifications" define who I am. I thought I was embracing adversity and overcoming it when I should have fought through it and kept moving. There are those to remind me that I am too young to have an 18 year old and to them I say simply, I know. However, I noticed that I also have appeased my biggest interloper, my ex-husband (Nov 2012), by giving into his demands and putting my life on hold as not to "rock the boat". When I decided on this journey it was mainly for quality of life puroses, medically speaking, but what I have realized I've gained is a change of a QUALITY LIFE.
 
You may be wondering about the title of my blog. Well, obviously the ninja assasin may be self-explanatory. I will overcome AND advance forward very calculated and strategically. However, the high heeled part is specific to the abuse I have received over the last 13 years of my life. The physical abuse stopped about 10 years ago, thankfully, but the emotional, financial, and manipulative ways continue on today. I have clawed my way out and I am finally seeing a light. I was told I do not look good in heels, but I LOVE wearing them. I am not too tall, but not short either. 5'5.5" with 3" heels would make me as tall as many men. Being overweight, heels made me feel pretty. I used to blame my ex for his opinions stating it was his insecurities. Typical Napoleon complex in my opinion. However, I bowed to the abusive behavior, I started buying more flats, and why not I had back problems anyway. I didn't realize how upset I was about this control until I was faced with attending a R&B concert and I "asked" if I could wear heels with my dress and I was told no, I look unnatural. WHAT???????? I wore flats and rocked them, noticing I was the only one with them on. NOW? Its time for ME. I am going in full force with my heels on assasinating any negativity and facing adversity like a Ninja!

First I would like to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.
 
Those days of pain and suffering after I got home from the hospital turned out to be an abses in my drain tube. It was full of puss and gunk, gross.
 
Spent a full week in the hospital, (if your surgeon doesn't put you on antibiotics before, during and after, kick him)! They couldn't pin point where the infection was but worked to get it stopped. That week was my Hell week, no more concern for the sleeve, just concerned about this horrible infection. I spent the most part of the week in ICU again. Had to have a p.i.c.k. Line and IV Nutrition. They weren't sure if it was just the infection or a leak as well. They told me that either way the treatment I was getting would heal both.
 
I thought I was emotional before, but for those of you with complications and being far from home, I feel your pain. Although Hubby was only 2 hours away I felt like it was a million miles. I am so glad to serve a God who will be there where ever I am! I really needed my Lord and Savior to get me through this one.
 
I am home at my sons recuperating and finally getting some rest. May feel like going to my home next week, well see. Just enjoying the pampering for now.
 
Still sore but getting used to the sleeve and all it's gurgling, lol still doing full liquids and that's ok with me. It's true what they say about forgetting to eat! Have to work on that.
 
Not sure if I would do it again, too soon to tell. But what's done is done, just have to make it worth it.
 
Also, I haven't weighed myself, just hasn't been a priority, well see.
 
I know I use too many comas and the word just too much, sorry about that. Lol

Well its been 10 days since my surgery and these are my thoughts so far.
1. It has been better in many ways then I thought it would be, no vomiting, no nausea, no gas pains, no bathroom issues,
2. It has been harder in that I still want to eat, I miss food! I feel depressed and so much of my social life revolved around food and drinks I not sure how to balance the changes with being in those situations.
3. I am off work for two more weeks and don't have the energy I want to exercise and getting some small projects done while I am home. I feel like my butt has been glued to my recliner and have started to go a bit stir crazy.
4. I have not been drinking enough water or exercising enough.
5. I have lost 22 pounds since I started my preop diet a month ago. I stalled at a week out from my surgery and the scale hasn't budged in a few days.
6. I didn't hide the fact that I was having weight loss surgery so I feel like when I do start back to work and being out in public everyone will expect me to have dropped a ton of weight. That is what my boss asked me a few days after the surgery "have you lost a ton of weight?"
 
Changes to make:
1. Exercise 30-60 minutes of walking or exercise bike a day.
2. Weight resistance exercise 30-60 minutes a day.
3. Plan out snacks and meals and water and track on MFP.
4. Plan out projects to work on while I am home.
 
