Lisa's Hope

Hi Everyone,
 
It has been a very long time since I posted. The last time was 8 days post op. I have been following a sleevers page on facebook but I miss this forum so I'm back to stay.
 
It has been 4 1/2 months since my surgery. I have lost 70 pounds. It seems the weight loss is slowing down a LOT! It gets frustrating but I realize that I wouldn't have able to lose 70 pounds without this surgery. I'm so glad I did it even though I questioned myself right after.
 
I am almost off all of my hypertensive medication which is so awesome because I was on two different ones and have had HBP since I was in my early 20's. I was also a borderline diabetic before the surgery and now my numbers are great! I can't thank God enough for this opportunity and blessing to have this surgery. I did have to pay for it because my insurance sucks and won't pay for hardly anything but I know it was so worth it.
 
I'm a little concerned that my weight loss has slowed. I had hoped that the honeymoon phase would last at least 6 months but it seems for me it hasn't. It is really hard for me to lose 2 pounds a week now. I am eating well and getting in all of my protein first. I do have hypothyroidism due to ablation of my thyroid so that may have something to do with it. I do know that there is no way I would have been able to lose 70 pounds in 4 1/2 months without this surgery. I'm so thankful!!
 
In the last two weeks I was able to walk 2 5k's! Before, that would have never been possible. I was close to 300 pounds. My pre op weight was 297 and now I'm 222! Can't wait to be in onederland! I hope to be there by Christmas! What a wonderful gift that would be.
 
Ok... so everyone have a great day and I definitely am staying on this forum! God bless! Most recent pic with my daughter attached!

Well, it's the end of another year and to be honest, I still have to remind myself to write 2012 on my checks (when I actually have to use one). Therefore, writing 2013 is going to be a huge pain in the rear for me. Now, I am not one to make resolutions. To be honest, i don't think I've ever kept one I've made so I finally realized that there was no reason to make any. If someone wants to change, they will...it won't just magically happen becasue it's January 1st. Trust me, I wish that was a case. If it was, we wouldn't all be constantly working to get/remain healthy and thin. Also, there would be a lot of surgeons out there who wouldn't be as wealthy as they are right now...thanks to us. You are welcome surgeons...from all of us. Sorry, i digress. Now, I thought I wold take the time to look back on my year and share my wisdom with you all....or at least what I think is wisdom. It could be a big ole pile of steaming crap, but I'm going to share it anyway. Lucky for you all, if it is crap, you don't have to smell it since you're reading it. So, here is what I've learned...or at least began to learn in 2012.
 
1. It's true, you do feel much better when you stop smoking. But, it's also true that even after a year, there are times you still want one....even if it's only for a second or two
 
2. Weight loss surgery is NOT an easy fix. It's hard work and I battle every day with changing my negative food thoughts and behaviors. But, it does get easier.
 
3. Getting frustrated becasue you can't eat what others are having is normal. Crying and yelling at your husband for eating pizza in front of you is PMS.
 
4. Fiber is CRITICAL after WLS
 
5. Stalls are normal...even if they last for a while
 
6. Getting down for being in a stall is just as normal....but remember number 5!
 
7. My weight loss is not like anyone else's. There are people who have lost more or not as much in the same amount of time.
 
8. Going from a tight size 26-28 to a good fitting 16 feels better than any food can taste
 
9. Taste buds change....which can be good and bad.
 
10. Pulling out my clothes from the dryer and having to double check to make sure they are mine due to how small they look is the coolest thing about doing laundry
 
11. Sex is better....and it was really good before hand
 
12. Raging hormones can make you a b***h to live with so make sure you live with someone who truly loves you.....I'm lucky because I would have divorced me if I were my husband
 
13. Make up sex while having raging hormones is even better than better
 
14. My boobs hang low....(cue my "hang low song"....for all those who have read my prior blogs)
 
15. I miss my boobs...and my butt.
 
16. Surgery can give me my boobs back and I'll still be thin....sounds better than having perky, big boobs right now.
 
17. Onions don't sit well with me anymore
 
18. I fart....a lot since surgery.
 
19. I really hope that stops soon....but not as much as my husband does
 
20. I have a rabbit living in my colon....and we've learned to live together
 
21. Pain after surgery isn't as bad as I thought it would be...and they didn't give me the right meds to deal with the pain
 
