ShapeShifter

My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
 
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
 
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
 
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
 
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
 
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
 
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
 
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

I'm sitting here, working in my home office, dressed in jeans and a soft, thin, brushed red sweater. Why is that such a big deal? Well, because the jeans are size 16 and the sweater is from American Eagle, size XL. These are normal sized clothes and they aren't binding or pinching or look gross. I look normal.
 
I'm still 200+ pounds and have more to lose than I have thus far, but this is just so awesome. This is the first time in 15+ years I've worn normal clothes and felt so comfortable.
 
I love my sleeve. I love my surgeon...........and I love my hubby most of all, because thru thin, emaciatedly thin, thick, thicker and thickest this man has loved me for me. When I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, when I was a younger me, angry with myself for what I felt I had done to myself..........this man loved me. And I sit here now, happy as can be, sipping tea, wearing jeans with a soft red sweater...............enjoying the little things...........and the littler me.
 

Can not believe how much time went by since my surgery!!! I am grateful of the results that I have enjoyed so far. Like most slow losers, I wish I had lost more! But things are moving along. I am making changes that will not only help me lose the weight now, but keep if off in the long run.
 
I just went through a super stall, BUT to my surprise I got the most comments and compliments during that period!! Go figure lol!! My upper body slimmed down significantly, but my lower body is stubborn and will not be as flexible:( I did lose, but not as drastically as my top did. I hope that will be the next site of improvement or I am going to look very disproportionate:(
 
 
NSV:
I wore heels for the first time in YEARS today! And I felt ( do I dare say ) so SEXY lol!!! I am of good spirit and faith. I am going to win this fight.

July 30th....the day of my new me......
 
Well allow me to share a little insight.....
 
 
Well I'v done it....I have walk the desert (as my mason friends would say)....Let me tell you it was a journey that no matter how I prepared...I was not prepared for. I stayed away from the boards purposely, because I did not want to frighten or speak negatively on the surgery. It was very difficult initially because of the medical problems I had to endure (one of which, is being unable to take pain medication). Had I gotten online initially I would have screamed the horrors of this God Forsaken surgery and who....with any intelligence at all would succumb to this beast called the SLEEVE!!!!
 
But now 45 days away from the faithful day called "surgery" I am happy, I am smiling, I am learning, and creating new ways for myself....I have not been so happy....yes I have stalled, and yes I have slimed, yes I have had the lump in my chest that seems to want to explode...I have passed the rabbit pellets, and I have had many a day of laugher on how my body has responded to what is happening to it.....BUT...
 
I am so glad to have made this decision. Each day is a step into sunshine, sometimes with a few clouds....but even those clouds are beautiful now...and I will peer into them and make shapes out of those puffy marshmellows, instead of endulging in the doldrumsss......The feeling of achieving a goal and starting a new one is so amazing to me at this age....(okay not that I'm old) but sometimes we forget that the new wonders surrounding us on a daily basis. I have slipped into some old jeans (yep some sergio's that is no longer any where near style but)....WHAT A THRILL....
 
Who would have thought....the diva in me would escape again.....im loving it ...my children are loving it ....and my love is totally estactic....I have always smiled brightly ...but right now my smile can equate to a solar flare....just 45 pounds....what the hell is gonna happen when I hit 60, never mind whats gonna happen when i finally slip under 200.....watch out now......world get ready.....Im here to take over....
 
My growth has been in the worst times....when those scars would not heal....when the thought of one more bite of mash potatoes or apple sauce would turn me into a ingnorant maniac....but all of the sudden I remember the feeling of going through the hell called basic training....or the hell called breast cancer .....shoot even the hell of raising two teenagers who knew everything in the world and thought I belonged in a (well never mind I divest)...Each and everyone of those journeys has brought more pride and and feeling of empowerment to my journey.....well guess what ....I'M BACKCKKK....and this new road or shall I say adventure... will will bring me out of it like a shine piece of steel put through the fire and well tested....I say...bring life on...I am so readyyyyyy!!!!

I can not believe it has been three months since my surgery!! I am happy that so far I have been doing great health wise. No complications( knock on wood). I am slowly learning what to do and what not to do. Although I am not losing as fast as I would like, but I am pretty happy with where I am so far. If I lose another 50lbs by Xmas, I will be one super happy gal
 
THINGS I AM HAPPY about:
I am able to walk 3 miles and even jog a little
I am able to fit behind my steering wheel
I am able to put my socks on while standing
I am able to bend over and tie my shoes without losing my breath
I am able to go up and down my stairs with looking/feeling 90yrs
I am more out going and people are more receptive to me.
 
May God continue to bless me through this journey with even more success stories.

