laralynn86

I was also self-pay and could never have afforded gastric-bypass. I started at 279, and today, exactly 15 months to the day after surgery, I am at 186. That is 93 lbs, and I am still losing. Almost 20 lbs of my weight loss has actually just come in the past two months. Depressingly, my BMI still categorizes me as overweight (even after 90+ lbs gone ... I find this tragic), but I am now only about 18 lbs away from being in the normal weight BMI range. Like others have said, it appears your surgeon has an agenda. 100 lbs does not just fall off with no work as soon as you get the band, but I and many others are here as proof that you can far exceed his claim of a 50 lb max weight loss. Bottom line - do what you think it right for you. Just know that with dedication, the lap band can definitely work. Good luck!

I have not posted in a couple of months ... I go way too long without checking here. I was on a plateau for a few months but got a fill in April and it has made all the difference in the world. I am now less than 10 lbs from losing a full 100 ... that is amazing and flabergasting to me. Today makes exactly 15 months since surgery. I would not change it for the world. I have this random pain in my right side. I feel like my 2nd rib is stabbing my insides (or something). My port is on the left side, so I don't think it could be band related, but it is the type of thing I tend to freak out about. I can eat fine, as well as any other day. I am OK if I stand or lay down, but if I sit it is uncomfortable and if I bend over it is painful. It is like there is no longer enough room in my insides for everything any longer. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I really keep thinking it can't be band related, but like I said, I worry about these things.

It has been far, far too long. I think I have not been here in close to a year ... well, maybe seven months. TammyJ, JulieOh, Mrs. Husker ... all the familiar names, it is good to read your progress and I am so impressed with you all. I lost about 75 lbs total, but then totally plateaued. Months and moths ago. I am scheduled for a fill later this month, which is long overdue. I am sad to say I have lost focus for a while. Same old, same old, but I am too busy, etc. Not a good excuse. And I have gotten way too lax about eating potato chips, etc. I am at a point I swore I would never get it. My band is weird, most days I could eat an entire horse (if I so desired), but then every so often I cannot get down a bite of cottage cheese even. I vow to get back on track though. I am happy with the weight I have lost so far, but I need to strive for more. It is odd, but I have been within 6 lbs of Onederland for like 5 months, but have not done anything to get there. I just sit, stagnant. Again, it is good to read up on everyone and see you are all doing well. I have missed your support and encouragement.

I haven't been on here since June it seems - that's terrible. I don't know how I let it go so long. Tammy - you're my comparison tool as we have the same highest weight, pre-surgery weight, and height I think. We were pretty much neck and neck for a while, but I've stalled for the last 5 weeks or so, and now you're blowing me away. I've been way lazy on the working-out front though, so you deserve it. I wanted to be under 220 by the end of July, and one day it suddenly went from a plateau at about 222 to a weight of 213, which was awesome. Sadly, I've stayed there since then. I fluctuate between 213 and 215 and have for more than a month now. As I said though, I have not been doing hardly anything as far as exercise, so I need to get on it. It's amazing how time flies and I realize it's been SO long since I've been to the gym or anything. My fill is crazy these days. Some days I can hardly get down a drink of Water, and I'm scared I'm way overtight. Then the next day I can eat an entire meal and feel fine. It's a strange feeling of needing an unfill 1 minute, and needing a fill the next. I'm trying to just leave it as is and go with it though. I've been craving dry foods like crazy. I can't eat bread (or heaven forbid pizza crust - my one attempt was tragic) for anything, but I crave crackers and popcorn and chex mix - anything just dry and crunchy. Strangely, theses actually go down much better than say chicken or salmon. I give in too much to my cravings though. My goal is to be under 200 by the end of the year. It's a wimpy, wimpy goal, but hopefully this means I can blow it out of the water. I went on vacation to California for 5 days and was a little concerned about letting myself go, but I came back to a weight of 213.4, so it was a-ok. Amazingly, I didn't even feel like eating too much when I was there. There's this mind-set that vacations are all about food, but like I said, I didn't even want to overeat. I've got to get back on track, but I'm still thrilled with my weight loss thus far and with the surgery in general. I've missed you all! Congratulations to everyone - Juli you're doing AWESOME!!!

