raven8888

REMINDER: This is a comic view of weight loss. Everything in this post is true. If the bluntness of some parts bother you, then I'm sorry....but when we lose weight, things change. Some of those things don't seemed to be spoken about much....until now. Enjoy the open truthfulness of this blog and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
 
I misplace something everyday. I am the queen of not knowing where I put something, or putting something in a "safe place" only to forget where that "safe place is". But, over time, I've always been able to stumble across the things I've lost. I've found keys in the freezer, my purse in the kitchen cabinet, a cereal box in the bathroom, and I've even found my underwear (clean) in the fridge. I am the master of having something in my hand and then getting sidetracked and I end up trying to do too many things at once, causing the items in my hands to end up in places they were never meant to be. If something can me misplaced or lost, I am the person to make sure that happens. I still can't find the money I hid in the house for emergencies...despite the many "emergencies" that we've had. Maybe one day I'll stumble across it when I really need it but I've looked everywhere I can think of and NOTHING!!! Apparently I am much better at hiding something than I thought.
 
The only thing that wasn't easy for me to lose was my weight. I would try everything I could think of. I've even offered to give it away for free to people who complained about not having enough boob or butt. However, that never seemed to work. Now, after the surgery, I am proud to say I've been loosing my weight faster than I can put my underwear in the fridge or my keys in the washing machine (been there and done that). The only problem is that with the weight loss, I've noticed that I'm losing something else as well.....my boobs.
 
Now, I was nine years old when I started wearing a bra. I remember thinking how excited that I was that I wouldn't be flat chested like my sister. I used to fill up balloons with water and put them in my shirt and dream of the day when my boobs would be that big. Apparently, someone listened and my boobs did grow...and grow, and I loved ever second of it. Funny thing is, I never realized just how big they were until college. My mother would make me wear baggy shirts and I had to "hide" them most of my adolescent life. But at the time, I didn't realize that's what I/she was doing. So, once I got to college and figured out I could flaunt them with out looking too trashy...I did. I love my boobs. They were a perky 38DD for most of my life. I am not sure how I got so lucky with them staying up the way they did, but I wasn't going to complain. Then, I hit my thirties and gravity started to rear it's ugly head. They started to droop a little but I was still very proud of them. Also, because I had gained over 100lbs since college, they were even bigger than before. All was well in my world when it came to boobs.
 
Then, two months ago I went through weight loss surgery. My husband told me I would lose them. I laughed. Even when I was thin (a size 9-10) I was still a DD. No matter how much I had lost in the past, I always kept my boobs. That is until now. In two months, I think most of my fat has come from my boobs. They have not only shrunk dramatically in size, I now have this excess skin that I can "fold over". I do this when I look in the mirror and imagine what they would look like if they were perky again. Even when I touch them and cup them in my hands they feel different. They used to overflow but now they almost fit in my hand. They have also decided that instead of pointing out, they like to look towards the floor. I never thought nipples could point that low but apparently mine can and they have decided they like what they see. I try to think that they are looking to see if they can seem my feet yet. They are getting closer, but not just yet.
 
It's funny, I never thought I would be sad to see fat go. But the fat in my boobs, well we have bonded over the years. We've become friends. We've gone through ups and downs together...mostly ups. They were still nice to me even when I would keep them locked in a small "room" all day that was too small it left marks on them. They took my abuse and still loved me. But now, they found their out. They seem to keep leaving a little bit at a time. Now, they have a room that is getting way to big for them. They never have any marks on them, and they can move around in the room as much as they want. But apparently that's not good enough for them. I even tried to put them in nicer more expensive rooms to no avail. They have just given up and left. The part that had stayed seems just as depressed as I am about the other part leaving. I mean why else would my nibbles point down the way they do?
 
