Melissa McCreery

“I'm sick and tired of being overweight and overeating but I don’t know where to start.” That’s what a new client said. Her head was so full of diet advice, nutrition tips, weight loss ads, and beliefs about what she “should” be doing, that she was overwhelmed and feeling stuck before she even started. Should she cut back on carbs? Start working out? Keep a food diary? Rejoin Weight Watchers? She knows she’s a stress eater, so maybe she should start meditating and eating mindfully. She also really needs to catch up on her sleep, but her desk is a mess and she wants to spend more time with her husband…. Overload is like that and so is emotional overeating. Both can feel like tangled messes with no obvious starting point. When you are stuck in a cycle you don’t know how to stop, taking action can start to feel like it’s going to start an avalanche. Add to that the panic many of us feel when we are exhausted and overloaded that paradoxically causes us to bite off too much, and see our options as “all” or “nothing,” and many stressed-out overeaters see themselves facing a challenge that feels insurmountable. “If I’m going to go to the gym, I really need to go six days a week and stay for an hour,” said a client who hadn’t felt she could fit in a workout for weeks. “I need to start keeping track of everything I eat, I need to drink more water, and I need to start eating more vegetables and stop eating after dinner.” “I’m going to eat healthy, journal, meditate, and work out every day.” “I’m so stressed. Nothing can change until I get a new job.” All of these women started to feel overwhelmed before the words were even out of their mouths. Guess what? The road to lasting change is hardly ever a major life overhaul. Creating peace with food and peace with your life almost always happens in small do-able steps. Contrary to what your stressed-out brain may be telling you, powerful change can be created from simple consistent shifts. How do you start taking charge of overeating, stress, or that feeling of having too much on your plate? You start by creating success and effectiveness and allowing that to snowball. The success and feelings of accomplishment are what help you create momentum—and that, in turn, creates more ease and motivation. Pick one small simple step that you can commit to for the next week. If it makes you tired or feels intimidating to say it out loud, cut the size of the step in half. Now do it. Check it off every day, and celebrate yourself profusely. After four to seven days, choose another step. Your goal here is to choose a step that increases your progress and momentum one inch—not a mile. When you are getting started from a place of stress and overwhelm, your goal is to get into action, but NOT to add more stress and overwhelm to your life. The first step should feel almost (but not quite) effortless. Eating breakfast in the morning Checking in with yourself midafternoon and and asking yourself what you need Making a list of five things you can do when you feel stressed (that are not food) Start small. Create effectiveness, and the momentum and your progress will build. Really.

What should you eat to lose weight? How much energy have you devoted to this question? Low carb? Raw food? Jenny Craig? Have you ever considered that it might not be "the diet" that is the solution? Read more to find out! What should you eat to lose weight? How much energy have you devoted to this question? Low carb? Raw food? Jenny Craig? Women spend billions of dollars on weight loss, and create a lot of stress making decisions about which diet or weight loss plan to try this time. It’s ironic, because deep down, we know that diets don’t work. And in fact, many of us have lived out the lesson that diets can lead to binge eating and weight gain and bigger problems with food than we started with. It’s not hopeless. Healthy weight loss and what I call peace with food are possible, but they don’t begin with a diet. Here’s the important truth: The battle with overeating isn’t going to be solved by a diet because the root battle with most overeating isn’t about the food. If you want to break free from overeating cycles and weight loss battles, the critical question you need to be asking is this: What are you using the food for? What’s triggering you to overeat? What propels you towards the vending machine or sends you straight for the comfort food? What role does food play in your life? How does your current way of eating serve you? THESE are the million dollar questions. The truth is, you are smart and resourceful and you better believe that you are turning to food for a reason. The way you are currently eating does something important for you. Maybe your eating distracts you or comforts you. Food might momentarily boost your mood or your energy. Maybe you use it to procrastinate or hide out or reward yourself. Are you eating to cope with stress or frustration or exhaustion? Be curious about your hunger and the reasons that you eat. Understanding the meaning of your overeating changes everything. Understanding the purpose of your overeating helps you move beyond unhelpful self-blame and shame and guilt and into a place of compassionate understanding. From this place it’s possible to start addressing the real root causes. Because it’s probably not about the food. If you are a stress eater, you’ll want some more effective tools for addressing the stress in your life. Comfort eater? With the right tools, you can definitely find a better way. Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Nervous? Upset? There are better tools and strategies to address these feelings. And the truth is, once you have the tools and strategies to feel effective, food just doesn’t have the same appeal. Really. Effective weight loss doesn’t start with the food—and—when you address the root cause of your overeating, you don’t just change your weight. You change your life.

