ShapeShifter

PS: I'm an HP fan, too. Love the screen name.

I am still working things out with my insurance company, so I nowhere near having a date. I am so excited for you. Other resources I've found to be helpful for contemplating this new life are on YouTube. If you haven't done that search yet, there are many people out there sharing their journeys, and you can see them change before your eyes. AmySDMom even shows what she was eating during different stages (she is two years post-op now). She made it less scary for me. You are almost there, and this is going to be great!

The thing that scared me the most in my research, even more than hair-loss (yes, at times I have felt my hair was my best feature), was that some people have lost friends along this journey. The day I heard that on a video log, I felt sick to my stomach. I told my Mom about that discovery over the phone, and she gasped. We both know that there is nothing more important in my life than my sacred, devoted, and loyal friendships. I'm an Aquarius, so there are many. I have always felt you can never have too much love in your life, and so I've been a collector, of sorts... a friend-collector. I dwell within a wonderfully supportive community. Actually, it consists of multiple circles that sometimes overlap. Because I am a highly committed individual, my relationships have been well-tended and nurtured for many years. I have had friends, in the past, who were not quite as committed to doing the work required to maintain something as deep as I desire... the kind of friendship where you can speak your truth, be yourself, and feel supported and loved unconditionally. I mean, when you know what true friendship feels like, why would you settle for less. So, long ago, I learned to let go of that which no longer serves me. (Which reminds me of what will occur with this surgery... removing that which no longer serves me.) Not that I quit talking to people... but that I decided which relationships were friends and which were acquaintances. It helps to know where to spend one's energy. Because honesty is so important to me, I have chosen to be completely open with those in my large community of close friends. I feel that I am considering changing my life in a very big way, and their support is terribly important to me. Besides, if you ask me what has been going on in my life, the fact that I've been spending every hour not working in research mode, would leave very little to discuss if I chose not to share my truth. I don't have a spouse or significant other, so my family and friends are all I have to help me through the difficult days, and to celebrate the monumental days. I have been so pleasantly surprised by the responses I've received... I never imagined it would be so affirming. The women I work with closely have witnessed my struggle for the past 10 years, and they seem downright excited for me. They say with a gleam in their eyes: "So! How did it go at the information meeting at the hospital? What happens next?" When I told my boss, I explained to her that I am worried about the next 20 years, and how my body is already aching and breaking at age 43. I told her that I heard this surgery only requires a week away from work, and that was the main reason I was finally considering this option. And she said: "We are talking about your health for the next 15-20 years. You will take as much time as you need!" (I didn't cry, but I did get a lump in my throat.) I've told different friends at different times, and they allow me to share the procedure details, the fears I had about previous options, the fears I have about my future, and invite them to ask me questions. I have very thoughtful friends. The conversation ends with, "You have my full support. I want what is best for you." Some friends have offered to come to meetings and hold my hand, and some friends have decided they will come take care of me when I get out of the hospital. I was afraid to tell a couple of friends, though. They had been a little judgmental about another friend who had gastric bypass, but in their defense, the situation was a little odd. We kept asking what she was doing for herself because she looked so great, and she wouldn't tell us. So when she kept going to the bathroom for long periods of time (possibly due to dumping) we worried she was bulimic. (We later learned that her sister had not responded in a supportive way - and I'm sure that set her off to be less trusting.) Anyway, I shook all the way to dinner, and I started the conversation by bursting into tears and telling them that I didn't want to lose their friendship. So... we all cried together, and when I finished sharing all I'd learned, so far... they were completely supportive and one even offered to help me pay for the procedure. Sheesh! That went WAY better than expected. I was so relieved. For someone who doesn't even have insurance approval yet, I'm doing pretty well with this process. Ha! To add to all of this love I've been drowning in... a friend who had WLS two years ago has invited me into her support group. Last night I attended for the first time, and I found such wonderful women there, with great experience, wisdom, patience, courage, and generosity. Some of them said that they wished they'd started their journey with this kind of immersion, and encouraged me to continue coming, so that I can be more and more prepared for my 'adjusted' future. I know that I am overwhelmingly blessed with such a supportive and loving community. I don't take it for granted, because I know there are some out there who feel very alone on this journey. I would urge anyone, even those well-supported like me, to reach out to your local WLS community and see if you can create a meet-up group with whom you can share your hopes and fears, questions and great discoveries. There is nothing like connecting with people who have walked with similar pain, illness, shame, and fear - and courageously stepped forward to regain control of their health, emerging as victors on the other side. It is a very inspirational and comforting section of this path. Wishing you overwhelming love, support, and affirmation along your own journey...