Oh well, it looks like I am going to have to get used to it for now. I still have about 100lbs to lose so I am sure I will lose even more boob over that time. I have a feeling that when all is said and done, my boobs will turn into ski slopes and the nipples will be the launch area for the jump. But, what my boobs don't know is that one day they will find their way back up. They will look straight ahead and be proud of who they are once this is all done and the surgeon does a lift and fill on them. Then, they won't have any reason to look down but I will have all the reason in the world to look down and admire them again. Plus, my husband is looking forward to it when they look like they used to. He is not afraid to tell me how excited he will be when they get "pumped" back up. Sometimes I think he married my my boobs instead of me, but then he says things like this, "Honestly honey, I love you no matter what they look like. Your boobs don't listen to me or love me.....they just give me a place to lay my head at night." ummmm...thanks honey...they love you too. LOL
 
UPDATE: I wasn't able to post this blog after I wrote it due to the site being down. So, I decided to do other things around the house...one was to shower. I noticed something crazy...my boobs are bigger. I think they knew I missed them and asked the fat in my legs or stomach to ride up the internal elevator and join the party at club BOOBS.....but the sad thing is I know it's only because I am going to start. my period in a few days. Oh well, at least I can enjoy them until that's over....maybe my husband can enjoy them before it starts. He better be careful, I may attack him when he walks in the door this evening.....hummmm we'll see. Maybe I will let him attack me today....All I'll have to do is show him how much bigger they are today and that may do the trick. Hope so. LOL

NOTE: If Sex is a four letter word to you and you are not comfortable talking openly about it, I recommend that you stop reading right now!!!! ................Go on, I'll wait for you to leave................If you're still here, please be advised that the following blog will be talking openly about sex, sexual positions, feelings during sex, and different forms of sex (meaning oral/regular). If that sentence scared you and you feel that this may be too blunt of a topic, please leave now or forever hold your piece (pun intended) LOL. I do not want to read anything telling me that this topic isn't appropriate. Almost everyone has sex and when you lose weight, the experience changes. That's what I'm talking about today. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, there may be some humor thrown in for good measure.
 
Ok, whom ever is still with me, I thank you for understanding that many things change after weight loss surgery/ And yes, sex is one of those things. How do I know this you may ask? Well, it took a while for me to get all my hormones in check and allow my loving husband to "take charge". Once I was able to do that, not only did I get what I've been wanting for for awhile (three months to be exact), but I have to admit that it was AMAZING. With all the extra hormones in your blood after surgery, the sex is more intense. It's what I would imagine being on ecstasy and doing it would feel like. I am sure anyone who has ever done EX is going, "ummmmm....no, not even close", but since I don't really know, it's what I imagine it being like. The feeling of a touch, kiss, lick and yes, penetration is so much more intense. And for the record...I LIKE IT A LOT!!!
 
So, my husband and I did the dirty today.....banged....got it on...he "hit" that...and any other way you want to say it. I was wondering how different it would feel after an 80lb weight loss. I knew with my thinner body, things would be different, but I didn't expect how different it would be in only two months. First, the ability to be on top and not feel as though I was going to cause his lungs to stop working or his blood to not get to his legs was nice. The better part was that being thinner, my legs wrapped around him much better and I had better movement during the act. In case you're wondering why I'm kind of speaking in code, it's becasue I am not sure just how blunt I can be. What I am saying is that my thinner legs and butt allowed for deeper penetration and becasue of the weight loss, I was able to move more than I have in the past five years. It was also much more enjoyable for him. Having less weight on him made it much more comfortable and he was able to enjoy the act even more than before. Also, when spreading my legs, my thighs didn't peel apart and only allow a small space for him to do what ever he wanted to do. What did happen was that I was able welcome him in with open legs and much smaller thighs. I also didn't feel as though I was smothering him with my thighs while he was ....well, you know. There was no peeling of any kind. Ok, that sounds so gross, but I always said I would be honest about weight loss and we all know that our thighs become very close when we are bigger. Sometimes I've wondered if I could ever get them to separate. Even when I walked they just stayed together or rub one another (sometimes they rubbed each other too much). So, if that visual offended anyone, I am sorry...I am just trying to keep this blog honest.
 
