tmorgan813

I never thought I was an emotional eater. Most times when I am really upset about something, I am not hungry at all. I remember one time when my now husband and I broke up. We were engaged at the time and I refuses to give him my ring when I walked out the door. I ended up going to the beach. It's the one place I can always feel better and make sense of what I am feeling. Those three days, I think i ate 1/2 of a turkey club sandwich. Nothing else. No chips, no sweets, nothing. I lost 15lbs in 4 days. The good thing was that if we stayed broken up, I would have slimmed down A LOT and maybe found a new man pretty quickly. (my husband isn't very happy that I wrote that last part). LOL I tell you all this to explain today. Today I received some bad news. Nothing major. No one died or anything. It was news that I knew caused my mother to be very upset and though it upset me, I was more upset that my mother cried. No one likes to see their mother cry. So, with it being lunch time, I looked around for what I was going to have for lunch. Nothing looked good to me. The thought of eating made my stomach turn....until I thought of carrot cake. If you have been reading my blog, you know my love (almost obsession) with carrot cake. I thought, "YUMMM carrot cake sure sounds good. I bet I could eat a whole slice." WHAT? Where did that thought come from? I haven't really wanted anything sweet since surgery so why was carrot cake on my mind now? I sat for a moment thinking about this and then had my "light bulb" moment. Sugar makes everything better. If I look back at my childhood, sugar played a huge part of making me feel better or was given as a reward. If I had a sore throat, after the doctor's visit, my mother would take me to McDonald's for an ice cream or milk shake. If I ate everything on my plate, I got desert. If I finished my chores, I got a cookie with chocolate milk. Now, I don't think my mother was trying to get me to associate food with good feelings. I think she just thought she was being nice. It wasn't always bad things. There were times I got an apple, an orange, or some grapes. But to me, the best memories were from the special sugary treats. So, as I sat there coming to the realization that food was a reward to me most of the time, I decided that food will no longer play that roll. Food is something to give me energy. It helps my body do what it needs to. It can taste good and be enjoyable but it is not something I get to feel better or to reward myself with. I am thinking clothes would be a good thing to replace food...but that could be VERY expensive. Let's be honest, a milky way is much cheaper than a pair of shorts or a shirt. So, for now my reward is the scale going down. Knowing if I eat to make myself feel better or to reward myself will be sabotage and I refuse to have gone through all this for nothing. So, the candy bars, ice cream, and all the sugary things can remain on the store shelf. How did I deal with it today? I had a Lean Shake. 25 grams of protein, and I'm full. Not as tasty, but much better for me.

Love this!!!

Today I have felt as though there is no bottom to my stomach. I have been so hungry that I think I could eat a whole pig if one was offered up. I am not sure where these hunger pains are coming from except that it's REALLY close to that time of the month. Now, I have been very good at what I am eating. I have roasted chick peas that I munch on and some almonds. The problem with the almonds or any nut is that I could eat them until I got sick....lucky for me, I haven't. I need to learn to really focus on my hunger and figure out what my body is telling me. I will admit that I haven't really eaten much the last few days. I have had my three meals a day and made all my protein, but I had to force those meals down because I wasn't really hungry. Then BOOM, today my body and stomach do a 180 and now everything that can be consumed, I want to consume. Usually when I am like this (before surgery), I want ice cream, chocolate, bread, and salty foods. That isn't the case now. Now, I want healthy foods like nuts, apples, and peanut butter. I guess that's a good thing but I have to admit, I feel horrible for eating this much. Now, I don't fill up to the brim. I haven't slimmed, and to be honest, I am eating small "meals" every few hours but compared to what I was eating before surgery and after surgery, I feel like a hungry hippo chomping for those marbles. I have read on here that there comes a time where people feel hungry constantly and eat more than they have been. I guess that is where I am now. I hope that tomorrow, I wake up and am no longer chasing those marbles. Also, maybe Aunt Flow will show up and put this wanting to eat thing to rest. I swear if it wasn't for Aunt Flow, I wouldn't have any worries but that lady is NO FUN and every time she comes around, I feel the hunger rearing it's ugly head. The hunger gets worse the closer she gets. Mother Nature and Eve sure weren't looking out for all the other women in the world when they decided to follow their own plans and not listen to anyone. Thanks a lot!!!