Wow, when they said I might have hair loss they weren't kidding! I just started my Bosley shampoo/conditioner/hair regrowth treatments and I hope that they kick in soon. Every time I shower I literally have hunks of hair falling out into my hands. Yuck! I'm not exactly happy about this, but I'm resigned that its happening and will continue to happen for awhile. On the other hand, I'm so DAMNED excited that I'm 9 itty bitty pounds away from ONEDERLAND! I haven't been this weight since college. I went shopping the other day and was able to find clothing in the regular section of the store. I about started to cry! Actually my friends had to keep pulling me away from the plus size clothes because I kept thinking that's where I needed to be. I actually where between a L and a XL in shirts and am a 14 in pants. Not bad since I started at almost a 3XL and a size 24! I look into the mirror and I think "I look pretty". It's been sooooo long since I thought that. I'm still flabbergasted about how much my life has changed in a little over 3 months. This is the BEST decision I've ever made. I'm hoping to lose a full 100 pounds by my sixth month surgiversary. That will put me at the weight I was my senior year of high school at 180. Then I just need to lose 40 more itty bitty pounds and will be at my doctor's suggested weight for my height and body build. I'm going on a rockin' vacation in February and hope to be, if not at my goal weight, to be within spitting distance of it.
 
Thank GOD I decided to do this. I don't regret a moment of the pain, crazy hormones, or stress that I've gone through over the last few months. Literally this has been the best decision EVER.
 
Now, if only my hair would stop falling out.....*amused*

When Alex suggested members take a three day challenge by tracking every little thing they eat or drink, I thought, "Sure. Why not?"
 
I figured that I'd just be writing down what I was tracking in my head, so no big deal, and I could not only say I read the <i>whole</i> newsletter, but I actually took action. So I attached a sharpened pencil to my daytimer and commenced to keep track of everything I put in my mouth.
 
 
As I looked over my lists last night, I admit I was very close to tears. I would say that the past three days have been pretty typical for me - nothing really out of the ordinary that I could say messed up or changed my regular habits. So no excuse there.
 
I cringe to write this. Over three days, I drank a <i>total</i> of 102 ounces of liquid, consumed +/- 950 calories, and had ZERO protein. I hope y'all were sitting down for this. I swooned myself. How could I, by any stretch of the imagination, call this healthy eating? Ick.
 
Alex's challenge (and the outcome) brought to mind an experience I had working with a nutritionist for the benefit of a mutual client. One day while we were discussing ways in which to re-connect this starving girl to reality, the nutritionist said, "I've found that anyone who has problems with food has an almost infinite capacity for self-deception."
 
Ouch.
 
I'm certainly confronted with my capacity for self-deception. How did I ever morph the reality of that list into something different in my head? I was pretty confident I was keeping track... accurately. Of course, I filed away the decision to "...have more protein tomorrow" in the back my mind. Under a pile of other **** and covered with a mental wet-wool-blanket. Seeing in writing that I'd done that for three days in a row kind of puts my stated commitment to "get healthy" in jeopardy. And, as I am wont to tell my clients, "When the words and the actions don't match, you always go with the actions. They tell the truth."
 
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
 
So, this morning, HWHN and I had a long discussion about what it really means to change our lifestyle. As it happens, he's just had his first complete physical in five years (I see all the women roll their eyes and the men shrug) and it turns out he's great except he's pushing the envelope for cholesterol. Ah. This requires a lifestyle change for him too. No more chocolate (he's the chocoholic) and no more cheeseburgers stuffed with deep-fried onion rings. (Fortunately, HWHN is not overweight, but apparently his arteries are protesting.)
 
The 'lifestyle change' discussion precipitated a general discussion about our life, and we've decided to make some other changes as well. We've done this before, he and I - we know we can do it again. Changing our lives the first time meant I beat off the MS and got out of a wheelchair, and "flipping over the Monopoly board" again brought us out of the cold of the Great White Up to SandyTown and changed the course of HWHN's genetically-inherited arthritis. We can do this again.
 
So an "epic fail" has caused us to take stock of what we're actually doing. Not just what we <i>think</i> we're doing. No. Really doing. And we're not doing so hot on the whole self-care thing. But, that's about to change. It's already begun. HWHN wants to avoid having to take Lipitor with all its attendant side-effects, and I'd like to get out of starvation mode, continue losing weight and keep at least a little bit of hair.
 
Here's to Alex - thanks for the newsletter, the challenge, and the opportunity to really confront the self-deception that "...doth so easily beset us all."

