☠carolinagirl☠

I saw a video of an interview with Dustin Hoffman today and it really rang true for me. I think I am so lucky because I was a big girl most of my life and lost the weight, and in the process I went from being invisible to being visible to society.
 
The thing is, I didn't even know I was invisible when I was heavy. How would I when I'd been heavy all my adult life? But when I lost the weight, and the level of attentiveness, regard and interaction people wanted with me increased out of sight, I realised how little people reached out to me before. That SO many people who think I'm amazing and wonderful now, wouldn't have given me the time of day 5 years ago.
 
An old friend and I were talking today, and he said he was so shy when he first met me coz I was thin already and he was 'still the fat guy', and he didn't understand why I reached out to him. I told him of anyone he'd meet, I'd be the one who would never see his weight, because unlike most people, I know better. I know that a person's weight doesn't define them. Because my weight should never have defined me.
 
Anyhow, it makes me wonder how many people have missed out on meeting the most amazing people because they stereotype them in their heads. Which is why Dustin Hoffman's interview struck such a cord. I hope it's ok to post it, because it really moved me, and I hope it moves you.
 
http://www.upworthy.com/dustin-hoffman-breaks-down-crying-explaining-something-that-every-woman-sadly-already-experienced-3

Hello,
I had my surgery in November 2012. I was faithful to my surgeon's guidelines for a couple of months. I then began to crave carbs in the form of pudding and ice cream. To make a long story short I went in for only my second fill on June 28, 2013. I was up about 30 lbs. The great news is that by the grace of God, I'm still here and now doing the right things. I've lost 6 lbs since my last fill putting me at 411 lbs total.
 
I've written all this to say that I had a wonderful experience with my surgeon. He helped me to refocus and start again. I hope by the continuing of God's grace, the surgeon's care, and your encouragement to remain faithful to the LapBand Journey.
 
Don't let discouraged (it was easy for me to do). Stay in touch with those who support you and you will have success at on this journey.
 
Larry

Hi Everyone,
I am watching Dr. Oz right now and the show's subject is Toxic Love. Very interesting about what loved ones do to each other when they have health issues. Dieting together, a mother telling her daughter, you're fat etc. and cooking the wrong foods. Right now is a couple and the wife wears an insulin pump and the husband cooks all the wrong foods. The therapist is trying to help all the people. Great show.
I know of people like that, that make and feed the wrong foods to the diabetic, the WLS person, like all of us etc.
Who is the the toxic person in your life? Mine is ME!!!!!!

I am committed to me being my best. This means I will not:
 
- Reward myself with food. I love food, and I love beautiful tasting food, but it's not a reward, I am not a dog. I have to maintain a healthy relationship with food, which means I can enjoy it without it being the centre of my life.
 
- Forgot that that for most people, achieving 'fullness' at every meal is not their goal. This is something I realised just recently. My partner is not a big guy, and he stops eating when he's no longer hungry. I have spent my whole life stopping only when I'm full. This is a FUNDAMENTAL difference between us, and the reason I have struggled with my weight all my life. But not any more.
 
- Tell myself I don't have time. If I can find time to be there for others, I can find time to be there for me. Whether it's exercising, sitting on the couch reading a book, or just doing what I want to do instead of what someone else wants to do. In this way, I nourish myself and allow myself to be a better person for everyone around me.
 
- Focus on being skinny instead of being healthy. This is important - I got to a BMI of 21 at one stage, and my ribs were showing and my hip bones stuck out. I had no muscle tone to speak of. That's not healthy. My BMI is 24 now and I get sick less, I feel strong, and I feel womanly. My body fat percentage is lower now than when my BMI was 21. I was so focussed on losing, I was losing sight of why I did this, which was to be healthy.
 
- Hate my body. It has borne 4 beautiful kids, and my eldest is now 23 and watching how women hate their bodies and themselves in the process. That's not a lesson I want my daughter to learn. I have parts of me that I don't like, that's just human nature and it's silly to pretend I could stop doing that, and that's actually ok in small doses, but I will not hate my whole self. I am beautiful, whether I was big or small, and I am the same person on the inside. And I will value that, even if society may not (yet).
 
- Compare myself to others. This is part of the above point too. Envy is a nasty, self-destructive thing. "I wish I was younger, prettier, smarter, thinner, richer". I now say "I want to be happy" and to do that, I need to stop hurting myself by wishing my life away and not seeing the things I should be thankful for.
 
