Fenton

For me to get to my hundred will mean losing 23 pounds in 6 weeks, give or take. I can probably do it. Although I'll be in Paris for a month, without things like a blender, and those meal shakes. Or Protein powder. But I think I can do it... You're on! At the least, the competition might help me keep my nose clean.

And I would join you in the NYC meeting in March, except I think I'm going to be in Hawaii.

(Thanks for the nudge, Amanda - I shut the blog down for a while because of weird circumstances. I'll open it up again.) Yeah, so the weigh in... Gah. The damage? I gained 17 pounds in 3 1/2 months. But, OK, that's what I did. Let's see how quickly I can make my 100! I also started seeing a therapist - a "shrink", I believe they call them. Well, re-started. And that was nice. SO, yes, back, eating right, walking a lot, taking the talking cure. I think my head's back in the game. I'm motivated, it's going well, and I'm glad to be here among friends.

I think the important thing is to be honest with him about how you feel. That you love him, and he doesn't need to bring "treats" to make you love him. And that you need him to help you be the best that you can be, for him and for yourself. And make alternate suggestions. Like flowers instead of donuts, or something. Hey, can I ask a question? I've been having a lot of trouble logging on to this site - I couldn't get on for most of yesterday and the day before, but others seemed to be able to post. Am I the only one in this? It seemed to happen whether I was at home or at work, so I assumed it was a problem with the site. I weigh in today, and am nervous. I've been back on the wagon for 5 days, one of which was my 18 course eatapalooza at Momofuku-Ko. My intake has been low - possibly too low, definitely under 1200 a day - and I've consistently exercised and done yoga. But either way I'm scared of the number - I don't want to be in the 4's again, that would really sting. Still, whatever it is, that's what it is. If I'm in the 4's, so be it. My online crush continues strong. She doesn't live in or near NYC; we're meeting for the first time in mid-February in Colorado. So I have three months to make me the best I can be, which is hugely motivating. Yesterday I got new batteries put into my pedometer. She's incredibly supportive, but I'm of course worried about the ravages that gaining and losing such a huge amount of weight will place on my body. I'll need PS down the road, but before, during and after that happens, I worry my self-loathing about how I look will affect us. I guess it definitely will, because it's something we'll either overcome or fail to overcome if we go forward. So blah blah blah. This is what happens when I fall asleep at 2:15 AM after yakking away on the phone for hours, and then wake up at 6:15AM!

And in other DH news: Yay for Christine's guy!

Gosh, you guys are great! I admire your willpower so much. I have to wonder whether when people do things like that that they're actually subconsciously undermining you. I had a girlfriend who worried that if I lost weight I would leave her for someone "better"; she didn't enable me, but her fear was real for her. I mean, these guys HAVE to know that no one trying to lose weight should be eating those things. And to choose not one, not two but THREE of your favourite things? Well, that ain't right. I think you should talk to him about what he did, and ask him why? He may not be examining his own motives. Of course, he *could* simply be trying to make you happy, but then you have to explain to him that being healthy would make you far happier than being high on sugar.

I was pleased, btw, to see that Ronda and others are eating fruit. I heart fruit, and for some reason felt that I'd heard it could be difficult with the band. I guess I wasn't paying enough attention...

Oh, Christine! I wasn't offended at all, just not sure where you were going with that. D - I"m well aware of the benefits of Atkins. It's just that I don't know whether or not I can take that approach at the level of taste. I do think that the post-banding diet is fairly skewed towards Protein anyway, and try to avoid carbs, and I suspect that the level of intake is such that we're often ketotic (although the ketosis isn't as marked as in Atkins). I just don't want to be back there with the eggs/sausage/cheese thing again. I'm definitely going to go to the stoah and check out some of the frozen dinners. After my huge meal on Friday I didn't eat for almost 24 hours. Yesterday I had: 1 Isopure Protein Drink 3 oz of chicken with a little chipotle mayonnaise 1 Trader Joe's marinated fish taco 1/2 Isopure protein drink I'm not sure that I got enough protein. Probably - 40 g for each Isopure drink. I'll try to get to journaling.

Wow, Desdemona! That's FANTASTIC weight loss! I have to say that about the best I've ever felt was when I did Atkins. But I don't know if I'd like to do it again. Today I tried chicken fingers that had been baked until slightly cripsy on the crust. It was pretty uncomfortable, and I ended up throwing out more than half the serving.

I've been having a stressful time recently, getting far too little sleep - time to exile the cats from the ole sleep chamber again. But today I got up early and did yoga before going to work. Only 20 minutes, but it makes a difference. I'm back to walking to and from work; I'm going to try to aim for 4 miles a day, and will definitely not accept 3. I actually have a new motivation: I've met someone interesting online, and I expect we're going to meet sooner or later. And I want to be at my very cutest when we do, so... Voila! Motivation! I have no idea how things will go if/when, but the possibility of it being *something* is a gift. And actually, the threat of meeting someone I've known online has worked as a motivation before, just this time around I have a little help. I weigh in tomorrow for the first time in a while. I'm kind of scared to see how much damage my lapse has caused. But whatever I've gained, whatever I've done to myself, I'll own it, and carry on with the process. Ronda shall be my inspiration!