I officially under 280. i stepped on the scale this morning and i was 278. Wow 72 pounds lost. if you count pre op weight 92 pounds. I have been doing a hundred pushups a day and i feel like that is very beneficial. love you guys

This summer has been awesome! I have so much energy and I have been so active! I finally rode my bike (havent done that in over 20 years) and my doggies are getting walked every morning! Swimming in the pool and going to the beach! I have done so many activities this summer that have involved walking. It is almost like a dream. It is hard for me not to buy clothes "just because I can". I used to buy things only because they fit, never for the style. What a lifestyle change this has been and continues to be. I have so much more work to do, but that is okay because this is a journey. I have finally gotten over the head hunger and craving, I eat for the nutrition and for fuel. Such a relief, because the first few months were so hard! It was kind of a mourning peroid. It's gonna be okay!

109 lbs gone in less than 6 months. I'm very happy about that. I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in years (thank god I saved them) and I feel really great. I need to work out more. I know that being more active because I can helps a lot, but I need to do the extra too. I'm so satisified with my decision on this surgery. I have ZERO regrets. I don't even regret that I didn't have it done sooner really because I think my experience wouldn't have been as great as it was with Dr. Almanza.
I have had zero complications - I've not overeaten, I've not had any dumping or reactions to food. If I crave something, I have a bite and either throw the rest away or give it to my hubby to finish and I'm satisfied. I've never really had an overeating problems since I was a teenager (which wasn't about anything other than being starved by my mother) - once I dealt with that, it wasn't ever a problem.
Now its more about eating all the protein that I can fit in my stomach. I take my vitamins as well. I know I need to get more veggies in and I do try. I feel that I'm on a good path and I'm looking forward to staying on it.

When I started my WLS journey, I never expected to be a blogger. If you would have told me three months ago that I would be typing out my weight loss funny moments....and some not so funny moments, I would have told you that I thought you had lost your mind. Well, I would have been wrong. The other day I checked to see how many visits I have had and I was shocked to see that in only three months, you all have read my blog 10,000 times. DANG.....that's a lot of reading. Thank you so much for the support, and I hope I can continue to make you laugh and smile throughout our journeys together. I finally understand why Sally Fields said, "You like me. You really like me." It wasn't ego....it was pure shock.
 
Ok, now that I got done with all the sappy stuff. Stay tuned as I plan to write about my exploits from the past few days. I will explain that getting drunk isn't anything like it used to be....and I still have the ability to fall for no reason. Can't wait to write about my 20th H.S. reunion and let you all know how great it felt to be around the same size I was in H.S. So many stories....so little time. Stay tuned.

My last meal was bruschetta, little toasted pieces of baguette, rubbed with garlic, laden with chopped tomatoes and basil. I thought maybe I would never be able to eat them again, I mourned a little that it had come to this, I was excited to have hope again, I was already bookmarking favorites in online shopping, filling the imaginary shopping cart with pretty items in never before dreamt of sizes.
 
Two years ago today I woke very early, 6 perhaps, amazing how some things get forgotten ... I had drunk the horrific milk of magnesia the night before and had my final water at the same time and now was nervous and thirsty, the adrenaline making both sensations all the more acute. My Mother and I were at a hotel around the corner from the hospital and we drove there, or did we take the shuttle? I was in my pyjamas, having just showered with the special cleanser they gave me. I was private pay from one of the best surgical teams for VSG in the world, Laparascopic Associates of San Francisco, so I got a pretty 5 star treatment, private changing room, garment bag for my things, robes etc. with the LASF logo stitched on. I must have been nervous but my adrenaline kept me from really feeling much. My Mom and I waited in a private room, I laid on a bed in my gowns. One last trip to the bathroom and it was off to the OR to meet the kindest anesthesiologist ever, I think she had all sorts of dogs printed on her surgical cap, that's all I remember ...
Next thing, I was waking up in my room with a view of the City, in and out of consciousness ... there were popsicles ... there was walking ... there was feeling like I was going to barf but nothing happening ... I didn't pee when they wanted me to and a few other things so I spent an extra day in the hospital ...
 
The following few days are mostly a blur, 2 years later my Mother tells me the timeline of events during those days and it's all news to me. I spent 3 weeks recovering in the country, in a little cottage up the coast a few hours from SF. That first night I stayed on the couch in a sitting position and the following 3 nights I slept in bed but only on my side as sleeping on my back gave me terrible sensations. My body was a foreign landscape that first week and for the first month I felt as close to vampiric as one can, I had no human bodily functions - no need to pee or poop, no interest in human food, in fact a revulsion of nearly every food or beverage.
 