- Sit by and do nothing. Counting my blessings doesn't mean I just sit by crying into my soup about the things in my life that make me unhappy either. I change what I can if it's important to me, don't change what isn't important and accept what I can't change. And know that no one is responsible for my happiness but me.
 
I'm writing this because in the last few years these ideas have formed in my head but I've never said them out loud in one place. Yet I think it's important for me now to see it in black and white. And while it's not just about me being a lapbander, but a person, I thought that this was a good place to put it.

Very little riding this week, but in my travels I ran across a Perl Izumi Outlet store (High end biking clothes) and look what I found on the clearance racks. Now, I like bright but this was a bit much even for me. Two things convinced me: 1. 200.00 off list price. 2. Wolf whistles from my wife and and the fact that I had to promise I wouldn't just wear it for biking. :wub:

I was asked recently, if I ever would be satisfied with myself. I'm having lipo in a week, where I'm getting a little bit of contouring on the lovehandles and backfat left over from the body lift, and some fat taken from my inner thighs. It won't be drastic by any means, it's just a little bit of shaping, really, but despite telling very few people (non-banders) about it, the resounding feedback seems to be that there's something wrong with me, because I don't seem to be happy with myself.
 
And yet, I think that's never been further from the truth. I am actually happier with myself than I have ever been in my life. It's because I like myself that I'm not thinking twice about doing this for ME. The difference is, that where I used to think that if I didn't like something, I had to suck it up and suffer, because how I felt wasn't important in the scheme of things, now I don't. I don't like something, I change it. I think I approach things with moderation and I'm not going to end up being nipped and tucked until I look like an alien, so it's not like I have some addiction to plastic surgery, I just want to look as good as I possibly can.
 
My whole life, I looked after everyone else: my man, my kids, my parents, my friends. I always came last. I was brought up to feel selfish for thinking of myself.
 
The lapband changed all that. I learned one important lesson in the last 5 years of being banded:
 
If you love yourself, you will look after yourself, you will make time for yourself, you will make your needs AT LEAST equal to the needs of the people you love. And if you look after yourself, you're being the best person you can be for the people you love too, and more importantly, a good role model for what good self esteem looks like. And if you're not happy with something, change it, because no one will change it for you, and YOU are the only one who can take control of your life.
 
I'm amazed at how we are constantly told that considering our own needs is a selfish thing to do, and then people wonder why we suffer from low self esteem. Break the cycle. I am not asking you to be a heartless, mean-spirited person to others, I'm asking you to learn to love yourself. It's because I AM satisfied with myself and love myself that I can choose what I want to do to make me happy.

When ever and what ever journey you take your are often inspired to take it by someone or something.
 
I was inspired to have WLS due to several friends having it and having great results. Once banded I have been inspired by people right here on this site- Carolina Girl has done amazing, Missy Wowzer what a awesome job, AJ beautiful!! There are many others, but these are those that I look to and always want to read what they have to say, because I relate to them and are inspired by them and their words. Yeah some times my toes get steped on, but that means they are getting to me and will help me.
 
In the 1 year time period I have had my band I went from 244 to 187. Yeah, people have lost twice that much in the same time period, but I didn't. I am a little jealous, would love to have done better, but I am me and am where I am and I am working on it. My journey brings to mind a song that the little kids at my church use to sing and it inspires me:
 
"I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a great big bundle of potentiality" - That line make me smile, because I know I have the possiblity and the potential to do whatever I set my mind to. It inspires me to work hard to get the things I want, like getting to goal.
 
We all have to get our inspiration to work hard and continue the journey on the rough days from somewhere and something- there are people all around me that give me this. My hubs, the three amazing ladies above who inspire me with their post even if they don't know it, my mom who is always telling me how proud she is, my friends who are proud, and my body that feels better and doesn't get winded when I run up my stair case in my house.
 
While I was lucky I never reached the point of having diffulity walking, I was getting there. My knees were begining to have pain. My ankles, both of which have been broken multiple times were crying out for me to lose weight. I am glad I finally was inspired to do this last year and I am thankful for all the place and people that inspire me to contiue this journey each and every day.
 