I find myself loathe to admit this out-loud or put it in writing or whatever, but here goes: The thought that runs through my mind when I PB is "good, that's fewer calories in me." I don't often PB from eating too much - I do, however, PB from eating too fast regularly. I PB really easily, I can just kind of flex my esophogus (I don't know how else to describe it) and it just slowly slides back out. Rarely do I actually PB with any force like throwing up. And I don't think I really PB intentionally, like I don't do it so I can eat more, I just don't really mind it cause I'd rather have the calories not in me (though I guess I like that I got to enjoy eating the food, but don't have to be responsible for the calories). On Sunday night I ate salmon, then went and PBd, then came back and ate more salmon, and ate more than I should have. I was full at the time of the first PB. This situation is rare for me though, it's usually just the first few bites that cause me to PB cause I can't seem to remember to go slow until I get the terrible chest pain, but then I can PB fairly quickly, and then I feel fine and can keep eating. I ate two bites of orange chicken (from Panda Express) on Saturday, and was glad when I PBd - I knew I shouldn't have eaten it in the first place, so I was glad it didn't stay in me. This next part is going to sound even stupider than the first part - before the band I was not bulemic, but I always had this desire to be able to make myself throw up. I tried a few times, but I hated to throw up so much I couldn't do it. I always felt that if I had more self control I could make myself throw up even though I didn't like it (I should have been looking for the self control to stop eating, not to be able to throw up). I used to drink a lot, and when we drank a lot we ate a lot, and I could throw up when I drank. It was more acceptable because people chalked it up to just drinking too much, and it didn't bother me because ... well, because I was drunk and could make myself throw up much easier. I know all the medical reasons why it's unhealthy to PB. I know how dangerous it is to my band. I know that it will greatly lead to having to have the band removed. Logically, I know all this. But yet, I'm happy when my I get rid of any excess calories. Even if I only eat 800 calories in a day - if I PB 200 of them, that's all the more weight loss.

Sue, I hadn't ever PBd until after my second fill. I think I also have 2.5 cc's in a 9 cc band, but I'm not sure. I used to know, but I didn't right it down so I've forgotten. If you take an hour to eat a hamburger, that's probably why you don't PB. I only do it when I eat too fast. And there are certain things that cause me to do it more than others. I really like imitation crab meat, but it makes me PB quite often. As does chicken, and steak. Most meats, I guess. I've PBd on cottage cheese, but only because I was talking and not concentrating on chewing. Have you ever had the pain? As I mentioned before, when I feel the pain I can just kind of flex my esophogus and get rid of the food. I wouldn't be concerned about not PBing. I'm sure you'll get your chance sooner or later. Strangely, I can eat "bad" foods - i.e. chips or rice krispy treats - and not PB. But meat I have issues with. I PBd just a little on the salmon I ate tonight, so I decided I was done and put the rest away. This is what I should do, but more often I have the habit of waiting for the pain to subside, then continuing my meal (though quite often I PB on the first bite or two, so if I always put it away, I'd never eat a thing.) And Donna, I totally understand where you're coming from (oh what I'd give to be down 100 lbs), but I think Sarah makes a darn good point. It's not really mathmatically possible for you to have gained the extra weight based on what you're eating. Slow down, give it a few more weeks. You need the nutrition and to not be light headed all the time. Getting that extra food/nutrition may be scary, but it's not going to make you start piling on the pounds. Keep yourself healthy (skinny, but healthy).

I love my alcohol. I had a "good bye to tequila" thing a couple of weeks before my surgery as I thought I should never have it again, and tequila shots were my thing. But then my surgeon told me I could still have tequila shots, I should just add a bit of Water and not do them straight (I didn't even ask - he just volunteered this info). Well, hell ... I didn't have to say goodbye to it afterall. I haven't had any tequila since surgery though. Well, I've had a margarita or two, but no shots. I have had saki shots (I skipped the beer and had straight saki) which worked out fine for me. I didn't seem to get drunk any faster than usual that night - and I had many shots of saki. Anymore though, I tend to pour a drink (sometimes white wine, but more often gin with light grapefruit juice {called a salty dog, apparently}), but it's almost too much work to drink it. I just can't fit all the liquid in, and it's usually a choice of dinner or drinking, I hate trying to drink after I've had dinner. I was never much of a beer drinker, but I do find myself craving it sometimes. Just want what I can't have I guess. So, short answer after the long ramblings above: I can drink it fine, don't really seem to get drunk faster, but it's more work than it used to be to get all the liquid in. Also, I've always tended to eat more (a lot more) after drinking, so I have a bit of a fear that one day I'll get stupid and eat something I should (not that I really keep anything in the house that I shouldn't, but I could gorge even on healthy food).