Hopefully with these changes I will see the scale move once again and feel less depressed

Well its been 10 days since my surgery and these are my thoughts so far.
1. It has been better in many ways then I thought it would be, no vomiting, no nausea, no gas pains, no bathroom issues,
2. It has been harder in that I still want to eat, I miss food! I feel depressed and so much of my social life revolved around food and drinks I not sure how to balance the changes with being in those situations.
3. I am off work for two more weeks and don't have the energy I want to exercise and getting some small projects done while I am home. I feel like my butt has been glued to my recliner and have started to go a bit stir crazy.
4. I have not been drinking enough water or exercising enough.
5. I have lost 22 pounds since I started my preop diet a month ago. I stalled at a week out from my surgery and the scale hasn't budged in a few days.
6. I didn't hide the fact that I was having weight loss surgery so I feel like when I do start back to work and being out in public everyone will expect me to have dropped a ton of weight. That is what my boss asked me a few days after the surgery "have you lost a ton of weight?"
 
Changes to make:
1. Exercise 30-60 minutes of walking or exercise bike a day.
2. Weight resistance exercise 30-60 minutes a day.
3. Plan out snacks and meals and water and track on MFP.
4. Plan out projects to work on while I am home.
 
Hopefully with these changes I will see the scale move once again and feel less depressed

I started this journey for a change. From the time learned about what a gastric sleeve was (on 10 Nov), within 16 days, I had read extensively about it, drilled a friend of mine who had the procedure and paid over $15,000 cash for my very own sleeve.... Why, because I was tired...tired of the struggle....

Things to be Excited for When I get FIT
Register for a cycling class in March
Bike with my Dad in May from my university to home! (60 miles)
Getting away with wearing only ONE sports bra (not 2 or 3)
Buying any clothes that I want
Wearing normal width boots
Having a regular towel fit around me
Run a 5K with my dad
RunDinsey 10k 2014 with my dad
Sit on an airplane comfortably
People actually don't mind sitting next to me in class or on the bus (if I get into grad school)
To not be fetishized on dating websites
Actually making eye contact with people instead of wishing I was invisible
Not be afraid to smile in photos because it makes my face look even fatter
Taking the stairs instead of dreading them
Not being hot all the time (although my hands and feet are like ice now)
GET TO ONDERLAND
be able to do at least 5 real pull-ups and 20 push ups

And finally, to try to love myself even though everyday is a struggle.
 
In other news, I went to my school's gym on Friday to get used to everything. I brought my friend with me Monday night, and I went tonight, too. Unfortunately, I got such bad blisters on Monday, I could only stick to the bike tonight.
 
I'm doing really lousy getting in all my fluids. I think I might get in about 40oz? I'm not really keeping track of my protein, but I estimate it's somewhere around 40g-50g. I think working out helps deplete any carbs I do consume. I've been in a stall for a while now, but the scale finally moved tonight. Although every scale is different, I have a doctor's appointment on Friday so hopefully my new nutritionist will be okay will my weightloss.

Well I think I may have turned the corner on feeling better. I took a long nap this afternoon and woke up feeling more like myself. I also stopped the pain meds today. As far as the surgery went I can't say it was a piece of cake or I was up and going the next day but it definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was afraid of being sick to my stomach and vomiting but had no issues in that regard. I have mostly been tired and had pain with my largest incision. I can't tell if the pain is from just the incision or from inside where the staples are located .Tomorrow I have an appointment with my surgeon and my nutritionist. I am looking forward to seeing how much weight I have lost. I am missing food and eating and will be glad when i can add a few more things to my diet. I think the next stage is called the pureed diet and includes eggs, mashed potato, beans, soft fruits and veggies that are blended.
 
My husband has a job tomorrow so my friend is taking me to the hospital, so glad I don't have to go alone. I will Post my weight loss tomorrow!

I am 6 weeks out, trying more and more foods and not really having difficulty with digestion. I have had a poor appetite and my taste buds have been off, everything has tasted bland and not near as good as I seem to remember or believe. I had only lost 19 lbs and was feeling rather disappointed in myself and the process. Then I realized I have been eating, not like a healthy life style but as if I were recuperating from a surgery and just making do
waiting for everything to return to normal. I had not been getting in my protein. My water intake was not adequate, my carb ingestion way too high.
I had to stop and think duh.......this is not waiting to get back to normal, this is my new normal and this is for life! What the hell did I do this for if I was not going to develop the healthy habits I had planned on.
Light bulb moment. For a smart woman I sometimes take awhile to get it.
 