Look around you today find your inspirations and smile- hold on to them so on a dark day you can whip 'em out and keep movin'.

It's been 6 weeks since the insertion of the miracle flab fighter in my mid-section. My loyal readers know that the procedure and recuperation were a piece of cake ... oops, make that a sugar free pudding. The journey so far has been eventful and very successful. But it hasn't been easy.
 
 
I find myself a bit taken aback when I hear some high metabolism individual comment on how people that elect do to the Lap-Band are taking the "easy way out". I really started noticing it when the news of the rotund Governor Christie hit the media. Several TV talking heads decided he had the "easy way out" procedure to prepare a run for the White House. I have no idea whether Christie is running or not. Since he is a public figure, the media certainly has a right to comment on his political future. But I draw the line when they call this surgery the "easy way out." I've actually heard others make similar comments as well and it irks the H-E double hockey sticks out of me. A major weight loss undertaking is anything BUT easy, regardless of which path you choose to achieve your goal. So phooey on anyone who doesn't grasp the commitment of the motivated chubster looking to change his or her life.
 
 
I had my first monthly check up with the venerable Dr. X this past Monday. He gave me a routine vitals check and then proceeded to give me my first "fill". I laid down and he expertly poked a syringe of 1.5cc's of saline through my skin and directly into the Lap Band port. It took about 2 seconds and the pain was minimal. No biggie. Before he left the room he told me that after the fill, some patients can't eat in the morning or can't get certain foods through the band. I had no issues at all. Fact is, he put 1.5cc's in my 10cc band. I have noticed no additional restriction at all. As you all know, I pretty much haven't felt any restriction since the surgery. I got this far on my own. And no, it wasn't easy.
 
 
 
The Lap Band is just a tool to help you lose weight. Like using a crutch for a broken leg. You don't always need the crutch, but your leg won't heal properly if you don't use it correctly. I just read a story of a Bandster that found a way to cheat his band and gained a large amount of weight. I heard of a lady that had the more invasive stomach surgery, lost a ton of weight, then had the painful skin tightening surgery and then gained almost all her weight back. There are numerous stories like these. Ya can't just get weight loss surgery and sit there and wait for something to happen. If you do, you will fail.
 
 
 
It took me years to get my head in the right place to attempt this. That meant first getting it out of my over loaded backside long enough to see the light. I have to change the basic way I live my life. After 50+ years of self imposed bodily harm, that ain't easy. There are challenges and decisions to make almost every waking hour. Could I still start the day with a three egg ham 'n cheese omelet, hash browns well down, and a double order of bacon? Yup. Then go to lunch for a Portillo's chopped salad? No problem. Have a half bag of popcorn when I get home? Easy. Then have a full dinner and a touch of Ben & Jerry's? Yes and Yes! Could I still shove down most of a full size Tombstone pizza at the drop of hat? Probably. The Lap Band isn't stopping me. I'm stopping me.
 
 
 
I have made good progress since my adventure began. I will admit that just knowing the band is in me makes me think twice about anything that goes in the oral orifice located just beneath my nose. That's huge for me. The old me could eat or drink just about anything. I was the billy goat of fat asses. I made a decision to try and lose the weight of a small child. I knew it would be difficult. I knew it would be a challenge. I knew it it would take time. I also knew it wouldn't be easy.
 
 
 
More to come
 
jt
 
 
 
P.S. I got a cool new Fitbit scale that syncs with my Fitbit wristlet which syncs with the Fitbit app on my phone. Every time I step on that scale my weight is recorded on my app. It also tracks every step I take. It also has options for exercise and a food diary. I'll get to those ... eventually.
 
Stop by my blog.
TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

So...I met with my friend who had rny bypass surgery 5 years ago (and who looks wonderful and feels great) and additionally I have been devouring all I can read about complications of lapband and the very high percent of re-surgeries and other complications, some of which make me have 5th thoughts (not just 2nd thoughts) about my reasons for choosing lap band surgery.
 
Now I am reading of issues with bypass too but seemingly not as many after the initial surgical risks of bleeding and infection etc...
 