Welcome back Tammy & Denise! Congrats to the others on meeting your goals! I haven't really set a weight-related goal yet, but I'd like to be under 200 by the end of summer - that's 14 lbs per month I'd have to lose.

So not to be all "woe is me", but let me tell you about my last 10 days or so. Last Wednesday (as in a week and a half ago - June 13th is would have been) I got up around six, went swimming, then went into work. I was leaving for the rest of the week, so I had tons to do. I worked until 6:30 pm, then went home and packed and then drove 2.5 hours to Mesa. I got up at 5 the next morning and drove the last hour to my sister's house. I watched her three kids Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights - and, though she swears they never do this, the kids were up before 5:30 every morning. Sunday night I went back to my BFs house and stayed the night. I got up at 4:30 the next morning to drive back home, so I was at work by 7:00. That started an entire week of in before 7am, out after 8pm. Thursday night I worked until midnight. I went in at 6 am on Friday and worked until 2:30 the Saturday morning (left the office one time - to go to the bank). I went home for a few hours, and was back to work before 7 Saturday morning. (In addition to running the business and my regular work, we're coming up on month-end, which also happens to be our year-end and preparing for my sister/partner/book-keeper (I know nothing of this part of the business) to be gone for a week or so right at the end of the month). And, my other sister was in charge of a volleyball tournament this weekend which she put a lot of effort into, which is the main reason for the two late nights - we made 45 shirts and 175 very involved programs with information and photos of every girl, etc. etc. etc. When I left on Saturday, I kind of wanted to just curl up and die, but I went to the volleyball tournament. I was home by six pm, and I kid you not, I pretty much stayed in bed for the next 24 hours. Probably 16 of those hours actually sleeping. But, I got up last night and went for a bike ride. I had crab for dinner. I was up late due to the incredible sleep-marathon, but I fell asleep around 1am, got up at 6 this morning ... went for a bike ride with my dog, then went swimming with my sister. I don't care for Isopure (it's grossly sweet), but I have a bottle of it I'm about to consume for breakfast. For lunch I'll have cottage cheese, and for dinner I'll have salmon. I feel good again. More like I did two weeks ago. I'll go to my belly-dancing class again tonight. And I'll be in bed by 10. I can't do this 4 or 5 hours a night very long.

I had hesitations about even starting this thread for fear of the terrible lectures or general hatred that may be directed this way, but that's also kind of why I posted. And there's been no hatred really, just understandable lectures. I honestly don't even PB that much. I PBd a bit on imitation crab meat last night, but it was the first time in a few days. As much as anything, it's the fact that I feel good - or I feel accomplished after I pb. That's where the state of mind title comes from. I find concern in the fact that I feel better mentally when I rid my body of food. I don't think I have an eating disorder, but I think I can understand where it comes from. I think this good feeling after purging myself of food could be all-consuming. However, it's not worth losing either my hair or my band. I eat healthy, I don't intentionally PB or intentionally eat until I PB. I don't enjoy PBing because it hurts and seems unhealthy. But then there's the mental thing. The part that wants it all gone. The part that does like it. That's all I was saying.

I still tend to wear my size 22 (and ocassionally 24), though I'm a comfortable size 18 or tight 16. I feel more secure in my 22's ... tomorrow I'm going to try to get rid of them all though, because they are ridiculously huge on me, and I have no business wearing size 22. I show my underpants constantly in them (and I'm not nearly small enough to make that look attractive).

You hit it exactly, Emma. This way we're not actually bulemic cause it's surgical - it makes it acceptable. I didn't PB once today. Yea for me!