So yesterday and thus far today, made my water requirements, protein is up, carbs down and exercised too!!!!!!! look out baby I am back in the game and I intend to be a winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am officially sleeved guys!!!
 
Kinda sore... But VERY happy!!
 
Been walking around the hospital & being drugged up lol
 
I would like to thank Everyone for their suppor!!!

Little behind updating but i made it to my one month post op check up last week and i wanted a bigger number but I've lost 33lbs which after i stopped and thought about how many people lose 33 lbs in 1 months! so now i'm proud of my loss. My left thigh is still numb and slightly painful but he said in 6 months that should get better. This month i'm going to focus on my walking and i will pull a big number at my next check up in march! I'm great full for my supportive people i have. I return to work Monday after being gone 6 weeks so i'm dragging my feet there. I'm going to go in with a positive attitude and see how they react. most were jealous that i was getting time off for a surgery they found unnecessary. So i may just be walking back in to the lions den or i may not but what ever it is i will have my head held high! I'm 33lbs slimmer

Just got back from my 2 week checkup. Down 21 lbs from my pre-surgery start weight. Doc put me on the puree diet and told me to walk at least 1 hr a day 4 - 5 times a week. That's going to be difficult because of all the rain coming up for the next week.
 
I'm doing pretty well with cream of chicken and cream of mushroom soup and peanut butter. But I've tested a tiny bite of chicken, hamburger and Vienna sausages, seems like anything along those lines is still too tough for my stomach. Almost immediately I can feel rolling gas bubbles in my stomach and I have to burp.
 
Found some great food storage containers at Wal-Mart. They seem to be the perfect size for how much I can eat at one sitting.

Made a delicious smoothie tonight for a snack, and I didn't use any protein powder (GAG)
 
It tastes like a buckeye! HAHA for those of you who dont know what that is, it's like a reeses cup only shaped like a buckeye nut.
 
Makes two 2/3 cup servings:
 
1/2 cup plain greek yogurt (I use trader joe's brand b/c it has the lowest sugar content that ive seen)
1/2 cup skim milk
1/3 cup sugar free chocolate pudding (made ahead of time with skim milk)
1 TBSP of PB2 (PB2 is a peanut butter powder sold in the organic or health food aisle, it's awesome!!!)
 
Each 2/3 cup serving has 10.5 g of protein!

I stepped on the scale today and it went down 3 pounds! I'm at 243. I can't recall the last time I was this weight. I've been above 250 probably since junior year of high school. I hit my highest weight ever of 275 my freshman year of college. It feels odd, but I'm glad the scale finally moved.
 
I can't believe I'm 43 pounds from onederland. I remember hitting 200 pounds in middle school and crying. My best childhood friend told me that she remembers me crying about it to her. I think by May I could be in onederland. IN TIME FOR GRADUATION... WHOOHOO! They say the first 6 months you lose the most. And I get to start the gym this week. My family has a membership at the Y, so at least I can get back into bike riding (which i miss like crazy) and build up some stamina before Sunday when I go back to school.
 
I'm really nervous about heading back to college because I go to a school where there are literally less than 20 fat students on campus. And from noticing the lack of visible fat people on campus, I've immersed myself within the body acceptance and fat acceptance movement online. I've come a long way in accepting and loving myself and reclaiming the word fat. Fat is just a word. It does not mean you are worthless or disgusting. My journey is about doing incredible physical things with my body and helping my PCOS as well as trying to prevent health issues that run in my family. I have history of diabetes, heart attack, and stroke in my family. And that's just from my mother's side. I don't know anything about my biological father's history, so my stepfather's (whom I've called dad all my life) doesn't count lol.
 
