Jennifur

Morning gals i am awake, that is a good thing - still struggling through every day. I booked my trip to Atlantic City yesterday afternoon, I'm glad not going to CT. I don't think i could handle that. I got a room right at the Tropicana for $72 a night, my aunt who passed away is supporting my trip, all the cousins/aunts made a small contribution to my mental well being. I'll have a total of $400 in sending money which is more than enough, because what do i do?? i want to sit on the beach and pool and have some fun night life. I've never been able to do that because the kids were always too small to leave alone. I'm going to get my roots done this morning, they are horrible, and well... the last few times because of meds, and my overall health, they have been coming out different colors, last time was a little darker, the time beore my roots were bright red.... so i guess we will see today. Haydee, I think you should assign Judy to find the perfect dresses, it looks like she is on the right track...LOL Have a great day

weather in Mystic CT is crapy next week, so I am going to Atlantic City, I've never been, and it is going to be a perfect week, leaving Monday and coming home Thursday. Staying right at the Tropicana for $75 a night. I am very excited about that, someplace new, for me and my friend Michelle, we both have sad ties in Mystic so this is going to be a fresh tradition for both of us... just fun and girls! no family or relationship stuff so i'm even happier about that. well, no sunshine here today so my quiet day does not include sun.. oh well, time well spent on this adventure.

Haydee - you hit the nail on the head, although I was never married, i feel like the hard end of the divorce after all these years. But.... I do have faith, and I think that is part of what is helping me get out of bed every day, not helping with how i feel about me, but i'm not in bed so that is a bonus.

morning thanks for letting me vent yesterday, don't feel any better today but it is another day and i'm still breathing. I had to leave my cover off the pool and we had the cold night temps here last night so I'm afraid to look at how cold it is, but, I will be out floating in the sun if it ever comes out. DS is going with my aunt today so it is all about me. We are not having a summer at all here, and i love heat so that is a problem. LOL hope you all have a good day

Laura - I'm not sure what I can or cannot take with the meds i'm on, which are really helping, a year ago i would be in bed for weeks! I was going to wait to take the bathroom floor up but i will probably try to start that Tuesdy, when i was working to get everything finished, i was occupied, today was a lazy day and i had too much time to think

thanks for the kind words. Today is just a sad day - I feel lost and as i was going out not that long ago, i don't think that anyone could possibly want to be with me, although kev and i had issues, he always told me how proud of me he was, so out of no where for him to leave me just takes everything out of me. i just wonder why i'm so horrible and i'm going to spend the rest of my life alone. Kind of sad isn't it. well... on that happy note, I'm going to lie down and pray i can sleep, i'm not getting much of that these days either.

thanks i wish i could snap out of where i am too, it is not a fun place

Morning gals Tracy glad you guys made it through the weekend and all is weel. Terry - sounds perfect I'm really sick to death about my life change the last 10days, i don't know how to take any of it. I am hurting so badly and don't know what or how to move on. The party is over and I don't have anything major to distract me and in the last 12 hrs, that is not good, i have not slept more than an hour at a time in the last 10days and i am up thinking, which is not good. i don't know what to do with myself - and how worthless i feel, but i wont bore you with that. anyway, have a graduation party today, going to try to get my shit together so i can function. hope you all have good day

hi gals just a check in... everyone is gone and has been a very very long day i didn't eat much but i'm super stuffed and man i wish i could go to the bathroom. i offered to sit for a friends kid but he is bored out of his mind, i'm exhausted and he is here until midnight. i'm going to have to take a little nap, 20 mins or so i'm trying so hard to stay strong, but i think i might crash today. i'm tired and just mentally exhausted

Morning gals just wanted to check in before i vanish for the day. I'm showered and drinking my coffee before i have to finish getting things together and leave for the cemetary. I'm ticked because the pool is a little cloudy, we have had so much rain it was a mess from my ph being off, i got it clean except a few leaves i missed and almost clear but still a little cloudy, it is always perfect so it doesn't make me happy the day of a party. have a great weekend everyone oh i saw someone... an arch enemy to be honest.... who has thrown in my face recently she is smaller than me.. well, i didn't even know it was her and i knew when i saw her she had full rny - she lost 150lbs in 6 months and the skin on her face and neck alone made her look like she was 75years old.... and said she is super hot.... with all the skin and the hips and ass she had, can't be less than 25-30lbs less than me... and i'll take that anyday, expecially since i was out last week and was complimented and told i didn't look a day over 30. ok that is my good moment of the day... oh that and i'm down the 5 from june and maybe if i can go to the bathroom, i can get working on the -5 for july