22. Walking is the best thing to do to get gas out
 
23. I am not perfect and sometimes I eat things that I shouldn't...but I don't eat much
 
24. Alcohol has a WHOLE different affect on me now.....that can be good or bad...good for me, bad for hubby who doesn't like me tipsy. LOL
 
and last but not least
 
25. Laughing through all the ups and downs is the only thing that can keep you sane
 
So, with all these little tid bits learned, I plan to go into the new year with an open mind and a willingness to continue to make positive changes, the knowledge to know I'm not perfect, and strength to say no to the bad food (most of the time). I hope you all are able to do the same.
 
Happy New Year everyone.....here's to a safe, happy, and healthy year ahead.
 
 
Now for some funny stuff.....LOL
 
Have to remember to eat so that I don't look like this in the New Year!!!
 

 
 
Have to remember not to eat too much so this doesn't happen....again....LOL
 

 
 
Most importantly, I have to remember to be happy with who I am...on the inside and out.
 

I won't lie to anyone it is hard work trying to live with out food as my crutch and sometimes (even with the surgery) I fall short of my ideal behavior when it comes to food. There are people who have told me that I've taken the easy way out. I disagree with them but I don't waste my breath arguing with them anymore. Even with the surgery I still have to closely monitor what I eat and be more active. The surgery has given me the help I need to lose weight but it doesn't mean that I woke up from the surgery cured of my old bad food habits. But I manage my eating much better. I'm encouraged that I'm moving closer to where I want to be. Good things that have happened to me since my surgery:
I can walk to my car without having to stop and take a breath
I'm not in constant pain because of my knees
I have given away over 10 bags of clothes that are way too big for me--I'm down 4 sizes so far
People sit next to me on the train (I used to feel so guilty taking up two seats when the train was crowded)
I cooked dinner at thanksgiving and it didn't wear me out --being on my feet for a few hours easy peasy
I look in the mirror and I recognize myself!
I do have a figure(my waist line is returning)
my bath sheets wrap around me there's no big gap!
there is really cute lingerie in my size
Oh my doctors have taken me off a couple of my meds
I realize I can only eat so much so I visually measure out a cup of food and that's my meal

There's a lot of little things but mainly I'm just thankful that I was able to do this surgery. I'm grateful that my insurance covered it and I'm grateful that I chose the right program. I feel really blessed by the whole experience problems and all.