Emotional eating is about using food to deal with a feeling or a situation instead of addressing it directly. Get tips on how to deal directly with these situations. Here’s a simple truth. If you were more direct, you’d struggle less with emotional eating. Emotional eating is about using food to deal with a feeling or a situation instead of addressing it directly. Really. It’s that simple. When you resort to stress eating you aren’t really addressing the stress. When you comfort yourself with food, you aren’t really responding to yourself with care and compassion (at least it rarely feels that way in the morning). When you binge on ice cream to drown your sorrows, you aren’t actually tackling the sadness or hurt or the situation that is causing you pain. And emotional eating triggers go beyond feelings. Many people overeat instead of dealing directly with the situations that cause the uncomfortable feelings. You’re worried someone’s mad at you. So you eat. You are mad at someone and that doesn’t feel good (and you don’t want to show it). So you eat. You don’t want to disappoint someone. So you eat. You have a truth to tell that you know won’t be popular. So you eat. You are uncomfortable asking for what you want. So you eat. You need something and it may cause a conflict. So you eat. Sound familiar? Sometimes emotional eating isn’t only about stuffing your feelings. Sometimes overeating is a way of not taking a stand. Want to be effective with food? Want to know how to be effective with weight loss? It’s simple. Start working to be more directly effective in your life. If you want help with emotional eating (or overeating in general), there’s a question that can get to the heart of matters pretty quickly. Next time you find yourself reaching for food you aren’t really hungry for, ask yourself this: “What am I not facing head on and directly?” Be honest, be compassionate, but be firm with yourself. What are you avoiding, side-stepping, or soft-selling? What do you need to help you be more effective and direct? Sometimes you just need to step into your big girl shoes, take a deep breath, and get the job done. Sometimes you’ll find you need some better tools or strategies. Maybe it’s time to get some support or education or a coach so you can stop stuffing your feelings instead of effectively speaking your mind. What have you faced head-on and how has it helped?

Here’s a simple truth. If you were more direct, you’d struggle less with emotional eating. Emotional eating is about using food to deal with a feeling or a situation instead of addressing it directly. Really. It’s that simple. When you resort to stress eating you aren’t really addressing the stress. When you comfort yourself with food, you aren’t really responding to yourself with care and compassion (at least it rarely feels that way in the morning). When you binge on ice cream to drown your sorrows, you aren’t actually tackling the sadness or hurt or the situation that is causing you pain. And emotional eating triggers go beyond feelings. Many people overeat instead of dealing directly with the situations that cause the uncomfortable feelings. You’re worried someone’s mad at you. So you eat. You are mad at someone and that doesn’t feel good (and you don’t want to show it). So you eat. You don’t want to disappoint someone. So you eat. You have a truth to tell that you know won’t be popular. So you eat. You are uncomfortable asking for what you want. So you eat. You need something and it may cause a conflict. So you eat. Sound familiar? Sometimes emotional eating isn’t only about stuffing your feelings. Sometimes overeating is a way of not taking a stand. Want to be effective with food? Want to know how to be effective with weight loss? It’s simple. Start working to be more directly effective in your life. If you want help with emotional eating (or overeating in general), there’s a question that can get to the heart of matters pretty quickly. Next time you find yourself reaching for food you aren’t really hungry for, ask yourself this: “What am I not facing head on and directly?” Be honest, be compassionate, but be firm with yourself. What are you avoiding, side-stepping, or soft-selling? What do you need to help you be more effective and direct? Sometimes you just need to step into your big girl shoes, take a deep breath, and get the job done. Sometimes you’ll find you need some better tools or strategies. Maybe it’s time to get some support or education or a coach so you can stop stuffing your feelings instead of effectively speaking your mind. What have you faced head-on and how has it helped?