I go to a school that's very privileged, where the wealthy are thin, and I see first hand that thin privilege exists. Anyway, I'm nervous for college because my gym is full of thin young men and women. It's constantly packed. I've never set foot in the gym because it makes me so uncomfortable being the only fat person there. My dad says I need to say screw it, because this is about me, not them. I'm bettering myself. I just wish there was a plus size network that I could connect to at school so we could go together. Maybe my roommate will go with me since her doctor told her she needs to work out to help with her stress headaches. I just don't want to be looked at or whispered about. And I don't want to look like an idiot who doesn't know where the equipment is or how to use it because it's different than the Y. The weight area is generally full of men, and the women's studies majors have written theses about it, but I gotta scout out to equipment and weights before I use them. I know there are some women on sports teams that use it, and I want to use weights too! In the meantime I might buy myself a set of interchangeable weights besides the 5 pound weights I own now. I really want to get on board with toning and building muscle in my arms WHILE losing weight, not after losing weight.
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In other news, I'm going into my 4th week on the food stage. Which means soft foods, and I started today :] I had 3 hard boiled egg whites. I made the mistake of not chewing enough, I was too eager, and I didn't have pain per se, but this incredible full feeling bordering on discomfort as if the eggs were something hard in my stomach. I chewed more diligently after that. I also finished the rest of my pureed chicken from last night and had about 3 small meatballs. I felt guilty, but I ate a little thing that I shouldn't have. It was 90 calories and 10 carbs, and all you need to know is it had chocolate on it. It was soft so I wasn't worried about it not going down. I mean I'm even allowed to have crackers (SO DRY) at this stage. I also found out peanut butter is hard for me to get down without it feeling like a paste is slowly leaking down my throat, just sitting there not making it down, even though it's on my list of foods for the soft food stage. So maybe I'll try it again later this week. Tuna is probably going to be my go to food. I can eat a whole can no problem. I also bought light mayo. I know I should've gotten fat free, but I need to work my way down to it because I knew it was gonna taste gross. I don't notice a difference with light, so once I get used to that, I'll eventually buy fat free in a few weeks.
 
I'm still having issues with not drinking for a half hour after I eat. I'm forcing myself to mark the time when I stop eating, and try to wait it out. I miss drinking with meals so much. The small portions and limited list of foods I can deal with, but not drinking anything before or after is killing me. Who would've thought that out of all things, drinking with meals is what I miss most. My main issues prior to surgery were eating foods that were a matter of convenience, eating large portions without feeling satisfied, and eating foods that were really bad for you but tasted delicious. I'm waiting for the food mourning to kick in a few weeks from now when I see things with bread that I want to eat so badly, or how easy it is at college to just grab that box of pasta and boil water and eat all those carbs. Eating is going to be hassle for me with all the planning. I plan on carting sippi boxes of muscle milk light in my bags from now on
 
I'm wondering if my PPIs aren't strong enough because I feel hunger, and I know that can be confused with acid. When I ate dinner tonight, I was able to eat a cup, A WHOLE FREAKING CUP, of unpureed chili over the course of 20 mins without feeling sick or getting to that full point where I feel it sitting in my esophagus.
 
I'm scared I'm going to give myself a leak. I need to be committed to measuring my food. Only 1/2 a cup. AND THAT'S IT. I see people on here who can only manage a few table spoons, meanwhile I'm sitting here with no nausea and eating like a champ. I don't want to be a failure. WHAT IF MY SLEEVE IS TOO BIG? what if my nerves are so dulled, I can't tell that I overstuffed myself and I give myself a leak? This is why I need to measure my stuff more accurately and not eye-ball things. There could be bad consequences (besides not losing weight) because of it.
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I noticed that there aren't a lot of blog updates on this site. I thought about making a wordpress blog or something like that, but I'm too lazy. The tumblr WLS community is small, and I don't connect with many of the users. I could use my old livejournal, but I don't know about that since I use it for other things. This is kind of like a diary for me, to look back on my thoughts and issues during my journey. I get comfort (and paranoia) to know that people are reading my posts, even if it's just one person.

Today is Friday one week until I go for my gastric sleeve. I am nervous about the pre-op but more nervous about the new life I have to live. I have always been fat. Always. When I look back at my food addiction it stems from when I was young; too young to be that fat or that controlled by food. I remember grabbing a stack of Oreos and eating them behind the couch so no one would see, I remember spending my allowance on donuts from the store by my house, eating 2 candy bars in the dressing room when I was supposed to be skating etc... My love for food and eating has gotten me to where I am now. 301lbs at 29 years old and struggling with fertility. I have always looked like I weighed less but I knew and only I knew how fat I was. I want to be able to do certain things I can't now...daily life things. Ride a bike, sit in a booth in a restaurant, and buy clothes that I WANT to wear, be able to say NO to food and to be able to say YES to exercise.
 