Hello Everyone and thanks for taking a moment to read my blog.
I'm Zazilia, married, no children 33 years old.
On December 2009 I decided to get the lapband surgery because I was 280 lbs plus I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome) And if I didn't lose weight i had big chances of getting diabetes (I was pre-diabetic) and heart disease due to family history.
Anyways i went for it and got my band put in.... i lost 83 lbs (in about a year).. yay me! however back in that time i was single, lived by myself and had the right food at home at all times.
When 2011 hit (married now) I, as well, hit a huge brick wall and i stopped losing weight. Eventually i started gaining the weight back and right before surgery (last week) i was 241 lbs.
I was so frustrated with myself tried to do as good as i could, adjusted my band up to 7.75 cc's and i often got a pain on my left shoulder due to the lapband.
I started getting everything together for my Sleeve surgery, spoke with my surgeon, and he saw how much i struggled and he approved of me getting the Sleeve, then went through a bunch of pre-surgical testings and sent it to my insurance , after a couple of months of waiting, my insurance finally approved it! (Anthem BCBS)
When i went to my pre-op a week before surgery the nurse saw i was having high blood pressure for the first time which was another motivation to start losing weight again.
She prescribed me dilaudid for pain, zofran for nausea and omeprozole for acid reflux to start taking them once im back home from surgery.
The day before surgery (Monday nov 12th) i was on clear liquids and had nothing to drink after midnight.
Then the day of surgery got here! (Finally!!) (Tuesday 13th) I arrived to the hospital, got registered did a pregnancy urine test then went up to talk to one of the surgical nurses about my health history, then they asked me to changed into my hospital gown and lay on a stretcher and a small room and they set up my IV and gave me an anticoagulant shot on my belly to avoid blood clots.
Spoke with the anesthesiologist and my surgeon to make sure i was calmed and they explained everything that was going to happen.
They took me to the OR and i changed from my bed to another one where they positioned me like a cross. The anesthesiologist gave me a shot through my IV to "get me high" those were his exact words then he gave me oxygen and then he said "ok now im going to give u the good stuff" i said ok guys ''have a goodnight" and i passed out.
Next thing i hear is the nurse in the recovery room telling me to take deep breaths and the first thing that came out of my mouth was : "Holy Crap this hurts where's the morphine" lol they controlled my pain rapidly and took me to my room.
The nurses were so nice to me, even though apparently the anesthesia gives me low tolerance cause i was being very "bitchy" to everyone (My husband made sure he made me aware of it once i was back to my self entirely lol) They checked my vitals every 4 hours, gave me morphine when i needed and i didn't have to wait. I started walking back and forth a couple of hours right after the surgery and i the pain stood minimal.
They gave me little tiny ice cups (about 3 ounces each) and it tasted like glory! since my mouth was as dry as a shoe lol
My biggest struggle after surgery was trying to pee! It was almost impossible because it wouldn't come out! and the nurses told me that was normal due to the anesthesia after that the whole experience wasn't bad at all.
At the next day i felt good enough to go home, i was discharged at 2 pm and came home.
I was instructed to be on clear liquids until today (Sunday) i drank water, diet snapple, sugar free jello and sugar free ice pops. Today i started full liquids and had a "EAS advantage protein shake" which took me about a hour and a half to chug down and some homemade chicken broth.
Am I hungry? Absolutely not! Do i crave to eat everything even the inedible YES like my friend who had the sleeve done years ago and went from a size 22 to a size 2 told me, "they operate your stomach however the don't operate your mind"
I weigh myself today and i am down 12 lbs in less than a week! So i hope i can continue being successful!
I will continue to post updates of my journey as a "Sleever" and hope it helped someone out there!
Thanks

Hi Everyone,
 
It has been a very long time since I posted. The last time was 8 days post op. I have been following a sleevers page on facebook but I miss this forum so I'm back to stay.
 
It has been 4 1/2 months since my surgery. I have lost 70 pounds. It seems the weight loss is slowing down a LOT! It gets frustrating but I realize that I wouldn't have able to lose 70 pounds without this surgery. I'm so glad I did it even though I questioned myself right after.
 
I am almost off all of my hypertensive medication which is so awesome because I was on two different ones and have had HBP since I was in my early 20's. I was also a borderline diabetic before the surgery and now my numbers are great! I can't thank God enough for this opportunity and blessing to have this surgery. I did have to pay for it because my insurance sucks and won't pay for hardly anything but I know it was so worth it.
 
I'm a little concerned that my weight loss has slowed. I had hoped that the honeymoon phase would last at least 6 months but it seems for me it hasn't. It is really hard for me to lose 2 pounds a week now. I am eating well and getting in all of my protein first. I do have hypothyroidism due to ablation of my thyroid so that may have something to do with it. I do know that there is no way I would have been able to lose 70 pounds in 4 1/2 months without this surgery. I'm so thankful!!
 
In the last two weeks I was able to walk 2 5k's! Before, that would have never been possible. I was close to 300 pounds. My pre op weight was 297 and now I'm 222! Can't wait to be in onederland! I hope to be there by Christmas! What a wonderful gift that would be.
 
Ok... so everyone have a great day and I definitely am staying on this forum! God bless! Most recent pic with my daughter attached!

Hi Everyone,
 
It has been a very long time since I posted. The last time was 8 days post op. I have been following a sleevers page on facebook but I miss this forum so I'm back to stay.
 
