chitowngirl

I would love to run into a jerk of an ex of mine. While I'm casually dressed nice, and the hubby on my arm. There is nothing better than looking and being confidant and having my man on my arm

Ok, so I would like some input on a situation, that is. It biased as it would be coming from friends and family. It's kinda long sorry. I have been married for 5 years. When I Met my husband he had custody of his daughter. Which I thought was very admirable and that is one of the things that attracted me to him. So once into our courtship, it became apparent that my mil was primary care taker of my stepdaughter. As my inlaws own a apartment building and my husband lived with them (in his own apartment). So a few months before the wedding we find out that my stepdaughter (15 years old) is pregnant. Back round info on me is that I am very independent as I didnt really have my parents, and I was a single mother @ that time. So my stepdaughter came to live with us once my husband moved in with me. To make a long story short my SD would come and go as she pleased, come home for a day to wash clothes and go back to her moms house where she was able to have her boyfriend sleep over. I told my husband this was not acceptable as I have my son and don't want him to think that kind of behavior is acceptable. So SD decided to go live with my MIL. My mil has taken total responsibility for the baby and as far as feeding, buying clothes, bathing, taking to school, park, ect. So I've noticed this is a trend that seems pretty common with my inlaws. My dilemma is that the grandson who is 5 isn't really well behaved. He doesn't know how to sit down and eat. We took him to Disney last year. I had such a miserable time as did my son, and it was our first trip there. The grandson has no sense of routine, eating, bathing, behavior. So while I do care about the grandson, and I will buy him things. I feel a big disconnect. I know if this was my sons child i would be so in love and do so much more. When it comes to taking him places, 90% of the time I will leave it upto my husband to do on his own. As i work full time and go to school, and just dont have the energy to deal with the situation. What time and energy i do have goes to my son and husband. I do know when it comes to parenting my husband and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum. I tend to be very involved in my 15 year old sons life. My husband and I do not nor do we plan on having children together. At times I just feel bad because I know that I give my son so much more than my husband gave his daughter and now his grandson. I know my son is younger and in a different situation, but I can see myself helping my son when he is 21 to a certain extent (in a healthy way) ie if he is in college and needs extra cash. I do work and make my own $$ so the things I provide for my son comes from me. Since my husband would have to provide any extras for his daughter and grandson with his $$ he really doesn't do it. I do feel bad and will get them stuff for the holidays and birthdays, but it goes unnoticed, and I refuse to keep on doing it. For example I bought him a Nintendo dsi last Christmas ($200) and have seen it only once and never again. So I did tell my hubby that he will have to buy them their stuff, which he will, but I'm sure the gifts will not be as nice as The ones I got. So should I just let dead dogs lie, and leave one enough alone.

Aksleever, I cannot pretend to be someone's mother, she has her mother and she choose not to stay with us as we did explain there was rules in our home. The result she left to live with my inlaws. I cannot force someone to obide by my rules, especially when she refuses to even come over our house. For the last 6 years I have endlessly tried to reach out. It just comes to a point when it consumes too much me. My grandson asked for the dsi l, that is the reason I bought it for him, and for the record she let him take it with him to her moms house, and we never saw it again. by the way she is now 21, so for me trying to force her to do something is ridiculous, especially when my husband her father has a whole differen concept of parenting. It is ridiculous for me to even tackle the task of trying to play a parental role when it is obvious my input is not wanted or needed according to them. Pretty much the only time they want my input on any thing is when it comes to money. I've just gotten to the point where it's not working for me anymore. I have a 15 year old son that I have to put thru private high school, because. Hicago public schools just plain suck, not to mention put myself thru my last year of college. My priority is my son, and if someone is not concerned enough about their own child then I'm sort but I just dont have the time nor the energy to try to save the world. Don't judge until you've walked a day in my shoes. And your tone is very arrogant and offensive.

No offense taken. I really wanted to get different opinions of how people handle their blended families, and I do appreciate all opinions. Everyone has different approaches and no one is right or wrong. I do understand that it is a process, I'm just trying to find what works best for us.

Good luck and a quick recovery to you and all the other people getting sleeved today.

I think your doing great. Your starting weight seems pretty low, so keep in mind that the people your comparing yourself to prob have a lot more weight to lose. Keep your head up and keep on treading forward.

Yeah...for you. I know Dr Tiesenga, he is a great doctor, a little quirky, but great none the less. Not to mention he has been doing wls for over 10 years. So he definatly has the experience. I would love if we can get a live meeting for the Chicago group going. I'm totally open to that.