And also, I weighed myself this morning, and suddenly it read 221 the first time, then 220 the next time (this is after showing 232 - 236 yesterday) ... I guarantee I did not drop 10+ lbs overnight. I moved the scale a little and weighed myself again at it claimed 230 (which is probably accurate, and close to my low of 228). Anyhow, I'm beginning to think my scale is posessed and maybe it's time for him to retire. Sad for me though cause I love the little scale (it saves your last weight and measures your body fat and is just generally cool) and it was a gift for my 28th birthday. All the same, perhaps it his time for his replacement.

This morning I got up and came into work at 6 am. I drank some water early, then some more around 8. I had a Mocha Frappacino Light (I think that's what's they're called, it's Starbucks in a bottle you can get at convenience stores). About 1pm I had 2 cups of cottage cheese and maybe 3 or 4 potato chips. Drank more water than usual this afternoon, but still not enough. I ate one piece of candy (they're ice breakers sours that I eat). For dinner, around 7pm I went to town on the potato chips and ate who knows how many ... 20 or 30 I suppose. Not my best day still. Thanks for the encouragement from everyone though. Tomorrow I shall do better. Today no swimming, no gym. Again, tomorrow I will do better. Anyone have advice for a constant and overwhelming feeling of fatigue?

Virginia, Can you tell me when and where you meet in Phoenix? Or is there someplace I can go to get this information? Thank you

My mom is 5' 2", and though she's larger now (after seven children) she was probably a size 2 or 4 when she got married. On top of that, my next heaviest sister after me weighs in the 140's, and the other 4 are in the 120's or below. There was a time when you could add the clothing sizes of 4 of my sister's together, and it was smaller than the size I wore. Freaking depressing. I'm so mad at myself. So mad. And have no one to blame for myself. Last week at this time I had walked every morning and worked out almost every day for a week. I'd swam three mornings in a row and went to the bellydance / yoga class. The scale read 228 - I was on Cloud 9. It was the greatest feeling ever. Then, last Wednesday I went to Phoenix to watch my sister's three boys (ages 2, 4 & 5) while she and her husband went on vacation for four days. I have to say I have a newfound respect for all of you who cook for others. I sampled way to much of the food I prepared for them. And I didn't learn, I did it over and over again. Not to mention, in the past week I've had 2 ice cream bars, three or four carbonated energy drinks (why, why, why do I do this), and for breakfast this morning not only did I have a carbonated energy drink, but I had a Nestle Crunch and a Butterfinger to go with it. What am I thinking? Why do I do this? I know I'm sabotaging myself, but I still do it. And I haven't been swimming and I haven't been to the gym, and I didn't go back to the class, and I'm not drinking my water, and I'm not getting my protien, an I eat candy that's lying around at work (for some reason we have a bunch of sour candy at work, and I've eaten so much my mouth is killing me). And, to make matters so much worse - the scale now reads 234 again. I'm supposed to be DONE with the 230s. And part of what's frustrating is that mathmatically, even though I'm eating bad foods, I'm not consuming enough calories that I should be gaining wait. Yes I ate candy for breakfast today, but it's the only thing I had besides some cottage cheese. I'm so mad at myself. I just feel ill at what I've turned into. There was a time just after surgery where I was so high and mighty about my self control that I would have died before putting a piece of candy in my mouth. Blek.

I'm fascinated by you Juli ... congrats on the 20 miles! That's awesome!!! I got up this morning and took my dog for a short walk. Then I went and picked up my sister and we went to swim laps, she swam about 15 minutes before the cold was hurting her ears, and I went about 10 minutes longer. So, only 25 minutes of laps for me, but it was invigorating. Then I went to the gym around noon for about an hour. I'm now going to call to and see about a belly dancing / yoga class for tonight. I really just want the yoga, but the only thing I can find here is the combined class. Plus, by lower belly / abs is where I seem to be losing the least, so it'll probably be good for me. Wish me luck ...