I am remembering the surgeon who did the info session at Lahey and how I thought he sounded a bit biased against the band...which was the reason that when I made an appointment to meet with a surgeon I chose the other one...I wanted to know if he, too, might discourage the band. What the doctor had said was about 3 out of 10 band patients had complications requiring further surgery. Optimist that I am, I said to myself..."I am healthy and I will be one of the 7 who don't have complications". Good, so far... but then I am 70 and if I have to have further surgery at 80 I might not be such a good risk. And some of the ports and bands get really embedded in scar tissue, making them very difficult to remove...and sometimes it is not possible to put a new band on or to move to by pass surgery by then because of strictures, infections and scar tissue. The doctor said NOT to be thinking the lap band is the first stage...or "let's start with the simplest procedure and if it doesn't work for me I can always move on to by pass"
 
So when I go to meet with the surgeon on Th. next week, the 27th, I have lots of questions, no answers and I am both excited and scared...and will likely choose what he tells me he thinks is my best option, given my family history, age and any other mitigating factors.
 
We will see.
Christine
(mojaleski nickname)

Yup, you guessed it, 8 more days! In honor of this enormous achievement I've put together a little list of 8 post band goals/dreams
 
8. Lose weight!
7. Feel good about myself again
6. Cholesterol levels in the normal range
5. Do a 'real' push-up
4. Run for 3 miles without stopping
3. Wear shorts
2. Start dating again
1. Wear a bikini!

That awesome moment when your ex is getting fatter and you are getting hotter!!
 
Love this. I don't have an ex but I have many ex friends and saw one the other day and she couldn't believe how great my hub and I look.

The Warrior.
I am not new to stress, any kinds of stress. I have it in abundance, it finds me no matter where or how I try to hide from it.
I am not one of those people that seeks out drama and enjoys creating struggles in her life. I would much rather turn on the TV and see it play out there, where I can turn it off when it gets to be too much.
My life is nothing like TV and there is no remote to change the channel or to mute the nonsense or abort it all together by switching it off. Nope not for me, some days I feel like it's a constant assault of one thing after another.
Trust me I am not one of those people that makes mountains out of mole hills either. The stress I speak of is real, it is the stress of 5 children all over the age of 18 that can't seem to find their direction and all live at home with me. It is the stress of working 12 hour days 5 days a week with an hour each way to commute. It is the stress of sick in laws and fathers. It is the stress of burying ex-wives, and the untimely death of friends with megawatt high profile funerals to plan and execute.
It is also the stress of good things like graduations and holidays. Weddings, and new babies being born. It is the stress of family, I'm sure everyone can relate, not need to expand here.
 
There are days when I just want to cave in, I want to curl up and give up.
 
If you knew me that would be one of the last things that this warrior would say or do, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it, and just having those thoughts of giving up bring me even more stress because I know I am that low, and it is going to take me that much more work to pull myself up and out.
I am the Warrior. I have spent my 42 years battling everything under the sun, yet the hardest battle there is to fight is the one against myself. I am my own worst enemy. I get so lost in the excuse of having to do this and that for all others that I lose the focus on what I really should be doing.
I put aside taking care of myself and I say it's for this one or that one and what would they do if I didn't stop to do it or help them out? They can't get along without my help and my input right? The world as we know it might come to an end is my response. If you follow any of the movies Hollywood is putting out these days…that might just happen with me or without me helping.
So why am I doing something for everyone but me? This year I vowed along with my husband that this was going to be the year I get healthy WE get healthy. Wait a second, I didn't realize that I was doing it AGAIN. I don't have to wait around, or put the fault on him or anyone else. If he can't walk or he's tired or my cousin bought a new car, or his having a baby, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lace up my sneakers and get that walk in today!
My father is in surgery and my son is graduating and the tent my sister in law was supposed to lend me conveniently has holes in it from of all things ants, that or she just didn't like that I called her out last night on her bullshit, but either way that doesn't mean that I shouldn't make a better choice for dinner then Domino's pizza! Even if I can only eat 2 slices instead of half the pie it's still a bad choice.
Wait a second, I think the bug zapper in my brain finally came to life, and zapped a few of those annoying thoughts that plague me with their incessant buzzing annoyance. You know the ones that I bred to keep me distracted and diverted from doing all the things I should be doing to make my life healthy.
I went through major surgery to make my life better! I didn't just sit in some pretend yoga pose chanting I think I can I think I can I think I can. No, I really can! So what the heck am I doing? Why am I not getting my act together and getting out there and working out and eating better. I have NO excuse. I have to stop blaming everyone and THEIR problems. I have to stop making their problems my problems.
I have to start taking care of my problems because I just realized no one else is going to do it! No matter how much I help them, they are never going to be able to help me with what I need. I have to open up and let go and start doing it and stop making excuses to myself about why I feel the way I do.
 