Before I walked into the OR they weighed me one last time, 294. 2 weeks later I came back for a check up and they weighed me, 274. 20 pounds! Those first 20 pounds were more stunning than the following 100. After all the research, all the thinking, all the talking to sleevers, it still had never genuinely sunk in that this was real and that it really does work. I sat in my Dr's office, stunned!
 
There are plenty of people here on VST who tell delightful tales of reaching and exceeding their goals within 6 months, how they are now under goal, wear a size 0, and chirp chirp chirp, tweet tweet tweet. Well, good for them, wish I was one. That has never been my VSG story however. It was a full year before I joined the century club and 2 years out I am still shy of surgeon's goal by approx. 25 lbs and personal by approx. 50.
 
Two years out I sometimes still reflexively tense up when I sit in a chair with arms, genuinely expecting to not be able to fit into it. I still stiffen up when in crowds, thinking people are staring and staring for negative reasons. I still FEEL fat often, I still feel frustrated that after so much time and effort I still probably look like a pudgy lazy bones to the average lay person, but I would rather be at this stage of the game rather than having never begun and still at square one!
 
I've learned that losing weight and becoming physically active and strong does solve a lot of problems and does bring a lot of simple joy but that losing weight or becoming a specific size doesn't automatically confer happiness and that fat or thin life can just suck sometimes. Weight loss is NOT a fairy tale prince come to swoop me onto a horse and ride me off into a happily ever after sunset, a fact that honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with.
 
One final thought, I think I might not have made the decision or had the success I have had or a lot of positive things if it weren't for this forum and the support I've found here. Fellow sleevers from around the world have supported me, advised me, commiserated with me and have just been indispensable on this journey. I hope I have been able to give some of that back. Here's to the continued adventures, the continued seeking of and eventual attainment of goals, for me and for us all,
 
-Globetrotter

Full release at my 6 week post-op visit today! I am approved to go back to work with no restrictions. I weighed in at 228, day of surgery weight 251, pre-op initial weight 269, total loss 41 lbs, 23 since surgery. Better than that, I'm wearing clothes that I haven't been able to fit in for two years! I'm really excited about my weight loss so far.

Its official I'm one month out. I stepped on the scale. I am under 300 pounds for the first time in 8 years!!! i was 299. I lost 51 pounds in one month. Of course I live in the gym. Feels good! I have been having a hard time keeping down solids. I still have to revert to my liquid diet a lot. Much love to all my fellow sleevers. Also the Place where I got my sleeve done has asked me to be in some commercials for them. They have just recently started doing the sleeve a year ago they had in the past really pushed the lap band. So I don't know I haven't told but a couple of people about the my sleeve so I don't know. Anyways I can't believe I am under 300 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F@%# Yeah

I don't know how many people remember that song, from the late 60s early 70s era. I was about 5-6 years old when I remember belting those very words out at the top of my young lungs while riding shot-gun in my parents' green Plymouth with mom as we went for our weekly grocery shopping, gas the car up, pick up another case of Coke (in the refundable bottle) trip. Today, those words have a new meaning for me.
 
When I first met with my surgeon to set up this journey, he told me he did suggest 2 weeks off post surgery for recovery. I assured him I wouldn't need the two weeks as I do most of my work from the comfort of my home office. I am out and about making home visits a couple of days each week, but for the most part, it is on my time table. Sounds reasonable, right? So my plan was surgery on Wednesday, home on Thursday, recover/regroup Friday-Saturday-Sunday and back to work on Monday.
 
Well, we already know the home on Thursday part went down the drain........or rather, failed to go down the drain .
 
I'm adjustable, home on Friday.
 
Back to work on Monday.......except.....
 
Sunday, I noticed my right upper, arm (the area where many people have biceps - my 17 year old athlete demonstrates this to me frequently), was sore, tender to the touch, warm even, and maybe swollen. I do what every good nurse does and .......pretend it is not there.
 
Sunday night, when I would turn in the bed, my right arm would wake me with pain, not the belly incisions. So being the astute nurse that I am, I simply turn over without moving the bicep. No pain, problem solved!!
 
Monday morning, when I open my eyes my arm is SWOLLEN, RED and WARM and the mother HURTS LIKE HELL!!!...........plan B? don't ignore it and call the doctor.
 
I speak with the surgeon, who is leaving later Monday on vacation and he refers me to my primary care doctor for workup. Fine, no problem. I make an appointment, work till time to go, see her and her first question is "WHY HAVEN'T YOU GONE TO THE ER?" My answer......"have you seen who hangs out in the ER?"
 