Thanks both of you for your comments. I agree with Writegirl about the nuts. I try to stick with roasted chick peas when I get in a snack attack mood. They seem to fill the need for something to "munch" on. I also agree with ahaliace. I too thought I wouldn't be hungry anymore and for the most part, I am not but when I am.....watch out!!!! LOL

It amazes me how much my body has changed in only five weeks. Rolls are smaller, my side boobs are almost gone, and my stomach is semi flat (though still big). My legs are changing and shaping and my boobs are shrinking to the smallest they have been since college....when I used to think they were very large. If I have changed this much is such a short time, I can't even imagine what I will look like in a year. The idea of being around 150 pounds is still unreal to me. I know it's my goal and I am doing everything I need to in order to make my goal, but it still seems crazy to me to think I could ever bee that thin. I wasn't even that thin in high school. Yesterday I took the plunge and tried on my bathing suit. I knew when I bought it two years ago that it was too small for me, but I didn't care. I shoved every inch of fat into it and enjoyed myself on the beach or in the pool. That won't be the case this year. First, it went right on with no wiggle-wiggle. You girls know what I mean. The moving your body and the garment in an attempt to get it up and over your ___________(fill in the blank). Nope, this time it slid right up. It fit perfectly and I looked good in it. Not model good, but good. I will no longer have to pretend that I feel comfortable at the beach, because now I will be. I was so excited that I came running out of the bedroom to tell my husband only to find him passed out on the couch taking a nap. So, I decided to jump into the car and drive the mile to my parent's home and show my new body to my mother. I was smart enough to throw some clothes on before running out the door. I think it would be a little strange to see a woman driving in her bathing suit this early in the summer. I do live near a beach, so it's not as uncommon as you may think. I literately walked into the house, said hello and stripped down to my bathing suit. Lucky for me my mother is very understanding and didn't demand me to stop stripping in her kitchen. Instead, she looked me up and down and told me how wonderful I look. Yea, I look wonderful in a bathing suit. LOL Then to make my weekend even better, I tried on a pair of Old Navy sweats I bought prior to my surgery. They couldn't get over my but when I bought them but now, they fit just perfectly. I am really liking this weight loss thing that comes from getting a sleeve. I wish someone would have told me this would have been a side affect. I would have done it a long time ago. LOL Just kidding. The only side affect I didn't really know about was how good I would really feel and not just because the clothes fit. It's more just feeling better all around. Knowing I did something for me that is making me healthier every day. Now, if weight loss is a part of that, I'll take it. I will also take feeling good in a bathing suit (both kinds) because, that's something I haven't felt .... well, ever.

Thank you so much...it's been an amazing five weeks.

I had indigestion prior to my sleeve surgery. It was rare, but when I did have it, it was bad. So, I got a pill to make it all better. When I looked into getting the sleeve, I was excited to see that my stomach juices would calm down and this feeling of wanting to just throw up would never happen again. Boy, was I wrong. I hate to say this, but it's only gotten worse. I went from taking my pill once a week to every day and I still feel the indigestion. Sometimes I wonder if the surgeon gave me some extra "stomach juice switches" and didn't tell me. That seems to be the only thing that makes sense to me. I don't eat things that I shouldn't, and I really don't eat much at all, so what is causing this other than my surgeon playing a trick on me? Now, I know my surgeon didn't do anything to me except take out most of my tummy and staple the part she left. However, it feels as though she replaced my stomach with a volcano and all it wants to do is BLOW. I've never wished that I could just throw up but today, that is how I feel. I've tried everything. I've taken my meds, taken Tums, and even drank some milk. The milk seems to be the only thing that has worked except for the walking. However, I can't walk all night long. Last time I tried walking at night I almost got ran over. I would hate for my indigestion to cause me to end up in the hospital with broken bones because a stupid driver wasn't paying attention. So, I think I'll stick with the milk for now. So, that's all. Nothing else to say. I just wanted to vent about the volcano and the acid that wants nothing more than to escape from mouth. A few weeks ago I wished to get rid of all the farting and burping. Now that this has started, I pray the farts and burps will come back....at least they didn't keep me up at night. Though I can't say the same for my poor husband.

Not shooting. With this, I will take any help I can get. I have not heard anything about Dexilant. I will have to call my doctor and ask about it. Thanks for info. The ducking was funny. LOL Thanks again.

