laralynn86

I haven't visited this site for two or three weeks, and it's impossible to keep up now. I've missed everyone! I feel absolutely fine on all levels, and for the most part feel as though I could eat anything. I started eating a lot of fish a few weeks ago. Had chicken for the first time last week, and have had it three or four times since then. It's getting harder and harder to be good. I do feel pressure if I eat too much or too fast, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to eat (especially while bored). I definitely don't feel full all the time. I get my fill a week from tomorrow (April 16th) - Tammy, you have yours tomorrow, right? I dreamt last night that I forgot to go for my fill, and then forgot to fast before my fill and on and on. I think it's weighing on my mind. Besides the pressure, I usually don't feel restricted at any time of day or anything. I tried to eat chicken at about 10:30 yesterday morning though, and that was a BAD plan. I didn't actually PB or anything, but it hurt ever-so-very much. I probably didn't chew enough, along with it being early in the day. I'm down more than 20 lbs since my surgery date and about 35 lbs overall, so I'm happy. I feel that I am in desperate need of my fill though.

I use maderma on my scars. They aren't old enough to know whether it's making a difference or not. It seems like OK stuff, but sometimes it makes me itch so bad I could scream.

My incisions after one day, and after one week.

Tonight one of my employees brought fresh, homemade, warm sopapillas to work for us (if you don't know what sopapillas are, they're a sweet deep-fried bread sort of thing) with honey to put on top. They looked delicious. They smelled even more delicious. I kind of wanted to cry for wanting one so bad. But as my employees and my sister at the bread, I warmed some Yellow Squash Soup (which was good in it's own way, but really not the same). My employees, who do not know I had surgery, were amazed at my will-power. As I sat eating my soup looking longingly at the bread it occured to me, this is EXACTLY why I got this band. Two weeks ago, I would have eaten two pieces right off. Then snacked on two or three more the remaining four hours I was at work. If I could be trusted to have one and then leave them, I wouldn't need this band in the first place. I decided then I was excited I couldn't have one, and not sad at all. I 'cheated' today. I had a tomato this morning. Not a huge deal--of all things to eat that I shouldn't have, I suppose I'll survive a tomato, but it's the idea that I ate something that was not on my list of what I'm allowed to eat. I found myself just scarfing it down and not chewing really well, and that scared me. I finished it, but made sure to chew very well. Better the tomato then the sopapilla, so I'm still OK with myself.

By the way - I'm not a big fan of tomato soup as it tastes like Spagetti-Os without the Os. But ... I got a Campbell's Select Gold Label soup that was Italian Tomato with Basil and Garlic. This has to be one of the single most delicious things I've ever tasted. I love and adore it. When I eat, I get this feeling, kind of like a pressure in my chest - almost like the start of heartburn (I assume a signal that I'm done). I ate a full cup and a half of tomato soup the other day (way too much) and I regretted it. I didn't get sick or anything, just felt bloated (funny that a bit of soup can make me feel the way a gigantic McDonald's meal used to). Today I was eating cottage cheese and I didn't want to stop eating it because it tasted good, but I got the feeling again and remembered the lesson I'd learned. I had eaten almost 1 cup (and, bad me, it was the only thing I ate all day today). I have a hard time balancing work and eating. It's amazing and fabulous and an all-out miracle that I can feel full and satisified with less than a cup of cottage cheese. PB means Productive Burp. I've never experienced it myself (knock on wood) but I looked up all the shortcut terms on here once so I could follow easier.