I actually went to the gym Wednesday, Thursday, Friday AND Saturday this week. That's amazing for me. On Friday I did double the work-out, each machine 2-times as long as usual, or longer. I also bought a pedometer on Thursday night (which I then misplaced by noon on Friday, but found again on Saturday). I'm going to go to a track this afternoon so I can measure/set my stride. On Friday night I actually had a few hours of daylight where I wasn't working or driving to Phoenix, so I went to the batting cages. I was a little unsure about going alone at first, but it was great. I had my IPOD and my little pink helmet (not happy they made me wear a helmet) and I hit 120 pitches. It was great to spend time on something other than sitting on the couch watching TV or playing on-line, the two of which can consume way too much of my free time. My right arm, especially my forearm is very sore now, but it was good. I think I'll go back tonight. I'm also going to go get a frisbee and take my dog to the park and see if I can convince him to catch it. I've felt so good the past few days. I'm at 131 now!!! Only 1 lb until I'm down into the 220s ... whoo hoo. I ate pork chops and asparagus for Breakfast this morning (don't know why - should have had a boiled egg), so I've got to do something to counterbalance this ill-advised meal. I went to Mexico with a boyfriend about 7 years ago, and bought a bunch of cute clothes and nighties and what not for the trip. I haven't been able to wear any of it for 6 years probably, but I tried some on last night and they fit. So exciting. It's all so exciting.:biggrin1: Oh, and my sister and I are supposed to go swim laps at 7 am tomorrow. The city pool has adult only lap swimming from 7 - 8 each weekday morning, so I'm going to give it a go (I think it will be freezing, but I'm excited to swim all the same).

I kind of gave up on Protein drinks and everything protien related. I forget I'm supposed to make sure to get enough. How many grams protein do you all try to get in a day? I actually at a Reece's Peanut Butter sticks thing for Breakfast. Bad, bad me. I'm off to make some fish for dinner.

This post makes me feel so much better really. Knowing I'm not the only one too embarrassed about the way I live to let anyone else into my house. I'm a well-put-together person. I own my own business. I've got it all together for the most part. But, I live in an absolute pigsty. I hate the way I live, but I change nothing. I'm not a particularly clean person and a regular mess doesn't really bother me. But the state in which my house is in DOES bother me, which means it's worse that a mess. It's a disaster. I never do dishes. My dog tends to tear up cardboard boxes (and anything else he can get his teeth on), and it seems like as soon as I clean it up, he does it again, so I'm not as prompt as should be. I live in the southwest where scorpions rule the world, and really need to have the exterminator by once a month, but my house is so messy I never have it sprayed anymore, which only exacerbates the problem. I hear my father's voice resonate in my head "you must not really mind it if you're willing to live in it." But I do hate it. To open my eyes in the morning and see the clutter and mess is the worst start to a day you could imagine. I don't have half-eaten food or totally creepy stuff lying around. But I have boxes I haven't unpacked in the last six moves, and more than that, I have bags from Wal-mart or Target or any store. Things I've purchased but never removed from the bag. I can't tell you how many items of clothes I have with the tags still on. I hate that I waste money and I hate that I live in this mess I call a house, but I do. I am going to check out flylady.