So what you, feel the way you feel. Acknowledged now deal with it. Get off your ass and do something about it!
I know I can, I will and I AM! Right now! Today! This very moment. I am the Warrior!

9 more days! In honor of this milestone I thought I would give y'all a list of 9 things I'm excited about post banded weight loss life. I'm excited about...
 
9. Not feeling squished on the airplane
8. Not being embarrassed of my big arse when squeezing between rows of chairs
7. Not avoiding going to the beach with my friends
6. Not being embarrassed when out shopping with friends
5. Not being scared to ride my bike in public! (see last blog post for explanation)
4. Not deleting any and all pictures of me
3. Not feeling like people are judging/watching me when I eat
2. Not having to cover my arms because they are as big as some girl's thighs
1. Not having men yell "I like your jiggle" when I run!

So just a little vent...
 
I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho.
 
The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now......
 
IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
 
We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices.
 
Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight.
 
I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym.
 
End vent... Peace and Love...

HI all, it has been forever since I have been on this site. Got lots of reasons/and or excuses, but I am back regardless.
 
First of all I have had my 2nd fill since I checked in last. I now have 4 cc's in my band. For the most part I am doing terrific with it. I am down to 272 pounds. That is a 54 pound weight loss since mid January. I am so happy, so very, very, very happy!! I have lost 42 pounds since my surgery March 18th. In losing all that weight I have gain oh so very much. I have super confidence, I have more energy, and I have such a different outlook on life. I was in a size 26...sometimes a 28 jean. Now, I am PROUDLY ROCKING a size 20!!! Flipping size 20!!!! OMG!!!! The difference is amazing. Both to me and my family and friends.
 
I went shopping this last weekend and bought something I never thought I ever would. See, I have been with the same man for 17 years...well..17 in July. We are not married, have thought about it, just never have done it. Well, he PROPOSED to me a month ago. I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! YES ITS EXCITING!! HAHA.
So, I went and tried on wedding dresses, just to see if I could even bear the thought of wearing one...I love dresses, just not on me, they do nothing to hide fat!!! lol. So there I was trying on wedding dresses and I was so surprised to be LOVING IT!! I was going to get one with sleeves, because as with all of us, my arms are a big issue. But I fell in love with this strapless-halter type dress. AND I BOUGHT IT!!!. I figured that it doesnt matter about those arms, see, I fell in love with ME again. I felt beautiful in all of those dresses. That was something I had never expected. NEVER. I cannot wait to ROCK that wedding dress come September!!!
 
So yes my weight loss is fantastic, wonderful, exciting, and all of those other adjectives. But, what is even better, is that I have found me again. I have found the confident, out-going, smiling former image of myself. I still have a ways to go and I am not quiting until I am there. Everyday I have something to look forward to. Everyday I am happy when I wake up and feel so excited with my new life.
 
Well thats it. This is my life. Go me!!!

Just so you all will know.... The devil had multiple homes... Not only does he live on my bathroom floor.... But he lives here also.... Stay away
 
He make a hypnotic concoction.. of Red velvet, cake batter ice cream and chunks of cream cheese icing.... and he calls it Red velvet cake ice cream..... You all have been warned...lol
 
i have to pass in front twice a day.... sometimes... I say... NO Devil... i don't want your amazing ice cream... but, my car... well she is not as strong willed as me... and she gives in... and before i know it... i'm parking and turning off the engine.. and saying... my car wants a quart to go please...

We all say we like choices, but really do we? I mean choices is what got me to 250 lbs. I made bad ones!! Now that I have the band and am working toward losing weight I have choices to make.
 
While the band does keep me from eating crap and it doesn't prevent me for gaining weight- it does prevent me from eat a lot at the time, as long as it is not slider foods.
 
Pre-band I made a lot of bad choices. Basically, I ate, A LOT. I would eat when I was bored, I would eat when sad, mad, glad; I would eat when it was "time". Plus, I choose a lot of bad things. Like a milkshake to follow a big mac and fries- just the thought of that now makes me want to hurl. How the heck did I eat that much at a time.
 