I fell madly in love with an extremely handsome and healthy man. He is my everything. I have a love for him that is beyond words and when he married me at my heaviest (300lbs) I knew I wanted to do this for not only me, but for us. He looks at me with such love and desire that my heart explodes how he will look at me when I am thinner. Although he claims to love me for me, which I know he does I can’t wait to be on his arm and look the way I feel. He doesn’t deserve a fat wife! As we prepare for this surgery together I can see him light up when I talk about our new life, a life of exercise and sports instead of BBQs and cocktails. I want to be healthy, I want to be happy. Not ‘an everything in my life is great except my weight happy.’ A true, I feel like how I should feel happy. Not in pain, not in denial about my weight, not disgusted when I take my clothes off but happy.
 
Yesterday my husband went shopping for my pre-op meals, he loves me, he truly does. I am excited to start this new journey with him but man alive am I ever scared. How will I adjust? How will I change everything? How will my lifestyle change? The easiest thing in the world to be is fat. No doubt about it. When you become comfortable with fat it’s easy. Eat what you want, when you want, at anytime that you want. It’s easy. Becoming healthy will not be. That my friend scares me. As I embark on this journey I will blog throughout I will blog my feelings and deepest darkest thoughts. This could get ugly but it will never be as ugly as my ass is

So its been exactly 3 weeks since my surgery and I'm doing great. I've lost about 20 lbs in 21 days and Dr. says I'm right on track. I feel as normal as I did before surgery now, I have my full energy, and I'm able to eat mushy foods and allowed beverages with no nausea (I've never had any nausea anyay). I pulled a pair of Levi's out of the closet, ones that I could fit into 2 years ago, and they fit again. In fact, they're a little baggy. It's a great feeling and I can definately see a big change in the size of my face and feet.
 
I have to say that I've followed my Dr's diet to the T: only soup with no chunks and milk-like consistency, water, and some diet drinks (non-carbonated) for the first 2 weeks after surgery. By the time day 15 came around I would have killed for a solid piece of food.
Biggest issues now are continuing to get 60oz of water in each day, and practicing eating small bites and chewing completely. As for the water, its not just the Dr telling me to drink it, but I've known for a long time that drinking to stay hydrated is good for anyone. The difference with the sleeve is that I have to sip water throughout the day. With the smaller stomach, I can't just wait til evening to start then try guzzling a quart of water. Plus, I'm a kidney stone factory and they say staying hydrated is one of the best thing you can do for preventing stones.
 
Saturday was my first experience with overeating with the sleeve. I'm finding that I must eat every 2-3 hours. If not, I get too hungry. I was at Jason's Deli and ordered the Tomato Basil soup and a small amout of hummus from the salad bar. But as I sat down to eat, I was concentrating so much on relieving my hunger that I forgot about eating slowly and chewing completely. Mistake! I began sweating, got a nauseous,dizzy feeling and a heartburn like sensation but without the burning. The feeling left in 5-10 minutes, and I thought I'd learned my lesson. Well, not so easy. This is one that I'll have to work on.
 
more soon...
Joe
P.S. Thank God insurance is covering most of this. Bill from hospital arrived today... $46,000 !!

I'm now 6 weeks post-op and feeling great. My surgery date was November 20th, but it seems like years ago. I'm Down 30 lbs which I think is pretty much on track with what my Doc says I should be losing. I think lower BMIs tend to not lose as quick, and I'm OK with that. I'm trying not to be a slave to the bathroom scale, and I said before surgery I never would. But man it's tough to stay away from it! I said I was only going to weigh myself once a week, but I'm finding myself sneaking into the bathroom for a quick weight check. I'll do measurements again a the 2-month mark.
 