As you are all now aware, I have MAJOR back issues. So, getting in any exercise can be difficult for me. I can't wait for the pool to open up and warm up so that I can do water work outs. Dreaming about that puts a smile on my face. Anyway, back to reality. For now, I walk when I can and I walk as much as I am able to. I have had days that all I could do was .10mile, and I've had 5 mile days. Either way, I tell myself I did something and it's more than I did before my sleeve so I'm doing better than I was before. I didn't tell you all that to get a pat on the back or to be told how great it is I walk. Nope, I told you because I need you to understand that if I can walk, I want to walk. I want to walk out my door, put on my headphones, blast my music, set my endomundo (an app that tells me how far I've gone), and WALK. I don't want to have to stop and pet the neighbor's dog, or be forced into idle conversation for 10 mins. Who thinks it's ok to stop someone on a major power walk to talk about the weather? Now, please don't get me wrong here. I will wave and say hello. I may even slow down and give "Lucky" a quick pet and tell how cute he is. What I will not do is stop completely. Therefore, I am the keep walking talker. I will turn around and listen to you as you talk and place my life in danger as I can no longer see the on coming traffic, in an attempt for you to understand that I DO NOT WANT TO STOP. But, that doesn't seem to work often. I will walk in place so you can see you're annoying me but that seems to have no affect as well. I've even taken to walking at night so that other people won't be outside. All that did was get me almost hit by a speeding car. If I had been walking backwards, I would have surely been splattered on that person's windshield. That happened just last night and yes, I had a flashlight and it was on. The worst part of that experience is my back was so bad but I wanted to get something in. I should have just stayed inside. In the past month, this is what I've learned to keep people away as I walk. I am the first to wave and smile. I say hello but I DO NOT remove my ear plugs. That way if they say more than hello, I don't really hear it. Second, I keep walking and look straight ahead after waving and saying hello. I do not want to give anyone the idea that I want to talk. i want them to see I am on a mission and they are not included in my plans. Lastly, I refuse to acknowledge dogs. This one is hard for me because I love dogs. But I've found if Lucky can get me off my game, you can talk and that causes me to not be walking. With all this said, please know that I am not a mean person. I just like to focus on my task at hand and I do not like someone diverting me from that task. I will continue to be pleasant, but don't expect me to stop my exercise (the little I am able to get) and have a conversation with you. If you want to chit chat, meet me at the neighborhood pool in a couple of weeks. I can chat while in the water doing leg kicks....and you won't even know I'm working out. That way, we are both happy and I no longer seem like a witch.

@LadyIvy, Thanks for making me feel better about my attitude about how I handle my walks. I think I feel like a witch because almost everyone in my neighborhood is old and they give me that "look". You know the one....these kids today are so RUDE...LOL

I agree with everyone on here. DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF for at least a week.... was a huge rule from my doctor. I didn't listen and I was just where you are. Now, I weigh myself every week (thanks to my husband who hid the scale per my request) and I love seeing the numbers drop. Also, if it only goes down a pound or two, it's still lower and I'm happy!!!! Give yourself time. Good luck and congrats.

* Warning* This is a comical view of weight loss with the sleeve. Please understand that I say many things just for the laugh or shock value. I do not need you to tell me to not "do it" or "do this". I appreciate your caring, but please know that I am a strong person and I wouldn't do a lot of the crazy things I say I want to....notice I didn't say ALL. Enjoy the blog and have a good laugh. I know I enjoy writing them* Warning done. Today is my one mouth anniversary. I can't believe how much has changed since I walked in the hospital April 12, 2012. I would have never thought I would be eating regular food (but not much) , or drinking normal (without one ounce cups). If you would have told me in the hospital that I would be 40lbs smaller since my two week apt. before surgery, I would never have believed you. If you would have told me that I would be happy (for the most part) with the food I eat, I would have laughed at you. But, it's all true. I'm happy, healthy, and loosing a little every week. I went for my follow up apt. today. First, you have to understand that my hormones have been CRAZY. One second I am yelling and screaming and thinking about throwing my husband out the window, then the next second, I am laughing, cuddling, and trying to use my husband as though he's a gigolo. You would think he would appreciate the second part, but as he told the doctor today, "I feel like a piece of meat." Well, doesn't' he understand, that's what I want??? LOL It's been forever. According the doctor, this is all normal. Apparently (for those of us who didn't know), we have hormones stored in our fat cells, and when we loose weight, the hormones burst into our blood stream. At least we can feel it coming on. I know when I am getting ready to loose it, I don't do anything to stop it. Is it because I know my husband will love me no matter what? Nope, It's really that I just don't care. Now, I don't want to sound like a witch. That's not it. It's just they come on so fast, the idea of trying to stop them or walking away doesn't seem as good as letting it all out. At least I say I am sorry...the doctor said I do this because I know he won't leave me....I'm not so sure about that. If he doesn't, he's the strongest man out there. I don't think I could live with me. Just think about the worst PMS you've ever had. Now times it by 1000. Yeap, that's what weight loss does to us. Our poor families. Now, let me tell you about the sex talk at the doctor's office. I know that I can have sex after 1 month. I've known this for months. My husband had questions. Ones I wasn't expecting. So imagine this situation. It's me, my husband and the doctor. Scott- Can we have sex? Doctor- Yes, if you want to Me- Oh, I want to. I can't keep my hands off him Scott- It's true, it's like I'm a piece of meat Doctor- Get used to it Scott- I don't know how to ask this Doctor- You can just say it Me- Looking at my husband like 'what on earth are you getting ready to ask' Scott- Ok, is there any way we can't do it? I mean, can we only do it regular? Me- OH MY GOSH-----REALLY? Doctor- You can do it any way you want as long as it doesn't hurt Ok, here is where my inner male comes out. I had to laugh at this. Me- No, we have a safe word for when that happens. (laughing) Actually we don't. It's not like we have whips and chains and things. Doctor- (looks a little shocked...but can tell we're joking around) I think we're all done here. See you back in a month. Now, to be honest, there was a little more to that conversation but I wanted you to have the funny stuff. When Scott asked about my emotions, she said to him and this is a quote, "Get used to it". He looked at her and said, "I'm not sure that's possible." So, now were home and of course I've attempted to seduce him, right after I lost it in the restaurant because my food was gross (thanks a lot taste buds for changing on me). Of course the poor man doesn't know what to do so he turns me down and sits on the couch to play on the PlayStation. I swear, reading this, you would think we were 17 year olds. Maybe that's why my emotions are so crazy...I'm really 17. Gosh I hope not.