Now I must, in order to loose weight, choose to eat healthy item. I must choose lean proteins, veggies, fruit, healthy carbs if any. These are my choices. Each of us made a choice to have band surgery. After surgery we have a choice, to follow a healthy life style and allow our band to do it's job aiding us in the effort or we can choose to continue down the same path we were on before the band.
 
In the early days the choices can seem harder. Before I had much restriction, I could still, if I choose, eat a lot; but I made a choice to follow the rules set before me by my doctor. The weight fell of which motivated me to continue.
 
As I got more restriction with fills the choice to eat more dwindled. If I ate half of what I did pre-band I would feel like I had eaten a cow. I would be uncomfortable and sick. However, as the months past my weight loss slowed and the motivation to continue to path lessend. I can eat whatever I want just not much of it. However, if I choose to put junk in I will not loose weight. If I choose heavy calorie and carb laden foods my weight with either remain the same or go up. So it is still my choice.
 
Sometimes I wish I had someone beside me every min saying her eat this, you can't have that, walk away, ok that is fine, ect. I just to say well, if I was a celeb and could afford a personal trainer and a personal chef I could loose weight to, but even with those you can choose to make band choices- you could still hit the McD's drive through.
 
Each day, each min, each hour I make a choice to do right by my band or turn my back on it and it's willingness to help me.
 
Making the right choice isn't always easy, but that doesn't mean we should take the easy road. For those who say WLS is easy, no, what would be easy would be to have stayed the way I was and continue to eat like I did and gain weight. But, now I have made a choice to change, a choice that I live with daily; but I have to continue to make right choice in this journey.

Made a new playlist and did a 45 minute walk.Moderate pace...felt great to be moving!my goal is to walk until I am released to do weights/circuit.I sure missed walking-something relaxing.Its all about the music!I want to do my best & avoid as much loose skin as I can.However,I'm realistic...taking it one step at a time.

15 years ago today, I proposed to my best friend and she said yes. 2 dozen roses just got delivered, now I need to think something really special for next month and the marriage anniversary.

Gathering further data today, researching the two different Lap band systems, educating myself about benefits of banding over plication...printing some info for my folder to have readily available.
 
Also put together the points I want to discuss with Dr. Brams when I go for my first appointment with him at Lahey on June 27th...some of my own and family relevant medical history and questions I need answered adequately which could not have been covered during the informational session earlier this week.
 
Will be meeting with my local pcp tomorrow afternoon and hopefully will have a referral and support from him.
 
Would like to have this surgery later this summer but am a bit concerned about it being a teaching hospital and new medical staff in training this time of year...another item to discuss at my 3 hour appointment on the 27th!
 
This website is wonderful and I have friended some folks who I want to follow and who are so encouraging, sharing their experiences so generously. Thank you all so much.
Christine

Everyone has a different idea as to what the ‘Green Zone’ should be like, how it should feel. How tight do you need to be in order to be in the zone? Some like to be really tight where as other like their band a little looser.
 
I have experienced my band being ‘nice and tight’ so to speak. I never felt physical hunger, but there was food I couldn’t eat like chicken breasts and vegetables. I would cook a wonderful meal for the family and then find I couldn’t eat it. I also found that it would take me over 30 minutes to eat. I hated meals; I would get frustrated and found myself turning to slider foods like cheese and crackers or peanuts. I struggled to maintain my weight from week to week and I was miserable.
 
This was not the lifestyle I wanted so I had my doctor take out half a cc of fluid from my band. The result is I can eat any and all foods without problems, I go 3-4 hours without feeling physical hunger and most important is being able to enjoy mealtime with my family. This is my ‘Green Zone’.
 
This experience makes me understand why so many posts say they are gaining weight and they might be too tight. It is very easy to gain weight when the foods you eat slides right down (they can be healthy foods too – mine was cheese & peanuts).
 
I cannot manage my band when it is too tight, I would rather manage my lifestyle and use my band to complement that style.
 
I am a loosey goosey! (Yep I made up a new term)

June 12, 2013
 
Hi...
Well, here I am, having been contemplating weight loss surgery for some time...years?...but always thinking I SHOULD be able to control my weight with the various "successful" at one time or another diets I have used, schemes, wishes, vows (some complete with oaths!), pleas to God, 12 step programs, diet pills that bind fat or magically work as in the recent coffee beans "plan" of action.
 