I need to be more accountable for what I eat. I'm going to try to list my daily intake here (regardless of what it is, even if I've been bad) here so I'll have to face it if I eat something I know I shouldn't. This weekend I went to Phoenix. Friday night went out to Sushi 101 with some friends. I'm always a little scared about eating and drinking alcohol, for fear I'll lose some of my common sense and forget to chew or eat to much or something. Everyone else had saki bombers, and I drank saki straight without the beer invovled. I ate none of the edamame appetizer (not because it's bad - it's a ton of protien, simply because I didn't need it). I ate maybe five sushi rolls, they went down amazingly easy - I was scared as I have had two fills and feel pretty good restriction. I made sure to chew well, which I tend not to do with sushi. I didn't even have an issue with the seaweed wrap. It was a delicious meal, I'm ecstatic I was still able to eat it. From there we went to a couple of other places, where I drank a bit but turned down all food. Saturday I made an omelet for breakfast - used three eggs. Don't know why I made that much, it was definitely excessive. But I wasn't able to eat it all, I ate just a little over half of it. I ate maybe 4 honey-hot buffalo wings just two hours later. I wasn't actually hungry, so I shouldn't have eaten anything. I realized I never drink water, so I made a point of trying to get in all my water yesterday afternoon. I didn't drink as much as I should, but better than usual. We didn't go for dinner until about 10:00 pm. We went to a sports bar, so not a huge selection for me (I never eat out this much, or at all really - it's one of the perils of travelling). I ended up ordering teriyaki chicken tacos, flour tortillas with chicken, pineapple, lettuce and tomatoes inside with some teriyaki sauce. They brought three, I ate the innards out of two (left the tortilla behind of course). My friend's steak fries looked delicious, but I didn't have a single one. And that was my weekend. I didn't list the many shots of saki, and the sex on the beach drinks and some terrible green syrupy alcohol on Friday. And the bloody mary and 1.5 margaritas and 2 salty dogs on Saturday. But calories don't count if you drink them, right? Just kidding. I don't usually drink that much - I did avoid carbonation, but I'm sure I took in more sugar this weekend than I have in the past month from the juices and what not in my drinks. I've now decided to fast for two days. My stomach's been weird and I just think it does a body good to periodically cleanse. I'll drink water (and water only - no flavored water or SOBE or FUZE or Crystal Lite or Gatorade or anything, just straight water) and a cleansing tea (and boy, does it cleanse) until noon on Tuesday. Then I'll rededicate myself to eating right. We'll see if I can do it, it seemed like a fabulous idea when I wasn't remotely hungry this morning - less of a good idea when I decided it was lunch time. I need to get up off my couch and do something productive, downtime still makes me terribly snacky.

I need to be more accountable for what I eat. I'm going to try to list my daily intake here (regardless of what it is, even if I've been bad) here so I'll have to face it if I eat something I know I shouldn't. This weekend I went to Phoenix. Friday night went out to Sushi 101 with some friends. I'm always a little scared about eating and drinking alcohol, for fear I'll lose some of my common sense and forget to chew or eat to much or something. Everyone else had saki bombers, and I drank saki straight without the beer invovled. I ate none of the edamame appetizer (not because it's bad - it's a ton of protien, simply because I didn't need it). I ate maybe five sushi rolls, they went down amazingly easy - I was scared as I have had two fills and feel pretty good restriction. I made sure to chew well, which I tend not to do with sushi. I didn't even have an issue with the seaweed wrap. It was a delicious meal, I'm ecstatic I was still able to eat it. From there we went to a couple of other places, where I drank a bit but turned down all food. Saturday I made an omelet for breakfast - used three eggs. Don't know why I made that much, it was definitely excessive. But I wasn't able to eat it all, I ate just a little over half of it. I ate maybe 4 honey-hot buffalo wings just two hours later. I wasn't actually hungry, so I shouldn't have eaten anything. I realized I never drink water, so I made a point of trying to get in all my water yesterday afternoon. I didn't drink as much as I should, but better than usual. We didn't go for dinner until about 10:00 pm. We went to a sports bar, so not a huge selection for me (I never eat out this much, or at all really - it's one of the perils of travelling). I ended up ordering teriyaki chicken tacos, flour tortillas with chicken, pineapple, lettuce and tomatoes inside with some teriyaki sauce. They brought three, I ate the innards out of two (left the tortilla behind of course). My friend's steak fries looked delicious, but I didn't have a single one. And that was my weekend. I didn't list the many shots of saki, and the sex on the beach drinks and some terrible green syrupy alcohol on Friday. And the bloody mary and 1.5 margaritas and 2 salty dogs on Saturday. But calories don't count if you drink them, right? Just kidding. I don't usually drink that much - I did avoid carbonation, but I'm sure I took in more sugar this weekend than I have in the past month from the juices and what not in my drinks. I've now decided to fast for two days. My stomach's been weird and I just think it does a body good to periodically cleanse. I'll drink water (and water only - no flavored water or SOBE or FUZE or Crystal Lite or Gatorade or anything, just straight water) and a cleansing tea (and boy, does it cleanse) until noon on Tuesday. Then I'll rededicate myself to eating right. We'll see if I can do it, it seemed like a fabulous idea when I wasn't remotely hungry this morning - less of a good idea when I decided it was lunch time. I need to get up off my couch and do something productive, downtime still makes me terribly snacky.