What should you eat to lose weight? How much energy have you devoted to this question? Low carb? Raw food? Jenny Craig? Women spend billions of dollars on weight loss, and create a lot of stress making decisions about which diet or weight loss plan to try this time. It’s ironic, because deep down, we know that diets don’t work. And in fact, many of us have lived out the lesson that diets can lead to binge eating and weight gain and bigger problems with food than we started with. It’s not hopeless. Healthy weight loss and what I call peace with food are possible, but they don’t begin with a diet. Here’s the important truth: The battle with overeating isn’t going to be solved by a diet because the root battle with most overeating isn’t about the food. If you want to break free from overeating cycles and weight loss battles, the critical question you need to be asking is this: What are you using the food for? What’s triggering you to overeat? What propels you towards the vending machine or sends you straight for the comfort food? What role does food play in your life? How does your current way of eating serve you? THESE are the million dollar questions. The truth is, you are smart and resourceful and you better believe that you are turning to food for a reason. The way you are currently eating does something important for you. Maybe your eating distracts you or comforts you. Food might momentarily boost your mood or your energy. Maybe you use it to procrastinate or hide out or reward yourself. Are you eating to cope with stress or frustration or exhaustion? Be curious about your hunger and the reasons that you eat. Understanding the meaning of your overeating changes everything. Understanding the purpose of your overeating helps you move beyond unhelpful self-blame and shame and guilt and into a place of compassionate understanding. From this place it’s possible to start addressing the real root causes. Because it’s probably not about the food. If you are a stress eater, you’ll want some more effective tools for addressing the stress in your life. Comfort eater? With the right tools, you can definitely find a better way. Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Nervous? Upset? There are better tools and strategies to address these feelings. And the truth is, once you have the tools and strategies to feel effective, food just doesn’t have the same appeal. Really. Effective weight loss doesn’t start with the food—and—when you address the root cause of your overeating, you don’t just change your weight. You change your life.

No matter how much yoga, meditation, or spa time you put in, life will eventually through you a curve ball. And if your life is anything like mine, life often seems to throw two or three at once. The balance can tip from bliss and balance to stress and overload pretty quickly. And the best new habits, the most well thought out food plans, and the loveliest self-improvement strategies can quickly go to h*ll in a hand basket when stress, exhaustion, or just-plain-misery enter the picture. When the going gets tough—many women just want a carb-fest. One of the most frequent questions I am asked is how not to turn to food for stress relief or comfort. Having a rough day, week, or month? Here are some strategies that can help: Strategies for Avoiding Stress and Reducing Comfort Eating Have an Instead Plan White knuckling it rarely works for very long, and when you eventually have to let go, the reverberations can be huge. In fact, one of the most common triggers for food binges is deprivation and extreme dieting. What this means here is that “not eating,” is not a strategy. If you are going to get through a rotten day without resorting to chocolate, you’re going to need some ideas of what to do instead. Here’s something else you need to know. When you are in a state of stress or overload, or any other strong emotional state, your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders. Creative problem solving is impaired. It’s best to create your Instead Plan before the crisis hits. You’ve heard this from me before. Start making a list of possible alternatives to overeating now. Aim for the low hanging fruit Strategies to avoid comfort eating and stress eating should be easy. If you are having a bad day, don’t expect an awful lot of yourself. When I help my clients craft their instead plans, it’s not uncommon for their first ideas to be out of alignment with their mood and their energy level. “I know that instead of bingeing on leftovers, I should go work out/do the dishes/stop procrastinating on … ” are all common responses. Maybe. I’m a firm believer in the power of exercise to shift mood and energy, and accomplishing something does feel good. But if you feel like collapsing onto your sofa and you give yourself a choice between leftover macaroni and cheese and a half hour on the elliptical or finishing your taxes—do you think your instead plan has an iota of a chance? Really? Identify strategies that match your energy level and your motivation on a cruddy day. That probably means going for the low hanging, easy-to-grab fruit. Also, make sure your strategies meet the same need that the food would be attempting to fill. If you are seeking indulgence and comfort, than “tough love,” isn’t going to fit the bill. Instead of a hard workout, you might want to consider a movie you can get lost in, a phone call with someone who loves you, a lazy evening on the sofa, or a long hot shower. Retreat Sometimes we resort to stress or comfort eating because we simply don’t know what else to do. It’s an attempt to keep going when the going has gotten really tough. It’s hard for high-achievers to comprehend, but sometimes the most effective thing you can do is to do nothing. Stop. Step away from your stress for ten minutes or a day. Change your scenery—leave the room, go outside, or take a short drive. Consider retreating into your senses. Choose a short escape into a sensory experience that is not taste—a warm bath, great smelling tea, a foot massage, or some fragrant flowers. Take a nap. If you are someone who seems to spin out of control with food after a long stressful day, don’t be afraid to throw in your cards for the night and go to bed early. You could probably use the extra sleep anyway and you’ll wake up with more perspective and better focus. Call in the troops Stress is often not only a trigger for overeating, but for isolation. It’s not uncommon to feel “too busy” to ask for help or to reach out for support. It’s a big mistake. Tell those who love you that you are having a hard time and you could use some support (even if you aren’t sure what they could do). Give away, delegate, or ask for help with the tasks that you can share or let go of. Ask for company, or ask for the support you need so that you can be left alone. Here’s something important to note. Strategies for avoiding comfort eating and stress eating aren’t usually major life overhauls. They rarely fix the stressful or difficult situation—but then again, neither does eating. What these strategies are designed to do is to help you feed your spirit and your soul during a very tough time. Isn’t that what comfort really is?

