MinaT

Since November 16th I have met with Dr. Shamsi once a month, kept a food journal on myfitnesspal.com and shared with the doctor. Six months and 60 pounds lighter, is a good start. I've gone through WLS "Is it Right for me" class, which explained all the surgeries, I have sat in group meetings, I have gone through psychological testings and met with their psychologist, I had a previous colonoscopy that they have the records, I had to get a release from my cardiologist, I met with their nutritionist, met with Dr. Stanish twice now and finally received my verbal approval from BCBSIL on Monday and I lucked out....twice a month they do a mandatory two Wednesday class from 1-3. If I didn't get approved until today I would have had to wait another 2 weeks for the next class to begin!! So two days after approval, I got into my first Wed. Class.
 
The program at healthy4life through St. Mary's Hobart/Community Hospital Munster seems different than a lot of the ones I've seen here. They charge you a $600.00 program, out of pocket fee,before surgery. I paid $200.00 during my four month - pre-surgery nutritionist evaluation. Today the second $200.00 was paid, which paid for two weeks worth of protein shakes for the pre-op diet. Another $200.00 will be paid one week before surgery when I meet with the nurses to go over my medications and which meds to continue, stop etc. These fees gives us hotline number to the nurses to be used at any time, free access to meet with the nurses, free nutritionist/dietician access and nurses, and appointments for life. Sounds pretty good to me.
 
Today's meeting was with a group of 5 that will be undergoing surgery with either Dr. Dong or Dr. Stanish. A few are getting gastric bypass the rest are getting sleeved. Dr. Stanish does not do duodenal switch any longer and I'm not positive, but I believe he's moved away from LapBand. We each received a packet and a special envelope that had Dr.'s prescription orders for tests he wanted. I need a mammogram, and an upper GI. I scheduled those the minute I got out of the office lol. Mammogram tomorrow, UpperGI Saturday. There was also a note saying that on April 1st I had an abnormal ekg and she needs to talk to me after the class. For some people that have heard of these places, Dr. Stanish and Healthy4life used to be out of Methodist Hospital. They recently transferred to St. Mary/Community and they are now working out their Center's of Excellence all over again. They were Centers of Excellence but they moved their program to a new hospital so they had to start all over. Though Dr. Stanish has been a surgeon over 13 years, and has done well over 1200 of these surgeries at Methodist, they are now at about 80-100 at St. Mary's and last week they did their second at Community Hospital. I will be their third done at Community Hospital. To become Centers of Excellence Bariatric Clinic like they were at Methodist, they need 125 at each hospital.
 
Unfortunately, on April 1st I woke up and my chest was in pain. Every single breath hurt. I exercised anyhow, and finally realized it wasn't going away on its own, my husband said time to go to the hospital so I hurried and made a meatloaf for the family, took a shower and went to the ER. I was given an EKG, Chest Xray and a CT-Scan. They admitted me for observation. I was visited by my Internist the next morning, and he said that a cardiologist would be and I may end up getting an ultrasound of the heart or another ekg and I will probably be released. One of my Cardiologists' partners showed up and said I was having a complication from Lupus and I had pleurisy and sent me home without an ekg or ultrasound. Nothing was said to me regarding an abnormal ekg, which was taken while I was sitting in the triage. It was probably a lead that wasn't placed right.
 
So, after the two hour meeting today, the nurse contacted my cardiologist, who left for the day but spoke with his nurse to see if he will sign another release or what I am suppose to do. I followed up the call and I pray my doctor just says yes and faxes a release, otherwise this will throw everything off track. My next appt. with cardiologist is July 15th, and I would have to try to get in before next Thursday, which is the day I meet with the surgeon to be given my surgery date. I should hear back tomorrow from the nurse from my surgeons tomorrow and I'll follow-up with my cardiologist tomorrow afternoon! No approval, no surgery. Keeping my finger's crossed.
 
Back to the meeting:
 
She said to quit caffeine now and from here on out, nothing to drink with sugar in it, including Zero Calorie Vitamin Water because it has 3-7 gm of carbs per serving. She gave us a bottle of ISOPure (grape) and truthfully it was quite terrible to me. I don't drink pop, crystal light or anything like it but this was pretty nasty to me. I guess it's going to be my new best friend for two weeks after surgery though. Ugh.
 