I'm down 12 lbs since my surgery. Whoo hoo! I cannot tell you how excited I was when I stepped on the scale Monday morning. However ... my problem must be swelling as well (at least I hope it is). I wore these pants to work today, and it was just ridiculous. They were actually snug across my stomach ... but in back -- they just would not stay up. I felt like my entire backside must have disappeared somewhere. I realize I shouldn't be complaining, but I'd much prefer to lose it from the front, not the back, and I've never had my pants randomly fall off my backside when I've lost weight in the past. I keep wanting to do ab excersizes to encourage my stomach to leave me, but I realize that's a really bad plan as I'm am no where near healed yet. However, I have little to no pain any more (I did sneeze a couple of days after the surgery and I cursed - loudly ... I swear it's the worst pain I've ever been in), and it's amazing how normal it's all become. It's funny to read over the posts filled with anxiety and question and excitement, because I felt it all, and obsessed over it all. I hasn't even been quite two weeks yet, and it all just seems so normal now. I, too, was given jello in the hospital the day of my surgery. I've pretty much been living on jello and cottage cheese since the surgery (only added cottage cheese a 1 week post). I can technically go to mushies right now (which I guess cottage cheese is, but I could add eggs or mashed potatoes or even tuna if I wanted) but I'm sticking with my week 1 diet. I guess like so many others I'm afraid I'll lose my self-control once I return to regular foods. Also, my doctor does not allow fills until six weeks out, so I figure the longer I can wait to have real food, the more I'll appreciate them, and won't tire of it before I get my fill. And if my body feels satisfied on tomato soup and cottage cheese right now, who am I to argue? I do not get enough protien, and I do not get enough water. These things I know. I've totally lacked in taking either since going back to work on Monday. I need to fix this as I'm only hurting myself. To Tammy and everyone else being banded tomorrow - BEST OF LUCK!

When I lived in California a few years ago (this would have been early 2005) I had a friend who had a sister who had WLS - gastric bypass, not the band, but all the same. She kept an on-line journal of sorts, similar to this I suppose. One day I came across a post of hers that put into words exactly how I feel, only way more eloquently than I ever could hope. Not how I feel, I guess, but how I hope to feel maybe. The part about the dread, and especially about the 'eternal loop' -- that's how I feel. I just hope one day it turns off. So, to plagarize (and summarize) Jen: "What is the most compelling is that feeling of dread I once hefted about, the feeling that things could only get worse, that I would get bigger and bigger forever until I died of diabetes or heart disease, or maybe just of misery...that feeling is finally, at last, thank god, GONE. I finally feel free of its enormous weight--the weight of a miserable dark future, spent hiding and aching. My pain is mostly gone in most every way. I can run now. I can breathe freely now. I'm actually never hot, so strange. I'm enjoying the summer. I am strong. I have a bathing suit. My shoes are all too big. I am sitting cross-legged right now. I wear a size 8, and sometimes a 6. And I'm actually able to start thinking of myself as truly human now, not that I was inhuman before, or that fat people are somehow less human. But that supreme loneliness creates an absence in you, holds you just outside real life, makes people pass you by like clever landscaping. I can even say I'm occasionally beautiful, when the moon is right or from the left. I can claim normality, or at least its close cousin. And though I've never striven for normality, I recognize its virtues. Suddenly it hit me, just one day, upside the head, that I've turned off that voice in the periphery that played the eternal loop--hide, hide, hide, hide. Don't go out. DOn't leave th house. Don't stand too close. Hide. Always hide. The pain of knowing in any situation you likely won't fit in, and maybe won't even literally fit, is just simply gone. The fear of being seen, th worry about impressions, the misery of shopping for clothes or eating in public or admiring someone whom you know would never, god forbid, admire you. All of that is gone. Of course, I still worry about how to pay the bills, why my boyfriend won't take out the trash, the mercenary nature of the capitalist machine -- you know, the usual. But that other worry, the worry that has stalked me tight since I was 9 years old and 50 lbs heavier than my classmates is entire gone ... or at leaast almost entirely on its way out. See ya later."