No matter how much yoga, meditation, or spa time you put in, life will eventually through you a curve ball. And if your life is anything like mine, life often seems to throw two or three at once. The balance can tip from bliss and balance to stress and overload pretty quickly. And the best new habits, the most well thought out food plans, and the loveliest self-improvement strategies can quickly go to h*ll in a hand basket when stress, exhaustion, or just-plain-misery enter the picture. When the going gets tough—many women just want a carb-fest. One of the most frequent questions I am asked is how not to turn to food for stress relief or comfort. Having a rough day, week, or month? Here are some strategies that can help: Strategies for Avoiding Stress and Reducing Comfort Eating Have an Instead Plan White knuckling it rarely works for very long, and when you eventually have to let go, the reverberations can be huge. In fact, one of the most common triggers for food binges is deprivation and extreme dieting. What this means here is that “not eating,” is not a strategy. If you are going to get through a rotten day without resorting to chocolate, you’re going to need some ideas of what to do instead. Here’s something else you need to know. When you are in a state of stress or overload, or any other strong emotional state, your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders. Creative problem solving is impaired. It’s best to create your Instead Plan before the crisis hits. You’ve heard this from me before. Start making a list of possible alternatives to overeating now. Aim for the low hanging fruit Strategies to avoid comfort eating and stress eating should be easy. If you are having a bad day, don’t expect an awful lot of yourself. When I help my clients craft their instead plans, it’s not uncommon for their first ideas to be out of alignment with their mood and their energy level. “I know that instead of bingeing on leftovers, I should go work out/do the dishes/stop procrastinating on … ” are all common responses. Maybe. I’m a firm believer in the power of exercise to shift mood and energy, and accomplishing something does feel good. But if you feel like collapsing onto your sofa and you give yourself a choice between leftover macaroni and cheese and a half hour on the elliptical or finishing your taxes—do you think your instead plan has an iota of a chance? Really? Identify strategies that match your energy level and your motivation on a cruddy day. That probably means going for the low hanging, easy-to-grab fruit. Also, make sure your strategies meet the same need that the food would be attempting to fill. If you are seeking indulgence and comfort, than “tough love,” isn’t going to fit the bill. Instead of a hard workout, you might want to consider a movie you can get lost in, a phone call with someone who loves you, a lazy evening on the sofa, or a long hot shower. Retreat Sometimes we resort to stress or comfort eating because we simply don’t know what else to do. It’s an attempt to keep going when the going has gotten really tough. It’s hard for high-achievers to comprehend, but sometimes the most effective thing you can do is to do nothing. Stop. Step away from your stress for ten minutes or a day. Change your scenery—leave the room, go outside, or take a short drive. Consider retreating into your senses. Choose a short escape into a sensory experience that is not taste—a warm bath, great smelling tea, a foot massage, or some fragrant flowers. Take a nap. If you are someone who seems to spin out of control with food after a long stressful day, don’t be afraid to throw in your cards for the night and go to bed early. You could probably use the extra sleep anyway and you’ll wake up with more perspective and better focus. Call in the troops Stress is often not only a trigger for overeating, but for isolation. It’s not uncommon to feel “too busy” to ask for help or to reach out for support. It’s a big mistake. Tell those who love you that you are having a hard time and you could use some support (even if you aren’t sure what they could do). Give away, delegate, or ask for help with the tasks that you can share or let go of. Ask for company, or ask for the support you need so that you can be left alone. Here’s something important to note. Strategies for avoiding comfort eating and stress eating aren’t usually major life overhauls. They rarely fix the stressful or difficult situation—but then again, neither does eating. What these strategies are designed to do is to help you feed your spirit and your soul during a very tough time. Isn’t that what comfort really is?