I was told the day of surgery (even if it's at 6:30am) I will be allowed nothing by mouth, not even water, even that night until the next day when we will do our barium swallow. I've had surgeries, and I can tell you right now, this is going to be my biggest challenge. I'll want ice chips after surgery, I always have and this will be tough.
 
I received my choice of 42 shakes, puddings, etc. today that will be used for the two week pre-op diet. They use New Direction I grabbed two variety packs to try the cream of chicken soup and different flavored and I decided to stick with chocolate and strawberry for the rest of them. I asked her about unjury chicken broth and she said she had some samples and she gave me the chicken broth to try now, in case I would like to use it during the clear liquid two week after surgery phase. She told us she recommends Optisource (you can purchase from Walgreens) it has all the vitamins and minerals you need and they are chewable vitamins. Must take 4 a day.
 
She explained that the day of surgery we will receive a shot in the tummy and every day while we are there we will get this shot. It's to prevent blood clots. We'll get the IV and then while in surgery we'll get the catheter. She informed me that we'll remain in the hospital 3 nights 4 days as long as there are no complications. We'll be up walking that first day, several times, I'll have a morphine pump and we'll be given not sure if she said Torodal or Tramadol, unfortunately I didn't write it down. She said the next day will be clear liquids. Clear liquids will be two weeks worth. I will have a drain which will remain for at least a week. We will have compression stockings that blow up on their own every time we are in bed and not walking, we will be given antibiotics before and after surgery and we'll be using our spirometer 10 times an hour.
 
Next Wed May 9th. is my second two-hour pre-op meeting and we'll be going over recipes for each stage. She will give us a spirometer and show us how to use it. She will teach us how to deal with the drain we will be going home with and how to clean out the drain. (ugh)
 
As long as I get my cardiologist note clearing me for surgery, I have a meeting with Dr. Paul Stanish on Thursday 10th and we will schedule the surgery. He will tell me when to start my pre-op shakes and i will make an appointment for one week before surgery to meet with a nurse. I'll bring in my prescriptions and they will determine which ones I can take, which ones I need to stop and which ones I will need a new prescription because the size of the pills are too big.
 
After surgery we will be given a one ounce cup and will have to write down each time we have an ounce of liquid, take oral medication, etc. My one week appointment with the surgeon, they will remove the drain. I haven't read anyone here talk about getting a drain, so it gave me the willies, never had one before. However, the good news is I'm less apprehensive about leaks because the drain will be a clue if there is a leak or not for the first week.
 
It seems like this has been a roller coaster of things to do, emotions, worrying whether or not my previous adhesion issues will cause me to be declined, whether or not the Lupus will be an issue, whether or not the pleurisy was going to cause an issue, whether or not insurance will not approve me, it's been a lot of ups and downs. I've lost 60 lbs. on my own, major plus. Getting closer by the day though, and can't wait to be on the other side safely.

It’s day seven of my liquid diet, and today was the first time I really struggled.
 
First, let me say that today was a great day in many respects. My husband and I took our oldest on a college visit today where he and other students auditioned and interviewed for theater scholarships. I’m not just saying this because I’m his mom—my son did great! Some of the professors even told me so afterwards. He had such a great experience today (this was our second visit), that he decided to commit to the school, which is a huge load off of all of our minds. My son really shined today, and I’m excited about this new chapter in his life. He's going to do amazing things!
 
Okay, now here’s the crabby part. This, as many of you already know, is just a really hard time of year to be on a liquid diet. (Though I'm sure every time of the year has its own unique challenges.) While on campus today, we were treated to lunch in a recently updated dining hall that truly is more like a collection of restaurants. It puts my old college’s microwave eggs and frozen pizzas to shame! And it was a social lunch, one that was stretched out for an hour so that we could talk to the faculty and visit with other prospective students. I felt a little self-conscious about my tiny bowl of soup (which probably wasn’t even technically on my list) as people went back for seconds. Then, we were enthusiastically encouraged to hit the icecream bar. I got another diet soda—a no-no, I know, but at least it wasn’t the icecream bar, and it made me feel like I was having a treat.
 
After a very long two hour drive, we got back into town right around supper time and stopped to pick up my two younger kids from my mom’s house. When we got there, my kids showed off the frosted Christmas sugar cookies they made and everyone endulged—except me. Now, I can see this as a small victory, and I do, but I felt bad because my 3 year old daughter didn’t entirely understand why I wasn’t eating her special cookies. And I felt like my mom was disappointed in me too. Maybe it was in my head, but she kept looking at me like, “Come on, Jennie, just eat one, for your kids.” Then Mom continued to talk about how excited that she was that her favorite pizza place was moving back into our neighborhood. I got out of there as quickly as I could.
 