When I lived in California a few years ago (this would have been early 2005) I had a friend who had a sister who had WLS - gastric bypass, not the band, but all the same. She kept an on-line journal of sorts, similar to this I suppose. One day I came across a post of hers that put into words exactly how I feel, only way more eloquently than I ever could hope. Not how I feel, I guess, but how I hope to feel maybe. The part about the dread, and especially about the 'eternal loop' -- that's how I feel. I just hope one day it turns off. So, to plagarize (and summarize) Jen: "What is the most compelling is that feeling of dread I once hefted about, the feeling that things could only get worse, that I would get bigger and bigger forever until I died of diabetes or heart disease, or maybe just of misery...that feeling is finally, at last, thank god, GONE. I finally feel free of its enormous weight--the weight of a miserable dark future, spent hiding and aching. My pain is mostly gone in most every way. I can run now. I can breathe freely now. I'm actually never hot, so strange. I'm enjoying the summer. I am strong. I have a bathing suit. My shoes are all too big. I am sitting cross-legged right now. I wear a size 8, and sometimes a 6. And I'm actually able to start thinking of myself as truly human now, not that I was inhuman before, or that fat people are somehow less human. But that supreme loneliness creates an absence in you, holds you just outside real life, makes people pass you by like clever landscaping. I can even say I'm occasionally beautiful, when the moon is right or from the left. I can claim normality, or at least its close cousin. And though I've never striven for normality, I recognize its virtues. Suddenly it hit me, just one day, upside the head, that I've turned off that voice in the periphery that played the eternal loop--hide, hide, hide, hide. Don't go out. DOn't leave th house. Don't stand too close. Hide. Always hide. The pain of knowing in any situation you likely won't fit in, and maybe won't even literally fit, is just simply gone. The fear of being seen, th worry about impressions, the misery of shopping for clothes or eating in public or admiring someone whom you know would never, god forbid, admire you. All of that is gone. Of course, I still worry about how to pay the bills, why my boyfriend won't take out the trash, the mercenary nature of the capitalist machine -- you know, the usual. But that other worry, the worry that has stalked me tight since I was 9 years old and 50 lbs heavier than my classmates is entire gone ... or at leaast almost entirely on its way out. See ya later."

I'm going absolutely, positively stir crazy. I've been sitting in my bf's house since Monday - no cable and no internet (long story). He said he'd take two days off work to hang out with me, but then work is too busy. And he's working tomorrow. And he called earlier to say he's going out with friends, but I can come out and join him if I want. I'm tired and I'm crabby and I really, really want to eat. I would give anything for Chinese food right now. Yesterday I went and hung out with my sister and on the way home I kept thinking, I could stop and eat it and no one would know. This has been a problem of mine, as if I eat something in secret the calories don't count. As if what matters is how much other people see me eat, not how much I actually eat. I stopped at a Chinese restaurant and got a bowl of egg-drop Soup. It had corn and carrots in it, so I strained them all out and fed them to my dog. I've caught up on books I've been meaning to read for forever. I've taken my dogs for walks. I've done laundry and kept his kitchen clean, but that's all the housework I've had to do (not a fan of housework in general). Today I took my dog for a long walk down to a play place where there were no children, and I sat in the shade and enjoyed the breeze while listening to my IPOD and watching my dog run and play merrily. So really, it hasn't been that bad. It's no big deal. It's been a pleasant, relaxing week and there's nothing I should be upset or unhappy about. But I just feel tired and frustrated and I don't want another half a cup of soup - I want to go eat all the bad stuff I eat when I'm feeling this way. Except I don't, and I'm glad I have the band so I can't go eat bad food. But I just feel so frutrated with everything. My bf just called me to see if I wanted to go out, or if I wanted him to come home and hang out with me and I told him neither - for him to just go hang out with his friends. And I freaking started crying, which makes me more angry. If I go out I can't eat, and I can't drink, and no one knows I've had surgery so I'll be trying not to cringe and I will just be out of place. And if he comes home I'll just feel like going to bed anyhow, and I'll feel badly that he's not hanging out with friends. I go home tomorrow and I'll go back to work on Monday. For the most part, all of my pain is gone and I'm just a bit sore here and there. I got my nails done yesterday and after I'd sat in one place for over an hour, it hurt so bad to stand up. It's strange - the place that hurts is not actually near any incision - it's like the muscle of my lower-right abdomen. I have to really make sure I get up and walk around and work next week so my muscles don't tighten up like this and have me walking hunched over. Sorry to post in the midst of my mini-crisis. Honestly, I think I was more attached to food than I realized, and it's emotionally draining to me after a week of only liquids. I feel very little restriction. And I feel hungry, but rarely is it an actual stomach hungry - my head is hungry. I just desire to eat. My bf doesn't own a scale, so I'm really hoping I'll return home tomorrow, exactly one week post-op, and see amazing results. I'll be better for having gone through this, right?