So, after a stat ultrasound of the right arm, we have confirmed evidence of a clot in the vein, most likely related to the iv from the hospital. After a conference call between my PCP, surgeon, radiologist and self we set up a plan of care which involves me going home, doing NOTHING with the right arm, elevating it above my head, warm compresses, NSAIDS for blood thinning effects and anti-inflammatory benefits......."absolutely no work because you can't elevate your arm and sit at your computer"..and "CALL ME BACK IF IT GETS WORSE, BUT FOR SURE BY THURSDAY!" admonishment of my PCP - if she'd have wiggled her right index finger at me, I'd swear she was channeling my mother!
 
OK, I'm a big, tough RN and I wear my big girl panties with pride.....but, I must admit. After all this, and it was 102 degrees (not kidding) in Houston yesterday afternoon while I was out, this right arm throbbing with mere movement of my fingers and thumb......I had a 2 year old tantrum, fell into my husband's chest 5 minutes after he arrived home from a very stressful day of his own, cried like I had been beat and........stained his good blue shirt with my awesome, although not water proof, plumb mascara. Being the saint he is, he makes me some soup, administers my Lortab, and tucks me into bed beside him with my right arm elevated over my ears.
 
So, this morning........Tuesday, day 6 post op.......I'm outta bed, determined to be as compliant as I can with the arm elevation, heat, meds, etc., but still a little irritated as my plan to return to work was a no go........can't go back to work till Monday of next week......if everything goes well.
 
I'm sitting in the recliner, watching movies just like my PCP told me to do, when I feel this warm, gas pass urge in the lower regions. OK, I've not had a bowel movement since surgery, but I've been passing gas like the Hindenberg, so I wasn't worried...........this is more than gas. I quickly (remember, quickly is a relative word...we ain't talking FloJo quick here) get to the bathroom and basically.......my butt throws up every where. No pain, no warning........just vomit, out the butt. You get the picture.
 
And so did I.
 
God is in charge and will take care of absolutely everything in perfect timing. Had I had my way, I would have been in someone's home when the butt vomiting incident occurred. (If I was lucky, I would have been seated in my car- either way......gross) But let me tell you.........it would be hard to overcome that impression of a professional in your home who just stood (or sat) in front of you and "pooped her pantsies".
 
I exited my bathroom after the event to see my husband standing there (he'd come home on his lunch break to check on me. I told you, the man is a saint.) All I could say was "Thank You God For Blood Clots!!!"
 
The moral of the tale?
 
When a surgeon suggests it is appropriate to take 2 weeks off post surgery, take him up on it. You may recover and can physically get back to the game.........but you don't know what the effect of the change is gonna be.
 
Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life (reputation).........take the time off from work.
 
And so, that is my tale for today. I've been at the key board now for a good 20 minutes, so time to go back, elevate, heat and ..............watch another movie!

Today I went to Zumba again for the first time since surgery and having dropped 53 pounds. For some reason I thought that I would be more graceful and more able to swing my hips and do my thing but I'm still gonna have to work on that. Thank god I 'dance' in the back of the class! Before I dropped this weight I had actually gotten pretty good at Zumba, but now I feel like my body is going nuts. My center of gravity is shot to hell, I drop everything and I just generally feel off. Not bad, as I actually feel pretty good, but different. Lighter, in some ways, and both stronger and weaker in others. I feel like I have a greater range of movement without all the previous fat globbed onto my bones, but I kinda feel like I'm 13 again and had just grown 3 inches overnight. Where do all the knees and elbows go?!?
 
I sometimes find myself shocked when I can sit cross-legged in a chair that I use to wedge myself into. Or when I cross my legs without thinking. Or when I put on that shirt that hasn't fit in 3 years. Little blasts of shocked pleasure and then I remember that my body is radically different right now. I almost feel like I'm going through puberty and having to relearn a drastically changing body landscape. Just today I realized that I needed a smaller sports bra. Of course, this realization happened during a particularily energetic Zumba song, but I was still surprised as I often remember it being almost too tight. Strange. I catch myself on those memories fairly frequently.
 
I also wonder what my body is going to feel like in another 90ish pounds when I get down to my goal weight. I sometimes feel like my body is melting away around me (totally not complaining!!) while my mind is off somewhere in an Irish pub singing bawdy sailor songs only to come back to a totally redocorated house. It's strange, and lovely, but so very confusing at the same time.

A disclaimer to this blog. It does contain one swear word in a conversation between this mother and her son. Before you get all judgmental, let me explain. We are a family that laughs.....at ourselves and each other. Sometimes, to make the conversation absolutely hilarious, we will take on a different accent and different character. This is what occurred. Having said that..........on with the story!!
 
Yesterday, Sunday....5 days post op. My daughters drove from their apartment in downtown Houston the 30 treacherous minutes out to our home in the suburbs to "visit the sick" (referring to me). My daughters are fantastic people; busy, young college students with lives of their own. How sweet they would tackle the old southern tradition of "sitting with the sick" on Sunday afternoon.
 