It has been 4 1/2 months since my surgery. I have lost 70 pounds. It seems the weight loss is slowing down a LOT! It gets frustrating but I realize that I wouldn't have able to lose 70 pounds without this surgery. I'm so glad I did it even though I questioned myself right after.
 
I am almost off all of my hypertensive medication which is so awesome because I was on two different ones and have had HBP since I was in my early 20's. I was also a borderline diabetic before the surgery and now my numbers are great! I can't thank God enough for this opportunity and blessing to have this surgery. I did have to pay for it because my insurance sucks and won't pay for hardly anything but I know it was so worth it.
 
I'm a little concerned that my weight loss has slowed. I had hoped that the honeymoon phase would last at least 6 months but it seems for me it hasn't. It is really hard for me to lose 2 pounds a week now. I am eating well and getting in all of my protein first. I do have hypothyroidism due to ablation of my thyroid so that may have something to do with it. I do know that there is no way I would have been able to lose 70 pounds in 4 1/2 months without this surgery. I'm so thankful!!
 
In the last two weeks I was able to walk 2 5k's! Before, that would have never been possible. I was close to 300 pounds. My pre op weight was 297 and now I'm 222! Can't wait to be in onederland! I hope to be there by Christmas! What a wonderful gift that would be.
 
Ok... so everyone have a great day and I definitely am staying on this forum! God bless! Most recent pic with my daughter attached!

Hi Everyone,
 
It has been a very long time since I posted. The last time was 8 days post op. I have been following a sleevers page on facebook but I miss this forum so I'm back to stay.
 
It has been 4 1/2 months since my surgery. I have lost 70 pounds. It seems the weight loss is slowing down a LOT! It gets frustrating but I realize that I wouldn't have able to lose 70 pounds without this surgery. I'm so glad I did it even though I questioned myself right after.
 
I am almost off all of my hypertensive medication which is so awesome because I was on two different ones and have had HBP since I was in my early 20's. I was also a borderline diabetic before the surgery and now my numbers are great! I can't thank God enough for this opportunity and blessing to have this surgery. I did have to pay for it because my insurance sucks and won't pay for hardly anything but I know it was so worth it.
 
I'm a little concerned that my weight loss has slowed. I had hoped that the honeymoon phase would last at least 6 months but it seems for me it hasn't. It is really hard for me to lose 2 pounds a week now. I am eating well and getting in all of my protein first. I do have hypothyroidism due to ablation of my thyroid so that may have something to do with it. I do know that there is no way I would have been able to lose 70 pounds in 4 1/2 months without this surgery. I'm so thankful!!
 
In the last two weeks I was able to walk 2 5k's! Before, that would have never been possible. I was close to 300 pounds. My pre op weight was 297 and now I'm 222! Can't wait to be in onederland! I hope to be there by Christmas! What a wonderful gift that would be.
 
Ok... so everyone have a great day and I definitely am staying on this forum! God bless! Most recent pic with my daughter attached!

I have intended to blog about my surgery experience before now but haven't felt up to it until today. I am now 8 days post op and things are getting better. I have been having pain in my chest and upper stomach which has been pretty unbearable since surgery. It is getting less day by day, thank the good Lord above. I guess I didn't really know to expect the pain as it has been for me since I hadn't heard most people describe this sort of thing before I had surgery. I will keep praying it will get better each day and I'm sure it will!! As of today I am down a total 27 pounds which includes pre op and post op. I lost 15 preop and 12 the first week post op. I am so grateful to be losing this weight. It is unbelievable to me. I'm still trying to get enough fluids in and it has been hard but like I said everything gets better each day that passes.
 