Now, back to the sex talk. I was shocked at the changes with sex so soon. Besides the great orgasms...yes there was more than one.....thank you hormones!!!! (and husband) I felt more comfortable with myself and my body and therefore I was able to be closer with my husband during the act. I don't mean that becasue my stomach was smaller, there was less fat between us (though true). I mean that becasue I felt good about myself and my body that I was able to enjoy the intimacy with him while having sex. Even afterwards, I allowed the intimacy to continue. I wasn't trying to cover up or get dressed afterwards. I laid in his arms and enjoyed our time together.
 
Now, I know I have a lot more weight to lose, but right now I am so happy with the way I look and feel that I can't imagine it getting any better. With that being said, I can't wait until I am half the size I am now. When I have sex then, it will be COMPLETELY different...and I can't wait. I joke with my husband that every time we're together he get's a "new" woman but I get the same man. His response? "I don't want a new woman. I just want you...in any shape or size that may be." Yes, that's why I love him...and how he manages to get me into bed whenever he wants. Now, I just have to figure out how to get him into bed whenever I want and we will be even.

May 14th! Waaaaaaa! The long awaited "date"! I feel like a beam of light from the heavens should shine down on me with some celestial music accompanying it. Well that is how it felt as I discussed the conversation with the pre-op coordinator on the phone. I tried to play it cool, but inside I couldn't wait to get off the phone so I could squeal like a little girl and do the happy dance. These past few weeks I have read over and over people posting their exciting messages about the date they have. I can feel the excitement in their posts and now I have joined the "date crew". This is all starting to move so fast. It's so real. I can't wait! My pre-op coordinator gave me a little more good news...no great news. I have been a self-pay up until today due to insurance not covering the procedure because I didn't meet criteria. Well, that is what they are telling anyone who inquires about the coverage right now, but the truth is the new criteria and policy do not begin until June. Because my surgery is before May, it will be covered and not allowed to audit after. Yay!!!

March 12, 2012
 
"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome."
~William James~

March 10th, 2012
 
Yesterday they scheduled my endoscopy for Thursday, March 15th because they have to check for potential ulcers. I have been on NSAIDS (Advil) for a very long time in my life and take Omeprazole to prevent damage to my stomach. They want to make sure before we go ahead with surgery that everything looks okay inside. A bleeding ulcer would be contraindicated obviously. The last thing you want is to be bleeding after surgery. For this procedure and the surgery I have to stop all my intake of Advil indefinitely. As you may have read in previous entries, I have been running around on cloud nine the past few days. Well I have bad knees, ankles, hips, and shoulders. I woke up this morning with the worst joint pain I have had in years. I looked like a stiff mummy trying to come down my stairs this morning. I cannot take the Advil for it, only Tylenol. The Tylenol helps a little with the pain, but not the swelling. I assume once the weight starts to come off, the stress on the joints should reduce, hence the pain will hopefully reduce as well. I just have to be patient and endure this for a little while and hope for the best. My body is telling me to chill out a little bit today and stop trying to conquer the world in just one day. I'm going to listen to it.

March 10th, 2012
 
Yesterday they scheduled my endoscopy for Thursday, March 15th because they have to check for potential ulcers. I have been on NSAIDS (Advil) for a very long time in my life and take Omeprazole to prevent damage to my stomach. They want to make sure before we go ahead with surgery that everything looks okay inside. A bleeding ulcer would be contraindicated obviously. The last thing you want is to be bleeding after surgery. For this procedure and the surgery I have to stop all my intake of Advil indefinitely. As you may have read in previous entries, I have been running around on cloud nine the past few days. Well I have bad knees, ankles, hips, and shoulders. I woke up this morning with the worst joint pain I have had in years. I looked like a stiff mummy trying to come down my stairs this morning. I cannot take the Advil for it, only Tylenol. The Tylenol helps a little with the pain, but not the swelling. I assume once the weight starts to come off, the stress on the joints should reduce, hence the pain will hopefully reduce as well. I just have to be patient and endure this for a little while and hope for the best. My body is telling me to chill out a little bit today and stop trying to conquer the world in just one day. I'm going to listen to it.