I'm getting used to life with my new stomach, or stomach size rather. There have been a couple hiccups along the way (pun intended), but nothing that makes me regret this life-changing decision. Some of the things that I read on this website and others from my Doc are making sense to me now. My doc used to say that the sleeve is only a tool that is one of many that need to be used to achieve and maintain weight loss. I get that now; Even though I'm restricted by the amount I can eat at any one time, it's still entirely possible to make bad food choices and eat *almost* continuously throughout the day. Sure portion size is limited, but I'm hungry in about 2 hours. I use the word "hungry" here not as head hunger, but as my body really needing food. this is something new for me - and weird. But it's as if my body is getting used to using food as a source of nutrition, rather than my brain using it as a source of comfort or stress reliever. Yes, I have had head hunger twice in the past few weeks and it didn't work out very well. the problem was not in the quantity of food I ate, but the speed with which I ate it. I just can't eat fast anymore! So the feeling of overeating, I mean really overeating, is not pleasant. I'm ok for about 5 -10 minutes, but then it starts - light sweat accross the forehead, heart races a little, dizzy. I don't know exactly what dumping is, but maybe that's what happened to me.
 
Now I have to eat very slowly in small bites and pay attention to the small signals my body gives me telling me to stop (I read this on this forum and didn't believe it). I might have the occassional burp which generally clears the way for a little more food to enter, or the occassional hiccup, but I notice a very slight tingling sensation and a VERY light sweat on the forehead. Nothing major, but similar to the very, very, first stages when you're about to be sick (vomit sick, although I never have). I need to pay attention and wait a couple minutes to continue eating. Usually it goes pretty well, but I'm eating small portions of food almost continually during the day. Yes, I've followed the Doc's plan about 98%.
 
I've determined that I can take 4 swallows of water before I get the light sweat feeling. I've got that one down and never drink more than 4 straight gulps from my water jug. No problem. Other than that, I've had no issues at all with salad, some veggies I've tried, any type of meat as long as its moist and cut into small pieces. I did have a little cheat last week and ate a good handful of toasted plantain chips...maybe not the smartest move, but they went down fine. But I saw the Doc for a followup visit yesterday and he said to be very careful and limit carbs to 30 - 40 grams a day. He said anything over that would slow my weight loss. I didn't have my whole wheat toast with cream cheese this morning.
 
I'm going to the gym around the corner from my apartment 4-5 times per week and walking about 40 minutes on the treadmill. I think its a good time to start exercising (sp?) because even though the gym is full with all of the "This is the Year I'm finally going to lose weight" promise makers, I feel comfortable there because most have a bit to lose. But I feel great, and even though I'm already cleared by my Doc for any physical exercise, I'm going to wait a couple more weeks before getting into some strength training.
 
I'm on my way! More later,
 
Joe
P.S. My libido has returned full strength, yeah! (and stamina is much better too

I got my date January 22 which is exactly seven months from my first appointment and five months to the date of the day my daughter gets married. I am so excited but also so scared. My eating has been horrible since I got the date especially eating way to much sugar! I feel terrible and I have to much time between now and when I start my pre-op diet to keep this up. You would think I would learn but quess that what has lead my to needing this surgery.

I got my date January 22 which is exactly seven months from my first appointment and five months to the date of the day my daughter gets married. I am so excited but also so scared. My eating has been horrible since I got the date especially eating way to much sugar! I feel terrible and I have to much time between now and when I start my pre-op diet to keep this up. You would think I would learn but quess that what has lead my to needing this surgery.

I got my date January 22 which is exactly seven months from my first appointment and five months to the date of the day my daughter gets married. I am so excited but also so scared. My eating has been horrible since I got the date especially eating way to much sugar! I feel terrible and I have to much time between now and when I start my pre-op diet to keep this up. You would think I would learn but quess that what has lead my to needing this surgery.

It is 2 weeks post-op and all is well!! I feel good. My incisions are healing up nicely and the soreness is pretty much gone. (unless I bend over to far)
 
I'm not drinking enough water yet. Getting about 32 ounces in most days. I know it should be more but I get so nauseated with it!! I find that in the morning I can get more down easier.
I can drink without the squeezing feeling now.
I can't wait till I can get more water down though 'cause it is causing some bathroom issues!! hard ones!! if you know what I mean.
 
I'm still trying to keep a sensitive awareness for Minnie to tell me when she's full. I do good and sometimes when I let myself get to hungry, I don't listen as soon as I should. Bad habits take over and I have to re-organize my thoughts.
 