As soon as I got home, my phone was ringing. My little sis, who lives 3 hours away, is hosting a girls weekend at her place this weekend. It’s the first time she’s had many of the girls of the family down to visit since she moved there, and she’s especially excited because she has a beautiful new home and it’s all decked out for the holidays. Plus, she’s newly pregnant. If you haven’t noticed already—backing out of the trip is simply not a possibility. She is really supportive of what I’m doing, but in her defense, she’s been planning this weekend for a while, and certainly not just for me. So on the agenda for the weekend: a winery (and I LOVE wine—it’s kinda my thing), a local festival of fresh baked goods and Christmas crafts (the crafts should be cool), and then out on the town for dinner in Kansas City. Sigh. This is going to be a tough week, I can tell.
 
But, here it is: I have 7 days left, and A LOT to do. I have to get sub plans ready for the 9 days I’ll miss work, and I pretty much need to have Christmas shopping and wrapping done before I leave town Friday. I teach a college night class, and the grades for that are due next week, and I have to take my student group out to buy gifts for ten area needy kids that we “adopted” for Christmas. I’m hoping that I’m so busy, I won’t have time to lament the loss of real food. Though this weekend will be tough. I’ll just have to keep focused on my surgery. It will be here before I know it.
 
Writing this all down has really helped me get my head around where I am emotionally today. Maybe I wanted to eat more today because, even though it’s a really wonderful milestone, there’s something very bittersweet in my son’s final selection of a college. This is exactly the kind of thing that I would have celebrated by going out for a nice, high calorie dinner! And maybe it’s bothering me that I don’t feel as supported by my extended family as I wish I was. But on the other hand, I’m never going to change them, and I love them how they are. I’m sure I drive them nuts from time to time. And my husband has been amazing. He’s passing on food all the time just so that he’s not eating in front of me. He is even making all of the dinners for the kids right now, which allows me to make my shake/soup/yogurt/whatever and go sit and unwind a minute alone at the end of the day. So I have a lot to stay positive about—I’ve having the surgery, afterall. I’m only days away from something I’ve wanted for almost two years. So I just need to stay positive.
Stay positive.

So I am 10 days post op and I've lost 9lbs since surgery, making it a total of 24.6 lbs total with pre-op. I am feeling great and have been following my diet. I can eat creamy soups, mashed potatoes, apple sauce and yogurt. I get full really fast and will stop as soon as I get that feeling, I don't want to overdue it.
 
My surgery and hospital experience went good. I had no complications and was up and walking that same night. Dr. Verboonen and his staff are great, specially my nurse Ana Maria. She is very knowledgeable and took care of me very well.

2009 I considered doing the lapband. I signed up for it and backed out at the last minute.
 
2012 I started going to weight loss meetings to see about RNY even though what I knew about it sounded quite dangerous. I knew a few others that had had it done and they always looked grey and sick. The first meeting I went to I was told about the sleeve. Well this turned my skepticism to a brighter note. This group presented it well and it was a good hospital in my area. The only problem was the surgeon had very little experience.
 
Well, I thought, there are others somewhere. I started searching the net. I went to 4 more meetings with different people and finally found one that at least had done a few hundred of the sleeve. I went to him the end of June 2012. Now mind you I am still quite scared. I am older than most and have a lot of medical problems; HBP HIGH CHOLESTEROL INSULIN DEPENDANT DIABETIS THYROID'S BEEN REMOVED NECK AND BACK PAIN THAT ARE DEABILATATING AT TIMES BONE SPUR THAT IS INBEDED IN MY ACHILLES TENDON AND IT IS MAJOR SURGERY TO FIX (HAD THE OTHER FOOT DONE AND WAS IN WHEEL CHAIR FOR 6 WEEKS).
 
I see the NUT and the doctor. She told me how she wanted me to eat and to give up sodas(which I have done for 2 weeks now) The list from the doctor was quite long. I did the lung test, psy eval, blood work, went to 3 support meetings, got letter and history from PCP,had all upper GI and colonoscopy reports sent to stomach DR.
 
This is how my first month went. Also I forgot that I am online with all you good people here helping me through this. One minute I don't think I can do this and then I hear all you tell me how it has changed your life. So whenever I think of just forgetting the whole thing I come here for support.
 