Few things can be as frustrating as trying to change overeating habits and a busy lifestyle, multitasking, and being distracted can really get in the way. Food is always available and it’s so easy to reach for food or to overeat without even really knowing why. Every dieter knows how easy it is to start the day with good intentions about portion sizes and food choices only to find yourself having eaten more than you wanted, binged on junk food, or picked away at a plate of cookies that someone brought into the office. Emotional eating–eating when you are stressed or overtired or even bored can be an automatic response that happens before you are even fully aware that you are doing it. Before you add unhelpful guilt to your list of triggers for overeating or ditching your weight loss plan, know that there is a much more enjoyable alternative. You deserve to know how to stop stressing, stop doing too much, and create some inner peace. Today’s tip for creating less stress and breaking old patterns with food and overeating: eat a mindful meal. It amazes me how many people multitask when they eat. When is the last time that you were fully present with the meal that you were eating? Fully present means that the TV wasn’t on and you didn’t have a book or a computer in front of you. You weren’t working or making lists of things to do. You weren’t driving somewhere or talking on your cell phone. When is the last time that you were fully aware—with all your senses—of each bite that you put into your mouth? When you truly savored every last morsel? When you were one hundred percent aware of what you were feeling and what you were experiencing while you ate? For many reading this, I know it’s been a long time. Guess what? Mindful eating can be the key to breaking old habits with food and creating new ones. And you can get started almost instantly—as soon as you sit down to your next meal. How to eat a mindful meal Take a deep breath or two and allow yourself to really be in your body. Notice how your mind and your body are feeling. Really notice. You may have gone hours without paying attention. What’s on your mind? What emotions are you experiencing? How does your body feel? Are you tense or relaxed? How hungry are you? Where do you feel it in your body? Put your food on a plate and sit down somewhere where you can enjoy your food without being distracted. Take a few more deep breaths before you do anything. The goal of mindful eating is to fully experience every molecule of this meal. Savor it. Use all your senses. Slow down. Notice your food before you put it into your mouth. Smell it. Think about the experience you anticipate before your taste buds encounter what you are eating. Take a small bite. Feel it in your mouth. Really taste it. Stop and consider what you taste. Move the food around in your mouth. How does it feel? Appreciate the flavor, the texture, the smell. Chew it well or let it melt in your mouth. Take your time. Another goal of mindful eating is to fully experience yourself eating this meal. This might be a very new experience. Be aware of how it feels to slow down and savor. You might be surprised at emotions that come up. Some women learn that they’ve developed a pattern of eating mindlessly so they won’t be aware of their thoughts and feelings or so they can overeat without really thinking about it. Obviously, that’s not helpful. As you eat, after each bite, ask yourself if you’d like another. Notice how your hunger changes. Notice when you stop savoring. Notice if you start to feel impatient with mindful eating. As you practice mindful eating, you are likely to notice things about your eating and your relationship with food that aren’t really about the food at all. You may also find that you need some new tools or strategies to replace overeating so that you can be successful in the long term. It’s not necessary to practice mindful eating every single time you eat (although it can be helpful), but it can be very worthwhile to practice eating mindfully at least once a day. Some clients find it very helpful to identify the periods of eating that are the least mindful for them and use mindful eating techniques specifically during those times.

Taking control of emotional eating and overeating is usually a process. Figuring out what to do instead of emotional eating can be tricky, in part because food is so darn easy to turn to and it is so widely available. If you want to make lasting changes with your eating habits or your weight, it’s important to have two sets of strategies—quick, practical strategies that get you through difficult times, and tools and strategies that help you address the root causes of your overeating—so it doesn’t keep coming back and taking control of your life. I shared tips for creating quick, in-the-moment strategies in my last post. In this post I’ll share why it’s crucial to identify and address the root cause. Stress eating, anxious eating, eating because you are bored or lonely, eating because you are angry or tense or overeating after a hard day are all types of emotional eating. It’s all too easy to turn to food to try to comfort or to distract or to numb. Food is quick, easy to “apply,” and almost always present. Food often makes you feel good—for a few moments. The problem is, the salve doesn’t last, and, the food doesn’t do anything about really addressing the problem that triggered your eating. If you are an emotional eater, one of the most empowering things that you can do is stop berating yourself and calling yourself names when you overeat and turn to food. Start by respecting that you do it for a reason. If you can face your desire to eat with respect, you can start to examine what I call the “real cravings” that underlie or trigger your desire for food. What are you really hungry for? Whether it’s love or respect or stress relief; excitement or comfort,, compassion, or something different, identifying your real craving puts you in the driver’s seat. When you identify and begin to address the root cause of your food attraction, food loses a lot of its power and its hold on you (you might be amazed). Once you are clear that it isn’t really about the chocolate doughnut (or whatever you are craving), your mind won’t be so persistently focused on it. There’s a huge bonus payoff as well. When you identify the root cause of your emotional eating and start feeding that true craving, not only does emotional eating get better—so does your life. Truly taking charge of emotional eating guides you to address important concerns so that your life works better for you. Creating peace with food really does mean creating a better life. If you would like an accelerated, step-by-step guide for taking control of emotional eating, in a do-able way, you’ll want to take a look at the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program, my self-guided use-at-home system that walks you through the process of transforming your relationship with food through daily, do-able steps.