Not that I care if someone has had WLS or not, it's simply that I find mysef automatically assuiming everyone has. I've begun to believe that everyone who was formerly overweight has had one form of WLS or another ... Case #1 - When I worked for VZW in Cali, I had a co-worker named Carol. I moved there after Carol was thin, but to everyone else it was a huge shock. Apparently she used to be quite large. She said she lost it all after she had gall bladder surgery - and that she was required to lose 50 lbs before they'd even do the gallbladder surgery. She was great and used to encourage me to lose weight now, while I was young enough and still had enough elasticity to my skin that it would be better than if I wait, like her. Anyhow, after reading all the suggetions of "what to tell your co-workers" I totally wonder. Case #2 - The othe day I saw a guy in Walmart. I was almost positive he was someone I had gone to school with - except he was about 1/5 the size I recall. In my defense, yes he was large his entire life, but I decided I adored him my senior year (12 years ago - gulp!) but he either didn't realize it, or was not intersted in me. Anyhow, I saw him, he's so small now (though totall still has the chubby baby face) so I'm certain he's had WLS. Case #3 - I was going to be good pre-surgery (currently 8-days out), I really was. But instead, I appear to be sucking down every last drop of Dr. Pepper I can get my hands on. I went to Circle K at 9am today (I can't wait until my 4-mile morning commute no longer includes a stop at the convenience store). There, walking in the door the same time as me was someone I KNOW I used to go to school with (yes, I recently returned to the VERY small town I grew up in). She was buying a pack of cigarettes. But I'm certain it was Tammy. She's smaller than I am. And, sadly, she was always one of those girls who was not just overweight, but actually enormous (another thing I feel more aware of - the pain those really large girls must have gone through in school). Anyhow, I find myself thinking everyoine has had WLS. My mom likes to give me these "she did it with just self-will, no other help" speeches, tht make me think - what don't you know?

I don't feel so hot. Though the worst part is over now and I can start moving on. I have never had any type of surgery before, and yesterday as I was changing into my gown I began to freak out a bit. Everyone was great and very comforting though. I remember the anaesthesioligist (there's no way I spelled that correctly) giving me an injection through my IV and then giving me an oxygen mask. The next thing I knew my back was hurting like hell and I was trying with all my might to sit up. I was totally disoriented and couldn't figure out why they were trying to prevent me from sitting up. I have bruises on my upper ams, which I assume is from them holding me down (I bruise very easily). The worst pain was/is just under both breasts. I figured it was from the incisions, but I don't have any incisions there. Turns out it's the gas. I'll be honest - the gas is not pleasent. There's none in my shoulder though - all in my abdominal area. It's quite sore under my breasts still (though feels a million times better than it did yesterday) and then I feel as though there is gas moving around in my abdomen, trying to move up, and that hurts, too. None of it is unbearable, and it definitely feels better when I walk. My back gets sore from laying in bed too long as well, but this also goes away if I walk. They're going to come get me and a couple of other people who had the surgery in a couple of hours and take us shopping (really just to make us walk). Then my flight leaves tomorrow at 8am ... and six hours or so from that point, I'll be back home (well, at my boyfriend's). Oh, my throat - it hurt like crazy before I ever went in to surgery because I have a cold. It absolutely killed when I woke up from recovery last night. They brought me broth and juice and I wanted to down it all immediately, not because I was hungry, but because it felt good on my throat. I only had a small amount though. I had the vitamin C cough drops, and they let me suck on those. Today my throat doesn't hurt at all.

I got up early Friday morning and did laundry and packed and prepared my dog to be with a sitter for the weekend (he's worse than a child, I swear) and, of course, went in to work to tie up loose ends. I worked from 7:30 am until 2pm, so I didn't get out of town until three, but it was OK. So I drove the three hours to my bf's house, and he took me to my older sister's house to drop off some stuff for her trip to Africa next week, then he drove me to my younger sister's house, another hour away and dropped me off. This made it 8:30 at night, and I had not put a morsel into my mouth at this point. Not something I was trying to do, just between my nerves and being busy, I never got around to eating. At my sister's house at almost 9pm I finally ate something - 2-day old homemade beef with broccoli and white rice. It was actually really good, but a pitiful last meal. My sister's husband took me to the airport at 1am, and I finally got on the plane at 3am. On the plane I really REALLY wanted to get a cranberry juice and vodka, kept trying to justify it to myself, but finally made the better decision and simply chewed ice instead. After an incredibly long 2.5 hour trip on the world's smallest plane, I'm now here in Houston. I slept a little on the plane, but not much. The airport is just waking up and smells of coffee and donuts and other fabulous things. I would give anything to have a Starbucks and anything sweet right now, but alas, I cannot. I must kill three hours sitting here and not eat a thing. I paid $10 to have internet access atleast (Phoenix provides it at no fee - I don't care for Houston right now). I'm downloading some audio books for my IPOD. I just want to sleep, but airport chairs really don't allow you to lay out at all. And I just can't bring myself to be the person who curls up on the floor, though I've seen several individuals doing it. Hope everyone banded yesterday is feeling fabulous. And in case I'm not back here before then - best of luck to everyone to be banded on Monday - as I recall there are many of you.