Everyone is doing SO awesome. I'm amazed and astounded by everyone. Especially those of you who run or jog. My bra size has definitly (and sadly) decreased, but I still can't find a sports bra that would make anything other than a brisk walk OK. I need to look on-line, Walmart's the only thing we have here, and not really the place to buy something like that I guess. So I'm sure the problem is not unique to me, but I have this total "all or nothing" mindset that definitely hurts my progress, rather than being helpful. It's not new since the surgery, it's always been my problem. But I know I need to fix so many things - I need to eat more healthy, drink more Water, drink less alcohol, work out more, be better about the money I spend, keep my house cleaner, treat my car better, walk my dog more, spend more time with my family, and be more focused at work. So I decide I'll fix it all. I make rules for myself in every aspect, and when I fail at one, I decide it's hopeless and give up on everything. Logically, I realize I should just pick one thing and focus on it, I can fix the rest later, you know? So, that's my main goal for June. Focus on a few things, and don't beat myself up for the other things I should be better about. Therefore, I've decided to concentrate on the following: WATER CONSUMPTION - there's no way I'm taking in enough water, and I can actually feel that I'm dehydrated way to often. I will drink (and by drink I mean drink and FINISH, not take a few swallows then leave it lying around somewhere) two of my bottles of water - each bottle is 33.8 ounces. NO FAST food - I don't eat a lot of it, but chicken McNuggets are my answer to a quick meal, and I'm fooling myself that they're OK. Just because they're chicken by name, does not make them healthy. Also, it's like 2000 degrees where I live (forecast for the next two days is 106) and my treat is a Mister Misty Float from Dairy Queen (if you've never had one, it's kind of like a rootbeer float, but it's vanilla ice cream in a slushie). And it's not I like I get the smallest one they have ... though I will say I never finish the ones I buy anymore. But it's sugar and crap I don't need, and a total waste of calories. So, fast food is gone. This I can do. WORKING OUT - my goals are small and wimpy, but I've been so bad about the workouts I'm starting smaller. First of all, I will walk at least one block a day. This is such a small thing, but I go so many days now without even this amount of exersize. And if for no other reason, it's mean not to take my dog out at least that much (I pretty much walk to the corner and back with him when he needs to go out, which is just not right). And I will go back to the gym. I will. Here I have to succeed. Thanks for everyone's support. Oh, and that's my other goal - I'll log on here at least 4 times a week - I won't go two days without logging onto this site. It keeps me focused and keeps my goals in mind, and otherwise I can turn a blind eye to my band and my goals and my reasons for being here in the first place. So I'll remember the support I have hear, and use it as one more tool to help me towards my goals.

Tammy, Congrats on the 40! Our stats our similar - you're probably 1/2 an inch or 1 inch taller than me, but other than that we have the same highest weight and the same pre-surgery weight. I got my first fill on April 16th, which caused virtually no restriction, and my second fill this past Saturday, which seems to have done the trick. Currently my weight hovers around 237 - 239, the lowest it's been (my scale saves my weight) is 234.2 - that was a good day. I don't go to the gym or walk or do any other exercise nearly as often as I should. It makes me so angry at myself. I lay the blame on my busy schedule as I own my own business, but I'm just putting it off as always. I've gone to the gym two whole days in a row though, so go me. I HAVE to do better - I simply must.

I was banded over 5 weeks ago, and I'd say a day doesn't go by that I don't still crave soda. I gave up soda for 9 months in 2004, and don't recall it being this hard. Just before surgery I was drinking at least 3 44-ounce Dr. Peppers a day. It makes my mouth Water to see someone with a soda now. But, I refuse to cave. For me it's that I know I can't stop at one. And the longer I can refuse to have one, the easier it will be and eventually (one hopes) the cravings will go away as well. I think just dropping all the sugar I was taking in from the soda has a lot to do with the amount of weight I've lost thus far. I look at how I was eating, and though I ate more than I should, I guarantee a huge portion of my calories came from drinking (soda, beer, wine, etc). So now, I drink Crystal Light (and some wine) but no more carbonation for me.