Taking control of emotional eating and overeating is usually a process. Figuring out what to do instead of emotional eating can be tricky, in part because food is so darn easy to turn to and it is so widely available. If you want to make lasting changes with your eating habits or your weight, it’s important to have two sets of strategies—quick, practical strategies that get you through difficult times, and tools and strategies that help you address the root causes of your overeating—so it doesn’t keep coming back and taking control of your life. I shared tips for creating quick, in-the-moment strategies in my last post. In this post I’ll share why it’s crucial to identify and address the root cause. Stress eating, anxious eating, eating because you are bored or lonely, eating because you are angry or tense or overeating after a hard day are all types of emotional eating. It’s all too easy to turn to food to try to comfort or to distract or to numb. Food is quick, easy to “apply,” and almost always present. Food often makes you feel good—for a few moments. The problem is, the salve doesn’t last, and, the food doesn’t do anything about really addressing the problem that triggered your eating. If you are an emotional eater, one of the most empowering things that you can do is stop berating yourself and calling yourself names when you overeat and turn to food. Start by respecting that you do it for a reason. If you can face your desire to eat with respect, you can start to examine what I call the “real cravings” that underlie or trigger your desire for food. What are you really hungry for? Whether it’s love or respect or stress relief; excitement or comfort,, compassion, or something different, identifying your real craving puts you in the driver’s seat. When you identify and begin to address the root cause of your food attraction, food loses a lot of its power and its hold on you (you might be amazed). Once you are clear that it isn’t really about the chocolate doughnut (or whatever you are craving), your mind won’t be so persistently focused on it. There’s a huge bonus payoff as well. When you identify the root cause of your emotional eating and start feeding that true craving, not only does emotional eating get better—so does your life. Truly taking charge of emotional eating guides you to address important concerns so that your life works better for you. Creating peace with food really does mean creating a better life. If you would like an accelerated, step-by-step guide for taking control of emotional eating, in a do-able way, you’ll want to take a look at the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program, my self-guided use-at-home system that walks you through the process of transforming your relationship with food through daily, do-able steps.

Few things can be as frustrating as trying to change overeating habits and a busy lifestyle, multitasking, and being distracted can really get in the way. Food is always available and it’s so easy to reach for food or to overeat without even really knowing why. Every dieter knows how easy it is to start the day with good intentions about portion sizes and food choices only to find yourself having eaten more than you wanted, binged on junk food, or picked away at a plate of cookies that someone brought into the office. Emotional eating–eating when you are stressed or overtired or even bored can be an automatic response that happens before you are even fully aware that you are doing it. Before you add unhelpful guilt to your list of triggers for overeating or ditching your weight loss plan, know that there is a much more enjoyable alternative. You deserve to know how to stop stressing, stop doing too much, and create some inner peace. Today’s tip for creating less stress and breaking old patterns with food and overeating: eat a mindful meal. It amazes me how many people multitask when they eat. When is the last time that you were fully present with the meal that you were eating? Fully present means that the TV wasn’t on and you didn’t have a book or a computer in front of you. You weren’t working or making lists of things to do. You weren’t driving somewhere or talking on your cell phone. When is the last time that you were fully aware—with all your senses—of each bite that you put into your mouth? When you truly savored every last morsel? When you were one hundred percent aware of what you were feeling and what you were experiencing while you ate? For many reading this, I know it’s been a long time. Guess what? Mindful eating can be the key to breaking old habits with food and creating new ones. And you can get started almost instantly—as soon as you sit down to your next meal. How to eat a mindful meal Take a deep breath or two and allow yourself to really be in your body. Notice how your mind and your body are feeling. Really notice. You may have gone hours without paying attention. What’s on your mind? What emotions are you experiencing? How does your body feel? Are you tense or relaxed? How hungry are you? Where do you feel it in your body? Put your food on a plate and sit down somewhere where you can enjoy your food without being distracted. Take a few more deep breaths before you do anything. The goal of mindful eating is to fully experience every molecule of this meal. Savor it. Use all your senses. Slow down. Notice your food before you put it into your mouth. Smell it. Think about the experience you anticipate before your taste buds encounter what you are eating. Take a small bite. Feel it in your mouth. Really taste it. Stop and consider what you taste. Move the food around in your mouth. How does it feel? Appreciate the flavor, the texture, the smell. Chew it well or let it melt in your mouth. Take your time. Another goal of mindful eating is to fully experience yourself eating this meal. This might be