I went to my second Dr appointment yesterday. The NUT wanted to know why I did not change the way I eat and I said I had too many other things to do this month and the on and off again mind set I had. I promised I would start next week and I will.The Dr comes in and literaly does nothing. He asked me a few questions and we discused me not having the sleep apnea test. because I do not want to. He said it is required by insurance and I said not mine. Than he got kind of angry and said we can't make you do it but it is needed for surgery . So I guess I have to have it done.
 
Got a letter today that said my B-12 was low and to start taking 1000mcg a day. Will do this next week also.
 
Well, this is my WLS for the first month. I was told surgery sometime in October. I'm sure I will have more in my next blog!!!!!

It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago.
However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now.
Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again.
I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will.
 
I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now.
 
Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.

I have jut been feeling blah lately and am eating everything under the sun. I should be having surgery no later than October and know that I need to get on the right track and start eating healthier. It' like my body knows that something is going to change soon so I am eating more than ever. Has anyone been through this and if so how did you stop it?

I am so anxious to get my suregery, it on the 10th!!!!!!!
 
So can ya'll elaborate on what happens the first couple of weeks, other than feeling sick of liquid....
 
In this picture I was vacationing in Las Vegas had a great time, but look how big, this is my biggest must of been 256.
 
My Goal is 175 (realistic goal) 150 (dream come true)

Hi. This is my first blog so I want to give all of you out there a shoutout from NJ!!!!! I had my surgery 6/18/12, my 2week anniversary is coming up and I can't believe how fast those 2 weeks flew by!! I lost 7 lbs the first week and I can't wait to see what the scale says on Monday. I am down a total of 19 lbs including the 2 week pre-surgery diet!!! I am feeling really good, I began walking on Tuesday and I am hoping that it will help my body tone as I am losing weight. The only thing that I am afraid of is the excess skin. Has that been a problem for any of you out there?

Why is so hard to drink the protein shakes? Please help me and if you are having the same problems help me start getting these in my system.

After seemingly forever going up and down The. Same. Three. Pounds. I have FINALLY dipped down into the 220's! I don't remember how long its been since I've weighed this...maybe freshman year in college? Seriously, I'm so happy I could cry! Onederland, here I come!

I was in the process of writing this very depressing blog about my chronic back pain when I had to use the bathroom. I decided when I was done that I should weigh myself as I haven't done that in awhile. Now before I go on, you have to understand that the past month has been nothing but pain filled. My meds have not helped me and I have not been able to go for normal walks...who am I kidding, i haven't really walked at all. Walking from the bedroom to the living room can almost bring me to tears (and I don't cry from pain). Dealing with this pain can bring even the strongest person down. I know, I've been dealing with it for almost 18 years. Now, I don't tell you that to get your sympathy. I tell you to get you to understand that getting on the scale was the best thing I could have done for my emotional well being today.
 
Today, the scale said 240.2. That is fifty nine pounds down in nine weeks. I had to take a second look. I remember getting on the scale nine months ago and seeing it up to 330 (my heaviest). Seeing that scale today, and the amount I have lost, is exactly what I needed to make me feel a little better. I am not saying that the numbers took away my pain. Trust me, it did not. But it did help with my mood. I walked out of the bathroom, sat back down at the computer with the heating pad on full blast for my back and erased my depression felt blog post about my pain and not being able to work out. I have since written this. A much more up beat blog post about losing the weight I have struggled with for years and years. It's funny how seeing a few pounds leave can be so inspirational.
 
Now, I have no funny things to add. No real words of inspiration. To be honest, the pain is still making it difficult to sit here and type. What I will say is this. I am pretty sure my day will be much better now that I decided to get on the scale today (first time in over a week). I have no idea when I could have ever said those words and truly meant them. For years, the scale is what caused my days to be worse. Not anymore. Getting sleeved is the best decision I've ever made!

I can hardly believe that I had my surgery almost 29 hours ago now. I feel much better than I anticipated I would. My pain level immediatly after surgery was maybe a 6 and the nurse got it down to a 3 within minutes. Once I was back in the room the pain seemed to go down to a 2-3 and stayed there for a few hours then went down to a 1. As I sit here just 29 hours post OP I have to say my pain level is a ZERO!!! No regrets on the surgery so far. I have been drinking plenty of water (slowly) and have had Jello a couple of times, broth a couple of times, and popcicle. Can't wait to see the pounds drop.