Hello everyone. I promise that I haven't forgotten about you. I sit at the computer everyday and begin typing but realize that I'm a REALLY boring person. Unless something really funny happens to me, I don't have much to report to you. So, for today you are just going to get my thoughts from the past few days. Walking is wonderful. I really enjoy getting outside everyday and attempting to beat my previous time. Yesterday, I walked a 18min mile. That may not sound like much, but when I first started my mile was around 30mins. So, I am getting better, thinner, and faster and I love every second of it. Before long, I will running instead of walking....sorry, I was laughing so hard at that, I fell off the chair. I will only be running if someone or something bad is chasing me. And, lets be honest, the bad thing will more than likely get me. That reminds me, I need to check my will and make sure it's updated. Mother's Day: I spent this day with my family. I do not have any children, but I enjoyed being with my mother and sister and all her children. The best was sitting down at a family dinner and being able to eat with them. The last time I attempted this was Easter, and I was on my per-surgery diet so I couldn't eat. I was in week 2 and I was soooo depressed. I burst into tear right before the meal was served. But, unlike my mental breakdown last time we were all together, I was able to have some hamburger, beans, corn, and a bite of mac and cheese. I know it sounds like a lot, but trust me, I only ate around 3onz. So, while everyone was digging in and loading up their plates, my sister and I sat there picking at our food and loading up on conversation and family time. My only issue since I've started real food is veggies, and the need to walk after every meal. I looked like a crazy person as everyone was sitting at the table talking and I was walking in circles in the back yard. But hey, I figured the walking burned off at least a bean or two. Doctor's Apt: I am not sure if I have told you all that I am currently on disability I have a really bad back. One of the major reasons I had this surgery was so that I can get a new disc when I lose enough weight. With that said, Today I had to go see the SS doctor for him to check out my "ability". Well, in the exam, he started pushing on my stomach. I explained that it really hurt as I just had surgery and I was still healing. Then he made me lay down to do his pushing and said, "I need to see your scars". WHAT???? I never expected to hear that. Now, before I go off about this "independent doctor who is paid by the government" you need to know that the whole time I was in there he was rude, demeaning and he STUNK. At first I thought it was what he ate for lunch, but it wasn't. It was him. How do you tell a mean hateful doctor that he stinks? He also made me lay down and when he told me to get up, he grabbed my arm and PULLED me. Now, if any of you have back issues, you know the worst thing to do to a person with back issues to to "help" them get up. Lucky for me, my husband jumped up and told him not to do that. This doctor shouldn't have been allowed to evaluate monkeys at a zoo, let alone people. Now, speaking of the doctor's office, I was also shocked to listen to two patients in the waiting room. They were openly talking about their illegal drug use. Then to top it off, the woman said what a great daughter she had....the same daughter that was doing the drugs as well. It was crazy in there. I really felt out of place. Food: I am doing well with my food. it's interesting to try regular food. I am scared most of the time but only a few times have I felt "uneasy". I haven't had any more slimming nor have I thrown up. Hope this stays this way. Also, my husband enjoys watching me enjoy new foods. So, that's what's been going on with me. Like I told you, nothing exciting. We are pretty boring. I am sure I will have some interesting and funny stories soon.