Well, I didnt really get to write about my experience with surgery. So I will just elaborate on it a little. I wasn't really scared at all when I arrived at the hospital at 8:30 am on the 21st. I had to go through admissions then back to surgery prep one. Once there, they took vitals and gave me a gown and told me to get undressed. The nurse came by and took an assesment then it was back to surgery prep two. There I was talked to by the anesthesiologist and asked the same questions over again. I was so ready for the "feel good" shot. I kept asking for it. The nurse finally gave it to me and I didn't care what happened at that point. LOL I remember being wheeled back into surgery and them strapping me down. The next thing I knew I was waking up with the very terrible pain in the top of my stomach.(exactly where the pain comes and goes now. It was like huge painful contractions) I realize not all patients feel this, but to me it was very painful! I was moaning and I remember the nurse there wasn't very nice and kept telling me to stop. I was thinking she better be glad I can't say much. At that point I remember regretting what I had done and questioning myself. The next thing I remember was being hooked up to my pain pump and realizing I had a pain pump inside the top of my stomach as well as the morphine pump in my IV. The pump in my chest was where all the terrible pain was coming from. The pain catheter was threaded directly into my stomach. I was then taken to my room and for the next few hours I slept. I began walking about 5 hours after surgery. I walked every chance I got. I knew I wanted to come home the next day and not stay two nights. I absolutely hate the hospital. The next day we were asked to WALK down to xray and get the leak test. I thought that was horrible asking everyone to walk down there with there IV pole and all. Anyway, I made it and it showed that I had ALOT of swelling and it was very hard for the liquid they gave me to go down. It finally did and didn't show any leaks at that point. When I got back to the room, we were given trays of broth, jello, and popsicles. I ate what I could and kept it down. I asked the Dr. if I could go home and he released me. I had a two hour drive home and by the time I got here I was in so much pain I could hardly bare it. It was really hard for me for the first few days but I'm feeling better now and looking forward to my new life. I do pray every day that when the swelling goes down, I don't have a leak. I just know that I have to keep trusting GOD and let him guide me through this.
 
I go for my one week post op appointment tomorrow. Which actually will be 9 days. I'm looking forward to getting my staples out and continuing to heal.
 
Still amazes me about the weight loss. NO WAY would I have been able to lose 27 pounds in three weeks any other way. I plan to rock this sleeve and for the first time in a very long time, learn to love me again. :wub:
 
I love you guys. Thanks for all the support!

Well it is my last night of my old life. Surgery at 11:30 in the morning. I can't seem to get things ready. I still haven't even packed my bag yet. I am terrified but know what ever happens is God's will and it is out of my hands at this point.
 
It is hard to describe how I feel today. I;m apprehensive but so ready to be on the other side. I pray that the pain isn't too bad and my surgery is uneventful. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish when I pray for myself. I have a strong Christian faith and I know that HE is in control not me. I'm keep holding on to that.
 
Thanks everyone for listening to me whine about everything since my journey began. You guys rock! I'm not really one of those people that says "the glass is half full".... I'm sure you've caught on to that reading my post. I will, however, go into this surgery with a positive attitude.
 
Thanks to this forum for helping me to this point. Tomorrow is the beginning to my my new life.
 
Next blog will be on the other side!

Well it is my last night of my old life. Surgery at 11:30 in the morning. I can't seem to get things ready. I still haven't even packed my bag yet. I am terrified but know what ever happens is God's will and it is out of my hands at this point.
 
It is hard to describe how I feel today. I;m apprehensive but so ready to be on the other side. I pray that the pain isn't too bad and my surgery is uneventful. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish when I pray for myself. I have a strong Christian faith and I know that HE is in control not me. I'm keep holding on to that.
 
Thanks everyone for listening to me whine about everything since my journey began. You guys rock! I'm not really one of those people that says "the glass is half full".... I'm sure you've caught on to that reading my post. I will, however, go into this surgery with a positive attitude.
 
Thanks to this forum for helping me to this point. Tomorrow is the beginning to my my new life.
 
Next blog will be on the other side!

So, I spent ALL day at the hospital doing pre op tesing which consisted of the normal, EKG, LABS, Chest Xray, and PFT. Also, had my meeting with the nutritionist about pre op and post op diet. After nutrition class, went to visit my surgeon for the first time. He is such a busy man!! I couldn't believe how many people that were in the office that had surgery already and/or about to have surgery. I really like Dr. Follwell and feel I made the right decision in choosing him. My surgery date is set for May 21st as I first thought. I'm a little worried though because since I've seen a cardiologist before for PVC's they may want clearance with him before I have surgery. I explained to them that I've had evey test under the sun for my heart and I'm fine!!!! I don't want to have to go through any more testing. I've even had a heart cath. There were no blockages at all! My PVC's are considered to be benign. So, I'm just hoping that doesn't delay my surgery. I paid surgery fees today so I think everything will go according to plan. I still don't know a time as of yet.
 
