mkardh

Since I was 12 I have had issues with my weight. It started with bulemia, and this was during a time when anorexia was only just beginning to be talked about. I didn't know that what I was doing was wrong I just did it. It was actually a Dear Abby letter I read that made me open my eyes and stop purging. Unfortunately I never did quit the binging part. It wasn't something that I always did but looking back now I realize I was an emotional eater (still am). There were periods where I was thinner and they usually revolved around the times I had physically demanding jobs.

After my daughter was born I took on a different line of work and became sedentary. The weight started to climb. Then the yo yo weight started. Lose 40 gain 60, lose 40 gain 60 again. After work I come home cook dinner and plop on the couch completely exhausted and watch tv, I have no energy or drive for anything else. I am now looking at the scale in complete shock when I see 306lbs pop up. Throughout my life I have dealt with major periods of depression.... I have been on anti depressants and have talked to therapists. I started to notice that the higher the scale climbed the more my depression became an issue. I am a fuctioning member of society but feel the weight is starting to hold me back in ways it didn't before. My right hip, knee, and foot are constantly hurting, I was told I have osteoarthritis. I have started to isolate myself and avoid being in public, I haven't dated in forever. I will be 40 in a couple years and want to start that part of my life physically and emotionally stronger.

I am so nervous about having surgery and realize it will make a big difference in my health, but there is a part of me that is a bit embarrassed that I let it get to the point where surgery is an option. I was so happy to find this forum and able to read everyone's stories. It helps knowing there are other people out there fighting the same battle as me.