GNC sells Lean Shake. It's 14oz and has 25 grams of protein. I really like it as it doesn't taste like protein. The only issue, is it can be expensive. But for me, who hates Whey, it's so worth it. Best of luck. Also I have a smoothy that I love with 25g of protein. 1 cup greek yogurt 1/2 cup soy milk (vanilla) 1/2 cup frozen blueberries 4-7 ice cubes. Splenda or sugar substitute to taste. I do 2-3.

Yes!!! I was just like you. Around week 3-4 you begin drinking a little more. You can't "gulp" a lot down, but you can drink normally. I am 4 weeks out and I am drinking like I use too. I promise it gets better. I used the one ounce cups from the hospital for two and a half weeks. I was so scared of drinking. Now, it's just as normal as it always was. Best of luck/

Way to go. So excited for you. I know how great it feels to watch the scale go down and the numbers on the measuring tape get smaller. Keep up the great work.

FYI, tamadal is a non narcotic pain killer. It is synthetic. It works well for moderate pain. I was on it with my back years ago. If it's working and your doctor is monitoring your use, then I don't see any issues. Hope you find something that works for you.

FYI, The Door's sing it and it's "Break on Through to the other side"....LOL Glad you are doing better every day. I just hit my one month mark and I can't believe how well I am doing. I still get gas pains at times, but as for my food intake, I am really doing a good job. Keep up the great work.

@marcliyovi Good Luck. My husband put mine away and I have been much better since. I don't know where it is and I only care once in awhile. Last week I got on it and was shocked to see I had lost 5 pounds after nothing for so long. Then the next day I went to the doctor and I was down two more. Best of luck to you. I think after having this, we want it all to drop off so fast....even though we know what to expect. It's just that we want the numbers to go down all the time. They don't. Hope you are able to stay off for a week and then weigh. I think you will be excited to see what it says then. Congrats on the 30lb lose. FYI that's when my stall started so just be aware.