March 7th, 2012
 
I have committed and I am on board! I am going to get a Gastric Sleeve and change my life!! Oh my gosh, my life will never be the same...my relationship with food will forever be altered...so many things racing through my brain today. I am excited and scared, joyful, yet apprehensive. The idea is almost surreal in a way. Just thinking a year from now, I am going to be free of this heavy coat I wear. I have been spending my entire evening going through the forum and reading so many stories. Getting so inspired, sometimes scared, but mostly excited about the future. Perhaps it quite normal, but I almost feel a sense of nostalgia to my old friend "food". All the false comfort it provided at time, and oh how my good friend Oreo cookie never once turned his back on me (why the Oreo is a he? Not sure) But, like a bad habit of any other kind, I'm never looking back. I have my eyes set on success and failure in this chapter of my life is no longer an option. I will be strong, I will be confident, I will be healthy, I will live longer and watch my children have their own children one day, I will be beautiful inside and out, I will break the chain of obesity today, starting with me! Oh... and I plan on rocking some really cute boots once I have calves that can fit into them!
 
I am scheduled to meet with the surgeon on March 23rd and the Behaviorist the same day. Oh how I wish I could just leap couple weeks in the future and set the date already. I feel like a kid waiting to go downstairs on Christmas morning. I decided to start this blog, because I figure a change this big in my life needs to go down in history as one of the most "legen"...wait for it..."dary" moments of my life. I want to capture the full spectrum of ups and downs and I hope to bring a little light and humor to a very difficult battle. This battle didn't start today; this will be the victory to a long road I have been traveling on for years. That long road of ups and downs both physically and emotionally. I'm ready to finally step off this crazy roller coaster ride and begin to live again. I once rock climbed....I loved to rock climb. In my 20's I said I would complete a sprint triathlon before I die...Well, I say...I'm not dead yet....Until next time.

March 7th, 2012
 
I have committed and I am on board! I am going to get a Gastric Sleeve and change my life!! Oh my gosh, my life will never be the same...my relationship with food will forever be altered...so many things racing through my brain today. I am excited and scared, joyful, yet apprehensive. The idea is almost surreal in a way. Just thinking a year from now, I am going to be free of this heavy coat I wear. I have been spending my entire evening going through the forum and reading so many stories. Getting so inspired, sometimes scared, but mostly excited about the future. Perhaps it quite normal, but I almost feel a sense of nostalgia to my old friend "food". All the false comfort it provided at time, and oh how my good friend Oreo cookie never once turned his back on me (why the Oreo is a he? Not sure) But, like a bad habit of any other kind, I'm never looking back. I have my eyes set on success and failure in this chapter of my life is no longer an option. I will be strong, I will be confident, I will be healthy, I will live longer and watch my children have their own children one day, I will be beautiful inside and out, I will break the chain of obesity today, starting with me! Oh... and I plan on rocking some really cute boots once I have calves that can fit into them!
 
I am scheduled to meet with the surgeon on March 23rd and the Behaviorist the same day. Oh how I wish I could just leap couple weeks in the future and set the date already. I feel like a kid waiting to go downstairs on Christmas morning. I decided to start this blog, because I figure a change this big in my life needs to go down in history as one of the most "legen"...wait for it..."dary" moments of my life. I want to capture the full spectrum of ups and downs and I hope to bring a little light and humor to a very difficult battle. This battle didn't start today; this will be the victory to a long road I have been traveling on for years. That long road of ups and downs both physically and emotionally. I'm ready to finally step off this crazy roller coaster ride and begin to live again. I once rock climbed....I loved to rock climb. In my 20's I said I would complete a sprint triathlon before I die...Well, I say...I'm not dead yet....Until next time.