I'm wearing my puzzled face, Christine - did my post read as if I'd lost my love for food or hadn't understood the ramifications of having a piece of plastic cinched around my stomach? If so, NO! I knew well and good that things would have to change, and now's the time that I'm going to learn how to adjust my passion to my limitations. But that's not going to change things too much. I love steak, for example, but can do without it. And it was good in another way, too - I left the table after 18 courses and I didn't feel revoltingly full. Definite food high, though, just no food coma. I still haven't eaten - or been hungry, actually - since. I'm drinking an Apple Melon Isopure (40 g Protein, 180 or so cals), and grimacing down my Fibersure (determined to avoid the stoppages that come with dramatic decrease in intake!).

Oh, a high end restaurant is just like a Broadway show. Although, admittedly, with calories.

Wow! What happened to everyone??? Thanks for all the descriptions of what you guys are eating - anyone else, please feel free to share your menus! How manageable are the frozen dinners? Because that's the sort of convenience that I like. I went back on to solids today after my fill on Wednesday - and onto far more solids than I'd like. My friend took me to lunch at this hypertrendy (at least in the food world) restaurant where everyone gets the same lunch menu - all 17 courses. I ate everything - or, rather, I ate every course, but many of them I didn't finish. And it was yummy. I was worried at a couple of points - first that I hadn't chewed the damn raw oyster enough to get it down, and the same with the fairly rare lamb. I didn't like having to go (and yes, I HAD to go - the reservation was a tough one to get, and I haven't seen her for a long time and she feels neglected) to such an elaborate first real meal after the filling, but it was manageable. The meal lasted just under 3 1/2 hours, btw, and hunger is only just now beginning to return.

FINALLY. I'm sorry everyone's lives have been stressful - really, I think it's been a rough year for a lot of us. I'd bet that most - if not ALL - of us are emotional eaters, and that's a hard thing to beat. Amanda's life coach sounds like he/she'll pay off very well; learning to catch those behaviours before giving in to them seems to be the trick. Motivation is a hard thing to sustain over a long run, isn't it? Sometimes a little bit of success can be the enemy of total triumph...

So now that I'm approaching restriction, I have to figure out what to eat. My standard meal until my explosion of extravagant overeating was a 1/4 pound of a fairly dry chicken salad with a small chewy roll, but I don't think that'll fly any more. And I'm spending December in Paris, and all I'll have to cook with will be a microwave; I'm not sure what I'lm going to eat there. I guess I could get a blender to make Protein shakes, but, while the French do have bananas, I wonder whether they have things like Protein powder and freeze-dried Peanut Butter. (The French are a peculiar people, starting out with the fact that as opposed to the British and the English, who take their medicine by swallowing it, the French believe that medicine should go in the other end.) I'm sure they won't have the peanut butter powder, but I'm sure they'll have protein. Anyway. So, what is everyone eating? In a typical day, what do you have? If anyone cares to post their sample menus, that would be v. interesting. And if anyone has suggestions for microwave-oriented cooking, that'd be great, too. Although I admit that I am looking forward to feasting on steak tartare...

FROM ACROSS THE SANDS OF TIME AND DISTANCE, I HEAR YOU TESS! The mere threat of being hunted down by the March Bandsters Posse is enough to get me posting! That and the fact that, well, I think I'm back. And this time, I think, for good. I have been misbehaving like all get-out for the last few months (I'd like to pause here and explain to you that I think I deserve brownie points for restraint - in language. I am, by nature, a fairly profane sonuvagun, and it's a huge effort to stop myself from filling my posts with bad language, the sort of language that would be offensive to all of you. Except for the New Yorkers, who'd probably feel relieved that people were finally using that language again.) Anyway, yes, misbehavin' in deed, if not in word. I've done some damage, how much exactly I do not know, as I've avoided the scales. Which is, in fact, part of the problem - scales have a way of keeping me honest. If I'm not weighing, and I'm not posting, I'm in trouble. But I had another fill yesterday, and suspect I'm there. My last fill, maybe 3 weeks ago, left me a bit tighter. I could still eat anything, but was having difficulties with doughy things. STILL, I manfully persisted, and ate the doughy things anyway. But I know it's time to get back on the wagon; I've been swinging the lead for too long. So, yesterday I popped over and had another 1.5 cc stuck in my band, for a total of 6 cc. I'm pretty sure I have restriction now, REAL restriction. Fluids go down fine, but I can feel that they're surprised that it's not as easy to get down there as it was before. Part of that might be just standard "swelling" after a fill, but I'm pretty sure that I've got restriction. We shall see! In fact, we shall see tomorrow: a friend is taking me to lunch at an ultrahot restaurant. But there's a problem: it's a set menu, maybe 8 small courses, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage. I've not told her about my band, and I'd really rather not. I think what I'll do is say that I'm trying to lose weight, and just eat a taste of each plate. Part of the problem for me is that so much of my social life is centered around food - for all of us, I'm sure, but particularly for me because of my background. When people want to hang out with me, they always say, "So when are we going to dinner?" And in restaurants, enough people know me that I often get special treatment - the other day, for example, the chef sent up an extra course that was still in development, looking for feedback. And I'll usually be sent free Desserts. I obviously can't go on like that. I just have to figure out how to negotiate the transition from answering "Yes, let's go out to dinner! Where shall we go?" to "Hey, tell you what: let's go for a walk in Central Park instead of dinner."

