MeganA

I find this subject facinating...intuitive eating is such a foreign idea when all of your life food has been consumed to alter brain chemistry and alter moods. I don't understand how a band around my stomach has changed this. When I have good restriction food becomes an after thought. At times when I have ok restriction, like now, I tend to make good choices and only eat when I'm hungery 80% of the time. The biggest change I have made in my thinking about food is the good vs. evil dance. I no longer play that game with myself. I'm no longer a good or a bad person based on what I eat. I eat what I want...EXACTLY what I want. Sometimes I only take a few bites but I figure that if I listen to my body it will tell me what I need to eat. Sure, sometimes it tells me to eat that Chubby Hubby Ice Cream for dinner...but mostly it tells me to eat things that are good for me. I think that we spend a lot of time analytically trying to determine what we should or shouldn't eat...and after awhile we loose the ability to listen to our bodies. But then again I ate a small fry from McDonald's last night at ten o'clock and I wasn't hungery. But I think that is the first time in two years that I've done that...and it used to be a weekly occurance and it would have been a large fry and a cheeseburger and milkshake. Sometimes progress doesn't mean "never"...it just means "not as much". Megan

food Porn is so true!!! This thread is so funny! Every Saturday and Sunday morning I love to watch the Food Network. I've gotten so I enjoy food by proxy...I use my imagination and try to think of how good all the different foods would taste. I've found I do this at the grocery store. Just last night I was staring into the ice cream case just imagining the taste of it on my tongue and savoring the idea of it. But then I walked away. I don't know when this shift happened in me, but it takes me forever to shop but I only end up buying three things. I suppose it's like wandering around a Mercedes lot in a rusted out Toyota and imaginging how great I'd look in one of them, yet knowing that I really don't need one. Megan

Well, isn't this interesting. I'm very glad to hear that your band looks fine. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to see barium move in the wrong direction if you did have something wrong. I have had my eight fills under floro and I make them let me watch the video. I won't even take a drink of the barium until they move the tv screen so I can see. Of all the people who need to see what's goin' on it should be me, for pete's sake. So...good for you for being so tenacious about getting this appt. Now you should relax (I know, I know...you really aren't a "relax" kind of gal!) but take a couple of deep breaths and find some peace that your band is ok. I think it's going to make you succeed inspite of yourself! My band has felt like an ulcer at times- like when I eat it feels like the food is scratching it's way through the stoma. When this happens, I take a couple of meals off of regular food and eat mushies and I'm fine again. Let me tell you a little story about carbonation. One night I went to the movie and had popcorn and diet coke. I hardly ever drink it but couldn't resist. That night, I awoke with the worse stomach ache of my entire life. It felt like something was pressing up on my band so hard I could barely sit up. When I did, I burped so loud I scared my dogs. After that, my band was sore for THREE days. Yes, THREE! What I'm trying to say is that with a little change in your diet, I bet most of the pain you're feeling in your tummy would go away. But then what would you have to worry about? :-) Just kidding, of course. Megan

This thread is exactly what I needed today. When erosion or slippage happens to someone you *know* it goes from being a statistic to being a possible reality. I'm scared, too. And I had almost convinced myself that my band was sick...until I realized that everyone in the office is feeling a little off in their tummys. But because I have a band, I tend to blame everything on it instead of finding out what else it could be. Anxiety about losing the one weight loss tool that has worked for me can be overwhelming. And I don't think that it will go away no matter how long my band is inside of me, kicking my butt when I screw up. This feeling in my tummy happened once before. I took Prilosec OTC for 7 days, watched the foods I ate, and made sure not to eat at least 3 hours before bedtime. The gas and bloating that I felt went away first, the sour stomach after I ate went away second, and pretty soon I felt like a million bucks again. So, that's what I'm going to do this time. If that doesn't work, I'll schedule an appt. with my doctor. My plan will help eliviate some anxiety. I have a little problem where I sometimes morn the loss of something or someone before there is any incling of real loss. This I have to keep in check or I don't appreciate what is in front of me. It feel amazing that I can come to this site and find others feeling exactly the same way I am. We are very fortunate to have a place to talk about our fears. If this scares people away from the surgery, then so be it. This is real. And I believe it takes an extremely strong person to make the decision to take on this responsibilty. I for one think that every person has it in them to weather the good and the bad...it's just a choice to do so. Megan

Oh No!! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I was lucky enough to meet Milo when I went to the Vegas bash in '04. He was a sweet, affectionate, and friendly guy who I just fell in love with right away. Even my friend who is allergic and doesn't like cats fell in love with him. He was indeed a very special cat. When my childhood dog died at the ripe old age of 15, my dad told me a story that comforted me. When pets die, they go to heaven and wait at the gates for you. While they are there, they play and sleep and watch you from above. When it's time for you to go to heaven, they meet you at the gate and walk in with you. Milo is now in a peaceful place filled with all the cans of tuna he can ever eat. He was lucky to have such a life filled with love and laughter and fun. You gave him the best gift you could give any being. My heart goes out to you and your family... Megan