Right!! What the real deal was......we, as a family.....are addicted to HBO's True Blood and it comes on every Sunday night @ 8pm (No, I did not get paid for that plug). One of the sisters had taken her share of the cable bill money and had a fine time with a friend in Disney World....so....their cable was off. That was only part of their reason for visiting. The other part was they were hungry and they know I will always feed them when they are home.
 
So secure in their knowledge that momma would feed them and we would watch our program together, they do what all good Sunday afternoon visitors do.....took a 3 hour nap!
 
Well, after the sleeping beauties awakened, my 17 year old son was downstairs giving them a hard time. He asks, in a gruff tough voice "what are ya'll doing here? You HAVE an apartment1"
 
The sweetie sisters answered in their most precious voices "We came to see how momma was."
 
My son's reply, in a voice that would strike terror in any faint heart "It ain't like she's sick or anything. She just had surgery, that's all."
 
At that point, I butted into the conversation. Now, let me set the stage. I am a girl, born and bred in the deep south of Alabama who was transplanted to Texas 4 years ago. My accent is as much a part of who I am as the red hair my stylist touches up every 4 weeks at the salon..........only I was born and will most likely die with the accent.
 
So, butting into the conversation, with my interpretation of a New Jersey housewife accent, I say "I am too sick......I have a disease 70% (don't know the actual statistic, this just seemed good off the top of my head) of Americans suffer with. It's called Obesity,... you bastard!"
 
The girls, my son, and myself just fell apart after that with laughter! Oh my word, it was the funniest thing. He didn't have another word to say and neither did they. We laughed for a solid 5 minutes. And they laughed even more, because with all that belly busting laughter, I moved a few more gas bubbles and accentuated the laughter with burps and "poots".
 
Laughter is the best thing we can do for ourselves and those we love. Laughter is as good for the body as "GasX", and a whole lot more fun.
 
So, "Send in the Clowns" cause "what don't kill me only make me stronger"!!!!
 
Good grief, with that motto, I should be a beast............soon to be in a much smaller package......with ridiculous high heels!!!!!!!

Doing good. Still in the 190's but life is GRAND! So far this year I have traveled to New Orleans and Phoenix. I enjoyed myself on both trips.
 
I am a SLOW loser but that's okay with me. I noticed today that XL dress I got from the Limited back in March that I had to wear spanx with, I didn't need the spanx today.
 
I actually look forward to walking and/or working out. I try to get in a least 5 miles of walking per day. Some days I fall short and some days I exceed that amount.
 
I love God, life and my sleeve!

Today is 3 days prior to surgery. I feel confident......and apprehensive. I'd be a fool to not be apprehensive. Seriously, I am venturing into uncharted waters. I am making a permanent change to my body. About time!!!
 
Today is Father's Day, so I called my Dad. He's scared......and for good reason. This is an extreme measure. I am paying cash, out of pocket...no insurance coverage for me. Dad asks, "Isn't there any other way? How many ways have you tried?" My reply, " Dad, if there was another way, don't you think after 20 years I'd have done it? Seriously, I am paying over $10,000 out of my pocket to have someone cut my stomach out." If there had been another way, I'd have damn sure done it.
 
And then, I'm scared. What if I do this and fail......oh dear God. That would be the ultimate failure. I mean really. To pay $$$$$$$ and still be fat. OMG!!! I think I am more apprehensive about failing post surgery than I am the misery and discomfort. I know the misery, discomfort and learning to be the new me will pass. But failure, that doesn't pass. That **** hangs around to haunt you.....and taunt you. I should know. I've been failing at weight management all of my life.
 
But the question is, am I ready for this?
 
And the answer is .......oh yeah!!!
 
Probably the first time in my life I've actually been ready for the change......well, maybe not, but typically changes come to me whether I'm ready or not. I know this will be challenging. I won't say hard. I've been fat for 20 years. That was hard. And I wonder if I will ever understand why I stayed fat, even though it was hard. Maybe......maybe not. Does it matter?
 
So, enough with the fear/apprehension/doubt. Let's talk about my vision for this. It is honestly like giving birth. You've got to prep, talk yourself up, or in the heat of it all, you just wimp out. I'm ready. There is a prize at the end of this road.......the prize will be me!!! A me who can shop in normal sizes, walk without exhaustion, do yoga and reach my toes, or not.....but my belly won't be in the way!!! My feet will get a break.......and hopefully give me a break so I can wear heels again. God I miss high heels. Not even the 6 inch things......just the 4 inch ones. I miss f#ck m# shoes. You know the ones that are good for about 20 feet of walking/strutting/dancing? Yeah, I miss those things. I'm so sick of fat chick shoes.
 