Wow, Rhonda! Look at your weightloss! You're a band superstar, if not yet a bicycle one...

Good Lord! After all these years of mocking Parrotheads, I discover that a Buffet concert can compete with a Girls Gone Wild video! Sign me up for the next go-round! So, yeah, inflated a bit (I have a date tonight, so I negotiated with Gaspar for a not-too-big next step up in inflation), on liquids, feeling OK. Although I don't know what that means - I've not tried anything solid, but it was only another 1.5 cc, for a total of 4cc in a 14 cc band. But we shall see! Since my office is literally right next door to my surgeon's (seriously: I take the elevator down, walk to the next door, take the elevator up), it's easy for me to pop by for adjustments. So, yes: we shall see! Yesterday was the first time I'd seen Gaspar's dictum "hunger is not an emergency" dictum, Christine. I think it's a good point to make to bandsters, where the initial expectation is that the band is like a light switch - you get one, BANG, you lose weight!

Hey, all. It's Return of the Prodigal Son, Part 7! Or something... Since my last fill, I've been pretty much in free fall, every day a Last Supper day. I've been avoiding the scales (like LBT, they get in the way of the sort of denial levels necessary for a good, solid free fall), but I can feel my clothes tighter, which sucks royally. I have a fill today, and am hoping I get some restriction, because Lord knows I'm unwilling to stop overeating by myself. SO! Nice to see you all, and I'll catch up with what I've missed as I return to the fold over the next few days. God and my APL band willing...

I need to learn from you, hope - my reaction to stress is still to over-eat. Gah! I'm better with the exercise; I really should get my act together re: the gym. This weekend, I resolve to resolve the billing issue I've had with them!

BigRick, great on that first loss! What's going on with you now? Are you eating the wrong foods, or too much? Are you getting in some exercise? Good work, Mike - you've really got down to a much healthier weight, and really quickly. Cowboy, where are you? I'm steamrolling forward. Doing well, although I screwed the pooch a little yesterday. Back in the saddle today. I hope you're working on this!

Yesterday was a bad day, and underlined something I've known for a while, but sometimes forget: when I don't get enough sleep, I screw up with the eating. I went and saw My Bloody Valentine in concert the other night - 80 minutes of INCREDIBLY loud music, so loud they hand out ear plugs before each concert, and ceiling tiles become dislodged from the pounding noise - and it was just an amazing concert, but I was so wired afterwards I couldn't sleep. Then I woke early, and felt so out of it that I decided to take a Mental Health day. THEN I discovered that I didn't have any frozen bananas for my Protein shake, and that I had no Cheerios for a fiber-rich substitute, so I decided I'd order in. There's a great sandwich shop near me that delivers, so I ordered one of their fried egg and unsmoked bacon and gorgonzola sandwiches (on whole grain, for added health benefits!), then saw they were doing apple coffee cakes, so I had one of those, and after that it was all a blur. And since I'd blown Breakfast, I thought, to Hell with it, and blew lunch, and then dinner. Now I'm back in the saddle, slept well last night, manageable day today, but I'm wishing I didn't have days like yesterday. It reached a point where I wasn't enjoying what I was eating at all, I was just pounding down food blindly. I didn't feel guilty doing it - largely, I think, because I'd lost 3 pounds in the days before, and because I knew I'd be in control again today, and because it felt GOOD to feel undeprirved - but I wish I had felt a genuine emotional break. I have zero restriction, and I will need another fill. Gah! Also part of my bingeday patterns: didn't log into LBT, and didn't watch The Biggest Loser - now THAT would have triggered guilt!

Cute, Annie! Very gamine... I cut my hair short - it was previously shoulder length, and, after discussion with my barber in Paris, we went fairly short. Shorter than I'd been expecting, actually, so it's taking people time to get used to it, but I think the effect is generally positive. I don't know whether it's true or not, but I feel like I'm losing less hair now. That may be because I'd been overdoing it on the calories for a couple months, or it may be because there's less stress on the individual hairs with short hair, but I suspect that what's in fact happening is that when a few long hairs come out, it looks like a wig lying on the shower floor, but when a few short hairs come out, it just looks like a few hairs.

Where IS everybody??? I'm back in the groove-ish (and sounding kinda Madonna-ish); I'm down three pounds from weigh-in Sunday, so everything's going in the right direction. But it sure would be nice to have people to chat with, and to hear how they're doing! You're all probably busy off somewhere being losers...