Walking down the hall way to my desk, our IT guy is walking behind me and says, "If you lose anymore weight, one day your clothes are gonna just fall right off!" He is referencing my now too big size 16s I keep wearing anyway. I smile, "And say I know. I need to go shopping. I have 40 more pounds to go before I'm done." As he turns down his row, he smirks, "Twig!" I laugh, and am torn between thinking, "ME!? A Twig!? What!? What. What?" and simply, "Thank you, for such a great compliment!"
I am struggling a lot with percetion. I am struggling to see my new self. When I lookin the mirror, am I smaller? Yes, am I still chubby, and all I see is that chub? Yes. My boyfriend makes me feel small. He wraps his arms around me so tight now, its a wonderful feeling and I love it. When he hugged me the other day, I whispered, "This makes me feel small." He whispered back, "Thats because you are small." My brother in law hugged me on Thanksgiving, and yelled out, "Look at that! My arms go all the way around little girl!" I was flying high from happiness and embarassment.
I'm now comfortably in as size 14 down from 20/22s. After this size, I'm entering into terriory I've not known as an adult, and frankly I'm excited and scared. My goal is to wear a size 10/11. I love being smaller, don't get me wrong. But, I most of the time still don't think that I am. I still think and feel most of the time, that I'm still size 20 me. I'm still ashamed and embarassed or worried that I look awful. My jeans are baggy, my coat is too big. My shoe size is smaller for heaven's sake... why can't I see and accept that I am smaller!? I'm less 75 pounds of me. Thats the size of a child!
Recently, a coworker of mine, who knew I was getting surgery showed me a photo he took of me the day before my surgery. I didn't even recognize her. I was like, "That is me?" That person doesn't even register as me anymore.
I'm exactly 7 months post op in two days. I've lost 75 pounds from my highest weight recorded in Febuary of 2011.
Any of you struggle with this? What helped?
Here is my before from my coworker, one I took the morning of surgery, and a picture I took just 2 weeks ago. This is the first time I've done a side by side.....