I am also in the research phase, while moving through the process to see if my insurance will cover it. I joined a WLS support group last night, and I intend to meet with them regularly to help myself prepare for my possible future. All the best to you and your quest.

About 15 years ago, the insurance my (then) company offered started covering Gastric Bypass Surgery, and multiple co-workers made that choice with hope to improve their lives. I was envious, and curious, and admit that it did cross my mind. But at that time, for whatever reason, I was not ready to make such a life-altering decision. As I learned more about the procedure and the results, I worried about the issues with malabsorption. And years later, when Ann Wilson (from Heart) was open about Lap Band Surgery, I studied up on that process and the results, and found myself turned off by the need to make frequent return visits to the doctor for checks and fills, and the possible complications scared me. Recently, maybe early February, I was checking in on a friend in another state who had Gastric Bypass in December. During our conversation, she told me about a woman she met in her WLS support group who had VSG four days earlier... and she was upright, energetic and feeling great. She told me a little about the difference in this 'new' procedure, and I made a note of what it was called. That night, I started my research. I LOVE THE INTERNET, don't you? Can you imagine how difficult it might have been to find such detailed information and great support 20 years ago? Over the weeks that followed, I spent all of my evenings after work online searching for more. Honestly, I was searching for the horror stories. There is great affirmation out there about this procedure, but very little about complications and regrets. I watched many hours of video logs on YouTube, and worried about the people who stopped recording after a few check-ins. What happened to them? Are they okay? Did something horrible happen to them as a result of the surgery? But then, there were people like AmySDMom, who has kept an incredibly honest video log, almost weekly, for the entire two years of her journey. She is very thoughtful and thorough in the details she chooses to share, and I've learned a great deal from her about what life looks like post-surgery. If you've not spent any time with Amy, and are pre-op OR post-op... I highly recommend looking her up on YouTube. And on this site, I found the link to Holly's blog at 300 Pounds Down, and find her so wonderfully inspirational that I now check in daily to see if she has checked in. Her writing is powerful, honest, painful, witty, and as I said, inspiring. From the women I've been following, I have written down tips and preferences, and ordered protein powders that I've added into my diet. On one of the sites I read that a woman my size should be consuming 90 grams of protein and 1600 calories. I thought, I am likely not consuming half that much protein now. So I decided to go ahead and add that to my already low calorie, low carb diet. Did it help me lose weight? No. I continue to gain and lose the same two pounds each week, with great discouragement. I thought that maybe this would be the answer to why I couldn't lose weight. I just need more protein! Maybe I don't need surgery after all! Ha! Not so, said the Universe. And so, I decided that I would continue my research, step-by-step, and watch and listen for signs from the Universe to decide if I am on the right path. A local friend, who had surgery last year at Celebration Health in Orlando, held my hand and went with me to the information session that is held each week at this bariatric center of excellence. I wondered if I would sit through the session and hear something that frightened me, or meet someone with a real horror story, or have a gut feeling that this was the wrong place or time. But none of that happened. I left feeling like this was the place and this is the time. And so, I decided to complete the paperwork, and wait to take the next step. I received an email a couple of days later which requested my medical and weight history. I completed the form, and waited for the call from the hospital about my insurance coverage and out-of-pocket expenses... waiting to see what the Universe had to say about that. Well, the hospital did call, and said that my insurance only covered lap-band and gastric bypass... and I didn't cry, but with a lump in my throat told her to go no further... because those were not an option for me. I did not let that stop me, though. My company is self-insured and works with United Health Care and UMR. I knew that United Health Care was covering VSG, and so I called UMR to see why they denied the request. They said that my company did not have it on the list of approved procedures. I did not let that stop me, either. I sent an email to the SVP of Benefits and told her the story, and she responded with an explanation that our plan is outdated, and when something like this comes up, they take it to a committee and decide if they will add it to the policy, allowing UMR to approve the procedure. She checked in with me today, and shared her progress and next steps. With all of the changes in the world of Health Care, we aren't really sure what will happen next year, or what options will be offered - there is a chance our options will be even better than they are now. But I did remind her that I am eager to improve my life, that I am suffering with quite a bit of pain NOW, and that if I could have the procedure completed this year, with the insurance I am sure of... considering there could be a 6 month dr. assisted weight loss period... having the committee decide one way or another would be better for me, sooner rather than later. She understood and is moving forward. As am I. One step at a time... the Universe has not yet given me a sign to quit. And so, I am here with each of you... yearning for your success, longing for success of my own, and wishing all of us a future that is free of shame, suffering, illness, and pain. Here's to our future! May we learn to shine in new and wonderful ways.