a very new experience. Be aware of how it feels to slow down and savor. You might be surprised at emotions that come up. Some women learn that they’ve developed a pattern of eating mindlessly so they won’t be aware of their thoughts and feelings or so they can overeat without really thinking about it. Obviously, that’s not helpful. As you eat, after each bite, ask yourself if you’d like another. Notice how your hunger changes. Notice when you stop savoring. Notice if you start to feel impatient with mindful eating. As you practice mindful eating, you are likely to notice things about your eating and your relationship with food that aren’t really about the food at all. You may also find that you need some new tools or strategies to replace overeating so that you can be successful in the long term. It’s not necessary to practice mindful eating every single time you eat (although it can be helpful), but it can be very worthwhile to practice eating mindfully at least once a day. Some clients find it very helpful to identify the periods of eating that are the least mindful for them and use mindful eating techniques specifically during those times.

When I wrote my earlier article on overeating and self-sabotage, I realized that I had just touched the surface. Creating a mindset for success is critical if you want to end overeating and create a lasting peace with food. This is also true if you are trying to break free of struggles with stress, overload, and overwhelm. Little things add up and the way you talk to yourself and approach your life can have a big influence on whether you are sabotaging your success or creating changes that last. Now is a perfect time to take a look at your thinking to make sure you are not falling prey to these five beliefs that can sabotage your success with overeating and emotional eating. Five more self-sabotaging mindsets: 1. This is just something I have to accept/ it wasn’t meant to be. Many women live with the secret belief that they will never be successful. “I’ll always be fat.” “I’ll always struggle with food.” “I’m going to be dieting for the rest of my life.” If this sounds familiar—please pay attention. You are working against yourself every time you start a plan to change with the belief that you will fail. Put your efforts into goals and plans for growth that you can see success with. Start with a goal you can wrap your mind around. If you don’t believe you can lose 150 pounds (and you want to), set a goal that you believe you can achieve—even if it’s losing two pounds. Then, find someone who you trust who believes in you and can help you grow your belief in yourself. Changing this mindset will change your life. Truly. 2. Faulty filters. We see what we expect to see. Research has proven over and over that our brains are trained to collect information that confirms what we already believe and filter out the rest. That’s one reason becoming aware of mindsets that can lead to self-sabotage is so important. If you believe you are unlucky or a failure or that you are lazy or that you can’t live without dessert, you will find all sorts of evidence to confirm that belief. You will create that reality. You’ll also be highly likely to miss the other evidence—the things you do well, the strengths that you have, or the ways that you can be successful without that sweet treat at the end of a meal. Practice creating the filters that create success. Make an effort to notice your accomplishments and your good moments. Practice acknowledging gratefulness and times that you are lucky. Try this—practice seeing the good in yourself and making a note of three great things about you every single day. 3. I don’t have time. It’s time to take this sentence out of your vocabulary. Time is the great equalizer. We all get the same amount, every single day. We all choose how we spend and manage our time. How would it feel to replace “I don’t have time” with “I’m choosing to spend my time on something else”? The truth is, claiming time for you is a choice. Here’s another truth: claiming time for self-care and your other priorities can have a big impact on your success with emotional eating and overeating. Try scheduling your needs like you schedule everything else and see what happens. 4. It will upset people. If you want a sure way not to accomplish your goals, make it your mission to make everyone happy. It’s not possible. People get into self-sabotaging traps with overeating (and other unhelpful habits) when they neglect their own needs and feelings because they are trying to please others or avoid conflict. This becomes even more tangled up because many women overeat as a way to try to cope with conflict and other people’s anger or frustration. If you want to break free from overeating, learning to handle conflict with a degree of comfort will pay off big. 5. I missed out/I’m too old. Do you believe that it’s just too late for you? Here’s a way to turn that show-stopping belief on its head: if you feel like it’s late in the game, than the stakes are even higher. Life is short and every moment counts. Don’t make the self-sabotaging mistake of spending THIS moment looking over your shoulder regretting the past. Take a deep breath and own THIS moment. It’s the only one that you can count on and it is the only one that you can control. Set your sites on where you want to go and then get the help you need to start moving in that direction. You write the story of your life. That story can stop you in your tracks and it can also propel you powerfully forward. The beauty is that you can edit and rewrite as you go along. Choose your mindset and your story carefully. Be mindful of feeding the beliefs you want to nourish and let the old unhelpful ones go hungry. That’s a powerful approach to taking control of overeating. Let me know what amazing changes you start seeing.