This makes me so sad. I'm sorry Michelle...I know you don't want sympathy but you're going to get it from me anyway. I would be terrified if I were you...scared of living without the band, scared of what the band has done to my stomach, scared of regaining the weight. I am truely inspired by your attitide and am reminded that we can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react. Thank you for the kick in the pants. I need it. I have gotten sloppy with my rules. I guess this difficult situation for you is a gift to others. I'm glad you don't feel like you have to leave this board. And like Donali said, we need those of you that are un-banded around to remind us of what could happen so we dont' take our bands for granted. Please take care of yourself and keep us posted. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Megan

OH NO! I'm so sorry to hear this. You are strong and you will figure it all out. I will pray for you and wish you the best. Who knows- maybe the 7 days will be a miracle cure? Couldn't you start the 7 days on Friday? :-) Best of luck, and keep us posted! Megan

I've started to get really self concious about my body- more so now than when I was at my heaviest. I get lots of attention from men now, and I can't help but think- "Don't they know I'm still fat?". I feel like my sucker-inner undergarments are false advertising. I had a dream last night that I took my clothes off and all my skin rolled out of my undergarments like a red carpet. Do you think I have some body issues? :-) I'm already thinking about plastic surgery but couldn't afford it unless insurance pays. I'm going to save up my vacation time from work just in case. I never anticipated this when I dreamt of weight loss and how great it would be! Not that I would take it back for millions of dollars. But it's all new to me, this attention from men. I'm just not sure what to do with all of it anymore. Maybe I should stay home and eat some.....WAIT! NO WAY. I guess I have to just keep moving forward and I'll handle what comes my way the best I can. Thanks for letting me ramble. Megan

Jonathan! Welcome back...I missed you! Just think where you would be through all this chaos if you didn't have the band...My guess would be that you would have put on 44 lbs. You've got a new life now, and maybe it's starting to feel a little less like someone else's...so, maybe now you have a little emotional and physical energy to put towards your weight loss goals. Take small steps- the perfectionist in you wants to leap, I know but leaps are hard to sustain. You're going to be ok. I promise. Megan

I'm kinda mad at you for wanting your fill removed, to be honest. My anger has NOTHING to do with you, actually...but everything to do with the fact that it's hard for me to lose weight- even with the band...so anyone who is actually losing and doesn't want to...well, kinda ticks me off. So, fill us in, for pete's sake! Megan

When I first had it happen I thought I was delivering a baby. But that would have meant that I was impregnated by the immaculate conception. GAS EX works wonders. I don't know why we get so much gas build up- especially right after surgery...but I started to carry around the chewable tablets of Gas Ex and when I would start to feel the first signs of cramping, I pop a couple and in no time I'm burping and well, you know... Megan

Amazing transformation. Thanks for sharing the story, Nykee! Megan

I'm a 56...and it's pretty right on. Thanks for the test...how fun! Megan

What scares you the most? Megan

I second what Vines said, Donali. Anything you need- I'm there... Megan

Um...I think I have been taking my NSV's for granted, actually. So, here are today's. I ate a pita sandwhich for lunch at my desk, then went out to lunch with the girls at the office and had a glass of Water. Didn't even feel deprived. Didn't even eat a fry off of their plates. I was satisfied with my half a pita. Amazing. My clothes are too big again. Not all of them..but anything I've dug out of my closet from last winter hangs on me. Someone I work with told me I was looking skinny today...I looked at her funny and thought...skinny? I weigh 230 pounds lady..but then I realized that I was wearing clothes that FIT, so I suppose I do look smaller. I had two fun size milky way bars today and savored every bite of them...and didn't have one bad thought like "oh, why did I eat two, I'm so fat and such a failure!". Nope, I ate them and loved every bite. MMMM. And I only had two- but there are still a bunch sitting out and I have no desire to have any more. Those are my NSV's for today. I have to remember not to take them for granted- thanks, Vines for the reminder. Megan

What everybody else said... plus... have you thought about getting a fill? Maybe your band isn't as tight...especially if you can eat fries!! Even with mayo I can barely choke down three or four (and I SOOO want to!) when I have good restriction. I also find that as my band gets loose my mind goes crazy about food again...food and self doubt. So, do a calorie check, do a weightloss check...and if you're not losing- get a fill!!! Megan