Yes, me too. My surgery date was 3-27, and clumps are falling out. All I can do is hope that it stops soon.

Congrats on your pending procedure. It is a little nerve wrecking. It's nice to see younger people take advantage of this procedure. You will be fine. The best advice I can give is practice your small bites and 30 chews, along wih no drinking and eating at the same time.

Yes, little miss divas 5 day boot camp and my fitness pal steffo_2002) are the two best things for you. If you can I would either talk to a therapist or take a mini getaway to help you refocus regroup and feel better. I wish you the best and hope you find your way soon, please remember we are all rooting for you.

I would try to nix the Gatorade for a bit just to see how you are doing. I'm sure what your thinking is a lot of food, really isn't a lot of food. I'm not sure how much your consuming, but I eat about 800 calories and it's all food, no many protein drinks here. I'm not sure if were mfp friends but my screen name is steffo_2002 if you want to add me, as I have noticed there are a lot of people that skip meals, or drink a bunch of protein drinks, trust me I'm. It one of those people.

Good luck!!!

I would go with the more experienced doctor. My doctor also did all the consults at one visit, it is a very smooth process.

I can totally relate. I don't feel it's weight related. I do feel it's stress related. With all things going on work, home, school, blah blah blah. I just feel sometimes sex is the last on my list of things to do. Something that works for me is I schedule mini get always even if it's just overnight. Just me and the hubs. That seems to do the trick for me, the reckindeling of romance.

@ forensikchic thanks. I guess I just wanted to know I'm not a beast of a person for having my husband handle his people and me handle my people. Now a days with so many blended families, it's hard to know what is wrong and what is right.

Otr...haha. I'm so totally not offended. My husband is a great provider, but I don't think that he has ever own up to his responsibilities, not because he wasn't capable of it, but because my mil always stepped in and took over. She is like that with all of her kids. That stopped once we got married. Unfortunately my mil is coming in and taking over again with the grandson. I really do like my in laws, but I do keep a distance. Maybe at one time I did try to come in and take over, and try to be superwoman. But I'm so no there anymore. Hence the separate finances. We are a unit, and I feel there is much more than a piece of paper holding us together. However my husband was raised very differently, I'm a go getter do what ever has gotta be done kind of person, and my husband is not. I will definitely read the book you suggested. I guess ultimately I need to feel at peace with the whole difference of parenting thing. I know there are many things that tear couples apart, I appreciate your perspective, as I try to strengthen my marriage and myself.

Im also 5 7 and my personal goal rift now is 160. Of corse once I get there I will reevaluate.

Soup is a no fail. Almost all restursnts have it and you can even take some to go in case you want to switch things up.

Great job keep up the good work...

Me, me, right here. In small portions. I cut 100 calorie pack of almonds, or I'll eat about 10 pistachios at a time. Im sure I could eat more, but I only allow myself that amount as nuts can be high calorie.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties, hope all goes well and you feel better soon.

I think it's great that you ate a donut the size of a quarter, if that isn't moderation I don't know what is. I don't think this procedure is about nevers, ie you can never eat this or that. It truly is about moderation, be proud that you ate that little donut, I know pre surgery I would have ate the whole donut and would have wanted to go back for seconds. I feel moderation is very healthy, and apparently moderation is something that most of us have to work on. Your doing great, don't feel bad because you have no reason to.

Since you asks....I do believe in god, however I'm not much of a believer of religion. I feel that religion is mans way of humanizing god. I believe in karma and doing things for the greater good. I was raised and married in the catholic church, and I just have a hard time with l many of their ideology and concepts. I have a hard time believing that it is against gods wishes that I take birth control. I have a hard time believing that there would be a god out there that hates and judges as much as religion does. I love all people, gay straight, transsexual, disabled, ect. I do not oppose those who are hardcore religious fanatics, just don't preach my way and I won't preach your way same for those that don't have any spiritual/religious beliefs. We live in a beautiful world filled with amazing things, I choose to believe that there is something bigger than us at work here.

What an @ss.

I was also pale for about a month after surgery. I do believe it was due to lack of nutrients. That first month was just ah hard getting where I needed to be fluid and protein wise. Not to mention all the trauma your body has just been thru. However I'm sure it's due to lack of nutrients, I also got super pale when I was pregnant, I just felt my son draining my nutrients.