Of course, I'm still nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time.
 
I was noticing people that came in for their one week post op appointments today. Most didn't even look as if they had surgery. I was so surprised. I was expecting them to be more in pain or sore or something! LOL But they seemed great and happy. I pray that is how I feel one week after.
 
Well, I start my pre op diet next monday. Still trying to figure out which protein powder to go with. My diet consist of 5 shakes a day and of course popsicles, sugar free jello, and clear broths. I can also have 4 oz of 100 percent fruit juice mixed with water, 3 times a day. I sure hope I do well. I know it will be hard but I'm going to do the very best I can.
 
I'm just so excited. This is the real beginning of my journey. Can't wait to be on the other side.

I thought I covered what type of blog I was writing in my first one. But, apparently, not everyone reads all the entries. So, from now on I think I am going to have to do the following.
 
 
*******DISCLAIMER!!!!! What you are about to read is to be taken lightly. It's goal is to make you smile, laugh, and hopefully see the funny side of going through weight loss surgery. This blog is in no way my feeble attempt to get advice (unless I ask for it), or to be told what I am doing or saying is wrong. We are all different. We all heal differently. We all experience different things. With all this in mind, please enjoy my take on life after the sleeve. I hope it helps make your day just a little bit easier and happier. *********
 
 
Now that all that is out of the way. I feel the need to talk about the looks I've been getting from people when I tell them I've had weight loss surgery. I actually find the looks funny. For example. Today I went to GNC to see if I could find some type of protein drink that I can actually handle. When I went in, I got attacked by the vulture (aka the sales man). So, I proceed to explain to him that I had weight loss surgery and I was looking for a protein that I could handle (and that tasted good). It was interesting to see the look on his face when I said the surgery thing. It was only a split second or two, but it was obvious that he did not approve of my surgery. Not that I asked or wanted his approval. All I wanted him to do was help me find some protein I could handle. So, I ignored him and followed him around the store as he explained to me how, everything "tastes amazing". I know not to trust sales people, but really, EVERYTHING??? I highly doubt that. We are talking about protein and I have rarely met a protein that I found "yummy". So, after he promised me I would "love" this one brand, I decided to throw him off his game. I asked if he had samples or if they sold them per bottle. I refused to buy a whole thing of them only to get home and find out I didn't like it. So again, the sly fox of a salesman pulled this one on me, "No, we don't. However, I will give you this bottle if you PROMISE not to tell my manager. I really am not allowed to do this." I actually laughed at him as I saw the bottles behind the counter that they used for such an occasion.. Did he really think I was going to buy that line? Well, as shocking as it sounds, it really wasn't that bad. It's called GNC Total Lean, Lean Shake. It has 25g of protein, 2g of sugar, 3g of fiber (which I really need but more on that later), total fat 6g, and 170 calories. I had to taste it warm and I was able to stand it so I am sure once it's ice cold, it will be much better. As a whole, the unapproving, over zealous salesman did a good job. And, he gave me the first, "I don't agree with your decision" look since my surgery which I kind of enjoyed in a strange way.
 