I honestly wasn't prepared for the emotional struggle being so strong. I knew it would be here and head hunger is real! Food plays/ed such and important part of my life. I truly thought that learning new recipies and balancing a healthy diet that my family as well as myself can eat would be the bigger challenge. I felt that if I could just put enough energy into cooking recipes that were tasty and fitting for us all I would be fine.
And for the most part I am. BUT there are times when the emotions get all fired up and what I used to sooth them in the past just doesn't work anymore. It's like someone changed the passcode and I can't get to my feel good area!! Frustrating and It's definitaly a work in progress.
Thank God I have great support of family and friends.
 
I will take this time to warn everyone about having a love affair with the bathroom scale!!
I loved my scale from the moment I got home from the hospital!! I made sure we saw each other frequently and the feeling was mutal. Until day 5!! Not sure what happened on day 5 BUT our relationship took a dive!! It said I gained a pound and then on day 6 it said I gained another!!! FREAK!
Not sure why, I was doing everything by the book!! I was already on the break of the emotional reality of having to change my coping mechanisms and then this!!!! WHY? WHY??
Alas, I went through this torture for 2 days only to realize at 11pm on day 7 that my scale was playing cruel jokes on me!! Yes, I could stand on different areas of the scale and the weight changed each time. it went down 3 pounds or up 3 pounds!! just depended on where I stood!! LOL I could have died! All that turmoil for nothing!!
So I ended my love affair with my scale. We have broken up for good! I don't know what I've really lost since surgery and won't know until tomorrow when I go for my check up with my doctor!!
hrmph!
I start my mushie food tomorrow and am very excited!! I did have an egg scrambled today and I can't say enough how good that was!! I know, I know, it was a day early and now I'm little nervous that I did something bad. BUT Minnie did just fine and didnt' hurt or anything soo I'm praying that means all is well. Will blog tomorrow to let you know the results. Oh and ALL I could get in was 1 egg....
Merry Christmas
Oh and I can't wait to drive again!! I need to do some secret christmas shopping!!

almost four months out from my sleeve. started at a size 20/22. went shopping this last weekend, as my pants were literally falling off. took a size 14 into the dressing room "just to see".
 
when they fit, i looked at myself in the mirror and said, "shut the front door". someone in the dressing room next to me laughed. i know size is not everything but for some reason being able to wear a size 14 jean is AMAZING!!!!! have not been this size in over twelve years.
 
my knees/ankles no longer hurt. i am able to give my children tight squeezes. i caught my husband looking at me the other day. literally, staring at me with that look in his eyes.
 
for those on the fence regarding this surgery, you need to have this surgery. yes, there are times when it blows, BUT the times when it rocks greatly outweigh the negatives.
 
thanks to everyone who post questions/comments on this website. to know there are others out there experiencing the same feelings/emotions is such a great comfort.
 
happy holidays!

Since I had such great results at my weigh-in on Monday, I decided to weigh myself again on Tuesday... gained a pound (almost). In hopes of seeing the scale go back down, I weighed myself again on Wednesday... gained another pound (almost). Starting to worry, I weighed myself again today... gained ANOTHER pound (almost)
 
In 3 days I GAINED almost 3 pounds! WHAT THE!?!
 
I was seriously concerned that maybe I was doing something wrong so I called my bariatric doctor's office and spoke with the nurse... who told me some information that made me feel like I was able to eat far too much soup/protein shakes at a sitting. She said she was surprised I hadn't thrown up or felt uncomfortable. I told her I haven't had any problems at all and don't feel overly hungry ever or overly full either. She decided to have the nutritionist give me a call.
 
First off, she told me STOP weighing myself daily. I knew this but was concerned after I gained at only a couple weeks post-op. She said that it is physically impossible for me to gain 3 pounds in 3 days and that it had to be water weight. Cool. Good to know! I haven't heard many say they gained so early on. It really had me freaking out!
 
She also moved my diet from Stage 2 foods to Stage 3 foods. It is CRAZY how many choices I have now just moving to this stage. It is almost fun to plan my meals and making sure they are balanced. I can't wait to be able to make the same things I eat for my kids too.
 
My sleeve can hold 3-5oz she said. For EVERY meal I need 1 oz protein, 1 oz fruit or vegetable and 1 oz starch. No more soup or protein shakes for meals.
 
I got my pep in my step back! I hope the scale moves in my favor next time I weigh in!