hi gals, just sitting down for the first time in days had a bad emotional day yesterday with Kev, I'm trying to get some answers and closure to our past. He is probably going to be admitted to an in patient treatment center to get his mental issues taken care of, which he should have done a year ago when they wanted to put him in there. Anyway... sometimes the truth and honesty helps but hurts if that makes sense. on top of that, i don't have time for a complete mental breakdown, not even close. I got everything done, yard is mowed, bathroom is done until i take the floor up next week, wall in living room is done, laundry room is cleaned out (it is my office too) so tomorrow, i have to put ice in the coolers, which already are filled, and veggies that were cut tonight on the tray. That should be it! Tomorrow mornng i'll take pics of the bathroom and post them at some point, I am very pleased except I need to buy a new faucet which pisses me off, the one i have was $250 and that does not make me happy to replace. anyway, i'm going to run the vaccume and maybe go to sleep, i only got 2 hrs last night, but i did get to watch my all time favorite movie Practical Magic at 1am so that was a bonus hope you are all doing well and i'll catch up 100% this weekend Haydee... I say beautiful free wedding sounds great! LOL that would be my speed... oh wait, doesn't look like that is ever going to happen for me. anyway... talk to you all later

Terry the Wellbutriin must be working, today is not one of my better days - Kev and I are talking, i guess in my mind it is closure, but it is not easy, I can still cry and feel on the meds, but I can tell they are definately keeping me from going back to bed and not getting up, so i guess that is a good thing right? We are going to the cemetary, going to put her in the ground and say goodbye and then back here for the "party". It was so sudden when she died, but i got to tell her goodbye in hospice while they were waiting for her to go. She would want everyone together, and it is going to be nice. Mom used the rest of her money to buy food and booze and since i have the new deck and pool, we figured why go to a resturant where we couldn't just mingle and enjoy family? right My house is a huge mess because of finishing everything up, so besides cleaning, mowing and setting everything up, i am about to finish painting the bathroom - i was so tired last night i was starting to get sloppy - I have to paint trim and a couple shelves so i can put them back and wash floors My dd went to the today show today, she was not on tv but was by the door and along the rail, she met Bruno and was so excited.

Morning gals today is not one of my better days, but wanted to check in laura, that dress is beautiful, and pics are so nice. Happy bday Pamela

Haydee good luck with the dresses, they are all so different. Me personally, I would have to say my fav is the 2nd one, mostly because I love the back - I also love the Ashton Gardens, besides the chapel looks beautiful, but I would want to be inside with air. I would worry about being very hot outside, I'd be nervous as it is and add heat... i'd be sweating like a pig. lol The golf course does look really nice too, and either one will be beautiful.

Happy Birthday Michelle well, dd is off to NYC with her best friend, my mom, aunt and uncle... it is going to be quiet here. just me and ds. I got about 3 hrs sleep last night, got the living room painted last night with mom, going to hang curtins today and paint the bathroom walls, so when mom gets back tomorrow she can paint the ceiling and the trim, i'm just not good at that part. So after my aunt leaves, the tiles come out of the bathroom and the floor goes down, and done.. I don't know if i mentioned Sat we are having 20+ people here for a memorial service for my aunt, but it forced me to get a lot done. Only room left downstair is the laundry room. I'm going to enjoy August first. So... can you imagine how much I have to do for Saturday, mow, set up tents, tables, coolers, finish bathroom, clean, one last store run for veggie tray, beer and ice, and clean the pool. I'm tired thinking about it LOL. Only kidding, i can't sleep and not tired so i can do it, just need to organize my thought. Terry hope you have a great trip Everyone be good,

Tracy what ever you have going on this weekend, I will keep you all in my thoughts. just got done putting primer on the new ceiling i did, i have not an ounce of upper body strength, my arm is killing me from overhead painting! taking a quick relax break and then going to put some while paint on the walls, a friend of mine taught me this trick of putting paint on the walls and taping off and it gives the apperance of molding without the expense, I did the same in the kitchen and love it, so we are doing all the rooms like that. well have fun, i'll check in later, and will post pics tomorrow when it is all done, you will not even know it is the same bathroom

morning Thanks Laura and Suzie I feel pretty good on this and it has only been a week, so it works for quitting smoking, and you wont gain weight on it, i highly recommend..LOL with everything going on, I am happy to be -14 in 2 weeks, i lost the first 4 on high Protein and the rest on the meds. so i'm back to where i was to start over, I have a dr appt this month so at least I won't be up a ton. I don't think i'm going to get a fill or unfil, i think i'm just going to tell him about the lexapro and weight gain and all my issues with eating because of stress and schedule another appointment in 3 months. sorry, thinking outloud Terry- i hope you are having a great time Tracyk- how are things going with the dsd? things calming down I am off to paint, have my memorial service this weekend here

Hi gals i'm alive, wanted to check in. I was given Wellbutrin last week before everything, and was on 1/2 the dose, but was increased to the full dose on Sautrday, my dr left it up to me if i wanted or felt like i needed the full amount. Guess what... I did I have not slept in 3 days, maybe 5 hrs max since Thursday night, and last thing i ate was a snack wrap from McD's on Friday ... so I know not good, but I couldn't throw up again and now i'm just a mess. But happy news, i lost every ounce of what i gained on the last meds. So i'm back down 12lbs, so that is good. I had 1/2 cup of icecream tonigh, ran to the bathroom and wanted to die, but no throwing up. I had a very small wine glass of my drink tonight with my mom, but have been trying not to drink. Anyway, thanks, love ya and miss ya all, i'm doing much better than every imagined.