So, am I having surgery so I can wear stripper heels?............maybe.
 
No really, I am doing this cause I've spent the past 25 years raising 4 awesome kids and it is about time I make a HUGE change and concentrate on what I need. The kids are mostly grown, and doing their own thing. I've moved from manager to consultant in their lives........which is sooooo AWESOME. They are fantastic people and are excited for me to do this. They don't have a memory of me when I was normal sized. They are kinda excited to meet that me. I am too!
 
Not to mention, the hubby of 27 years, is excited. He is such a wonderful guy. He has loved me, despite what size me was. Ain't that grand? The man loves me.......no matter the packaging. And he's excited.......and scared. But not afraid of failure, he just wants me to be ok. So do I........but a successful OK!!!!
 
So, here we go.........I give birth to me June 20, 2012.
 
Just had another thought. When a mother gives birth to an infant, we start with the birth weight and measure their health, in part, by watching their weight increase. So, when this mother gives birth to herself........we will measure my health by watching my weight decrease.
 
I hope as they are rolling me down the hall to the surgery suite, I am singing "Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me....."
 
or maybe Brahm's lullaby?

Yesterday evening my college friend, Nicole, and her daughter, Bella, arrived at my home for a a little vacation. They are home from Costa Rica and seeing them is always great. I love catching up with Nicole and seeing how much Bella, has grown and matured. But, I have to admit, I was worried about their visit this time. Not because I didn't want them here. I was concerned becasue I didn't know how my new eating behaviors would effect things. Would they think I was strange eating chicken ALL THE TIME? Would I seem crazy when I measured and weighed EVERYTHING out before I ate and then wrote it all down? Most importantly, I was worried about wanting things I shouldn't eat.
 
Friends and food seem to go together. Think about all the great heart to hearts you've had over coffee or tee (or any other drink) and finger foods or sweets? Could catching up cause me to "drop the ball"? I was even more concerned becasue I knew I would have foods in the house that I haven't had in here for awhile. I brought cookies, chips, and other goodies for them as I knew they can't get some of those things down there and would enjoy them. Buying them didn't tempt me. They sat on the counter for days and I never even really looked at them. However, I knew the real test would come when they got here.
 
Well, they are here. I have maintained my normal food consumption. I haven't even thought about eating during our heart to hearts. Lucky for me she is a great friend and understands what is happening and takes it in stride. She knows not to feel bad for eating things in front of me (another thing I was worried about) and both she and her daughter seem to enjoy the goodies I bought them. They even bought themselves some different ones. All I can think is how much had changed in six...wait SEVEN weeks.
 
Prior to surgery, I would have been nibbling on it all and not even realizing how much I had taken in. Now, I just look at it and think that if I really want it, I can have a little bit of it but I don't want it. I have found that if I have anything really sugary, the next day it's all I want. I don't like having that feeling, so I try to stay away from sugar as much as possible. I do make some sweet roasted chic peas with splenda brown sugar that are AMAZING. but my old "go to" foods are no longer a want or a need. I can't believe how much has changed in a short time. It seems unreal to me. If I would have just tried to diet and exercise (like I've tried a million times in the past), I would be craving those things and would have totally cheated on my diet by now. I used to hate hearing people say this, but it really is a total lifestyle change. I can't believe I just wrote that....I refuse to be one of those people that say that to everyone. They annoy me and I don't want to be any more annoying than I already am.
 
So, I will continue to enjoy my friend and her child. We are moving a lot everyday so I am getting my exercise in. Apparently kids make you move!!! I don't have any, so from not having one to having a six year old in the home is a shock to my system (in a good way). I am sure that by the time I get used to having the little one here they will leave and then I won't know what to do with myself. The good thing is knowing they will be back in late June or early July so we can do it all again. It's nice to be able to not associate food with great friends and heart to hearts. Now I can pay attention to what she says instead of wondering who ate my last Oreo from my plate? I know we have gremlins that sneak out and take them as there is no way I ate all those cookies that fast. Now, there are no cookies, just great memories being made and that's something I am really enjoying.

So yesterday marks 24 weeks out or 5 months post op.. I am 13.6 lbs from goal and feeling good.. so here are my stats
 
5'7"
HW:265
DoS:238.1
CW: 163.6
Goal:150
 
These past few months have been the best that i could have ever imagined.. My weight is under control, my boyfriend and I are engaged, and I feel like a brand new me. The funny part is im not even worried about these last few lbs because to be honest im not sure where they are gonna come from, but hey.. hopefully not my boobs or my ass..lol. I have been lucky so far to not really lose my boobs.. my butt got a little deflated, but hey a little squats will perk it right back up..
 