Two days ago I attended an info session on weight loss surgery options at Lahey Clinic in Burlington, Massachusetts. My partner, Don, came with me. The presentation, by Dr. Dimitry Nepomnayshy was excellent...direct, funny at times and sobering too. Certainly none of the 3 options discussed would be easy; none would be a 'magic bullet', for sure. He made it clear that for anyone thinking the surgery would work without exercise (arghhh) they might just as well leave the room NOW. Same thing for having any lingering illusions that the surgery would work if one didn't make the correct choices around types and quantities of food after the surgery. The analogy of a 3 legged stool was powerful.
 
I am thinking about my own history...diets without exercise...and/or little ongoing exercise and how the 3 legs or wheels work. A 3 wheeled bike...tricycle has stability and prevents a toddler from falling off the bike (and lots of us older people start riding BIG trikes for the same reason...) When I last rode my bike (a two wheeler!) last year I was a bit wobbly over rough areas and when traffic approached...if I were to stop the bike would tip over if I didn't balance by putting at least one foot on the ground. Yet when I dieted and didn't exercise eventually I fell off... it was hard to get up...hard to want to get up once I started eating. It was not as though I didn't know better...it was not that I had forgotten what worked for me...I would just simply want to stay in the food for awhile...since I had fallen I might as well stay where I was for "awhile". I will start tomorrow...or after the weekend...or after the wedding...or after the holidays...or after the summer...and then...before I reach 150 lb. again, which became 160, 175, 190, 200, 225...and now I can say "at least I am not 279 and 3/4 lb. again!!" Good grief. I need stability and the 3 legged stool or tricycle for stability is making sense.
 
Can I commit and follow directions? I do think I can. I have dieted or followed my different food plans successfully a number of times through the years. More often though...most of the time...I would start the day well...and be in the food before the day was over...sometimes within minutes of my vow that "today is the day" and "this time will be different".
 
In my 12 step program I once lost 140 lb. and got down to 139...which felt fabulous and I looked great. Moreover, I had such energy and loved how I looked in my size 6 petite dresses...not size 2X or some 3Xes. Once I bought a size 5X sweatshirt so it would be big and roomy, I thought. Well it is not healthy to be wearing a size 5X and rationalizing I had looked smaller because it didn't cling anywhere. It would have fit over my dishwasher and I thought it looked good on me because it felt good on me. I gave it away on my way down the scales...but later wished I had it back...when I was on my way up.
 
All my life I have been either on the way down...or on my speeding train ride back up! Being the same weight the first day of Spring and fall would be just a coincidence, should it ever have actually occurred. The clothes in my closets go from size 4 (believe it or not) to size 3X. Out of date, out of style...no matter...I have saved so many things. Clothes that I thought were "fat" clothes on my way up...look tiny now, sixty some odd pounds heavier. Even half my shoes don't fit...and I have a lot of shoes. My feet gained weight and shoes can hurt!
 
I have an appointment with my pcp this Friday to get his referral and support. Yesterday I called Lahey Clinic and have given them my information and have an appointment with a surgeon on June 27th. I am nervous but excited. I can visualize this extra weight off my body again. It is not going to be easy. It is not without risk...but it is risky whether I go back to my 12 step program or weight watchers ...and my history tells me that for some reason I will not be successful at losing enough to to try maintenance again. I am overweight enough to quality for insurance to cover my surgery. Statistics indicate that I have the best chance of recovering my body and vitality with a combination of correct diet in smaller portions, exercise and surgical help. I am 70 now. I don't think I can play around with obesity any longer before I start having serious health issues.
 
Enough for today.

This really gripes my band lol. You did not gain weight over night and you will not lose it overnight with the band. If you wanted fast weight loss then you should have chosen the by pass. The band was not intended for people to drop 50lbs in a month. 1 to 2 pounds a week is normal if you lose more then that is great. You can not expect to get the results that others get. Everyone is different, we all have different metabolisms. However now comes the be mean mommy part..... If you are only giving part of your self to the band you can not expect 100% results. If you are not following the diet plan your doctor has given to you, you can not expect results. If you eat more then you should you will not lose weight. If you are starving call your doctor and ask for suggestions. No one ever said this was gonna be easy except for the people who know nothing about the band and say we are taking the easy way out. If you are eating cookies 2 weeks post op or pizza or fried chicken you might as well forget about doing anything. You have to want this and not following your doctors instructions is like going to court and being accused of murder and telling the judge well yeah I did stab him 30 times but can you just give me probation because I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. The decisions you make in eating will tell on you. What ever you do in the dark always comes out to the light. Its like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar while having your mouth full and as you spit out the cookies while you are saying I didnt do it, then you have made yoursel a total liar.
 