Colorchic, I'm wishing you all the best on your revision. I'm sorry it has been such a difficult year. This should be very freeing for you.

You look amazing! Congratulations on another victory.

So sorry for your struggle emlefe. I have a friend who was housebound and started her exercise program sitting in her chair and curling canned goods. She eventually worked her way up to walking and other modes of free exercise. She has been on disability for many years, so her options were limited, too. Try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. This is only temporary and things will get better. Wishing you WELL!

Barrbdoll... I am wishing you all the best on your journey. I am grateful that these affordable options are out there to enable us to live better lives. I'll be thinking of you on 4/16!

Thanks Gramaof4! What an amazing journey you've had. My reason for checking this route first is that I've put thousands of dollars into the health care system since I was 18... I have never needed it for more than annual exams and a recent diagnosis of severe sleep apnea. I think it is time 'they' do something for me. The place I've found is a Center of Excellence, and includes a year-long program of support, with Psych, Nutrition, Physiologist, as well as surgeon and support team. I want that for myself, if I can get it. I'm so glad you have had such great success. I believe the Universe will guide me to a similar outcome. Here's to our health!

Congratulations! Wishing you all the best on your journey (and the cruise, too). I've read of many people having surgery right before the holidays, and that must be challenging, too. You will do great!

I am so happy for you and all of the wonderful things you are doing for yourself. Your joy is tangible. Thank you for sharing!

I've often said that I like to enjoy nature from an air conditioned plastic bubble. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this flair up. Wishing you WELL.

I am so sorry you are hurting. Please know that you are never alone, for we are all one. This community is incredibly supportive and many walk a similar path, with similar hopes and dreams for the future. Hormones are clearly affected in this process, so forgive yourself for being emotional - you are in the process of changing your life and creating your future. Try to consume your required protein and water, for I've read that really helps, and if you can, get outside and take a walk. Start slow and short, and go further each day. That should help work out and release the pain that is trapped in your body, which has been through a bit of trauma recently. This will get better and you will be able to share your experience with those (like me) coming up this path behind you. Wishing you WELL!