Third week post-op today, did not lose any weight since last week, but everyone says I look smaller. Can't believe I did not lose weight with the amount I am eating. Still very tired everyday and finding it hard to get back into normal daily activities. I had blood work today and the results were all normal. I'm just healing slowly and have to learn patience. I'll be off work another couple of weeks and hopefully that time will make all the difference. Getting all my fluids in has been a challenge, but one I am making a conscious effort to get down. This has been a long three weeks, hopefully the next is better.

I got approved today. My surgery date is teh 27th of June 2012. I'm ecstatic!
 
My life is about to change, and I can't wait!

I have 15 more days until my surgery (6/14). I am completely calm now about getting the sleeve. I was panicked for a few months but the more I read on here, the less I fear it. There are two links I want to put in here so that later if I have to refer to them, I'll know where to go. They are both for if you fall off the wagon and need to "jump start" your sleeve again. Basics Boot Camp - http://www.verticals...ics-boot-camp/� and the 5 Day Pouch Test -
http://www.5daypouch...uchtest.com/��� I hope not to use them but they are a great resource.
 
On Monday, June 4, I have to attend and Educational workshop at my surgeons office. This is where I will meet a dietician and a nurse. I will also be getting a couple of tests (EKG I think, and maybe something else).
 
My total costs so far:
Initial Dr. Visit co-pay: $40
2nd Dr. chosen - copay: $40
Psyc Eval - copay - $40
Educational Workshop - $40
InMotion personal trainer fee (mandated by the surgeon) $120
Hospital co-pay $300
(thank goodness my insurance covers this surgery and they also cover a tummy tuck as long as it's associated with the surgery!!)
 
I have four girlfriends that are size 12 and lower - they've all banded to give me their unwanted clothing! What a great group of friends!! They are always sharing and trading clothes. I can't wait to join "the club."

My surgery date is June 5th. I start my preop liquid protein diet on Tuesday. Am I wrong to feel like I want to eat everything I know I won't be able to eat anymore in the next couple of days? That's how I feel right now. My post surgery diet will be very restricted. First 2 weeks clear liquids. Weeks 3-8 add protein shakes and strained cream of soups. Week 9 can start adding soft blenderized foods but still at a practically pale pourable consistency. Week 10 can start chewing foods to pasty consistency. My doctor believes in letting the stomach heal lol which is a good thing. Sleeve patients diets are the most restricted out of the 3 surgeries. I've gotten my post op meds and foods mostly chicken broth and crystal light lol. Now I just have to get my binder and I'm ready!!!

So April 13 I found out that I have to loose 10 pounds before my surgery on June 4th. I was really concerned because its so far away I am good at loosing weight but always gaining it back. Plus I am a sales rep that spends the majority of my week on the road. I have been doing liquids for 2 meals and on the 3rd meal I am doing something healthy, mainly fish and veggies. There are a few times like I cheated like all day mother's day. But I have worked really hard at making time to do at least 45 min of exercising at least 3 to 4 days a week. I have been weighing in at home and doing well, so I thought. I got on the scale at my YMCA and it said I only lost 3 pounds in a dang month!!!! WTH!!!!! So I remembered that my doc office said that I can come in anytime to weigh myself before the surgery to make sure I am staying on track. I weighed myself today. I lost 9 pounds!!!!! 1 more pound to go and I have 8 more days to go. I feel really good about it. I am starting straight liquids monday for all my meals.

I am 3 days post-op. My first day was horrible because of gas pain, nausea and vomiting. I was afraid I would hurt my sleeve. Also I was hooked up to a bunch of monitors because my blood pressure sky rocketed. The dry heaves really hurt your belly. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Day 2 was a little better. I asked for pain and nausea medicine like clockwork to help me cope. I also slept a lot. My iron count was very low too. I had to get an iron transfusion. The gas pains seemed to go away but I'm still scared of hurting my sleeve. Day 3 there was little nausea but no dry heaves or retching. I did vomit a lot of foamy stuff. I'm home now and I feel better. I didn't sleep well last night. I have 3 small and 1 big incisions above my belly button.
I wasn't scared going into the surgery but I feel a mini meltdown coming over me. I have tons of meds and vitamins to take (approx 10) including levonox shots I have to give myself to prevent blood clots.
 