Next I headed to Walgreens. I needed a fiber supplement and I needed one fast. Not to give TMI, but my first number 2 after 9 days and two things of Miralax, was more like the number 2 of a VERY LARGE rabbit. It wasn't fun passing, and as soon as I was done, I was ready to find a way for that not to happen again. After staring at all my options for a good 15mins, I finally gave up and went to talk to the pharmacist. I proceeded to tell her my issue and included that I had the gastric sleeve and because i was unable to get much food in, my fiber was almost non-existing. There is was again....that LOOK. She took a little longer to recover than the GNC guy (if she did at all). Even while she was telling me about what fiber would be my best option, she was unable to hide her disapproval of my decision. So it was right then, in Walgreens that I decided. Screw YOU....SCREW ALL OF YOU who think you have any idea what I have gone through, or why I decided to do this. No one asked for your approval or disapproval so don't give it. And, if you do give it, be prepared for me to tell you I don't really care what you think. I did this for me. I did it for my health. I did it for my medical reasons. No, it's not easy. No, I couldn't just eat less and exercise. I've tried that. It didn't work. So, keep your two cents and I promise I won't judge you on your attitude (which sucks) , your clothing (I don't care what the magazines say, you do not look good in overly tight jeans and five inch heals), your hair (1980 called and they want their puffy bangs back) , your makeup (yes, it looks good on models, but you are not a model and you you didn't have a professional do it) , your marriage (don't lie and say you have a perfect marriage, we all know your spouse is not "running errands", he/she is running around on you), your children (a rough patch is a few months or back-talking not years of getting arrested and being pregnant at 12) ....or any other decision you've made or thing you've had happen during your life. If you don't want to be judged, DO NOT JUDGE.
 
Now, before I get attacked for children/marriage/clothing/hair/attitude thing. I know there are always other issues at play. I was just using these as examples of things people do talk about and look down at others for. Funny thing is, people will not be as blunt with their feelings with those people as they are with me for having weight loss surgery. And my decision is one to help me and make me healthier. Doesn't something just sound wrong with that?

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

Wow!! Today marks a 50 lb loss...the most I have ever lost in one sitting...and the weight continues to melt away....I am excited when I meet up with friends and family who havn't seen me in a while who compliment me on how thin my face looks and even my own brother says he can see the loss in my waist line....
 
Easter was a challenging day! I got up early and quickly whipped up 3 pumpkin pies and a chocolate cream pie. I put the big ole' ham in the oven to bake with a brown sugar mustard glaze like all the family loves. I baked up a sweet potatoe and defiled it with butter brown sugar and marshmellows. we did not have a turkey as we were at my daughters and this is what she had to prepare. I make a green bean cassarole and stuffing and a fruit salad, I peeled 5 lbs of potatoes and made mashed taters...and when it was all place in the buffet line for all to go thru, I took a teaspoon of everything and managed to finish most of it before feeling the satisfaction of eating Easter Dinner with my family as I always had in the past. I did skip the pies and the amazing desert buffet my sister in law had prepared but everyone else was able to indulge. Easter was a success!
 
I did not lose any weight over the holiday, however I did not gain any either.

So, today I looked in the mirror. I mean really looked in the mirror and what I saw was a new me. I haven't really noticed how much I have really really changed because everytime I would look in the mirror I still saw the old me. The fat me. How is that possible to still see that person, honestly Im not really sure.
 
I am amazed at my journey. How I have gone from a size 20-22 to a size 6. From 240 lbs to 143 lbs. I am 3 lbs from goal of 100 lbs. That is an amazing accomplishment. It wasnt always easy. Surgery is NOT an easy way out. Its the tool that some of us need to help us.
 
When I was diagnosed with Severe Sleep Apnea in December 2010 I knew this was it. I had been fighting with my weight from my PCOS and was getting depressed and frustrated that nothing was working. Diets and exercise were not working either. The PCOS had made it very difficult. Which then caused me to have this severe Sleep Apnea. My PCP was so concerned about the Sleep Study that within 4 days I was given a CPAP machine.
 
That was enough for me to talk to her about getting referred for a lap-band (which was what I was thinking of doing in the beginning). So she referred me to a surgeon and I started the process. It was quick I was surprised, but then being military...Triwest stopped my surgery referral and sent me to the Naval Hospital Surgery Center where I pretty much had to start my process all over and take even more steps. I did get to finish quickly since most of my testing was already done outside.
 
The surgeon was awesome. He explained all the different types of surgery to me and I researched them all. I got to choose which one was best for me. I wasnt swayed one way or the other. They let me decide. So I chose the Sleeve. That was awesome.
 