I have never before kept a blog or chosen a 'screen name', or for that matter, consistently kept a journal. As I begin this journey into a healthier future with Sleeve Gastrectomy, I have been strongly encouraged by a friend to put things in writing, seek support from an experienced community, and to offer support to others, as I do in my every-day world. I am 43 years old, happily single, and 250 lbs. I am also an open book, or so I thought, with friends and family... always speaking my truth with kindness and compassion, to seek understanding and support, and to offer the same in return. I've read in several places (or viewed on vlogs) that some people have lost friends through this process, and aside from possible hair loss, that scared me the most. Craziness, I know. So, I have chosen to tell my friends about my research and my hope for changing my life and future. I have been surprised by my emotions as I enlighten those who have always seen me as a ray of sunshine, about the darkness I carry and have not shared. When they have not known my suffering, how could they understand my choice to expose myself to risk through surgery? So. What does my darkness look like? I'm sure many of us share some of these broken pieces... When I was 12 and put on puberty pounds, I recall my mother saying to me: "You'd better be careful, or you'll be fat like your father." I cannot recall my weight or size at that age, but it was just the beginning. I thinned out in Jr. High as we walked to school every day, then gained again in High School. The words from my mother that I recall in the car one day were: "No man wants to marry a fat woman." I still don't remember numbers, but I'm pretty sure I never got above a size 12 or 14 in High School. I did Weight Watchers at age 18 and got into a size 10 pair of Coca-Cola jeans, which was a huge accomplishment. A friend showed me a photo from that time when we were in our 20's, and I realized that the girl in that photo absolutely believed that she was fat and ugly. In the first few years of my 20's I gained 20 lbs a year, and got up to a size 22 (all while trying and re-trying Weight Watchers, Jazzercise, etc.). I remember thinking about that picture, that I wished I could be that fat now. In the last twenty years, I've been no lower than 220 and probably higher than 270 (there was a period when I didn't weigh myself every day, believe it or not) - between size 18 and 22. During that time, I realized that I loathed myself when I was a size 10, and that I had the choice to do the same at size 20... or I could decide to love myself exactly as I am. I worked with a therapist specializing in Harville Hendrix Imago Therapy, made a list of the negative words that played over and over in my head - realized that my mother did not intend to hurt me, and that in my late 30's I had to take responsibility for the voice... and so I reprogrammed. I chose never to say to myself something I would not say to another human being. If a negative word was uttered, even in my mind, I would have to replace it with something loving and kind. I was quite successful with my reprogramming of 2005. And after losing 38 lbs with Weight Watchers (again), I felt quite happy with my curves at size 18. I was triumphant! I wondered... how might my world have been different if my mom had said: You are perfect... exactly as you are? Another AHA moment was while watching "What the Bleep do we Know?" and seeing the water study. A Japanese scientist placed water from the same source into multiple bottles marked with different thoughts: I love you. Thank you. I hate you. I will kill you. Others were invited to view and read the bottles, then drops of that water were placed on a frozen slide and the positive thoughts were crystalline, like snowflakes, and the negative thoughts were discolored and sludge-like. The question was stated: "If our thoughts can do this to water... and we are 80% water... what are our thoughts doing to us?" WOW! That was life altering for me. I had been standing in front of a mirror for 25 years telling myself I was fat and ugly (talk about manifestation). I would be horrified if I knew a child I love was doing this to themselves. I have not let my weight stop me from traveling, which is my passion... but much of my darkness is wrapped in the memories of sacred journeys. At around 100 lbs heavier than most of my friends, I have felt like a burden, as we climbed one mile from 6,000 ft to 7,000 ft in Colorado... and a friend acted as my sherpa, staying behind with me as we climbed and our other friends went ahead. When I reached the top and saw the water gushing from 'Spouting Rock', I lay upon a nearby boulder and sobbed... every step I took going up that mountain was not in triumph... but in heartbreaking shame. In 2008, I went by myself to Ireland. I had looked forward to Skellig Michael, where at the top of 620 steps, in the middle of the ocean, was a 6th century monastery with beehive huts. My friend even bought me a pair of leiki poles for the journey. When I was finally at the base of that rock... I looked up and decided I just couldn't do it. The tour guide came back for me and said: "Wasn't this your dream?" And so I did follow, and though he could have gone up and down those stairs as I struggled to get to the top, he stayed with me until another woman on the tour took over. I wouldn't have done it without the encouragement of others, and I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. And yet... every step I took was in shame. In 2010, I went to England and there were many magickal sites to see in Glastonbury and Cornwall. But this time, I was in my 40's... and I carried the same shame, but with a little more fear. In 2011, I went to Scotland... and though the hikes were not as steep, I was still the one left behind... I was 30 lbs heavier, so my body hurt in each bed, and I panted to get up the stairs, and my feet and ankles were severely swollen on the trip home. In 2011, I went from 250 lbs to 267 in a matter of weeks. I had planned a return to Ireland, but decided I just couldn't do it at this age and at this weight, and so I cancelled my plans. It was about this time that a friend told me about Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. And, so... this is where my new story begins. Wishing you love, light, and laughter on your own journey to wellness, ShapeShifter

Congratulations and Happy Healing!

I agree with Dooter's experience. I recall from 800 times through WW, that the sodium and caffeine in diet coke will dehydrate you... and if you had one, you should add an extra 8 oz of water to counteract that effect. You'll take that off in no-time. Water is your friend. Ha!

I'm sorry you are gong through this with your husband. My intuition tells me that he is feeling insecure about your success... perhaps fearing you will find him less appealing as you regain confidence in your being. Your success is wonderful and should be celebrated. I wonder if he would 'hear' you, if you shared with him how much it would mean to you to have his support. Over the years of failure at weight loss, I recall the disappointment in my Mother's voice when I reported a gain instead of a loss (I've not had surgery, yet)... and when I reminded her that I was already beating myself up on the inside, and that it would be more helpful to have her support (like: that's okay, you'll do better next week)... she totally understood and changed her behavior. She allowed me to release the shame of disappointing the woman whose love I needed the most. Wishing you all the best... and continued celebration for the wonderful things you are doing for yourself!