I do have to admit i have been slackin hard core on the working out, but thats because im sooo tired from driving every week to see my fiancee. Unfortunately he doesn't live close so we have to drive back n forth to see each other.. not fun but hey its a sacrafice im willing to make to be with him and vice versa for him.
 
I am hoping to be at goal by the end of next month, but if not no biggie.. just wanted to set a little goal for myself and see if i can achieve it, but in order to do that i need to get back to hitting the gym and running like i used to.. So here is my pledge.. i will run at least 3 days a week. and i will hit the gym at least 2 days a week.. i need to build muscle!
 
I leave you with pictures and my thanks for all your support in my journey to a new and improved me. I hope that I have been a slight insperation to some of you as you have been one to me. here are some recent pictures of my journey..
 

I had my final surgical consult today and it went great. Surgery is a go for 5/22/12 at 7:30am! During my endoscopic exam they found that I have a hiatal hernia, which explains my acid reflux agony these past few years. My surgeon is going to repair that as well. I have a higher chance of blood clots due to my hematology disorder so I will also be on preventative shots for a week after too. I'm really fortunate to have a doctor who cares so much about my health during this process. I'm getting more excited than nervous these days!
6 more days

I came home today, tired and exhausted from work. My to be brought some fried chicken home.....I ate a piece and was upset with myself from breaking down into the temptation of that oily greasy delicous piece of meat....;I instantly got up and started sewing (yes making my wedding guest gifts and loving every moment of it)....
 
 
all of the sudden I broke out with a huge giggle, which turned into hysterical laughter....realizing I ate one piece of chicken....just one...not half the bird...not twenty wingettes.....just the wing......i made a huge step...I ate....i walked away realizing that this is not what i wanted or needed....and i found something to take me away....and it was almost effortlessly.....
 
Im still grinning .....It feels wonderful to find triumph even in a mistake......

Hi Everyone,
 
Been getting out and about a bit more than usual so have not been on here for a while. As you can see from my title, I actually jogged! Me, who hasn't run since I was 11 years old. Ok, it was only for 3 minutes but I did it. I ran. Wow, it was amazing. My knees held out, my heart didn't burst and I felt incredible, well at least for a short while. After that I just felt plain knackered. Sorry, tired.
 
I have done this twice now, again only for 3 minutes, but I figure I have to start somewhere and I can build it up as I have my other exercises. My husband was absolutely gobsmacked. His face was a picture, I wish I had had my camera with me as he looked so funny. I don't think I will ever run that far, but at least I can run (in short bursts) It is not a pretty sight, as everything jiggles and flops around something terrible. I don't care only my husband can see, and he has seen me at my very worst.
 
So what else is new, not much: I have not lost any more weight so I will have to get out my tape measure again as I need a boost at the moment. This stall is lasting way too long! Oh, I went out for my first meal since my operation. It was lunch at a cafe near where my sister lives, we were having a girls day out. I had cauliflower cheese, I asked for and received a small portion and had a small new potato with it too. I ate all the cauliflower cheese but less than half of the potato. It was great to feel 'normal' again. Yes I could only eat a small portion, but no one looked at me as if I was a freak for eating so little. I took my time and enjoyed every mouthful. (My sister doesn't know about my operation). She had a dessert, and I had a teaspoon of her dessert just to taste it. It was a lemon and lime gateaux. Delicious, but after that teaspoon I didn't want any more.
 
I never imagined a day when I would be able to say that! I am beginning to enjoy the 'power' of the sleeve. Knowing I can try any food, but will be happy with just a tiny amount is empowering. Food doesn't control me anymore, I control it. I can take it or leave it. I know you will all understand what a huge change that is for me. I feel like wonderwoman or superwoman. At the moment I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I was able to leap tall buildings!
 
So if you see an old woman with lots of jiggly bits leaping a tall building, that will be me.
Phoenix :wub:

So I have officially stalled, which doesn't come as a shock as I'm a couple weeks out of surgery. Yet I really don't care. I know that the scale will move again, and frankly I've felt so nasty the last week (I'm finally feeling better) that I've kinda had a lot on my mind. Also, I've lost 30 pounds and I feel sexy and prettier than I have in a loooooong time. Granted I still need to lose a lot of weight, but baby steps!
 
Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm kinda nervous about it. I have a physical job and because of my problem with my sutures I know it's gonna hurt. But I'm still excited about seeing all my friends and coworkers.
 
Wish me luck, ya'll!