My Niece was also seeing the same surgeon I was and she had told me about the sleeve. The two of us took this journey together and we ended up having surgery on the same day back to back. It was awesome having her as a support system as we started our journey down the liquid phase and so on together
 
I will be 11 mos post op on April 18th. I have found that things I used to eat are nasty and gross now. I have found that I can tolerate somethings more than others. I have realized that even though I was eating right before the surgery that it wasnt enough to help. I don't eat much anymore, I try to eat every 2 hours but for me thats hard. I don't enjoy food like I used to. Yes there are times I will eat something and think Im in heaven LOL, but there are many times that food just doesnt interest me.
 
I am thankful for the sleeve. I love that I had the loving support of my Husband, my parents, my grandmother, and several friends. I didnt care what the negative people had to say. If they couldnt be happy for me or support my decision then they were not worth my time. This was a life changing decison that saved my life.
 
I went hiking and boulder-ing for the first time in my life. I can keep up with my kids. My husband loved me before and still loves me after. He has always told me that I was beautiful. I have to admit the SEX (LOL) is amazing I know TMI, but trust me, you will see too I had to share Im not embarrassed to admit that at all.
 
I look in the mirror and I see the new me. My self-esteem is high, Im happy, I love riding bikes with my kids. They love that I can chase after them, play with them and I dont get winded climbing up a flight of stairs.
 
Each and every surgery is a personal choice. I tell everyone do your research and don't let anyone discourage you. This is for you and you only. You have the power and the strength
 
Be happy with who you are and know that no matter what there are others out there that can be your support system. I am happy to share things with each and every one of you. Just ask I will share food ideas and other things with anyone who wants to know.
 
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE ON YOUR JOURNEYS AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS HERE WITH ME

Hello. I just got my surgery date today, and so I thought it might be a good time to start writing down the story of this journey. I'm scheduled to have my VSG done on April 9th. As soon as I got off the phone with the surgeon's office this afternoon, I ate a piece of chocolate. So, yes, I'm a little nervous about it. Chocolate, cookies, or cake, preferably with milk -- these are my coping mechanisms of choice.
 
The past five days or so I've been experimenting with the pre-op diet. A day on the pre-op diet involves drinking a couple of high-protein shakes, eating one low-carb/high protein meal, drinking a lot of water, and following a schedule of multivitamins, calcium, and iron throughout the day. (7:00AM - multivitamin, 10:00AM - calcium citrate, 12:00PM - calcium citrate, 2:00PM - calcium citrate, 5:30 - multivitamin, 8:30 - iron with vitamin C) The pre-op diet also means avoiding fats, sugar, and sweets, not snacking between meals, and steering clear of carbohydrates in general -- no bread, pasta, rice, or potatoes, and no fruit, fruit juice, or (gasp) sweet tea. So what's left that I can eat? Well, it's quite a lot like the low-carb diet I used to do way back when I lost 122 lbs., and before I gained it back again. That is, I can eat green vegetables, small quantities of lean meat, a little cheese, nuts, sugar free pudding, and...um...I think that's it. After about two days of this pre-op diet, I was careening around the grocery store in a weak and dizzy state ogling the boxes of frosted cookies and coming to terms with the idea that very soon I will never ever again be able to eat the things I love, at least, not in the way I have done for the past thirty years. Do I really want to undertake the horribly difficult challenge of a major lifestyle change? Most of the time, I think the answer is "yes," but that day in the store, face to face with the cookies, something deep inside of me shrank back and cried "nooooo!"
 
Madam Bones is a very minor character in the Harry Potter series, and while I do admire the character and her role in the books, I chose to use her name in this forum because to me the name "Madam Bones" brings to mind, of course, the word "bony." Not the skeletal kind of bony, but the kind of bony where you can tell that the person has cheekbones and knuckles, ankles and elbows. A strong, slim, healthy, kind of woman who enjoys participating in life. She can run, tie her shoes with ease, sleep without a CPAP machine, and climb the stairs without huffing and puffing. There is a Madam Bones lurking somewhere inside this prison of obesity, and I'm going to set her free.

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.