I know not to expect miracles. I think we all know the weight won't just disappear over night. Then why is it that I get so discouraged over a number? Maybe a better way to say this is that I get so discouraged over the lack of downward movement of the number. How is it that pre-op the weight just "fell" off and even post-op, the first few days it seemed to "melt" away. Now, it's been stuck on the same number for the past seven days? As I am writing this, my common sense and intelligence is saying, "Trish, you have got to be be kidding me!!! You have lost 35lbs during pre-op and after surgery (only 13 days ago...total amount of time???? 28 days!!!). I know that I shouldn't freak out. The person in me with common sense wants to just slap the crazy girl who wants to see all these changes back to the middle ages, where scales didn't have so much power. I KNOW I'm crazy (unrealistic is a better term) for wanting to see the scale drop every day, but I can't help it. And, I know I am not the only person who is like this. When did our obsession with the scale become so unrealistic? When did the number on a scale start to have so much meaning and so much power over us? So, I started thinking, "where does this obsession come from?". At what point did I learn that these expectations were fine to have?. Should I follow all the psychology theories out there and blame my parents? Freud would say it has something to do with my sexuality but I don't' really think we need to be taking advice from a man high on opioids and itching for his next fix. Do I blame society and the media? Do I blame myself? I think a little blame goes to all of the above. Now, before you attack me for saying my parents have some part in this, just hear me out. Our parents were bombarded with Jane Fonda workouts, the cabbage diet, Gene Simmons, weight watchers, and the constant reminder that the perfect plate came in 1/3s. 1/3 of the plate was protein, 1/3 was starch, and 1/3 was veggies or fruit. They were told to drink 4 glasses of milk a day and that eggs were good for us...then bad...and now, apparently they are good for us again. There was no "pink slim" in our burgers, no hormones in our meat, and our veggies didn't come from other countries and somehow defy the laws of biology and not rot for two to three weeks at a time. What do they put on these veggies anyway? Is there some supper "look younger" cream for veggies that women don't know about yet? If so, they need to bottle it up as I am sure they would make a lot more money with that then with the veggies. Sidebar* I bought some grapes, came home and put them int he fridge. A month and a half latter, I "found them" behind some other things. To my shock they looked and felt as though I bought them yesterday. I told myself right then and there that I wouldn't be buying my fruits and veggies from a certain grocery store again. That was just creepy. Ok, back to the parents. The had no reason to think McDonald's food was bad for us. I mean according to the commercials, everything was freshly made. Fresh= good for us. The federal government and media shoved all this information down their thoughts with very little thought of giving any real explanation. It's like giving a bike to a child who can't read and telling them to follow the instructions. The child compromises and just looks at the pictures to get the bike together. If there are left over parts, they just get thrown back int he box and you pray the bike doesn't fall apart while you're in the middle of a 2 foot jump off a homemade ramp. (My father was the king of doing this. I don't think he ever put something together where there wasn't left over parts floating around when he was done. Now, I am married to a man who does the same thing. Lucky for us, nothing has ever just fallen apart so they must be doing something right. The only good part of what our parent's learned and saw was that in the magazines and on t.v., the models looked that normal people. They were not a size <0, or airbrushed to look more like a barbie doll and less like a person. The photos I saw as a child were not unrealistic. Christie Brinkley was thin but in shape. She didn't look as though she starved herself. It was a great "thin role model" to try to aim to become. It wasn't a model that was so Photoshopped that no one could ever look like her. If you ask me, I miss seeing real women in magazines. I think the fashion industry needs to learn that clothes on a a wharf of a model does not make me want to buy them. Oh, and before I forget, I never once read in a magazine where a model said, " I exercise two times a day, eat right, and rarely allow myself to have any sweets." What I do read and hear is, "I don't exercise, I eat what ever I want. I'm just lucky I have good genes." Well aren't you special? And for the record, you're a huge fibber. You may not exercise, but I promise you, you don't eat what you want. You eat tofu and salads all day, everyday. You starve yourself for your profession or get some help with illegal drugs. Just look at all the award shows on TV. How many times do you hear actors say that they have been on a "cleansing" diet for two weeks? I hear it all the time. SO, for two weeks before the awards show, the actor is drinking some strange concoction and using the bathroom way more than any normal person should. But hey, at least she looks good in her Oscar de la Rente dress.I don't know anyone who would consider those things yummy to the tummy. Tofu can't hold it's own up against a good 4oz grilled cheeseburger, grilled onions, and topped with your faves. Then to add some pasta salad or french fries with that makes it even better. But, apparently the models "genes" made her taste buds not find any of that appealing....or a better explanation is that she LIED through her perfectly straight, overly white teeth. I'm going with option 2 on this one. I don't think it's all media's fault. I think parents, friends, and co-workers have some say in our feelings too. How many of us have lost weight int he past heard this, "Oh my goodness, you look great!!! How much have you lost?" It's like the amount of weight lost is needed to verify that the person does in fact look good. If you say you've only lost around 10 pounds, you are bound to hear someone say, "that's it? If looks like you've lost so much more. I guess everything has just redistributed." If you say, you've lost 50lbs, then you hear, "oh, that's a lot. How much more do you have to lose?" This is a feeble attempt to find out your weight. Something that always ticked me off. To these people, I usually respond that I'm not sure as i don't really look at the scale. This seems to make them very uncomfortable. The look of, "you're kidding me. Who doesn't look at the scale." is priceless. It usually only takes one time of saying this and they stop asking for numbers. The key is making them feel just a little more uncomfortable than you do. That way, they don't bother you again with all this number talk. Another thing I heard growing up (even from my father...who believe it or not didn't mean for it to sound rude) was, "you would be sooooo beautiful if only you lost some weight." I can't tell you how many times I heard this growing up. I heard it from family, "friends', teachers, even people I didn't know that I just saw out and about. How did they not see my face drop when they said it? Did I look like deep down I was thinking, "you know, you're right. Right now I'm fat and ugly, but if I loose some weight I will be thin and beautiful. Ummm, thanks? I won't type what I want to say but it rhymes with Pluck Hue!!!! I thought beauty was on the inside. How does losing weight make my inner beauty even more beautiful? Oh it doesn't. You are really saying that even though I have a great personality, my fatness is making it hard for anyone to find me attractive. Thanks for making me aware of this. I wouldn't have known with out your underhanded complement. Now, I am just going to lock myself in my house and find some cookies and ice cream. My emotions just said, "screw you", I don't need your approval. I have the approval of Ben and Jerry's and Oreo. At least they make me happy and don't make me feel bad about myself until the next day when I get in on the scale again. But even then, I don't blame Ben and Jerry or myself for allowing them to cheer me up. I blame the mean person who hurt my feelings and "made me" fall off the wagon. Yes, it's that person''s fault I'm fat!!!! If they would have called me beautiful then I wouldn't be downing all the ice cream and cookies I can get my fat stubby fingers around. LOL Now, I know the only person to blame is myself. No one forced me to eat the things I used to eat. I did that all on my own. I watched the number on the scale go up and up over the years and I was the person that didn't do anything about it. Now, all that's changed. I did do something about it. I now eat to live and not live to eat. I just have to learn that the scale isn't the end all be all. I have to throw out everything I've been taught in the past 37 years and take a new look at it all. But, I still want to see those numbers go down...maybe I can do a little of both? This is going to be hard but I can't allow a little box with digital numbers run my life any more and I hope you don't either. Here's to the only numbers that count....my protein and my liquids. I like those numbers high and I don't feel bad when I eat my tuna fish or my smoothie. Now I just have to learn to not feel bad when the scale doenst' move. Yes, that's going to be the hardest thing to get used to.