If taking control of overeating and emotional eating was easy, you probably wouldn’t be reading this right now. The truth is, once you know a bit about nutrition and the basics of “eat less, move more,” finding success with overeating usually boils down to how you manage choices, thoughts, and feelings in the rest of your life. Emotional eating is a big reason women overeat, but the way we think can also impact our success. When it comes to breaking free from emotional eating and overeating, the head game is huge. If you feel trapped in vicious cycles with overeating and weight or if you aren’t creating the success you want, it’s probably time to take a look at whether your beliefs are sabotaging your efforts. Five beliefs that may be sabotaging your success with overeating: All-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking is really perfectionism in disguise. It’s the belief that you’ve either succeeded or you’ve failed. It’s a way of approaching life that may lead to thoughts like, “I’ve blown it, now I might as well finish the leftovers because I’m going to have to start over again in the morning.” All-or-nothing thinking never allows you to feel good about what you are doing, because no one can get it all right all the time. The truth is that your relationship with food unfolds all day long. You’ll have good moments and not-so-good ones, but whatever happened a moment or an hour ago does not erase your ability to do something positive in the present. Instead of focusing on getting it perfect, think about doing your best—one step at a time. I don’t deserve it. One of the biggest reasons women overeat is because they are using food as a substitute for something else—Overeating becomes a sneaky way to give yourself a treat or a break or to comfort yourself when you don’t feel entitled to let yourself have what you really need. Here’s another hard truth: we tend to attract people who treat us the way we treat ourselves. Treat yourself with pride and respect and indulge in and savor what you crave and you are likely to start commanding more of the same from those who surround you. If you feel like the people in your life don’t treat you very well, take a look at the beliefs you have about what you deserve. It’s not okay to be selfish. Many of us were raised with the idea that we need to put others first or focus on taking care of the people we care about. There’s nothing wrong with being kind and nurturing—it’s a fantastic strength to have. However, it can lead to self-sabotage if you aren’t also prioritizing your self and shining your nurturing and your compassion on yourself along with everyone else. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s what helps you to bring your best version of you to your life, your relationships, and your work. I “should” be able to figure this out. This self-sabotaging mindset is frequently accompanied by self-blame and angry judgments with yourself because you can’t figure it out. This belief tends to lead to feeling alone and isolated and not getting the help and support that you need. Living alone with the feeling that you are failing when you shouldn’t be can also create even more shame and loss of confidence. This is a particularly sticky trap, but it’s also one where you can have an amazing impact if you break free. Many women are astounded by what happens when they reach out for help, share their struggles with another supportive person, or start looking outside themselves for the resources and tools to take control of overeating. The “should” trap. “I should be able to figure this out” is only one should that sabotages success. Shoulds in general are something to be careful of. Real, lasting success is created when we combine solid information, strategies, and tools with what we know about ourselves and what works for us. Too many shoulds can disconnect you from yourself and your own inner wisdom. They can lead to overwhelm and can incite your inner rebel to throw in the towel. Ask yourself if your should is really an I want to. If it isn’t, do you have a compelling reason for using it? My client could not get enthusiastic about her doctor telling her she “should” lose eighty pounds. She did get motivated when I helped her find her want. Once she got clear that what she really wanted was to be healthy and fit enough to go bike riding with her daughter again, she felt ready to do some hard work. The should dragged her energy down. The compelling reason she found lit her up and got her moving toward a goal. Are you trying to break free of vicious cycles that you keep getting caught in? Don’t ignore your head game! Check out this follow up article because I’m going to share more beliefs that you might want to challenge.