hi girls hope everyone had a great 4th. Concert was good, except for the part where Kev bailed on me and our kids. After all the begging he did to get me back and worked so hard, his mental state has spun so out of control that he can't do it anymore. So needless to say, our wonderful dd wants nothing to do with him and never wants to see him again for what he has done over the years, but this week was it. I will never forget 7/4 because in a sense it was one of the worst days of my life. How did I know i was going to need to be medicated this week? Yesterday i was numb, today i can't stop crying, He sent me a long email, and that is supposed to be my closure? His years of abuse has made me feel worthless and weak, and this i have realized now, and i stood up for myself Friday in front of our daughter, no yelling, just being strong, and he turned it into me - she needed me to be strong, how can she grow up to deal with anything different than she knows. 38 years old, and other than 2 great kids, i have been alone most of my life, i regret so much which is making my mental state so much worse. Thanks all for listening, i just need to get it out, I have not been able to eat or sleep for 2 days and i'm just not doing well.

Morning gals Laura - get rest when you can so you don't get sick. I alway seem to crash and get what ever is going around after i know everyone is well. Terry - have fun on your trip, my dd out of no where said she wanted to go to CO.... i don't have a clue where that came from, so post some pics so i can show her? Tracy - how old is dsd? Karma .... that is all i can say, not really knowing the situation, but i think you are right, they will do themselves in with her so I hope things settle down for your sake, I can't see you keeping quiet forever either... LOL... jk... or am I? I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, my back is killing me, and dd didn't take the trash out last night so before my coffee i heard them coming and had to run out and get it all together... BEFORE MY COFFEE... not good, i nicely advised her that it should go out on Thursday night during the summer and it is not really an option at this point. After I tile the bathroom wall, i'm going to get ready and we are going to the DefLeppard, Poison, Cheap Trick concert tonight. I have to get up tomorrow morning and finish the border tiles on the wall in the bathroom. I'm starting to freak out about how much I have to do before the "memorial service" that is here next Saturday, and my mother has Tuesday and Friday to Paint. I have 2 parties to go to tomorrow, they both start at the same time, but 1 goes into the night so that is ok, the first one is dry, the second... well, the kids will be going home early, and it is at the end of the street so they will not be far. Sunday I have to work my butt off to get things done around here, my final day to finish repairing little holes and make sure they are good to go for the final paint and carpet cleaning on Friday.... I need to Breathe Well, off I go, so much to do, so little time

Thanks Haydee I'll work on that and figure out how I can make it and play the mind game now so i'll be in a better place next may.... plus i have a credit to fly ... lol after fighting with my faucet all morning, i'm finally going to tile the seat in the bathroom... ugh... waste of a morning screwing around with all that Michelle... how come you are not in a lot of the pics? were you the photographer. Looks like you all had a good time.....

Pamela have a fantastic time and birthday ! Morning gals raining again today, i just mowed on Sunday and has to be done again already, i don't know how the pool is up to 82 with all this rain. Painted the bathroom around the tub yesterday so i can start tiling today. I'm going to finish painting on Monday, but the tiles are the most time consuming thing at this point. I got tanish tiles with a mossy green paint. My friend has a very bad back and has been painting and pushed herself, so i told her i would come help this afternoon, i won't be able to do much here until the tiles are set, so why not. I went to my dr yesterday, my bp is high for me. 125/80 so she increased my water pill, which i told her I could tell was not working, so we will see. I was kind of put off when I said that the lexapro just made me sleep and gain weight... she said it will make you gain weight... I thought WTF???? right... she knows what i've been through the last 2 years, why would you give me something to make me gain weight? So, now i'm on welburtun (SP), which i have to take in the morning and has been known to help people lose weight as a bonus... not guaranteed but will not gain from it, so that is all that matters. Haydee - ok, where is it that I would fly into next May for your wedding? I'm going to plan a vacation around that and pump myself up. I did love TX so very much. I have to mentally prepare myself for a year and i'll be good to go! I'm going to try to get onto facebook and look at pics... Laura did you do a photobucket link?

Image hosting, free photo sharing & video sharing at Photobucket this is what i have been doing with all my time. The landscaping was a huge thing, i can build walls and mow lawn, but plant... yuck oh... the seat was a closet, i took a wall and door down, the dryer was in there

morning gals sorry was distracted and my computer was freaking out from all my facebook stuff. Haydee, i got kicked off facebook from everything i got trying to load all at one time. i'm drinking coffee and getting ready for my dr appt, primary, who i hope will give me something to mellow me out without the weight gain, and adjust my water pill, which does not seem to be working anymore then home to tile the bathroom seat, so tomorrow i can tile the wall around it. I have a week to get it all done

hi guys you all look like you had so much fun, was just looking on face book I got kicked off, my family reunion was last week so i had millions of photos