shelleyrn22

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

Maybe some can relate and maybe some wont but I feel like this forum has really helped me to be comfortable with my decision and open about my emotions and my life.
 
This body represents my pain!
 
Every excess pound represents something. All of the ups and downs of my life, bad decisions, dreams on hold...
 
Everything...
 
I had my psych eval today! I dont know what I was expecting...I guess more questions, but there were hardly any--maybe because I talk too much!
 
Yesterday I had it out with my sister...full on brawl.
My husband came into our place and instead of supporting me and hearing me...he added to my anger!
I havent been very friendly lately...
 
Im just tired of putting everyone elses happiness before mine.
 
I thought that the events of my life these past few weeks would have really been dug through during this psych eval and I would be angry that because of allowing other people to control my emotions that I would have been found unfit for surgery or something...I mean everyone has issues right!?
 
Regardless of how Im feeling about my relationships with other people I have really made this decision for me. Maybe because I am so focused on myself right now people who normally get all my attention and expect me to fix everything in their life now are angry with me because frankly i dont have time for it. TOUGH!!
 
I cant help anyone anymore until I HELP MYSELF. I cant fix your life and help you be happy when this SMILE IS FAKE.
 
A few tears fell when asked what was my last straw that I finally decided to move forward. I AM MY LAST STRAW. THE REALIZATION that I MATTER, and that IM IMPORTANT and that I NEED TO COME FIRST...the person staring back at me in the mirror is not the person I see when I look at pictures. That woman in the mirror is beautiful, confident, strong, looks amazing...etc etc. The person in the pictures is all of that but doesnt look as amazing as she thought when she put on that outfit she thought hid some imperfections.
 
This body...does not live up to my view of ME...and Im tired of it holding me in like a prisoner.
 
End result of Psych eval--IM READY FOR SURGERY...Im realistic about my expectations and I have a good feel of who I am right now and where I want to go.
 
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME...ILL TAKE THAT!!
 
Was your psych eval a scary thought? what happened?