******As always, this blog is intended to make you smile. Please refrain from thinking I will kill my husband, jump over the Royal Farms counter for chicken, or sexually assault my husband...well, that last one may happen thanks to all the hormones. Needless to say, use this blog to smile and laugh. Enjoy. ***** I will be the first to admit that losing 40 pounds in six weeks is A LOT of weight in a very short amount of time. I am not saying that I am unhappy with my progress, but I have begun to notice some strange changes to my body that I didn't expect so soon. For example, who is the old woman who's stomach I have gotten? Let me explain. My stomach has shrunk and I am very happy about that. I have walked 3-5 miles a day with my stomach muscles nice and tight so that I could combat the excess skin (as much as I can) and I figured that if I were to get extra skin, i wouldn't notice it for at least 6-10 months. Well, that's not the case. Last night I was looking in the mirror at my every changing body and I noticed something. Right around my belly button (which I can see for the first time in years), the skin above it and next to it looks like an old woman's (no offense to the 80 year olds out there reading this). It's all wrinkled and makes my tummy look much older than 37 years. Then to make matters worse, I showed it my husband only to hear this: "Yea, I noticed that awhile ago." UMMMM, excuse me? Don't you think you should have told me there was an eighty year old trying to escape via my stomach? He answered with this, "I figured you knew". Again, thanks my love for your soothing and understanding during this shocking time for me. It's not everyday someone notices their body is changing for the worse. Now, the way my husband handles this is by saying, "Don't worry, you can always have surgery to have that fixed." What I don't get is when did we become wealthy? I have no idea where all the money for my plastic surgery is supposed to come from. Does the weight I lose turn into gold of the same weight? So far, my husband has told me I could get my breasts lifted and "filled" (He already misses them and they haven't shrunk THAT much), my tummy tucked, and now lifted in the upper part. I can't wait to see what other plastic surgery I am allowed to get once this is all done. He must be hiding all that gold somewhere, because as far as I can see, I can barely afford to pay for gas in the car to drive my butt around let alone find the money to lift my butt or any other part of my body surgically. So, for now, the old lady and I will have to live in harmony. Lucky for me, I have no desire to wear skimpy shirts that show off my tummy....or should I say lucky for the rest of the world. For now, I will continue doing what I am and then once we win the lottery, plastic surgery here I come. LOL

I agree with eveyone here. I wouldn't be doing so well with out my doctor prescribed prilosec. Have you called your doctor and told him/her?

Warning* This is not very comical. I think my hunger pains have taken over my sense of humor right now* I ate dinner at at a normal time. I believe it was around 6pm. Since then, I have kept hydrated with my decaf. Crystal Lite. But, it never fails. Every night around 9pm, I want food. I have thought about this and wondered if it's "head hunger" or if I am truly hungry and I've finally figured out that YES, I am hungry. This is real hunger. This is the hunger that most people feel throughout the day but for some reason I don't feel until 9pm or later. Is my body trying to sabotage me? Why do I want food so late? Don't get me wrong, I also experience "head Hunger" but tonight (and most nights, that's not what I feel). Tonight, my husband and I went to Royal Farms so he could get some food. I have to admit, because it was after 9, I wanted to taste everything in there. This has not been normal for me when I go into stores. Most of the time, I look at things and think, "that would taste good, but I really don't want it". He decided on a two piece chicken meal. Now, for the record, I love chicken. I can eat chicken everyday. Actually, I have eaten it everyday for the past few days. But for some reason, I had to walk away from the where he was ordering as all I could think about was jumping behind the counter and grabbing a chicken wing or leg and going to town with it. The same thing with the Krispy Kream donuts. Now, once I walked away, I was fine (though still hungry) I know I can't eat any of those things and to be honest, my mashed sweet potatoes sound more appealing to me now. I think it's knowing I can't. I've never been good with being told I couldn't do something. If someone told me I couldn't do something, I would do everything in my power to prove them wrong. But with this, I can't do that. Proving "that person" wrong would only hurt me. I would also be saying that I did all this for nothing. And, I must admit that my biggest fear is being one of those people who in two years is the same weight or more than I was on my surgery date. That REALLY scares me. It scares me enough to not force the food in, to make sure I get my protein, and to make sure I get my liquids. Also, it scares me enough to teach myself how to deal with this "hunger" I feel after 9pm. Maybe I will need to eat dinner later. I am a night person so eating at 7pm would help with the hunger a little bit. As for the "head hunger" that I get at times, I think I have to just keep doing what I'm doing. Walk away. Tell myself what's important. No matter how good a tiny piece of donut would be, it wouldn't feel nearly as good as weighing 150lbs. I don't think anything could top that. Well, maybe winning the lotto, but I have a much better shot at making my goal weight. So, I need to change my eating times. Or eat more than three times a day. Though, right now that seems to be all I am able to get in. I think I will strive to eat more than three times a day. I am sure once I am healed and able to "snack", things will be better. I am sure right now, a hand full of almonds would fill me up and satisfy my hunger, but I am not to that point yet. So, like all of you, I will continue to learn as I go and hope I am doing the right things. Because, no matter what, I'm going to be a loser. And, I am going to be proud of it.