Sorry that was so long ... I'm feeling a bit stressed and this is my outlet. Tonight I told my bf over the phone "I'm so NOT prepared!" and he very calmly replied, "Sure you are, I bought you Soup." It was very sweet. Funny story: I bought protien shakes last weekend. I was drinking one on Monday when I bothered to read the label. It was designed to "help you gain or maintain your weight." Kind of exactly opposite of what I was going for. I gave them away and will be buying new beverages, and paying more attention this time.

To everyone who was banded today / will be banded tomorrow ... good luck and congratulations and I'm thinking of you, and all that. I'm am SO unprepared. Tomorrow morning I need to go into work and somehow get everything ready to be gone for the next week. Then I'm hoping to leave work by noon at the latest, at which point I need to drive approximately 3 hours to the Phoenix area, get to my boyfriend's house and pick up my dog's crate and some other stuff. Then I have to drive another hour (that's 1 hour if there's no traffic) to my sister's house to drop off my dog and spend a little time with her. I'll then get a ride to the airport around 1am ... my flight leaves at 2:50 am. I have something like a three-hour layover in Houston before I continue my flight to Monterrey. I'll have surgery the same day I get to Mexico (Saturday). 1 - I'm just not prepared to leave work. I suppose I'll never really feel ready to leave work for a week, but I'm really not prepared. 2 - I haven't packed anything yet. I took all the food and what not that I'll need to my bf's last weekend, and he bought more for me today, but I have no laundry done and no clothes packed. 3 - I just realized I haven't printed my flight info or my prep list or my instructions or anything else yet. 4 - I don't have a clue what I'm going to wear ... I have no bra that will work for this, I don't believe. 5 - My house is a mess I should be doing any number of things right now, but I'm exhausted and I've been sick all week and I'm refusing to accept that it's really here so I'm not dealing with it (very mature of me, huh?) Instead I'm sitting on my couch, reading this site and watching Jeopardy. I feel naseous and I'm literally shaking (though I think that most of the shaking is because it's FREEZING in my little house). To think logically ... there's nothing I can do about work right now. And they'll survive without me. I'm not the only capable person in the building. I can take my clothes as they are - my dear lovely bf will launder them for me over the weekend while I'm gone. And I can run by Walmart in the morning or hit Target in Phoenix to get something. I can print all the pertinent data tomorrow morning as soon as I get in. And even if I were to forget to print it, I'll always have my computer with me, and it's all stored on my harddrive. I can take out the trash in the morning, besides that, the house can wait. I'm staying with my bf for a week after the surgery so I won't have to deal with it immediately. And besides all this, I don't actually fly out until almost 3 am, so even if I leave home later than I want to, there's really no chance of missing my flight. I really just want this to be done and over with. Anticipation has never sat well with me.

Congratulations! Hope everything is going well for you!

RowdyReptile (great name!) - welcome and congrats on your March date! There's been a lot of talk regarding what, if anything, we all plan to tell our co-workers. Read back a few pages on here and you'll see a variety of answers to this. SynicalChal Chic - glad to hear you're doing so well ... I've loved reading your posts. Gives me comfort that you're still up and around. I've still been eating less healthy than I should (who am I kidding - I've been eating like sh*t). I don't know how I'm going to give up Dr. Pepper - I seem to have an addiction to it I just can't kick. I need to give it up and start drinking water instead. I drink virtually no water these days. I should be a better person. Blek. I'm tired of being mad at myself.