Anytime there is SEVERE heartburn, I'd suggest you get it checked out by your doctor- TODAY. ASAP. Bad news- you could have slipped your band with the pb. Good news- it could just be you irritated the heck out of your stomach (I did this once) and a little Priolosec or Nexium and you'll be as good as new in no time. Keep us posted and don't panic...you'll be ok. Megan

This is a great question and one I wondered about as well. In the beginning sometimes it felt like I could think of nothing else! But now, after two years...it's in the background more than anything. I have a list of food in my head that work and a list that doesn't...and when I eat I just choose foods from the list that works. Of course whenever I eat too fast or have that one bite too many...my band reminds me that it's there! Good luck! Megan

Cloey, Superdaddy is right on. And just because you don't have a surgery date yet doesn't mean you can't start trying...and starting to make some new habits. Megan

This is one of the things that I keep saying I"m going to do at 250, then at 240, now I've moved it to 225. Scew that, I'm calling right now! I wore a full body sucker-inner last time I went horseback riding because I can't stand the feeling of everything flaping around all over. I highly recommend it! Thanks for the renewed inspiriation, Vines! Megan

It’s been an amazing journey of many highs and some pretty low lows. I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything. I am a new person because of my band. Looking back, it really was the decision that I was worthwhile enough to take care of my health and sanity that changed my life. I was researching the bypass when I remembered seeing something on the news a year or so ago about this “band”. It didn’t take me long to discover the alternative to dissecting my stomach and forever changing the landscape of my digestive system. I was in the right place at the right time and all it took was one phone call and I was considered for the FDA trials for a new type of band in the US- the Swedish Lap Band. From the time I called the surgeon’s office to the date of surgery was only two weeks. My surgery was free. My follow up is free. I understand how huge this is, now that I have read other’s stories of sacrifice. I know that I was simply lucky. There is no other explanation. I steeled myself by researching everything I could about it and the other types of bands. I learned quickly the pros and cons and I decided that the positives far outweighed the negatives- with bypass or staying fat. I was still terrified of what would happen. I still am sometimes. I don't know what it's like to shop in a regular store or get a bunch of attention for my appearance. I am a slow loser- but having never been thin in all my life, I think this is the way it was supposed to happen to me. I have time to adjust to this new body. I have time to adjust to the way that people treat me; the way I treat myself. Everything has changed. I am no longer the same person. Yes, I still have the same morals and values; I still have the same heart that beats in my body and in my soul. But I have changed. I have stopped beating myself up for simply being me. I have stopped those tapes that told me over and over again that I was a failure and I’d never amount to anything. I have changed those tapes to say things like "so, you didn't make the best decision, you'll do better next time". I have become more compassionate and considerate of others and their struggles. I think I was always so tightly wound up in my own pain that it left little room to truly feel the pain that others feel. I also have become much more compassionate with myself. I have discovered that confidence really does make your eyes twinkle and your skin radiant. Good skin care products don’t hurt- but before I wouldn’t have spent the money on them because I didn’t think I deserved them. "Ha", is what I say now. I deserve the best. My relationship with food is drastically different. When I have good restriction, food is a bothersome necessity. I’m too busy to eat. When I don’t have good restriction, the demon is back and from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed I obsess over what I will eat next. I’ve asked Penni to help me post some pictures. I still haven’t figured out how. That’s another thing I’ve changed- I can ask for help now. I know that I can’t do everything myself. I know that I am not perfect and no longer expect that from myself. Dating is a whole new struggle now. Many of you have read my stories on here of love and loss…and I still have so much to learn. I fall easily and fast…and I am working on why and how to slow down. I have learned that “this guy” isn’t the last guy in the world that is going to show me attention- there are plenty more out there. When I was heaviest I would put up with horrendous treatment just so I wouldn’t feel alone. I would compromise my feelings and needs (and safety) so I wouldn’t be left. What I now realize is that I am a whole person without a guy in my life. And I am a much better partner and friend because I am whole. I also am a lot more fun, that’s for sure! I just can’t say enough about the changes in my life. If you are a newbie to all of this- know that *you* are worth the journey. If you are just recently banded- know that it will get easier. If you’re a year or so out- know that there will come a day when you are too busy thinking about your life that you forget you have a band and you take a HUGE bite and you are quickly reminded. Habits form, and they make up a whole new life. I’ll stop pontificating now. If you are still reading, thank you. I have found that telling my story is freeing. It also is a way that I can use the pain that I used to feel everyday about myself to help others. I also can see how far I have come and Celebrate where I will be in another year. Thanks to all of you for your support the last two years. I couldn’t have done it without you. Megan

Gag gag gag.

WHere can I get some liver water? I'm in serious need of some punishment.

So do you feel like kids are riding around on you like they do the ancient tutle at the zoo? I want to be a sea turtle so I can hang with the dolphins. Megan