11 days ago I was wheeled back to the surgery room (yes, I remember this) and I told all the doctors, "Have fun taking the majority of my stomach out. I'm so ready for this...just don't mess up." The last thing I heard before I was knocked out was laughter. If you ask me, that's a great thing to hear before you undergo any major surgery. When I woke up, there wasn't any more laughing. Actually, I had Nurse Hatchet as my post op nurse. I remember thinking, "this lady is in the wrong field." She wouldn't listen to me when I told her how much pain I was in. All she would say was, "of course you're in pain, you just had surgery." Needless to say, the hospital messed up and didn't give me the right meds and that's why I was in so much pain. If Nurse Hatchet would have listened to the half asleep, babbling girl in post op, she may have noticed the hospital's mistakes and fixed them. Instead, I had to deal with horrific pain for 5 hours before my husband finally said something to the nurse who was caring for me in my room. Due to my chronic back pain, I am on some major feel good drugs. Knowing this, they still put me on medication that was lower than what I normally take. However, thanks to my passive aggressive (sometimes there's no passive about it) husband, I was placed on the correct meds and began healing.
Once I came home, I was shocked at all the gas I had to expel. While in the hospital all I did was burp a few times but once I got home, the gas couldn't find a way out fast enough. It didn't care why exit it used as long as it escaped. I learned that walking helped me get the gasses out even faster. The crazy thing is that no matter how long I walked, the gas seemed to wait to exit once I was done and in the house. My husband swears I held it in and let it out in the house on purpose just to prove he didn't marry a woman. He has told me multiple times this week that I am a man with a vagina....because no woman expels that much gas. To be honest, there were times I wondered if he was right.
Then came the mood swings. My moods were swinging around like the chimpanzees in your local zoo. Maybe even more accurate would be my moods were going up and down faster than any express elevator I've ever been on and the aftermath of my mood swings was equal to any hurricane that has ever passed through the area. To make it worse, all my anger was directed at my husband. He had a huge bulls-eye on him and I aimed for a perfect score as many times a day as I could. The worst part is that I felt myself verbally attacking the man I love and I couldn't stop myself. He could say, "how are you doing today?" and I would unleash my wrath upon him because he was being condescending or just plain overbearing. The poor man became so afraid to talk that even that began to piss me off. Lucky for my marriage, things have calmed down quit a bit. So for now, we are not headed to divorce, but this journey isn't over yet, so we'll see.
The other thing that I seem to worry about more than I ever have is my urine and bowel movements. I never thought I would care this much about how much I peed and what my poop looked like or why I haven't pooped. I feel like a mother changing her child's dippers except the baby is me and the dipper is the toilet. I found myself calling my sister and asking if it's normal that I haven't pooped in five days. Apparently it is. Good to know. Now I can sleep better.
It seems like in a week and a half, I have experienced some crazy things. I can't wait to see what other crazy things I experience down the road. No matter what they are, I will try to find the humor in them and share. Good luck to everyone else out there going through this. And, to the people who are just thinking about having this done. It's not easy, but it's not as hard as you might think it is either. Just make sure you find the funny in everything. Because if you can find something to make you laugh at it all, it's much easier to swallow than any crushed up pill you have to take after surgery.
Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
About 15 years ago, the insurance my (then) company offered started covering Gastric Bypass Surgery, and multiple co-workers made that choice with hope to improve their lives. I was envious, and curious, and admit that it did cross my mind. But at that time, for whatever reason, I was not ready to make such a life-altering decision. As I learned more about the procedure and the results, I worried about the issues with malabsorption. And years later, when Ann Wilson (from Heart) was open about Lap Band Surgery, I studied up on that process and the results, and found myself turned off by the need to make frequent return visits to the doctor for checks and fills, and the possible complications scared me.
Recently, maybe early February, I was checking in on a friend in another state who had Gastric Bypass in December. During our conversation, she told me about a woman she met in her WLS support group who had VSG four days earlier... and she was upright, energetic and feeling great. She told me a little about the difference in this 'new' procedure, and I made a note of what it was called. That night, I started my research. I LOVE THE INTERNET, don't you? Can you imagine how difficult it might have been to find such detailed information and great support 20 years ago? Over the weeks that followed, I spent all of my evenings after work online searching for more. Honestly, I was searching for the horror stories. There is great affirmation out there about this procedure, but very little about complications and regrets. I watched many hours of video logs on YouTube, and worried about the people who stopped recording after a few check-ins. What happened to them? Are they okay? Did something horrible happen to them as a result of the surgery?
But then, there were people like AmySDMom, who has kept an incredibly honest video log, almost weekly, for the entire two years of her journey. She is very thoughtful and thorough in the details she chooses to share, and I've learned a great deal from her about what life looks like post-surgery. If you've not spent any time with Amy, and are pre-op OR post-op... I highly recommend looking her up on YouTube. And on this site, I found the link to Holly's blog at 300 Pounds Down, and find her so wonderfully inspirational that I now check in daily to see if she has checked in. Her writing is powerful, honest, painful, witty, and as I said, inspiring.
From the women I've been following, I have written down tips and preferences, and ordered protein powders that I've added into my diet. On one of the sites I read that a woman my size should be consuming 90 grams of protein and 1600 calories. I thought, I am likely not consuming half that much protein now. So I decided to go ahead and add that to my already low calorie, low carb diet. Did it help me lose weight? No. I continue to gain and lose the same two pounds each week, with great discouragement. I thought that maybe this would be the answer to why I couldn't lose weight. I just need more protein! Maybe I don't need surgery after all! Ha! Not so, said the Universe.
And so, I decided that I would continue my research, step-by-step, and watch and listen for signs from the Universe to decide if I am on the right path. A local friend, who had surgery last year at Celebration Health in Orlando, held my hand and went with me to the information session that is held each week at this bariatric center of excellence. I wondered if I would sit through the session and hear something that frightened me, or meet someone with a real horror story, or have a gut feeling that this was the wrong place or time. But none of that happened. I left feeling like this was the place and this is the time. And so, I decided to complete the paperwork, and wait to take the next step. I received an email a couple of days later which requested my medical and weight history. I completed the form, and waited for the call from the hospital about my insurance coverage and out-of-pocket expenses... waiting to see what the Universe had to say about that. Well, the hospital did call, and said that my insurance only covered lap-band and gastric bypass... and I didn't cry, but with a lump in my throat told her to go no further... because those were not an option for me.
I did not let that stop me, though. My company is self-insured and works with United Health Care and UMR. I knew that United Health Care was covering VSG, and so I called UMR to see why they denied the request. They said that my company did not have it on the list of approved procedures. I did not let that stop me, either. I sent an email to the SVP of Benefits and told her the story, and she responded with an explanation that our plan is outdated, and when something like this comes up, they take it to a committee and decide if they will add it to the policy, allowing UMR to approve the procedure. She checked in with me today, and shared her progress and next steps. With all of the changes in the world of Health Care, we aren't really sure what will happen next year, or what options will be offered - there is a chance our options will be even better than they are now. But I did remind her that I am eager to improve my life, that I am suffering with quite a bit of pain NOW, and that if I could have the procedure completed this year, with the insurance I am sure of... considering there could be a 6 month dr. assisted weight loss period... having the committee decide one way or another would be better for me, sooner rather than later. She understood and is moving forward. As am I. One step at a time... the Universe has not yet given me a sign to quit.
And so, I am here with each of you... yearning for your success, longing for success of my own, and wishing all of us a future that is free of shame, suffering, illness, and pain. Here's to our future! May we learn to shine in new and wonderful ways.