As many of you know, I have eaten the same thing for three weeks. Most of the time, it was the same thing two times a day for three weeks. Well, all that changed today. Today I made myself chicken salad. I put the chicken in the magic bullet and added some onions and celery (very finely chopped) and a little mayo. And, in case you were wondering, it tasted amazing!!!! Not as amazing as my husbands mashed sweet potatoes with cinnamon, nutmeg, all spice, and splenda. That was heaven. It was almost as good as carrot cake. Side bar* I love carrot cake. Actually, it's more than that. There is nothing better than a moist carrot cake with really good cream cheese icing. The way it melts in your mouth!!! YUMMY is all I can say. * side bar done. And, as you can tell, being almost as good as carrot cake is like wining the Kentucky Derby if carrot cake is the triple crown. So, today I enjoyed two very yummy things that were not bad for me and I felt full after eating them. My husband's mashed sweet potatoes not only took care of my starch craving, it also took care of my sweet craving. He seems to know just what I need and how to give it to me when I need it. Even when I have no idea. I don't know how he knew what I needed. Maybe I was getting cranky again or maybe he tracks my cycle unbeknownst to me. But all I asked for was sweet potatoes and he somehow took them and made them so much more than I could have even thought about wanting. I know when I read this to him, he's going to be like a kid in a candy store hearing all this positive feedback, because the one thing he loves it to is cook. But what he loves even more than that is me liking what he cooks. So, Scott (my husband) just so you know, you are an amazing cook and you surprise me all the time with your ability to take something so "everyday" and turn it into a "vacation". Now that all the mushy stuff is out of the way. No pun intended with the mashed potatoes. I did have one strange thing happen to me today while I was enjoying my new food. First, you have to know that after almost a month, I still can't really tell when I am full. I know it takes awhile to figure this out, but I have so many strange sounds and feelings, that I don't know which ones mean what. So, today I was eating my YUMMY chicken salad and I had eaten about 1.5ounces. I figured I could eat the other .5 ounces with out issue. I knew I was close to being full just due to the amount I ate not because of any magical feelings I had. So, I took my last bite and BAM...I felt like everything in my stomach (all 2.5 ounces of it) was going to make a reappearance right there on the table. I ran to the bathroom and experienced the spitting and salty mouth but nothing else. After about three minutes of spitting, I felt fine. Has this happened to anyone else? I was so shocked by it all. It was the first time my body has said, "Hey Trish, you ate WAY too much and I can't handle it." I wanted to scream back to my body, "Hey Body, NO, I really didn't. You just don't know how to handle more than 2.5 ounces of food. Maybe if you didn't allow a surgeon to take 2/3 of your stomach away, we wouldn't be having this issue." But then I remembered that I am the one who asked the doctor to do that...so I would lose that battle with my body within seconds. For the record, I don't like to lose....unless it's weight. So, I learned two very important things today. Number one: I can only handle about an ounce of chicken salad at a time. Number Two. I will have to make sure I have sweet potatoes on hand at all times. Then again, if I don't maybe my wonderful husband will create another food miracle Humm, that's a tough one to decide. I really like the sweet potatoes, but maybe there is something better....just not as good as carrot cake.

I was lucky to be on pureed right out of the hospital. I will be a month out on Thursday and I am allowed to go to soft food. I am not too sure how much better that will be. LOL Keep up the great work and I am sure once you get on pureed food, you will begin to feel better. Once I was able to actually get some food in (even pureed) I began re-learning my body and it's hunger signs and fullness signs. I'm still not great at figuring out how full I am, but I'm getting better. LOL