I'm keeping it real with you. You have to be strong. You have to know what you want.
 
This is going to be a lifesaver for me so I keep focused on that. Most people feel like themselves by the 5th day post-op I'm told and have experienced. My friend was sleeved on the 15th and she is going back to work tomorrow. I took a week off from work. The doctor wants me to take two weeks.

My list of things I am looking forward to when I am thinner:
Fitting into a booth comfortably
Fitting into movie seats comfortably
Flights without an extended seat belt
Sitting on my friends wooden kitchen chairs and praying I don't break them
Shopping at a normal size store
Dancing with more confidence again
Improved love life
Less heart burn
Feet and knees that don't hurt
Stomach out of the way of the steering wheel
Keeping up when on a long walk or hike
Having the energy to be more active, exercise
Controlling food, not allowing it to control me
Get those old jeans and formal dress on
Feeling confident in my skin
Less top heavy so I can wear high heals again without feeling off balance
Someones notice, not because I am fat, but because I look good
No diabetes, GERD, Heart disease, High Cholesterol, Edema
Working at a fast pace without hypoglycemia
Being drenched in my uniform with sweat as I struggle to keep up

This is a poem I wrote years ago to express my weight struggle. Today I will emerge a thinner glance!
 

Mirror Image



She screams deep inside



reflective gaze horrified



ballooned in disgrace



trapped within the silver cage



child growth a strangers face



squeezing snare she raged



thrashing fists distort the past



bloody pounds of choices cast



habitual selection image made



repeated plans and efforts dance



cravings heavy goal evade



does she emerge a thinner glance


 

*ECV 2004

Now that I am in the week before surgery, my family who is very supportive, has shared there fears and concerns with my about the procedure I am electing to have. They have made it a point to make sure I know how much they love me no matter what I weigh. This week I am having to reassure them, that I am making a very educated choice, not just because of a jean size, but for my future health. I have a great surgeon who will be doing her best for a great outcome. I know there is always a fear regarding any medical procedures, I'm just going to have to rely on God to see me through.
 
Only 5 nights to go, I'm so anxious, I hope these nights go by fast because I can't think of anything else. Just have to get through 2 more days of work, pray I can keep my head in the game!

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Maybe there has been some confusion.....as I read some of the responses....I believe....some of you thought that I have had the surgery already...I have not.....I am in the very begginning phases of the process....I have been doing mental battle for about 3 years...and finally in Oct....started taking real steps towards my end goal......I have just finish the Options class that Kaiser has you attend. I have also competed the physical work up...blood work....invasive sonograms....and those darn scales.....but I'm elated......the closer I get to end goal....the more accomplished I feel.,,,The closer I get to the end journey the clearer the understanding is ....THIS IS FOR LIFE....you cant turn back the hand time....and you cant wallow in woulda coulda and shoulda's.....
 
 
I just wanted a place to place my honest thoughts out there....and maybe just maybe.....some one is out there saying "amen" or "I understand" or maybe find the humor in the twist and turns.......and as my waddle becomes a graceful saunter....im going to smile each step of the way....

One key stroke and I lost everything I wrote! I forgot to save as I was typing. Oh well, I was just explaining how I realize that today I may be drinking my last coca-cola forever. I only drink cokes when things rub me the wrong way at work (it's the equivalent of the old 3 martini lunch for me)
 
Fortunately, this doesn't happen often. I haven't had a coke since January. Now, unless I'm going to start going through a rough patch at work I may (cross my fingers) be sleeved by my next bad day! Coke is going to be out of the question. Nursing my problems with food and drink are a thing of the past. I have to figure out satisfying ways that comfort me but that do not involve food.
 
I've done a lot of work on why I eat and recognizing how I sabotage myself but I've never been able to substitute walks, lipsticks, etc for food. Things change and I am designating this drink as my last coke no matter what. Once I have my date, I will follow every damn rule I'm given and that means no carbonation. So I might as well start now, I know I wont be perfect but I'm going to try.
 
So, I raise my can to say goodbye to Coca-Cola, we had a good run! Maybe I'll suck on a lemon next time I'm mad with the world like I did when I was a kid...

I was Sleeved yesterday and did GREAT! No nausea, little pain, no gas pain, only some slight pain in my left shoulder which my surgeon said is due to having the drainage tube next to my bronchial tube. Today I walked a LOT and feel GREAT. If anyone has any questions, please just ask. I am ready to share my experience.