Stop cheating yourself if you are newly banded. Our eating habits is what got us to weight loss surgery and weightloss surgery is only as successful as the person makes it. The only guarantee you have is that you will lose the weight if you follow directions. Weight loss does stop at times. Those are the times you have to be strong. If you have only lost 10 pounds in 8 months then its not the bands fault. At some point you did not follow instructions. I went on an ice cream spree which lead to weight gain. I knew it and I accepted it but soon realized I was not helping myself. You have to be willing to give 100% if you want 100% results.

I do alot of work with weight loss surgery pepole. I teach a zumba class just for pre and post opt. But one of the things that make me the saddest to hear is that they stopped liveing. They will not go somewhere with food is invoked. This just make me so sad. So how do i handle this. I like to point out some different ways.
 
1, What is the point of the get together
 
So when i want to hang out with freinds i used to say hay lets go for ice cream or hay lets go for lunch. Now i might say want to join me for a walk. Or it a nice day lets go for a swim .
 
Sometime we forget what the point of the event is and we get so caught up in what were going to eat that we forget what the point is. So back yard barbeque. what is the point to have fun with friends. That the frist thing i do is make sure i know the point before i even start out . I alway offfer to bring something. Most of the time it something tha i know i can have and will be good for me. Also drink right before you go. this give you 30 mins to play with. In this 30 min you walk around and make your game plan. If there is one thing that i relly relly must have that i know i will be okay with . I will pick that thing and have a small amount. Also the size of your plate. I always try and take small plates .
 
Just because you have your band dose not mean you need to stop living. I call April 23 2012 the day i started living. But if i look back on it I did not start living untill i relly let go of all the food fears and started making it my life style and not just some crazy deit plan. We all know deit do not work. Deit all about not letting your self have something this needs to be a life style

I am in the green now. I know it because i telly do not get gummy hungery. I do get physical hunger when i do not feell well and my body is telling me look you used your fuel now you need to fuel me so we can keep going. This happens alot in the gym i try and make sure i have something every 3 hours if it even just a protine shake with water. I always keep 2 or 3 packs of necter protein in my puurs then all i need is my blender cup i always keep one in my puruse and water and i am good to go.
 
but just because i do not get growl hunger dose not mean i do not have head hunger. So how do i deal with it and how do i tell the diference. Well am i hungery enough to eat a plate of steamed veggies. For me thats not something to i would never eat but it not something that would be a first choice . If the answer is yes then it okay for me to eat again If now I then go though my cheek list
 
Laura mental cheek list for head hunger
 
1. cheek make sure it head hunger
 
2. Once we made sure it head huger ask why do i want to eat what is the trigger.
 
- am i sad -- how can i make my self happy with out food
 
- am i bord - what can i do to make my self less bord
 
`` am i upset - how else can i blow off steam that dose not enovlove
 
3. It a relly bad bad craving i must have it
 
I use the tick on a scale of 1 to 10 were is it. If it under a seven i go back to my cheek list and try to find the trigger and the non food answer. Some time i have to do this 3 or 4 times till i get my aswer this is enough time to drink water so i have 30 min to figger it out
 
 
The craving is over 7 well then I say okay You know what it okay it not an every day Evey moment thing. what do i rely want. I take my faviort sin cup cake. Do i relly want a whole cup cake or do i just want part ie frosting or cake. Can i get the same thing for smaller amounts If i eat a minnie cupcake vris a large cupcake. I want a sunday okay that fine how can i get my Sunday for less can i use suger free ice cream 1//2 fuirt fat free cool wip 2 table spon of sugar free syrup. I still have my Sunday i still have my tast
 
I also write down the question and aswer make sure to goo back and look at them when your not craving so you can at the moment help your self know what to do.
 
It took me a long time to get these tool so i thought i share