I'm so impressed by you Tammy! I have not been sticking to my half-hearted self-imposed pre-surgery diet at all. I lost one lb, then gained two. I'm having random pains on my left side tonight, but I swear it's just my psychosematic way of showing stress/nervousness about the surgery. My surgery is noon-ish on Saturday, and I do have to stay in the hospital that night. I, too, am looking forward to being able to take some time off work, even if it is to recoup from surgery. I can't wait until thiis time next week! (Or better yet, this time six months from now, when we're all well on our way to being fabulously successful!)

Planotxgirl - I'm also having the surgery in Monterrey, but from Dr. Rodriguez. My brother-in-law called me last week to tell me about someone he knew (see subject ) had it done in Monterrey, and he was thinking it was the same Dr, though it wasn't. Anyhow, she had it done by Dr. Rambaut almost a year ago and has only wonderful and amazing things to say about the doctor and the staff and the procedure and the whole experience.

I get banded this Saturday. It's so soon, but it doesn't seem real to me at all. I woke up yesterday with a horrific sore throat, terrible ear aches (both ears) and just feeling generally bad. I tried not taking any medication and just will this away, but it was worse today so I broke down and took cold medication this morning. I need to call and see if I can keep taking drugs, or if there are things I should be avoiding. I really don't need this right now - there's so much I need to finish up at work before taking a week off, but I can't even focus because my head is so stuffy and everything hurts. Poor me. :sick I mentioned the WLS to one of my sisters exactly a year ago, and got the 'just learn to control yourself' lecture - I was angry at the time. Mostly because I'm already so frustrated that I can't control this on my own, and I don't need a 5'8" 125 lb person lecturing me on the ease of weight loss. Anyhow, I co-own my business with this sister so I had to tell her the truth about taking time off, and I was ready for a battle. She has been amazing and supportive ever since I told her, though, and offered to do the liquid diet with me after surgery for moral support. I can't tell you how relieved I am to have her be supportive, I can't imagine doing this with her acting disapproving to me. I'm disappointed enough in myself for getting to this weight, and for feeling like (knowing that) WLS is my only way out, I don't need anyone else's disdain added to my own. I've told only two of my five siblings, and have not mentioned anything to my parents. To those who know I'm taking time off work - I'm just saying I'm going on vacation to Mexico. I was in a health food store this past weekend looking for all the supplies I may need. The sales guy was trying to be helpful and ask specific questions to ensure I got the correct products. I was being very vague and trying to avoid the subject because I'm so in the habit of not telling anyone what I'm doing. Finally I broke down and explained that I was having the surgery and this is what I needed. It was not big deal, and I'll never see this person again - there was no reason not to tell him. And he didn't even have a judgemental look cross his face (lucky for him, as I may have tackled him if he had given me attitude).

I'm totally with you on this - my right knee kills me constantly. If I sit with my knee bent, it gives out when I first stand up - I'm way too young for this. My surgery is less than a week away - this Saturday. I can't wait!

It means "dear husband" .... This page decodes most of the abreviations you see here - it helped me tons! http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=7959

There's a thread just for us getting banded in March - http://www.lapbandtalk.com/march-2007-bandsters-t28423p26.html Come join us!

On a softer note that what I posted (then deleted) a few minutes ago. To make the subject of your post 'does no one want to help' flies against everything we are all on this site for - to help one another. It may not be financialy, but this is an awesome site, and all I see is a sincere desire to help and support one another.

I'm scheduled to be banded in just over a week. For now, I talk to my 5' 8" 125 lb sister (and business partner) about it for moral support constantly. She's really good to hear me out, though I know she has no idea where I'm coming from. Anyhow, one of her theories is that part of the success in the surgery is the 'placebo affect'. I don't know that I agree, but heck - whatever it takes to make this succesful, I don't care if it's as much psychological as physical. Though if the placebo affect worked, the diet pills should have been a wild success. On a different note ... I'm ALWAYS thirsty. I love Water. I show off to my nephews by downing 32 ounces of water in mere seconds (yes, young boys are easy to impress). I don't know how I'm going to manage a teaspoon or two of water at a time. I honestly think I'll miss the water more than the food. Keep us updated!

This is a great question! I, too, would love to know the answer. In researching the surgery, I saw that it's been performed for about 23 years (I think since 1984 ... I was in first grade...). However, I'd love to hear from someone who's been banded for many years.