chrissylu

To hear the words, "What's up Skinny". And then 5 minutes later to hear from someone else, "I don't like skinny women." And I'm still in the 200's. Wonder what I'll hear when I get to 170?
 
 

On April 24th I turned 42 ... My husband's birthday is the 22nd and I made a big deal out of it because he turned 40 ... I made his favorite foods for dinner and even made him a homemade pineapple upside down cake (his fav), we stayed busy all day and played with the kids ... We have 3 young children; 10, 8 and 4. They had a very hard time understanding why on my birthday there would be no cake and no special meal. I was very good on my hubby's birthday and was not going to blow it on my birthday !!! It was still a very special day and for the 1st time in my life I was able to celebrate something without making it about the food !!! I know that doesn't seem like a very big deal to some people, but those of us that have struggled with our weight, know how difficult that can be. Even with all of my hard work I did not reach my goal of losing 10lbs this month but I came very close, losing 8lbs. I have started shaking things up a little in my work outs in hope that it will help me reach my 10lb goal for May and maybe even give my that extra 2lbs I didn't get in April ... My husband told me a few weeks ago that he didn't realize that losing weight would be this much work for me after having wls ... I must admit I didn't really know what I was getting myself into either, but I refuse to have gone through all of this and not lose the weight !!! Getting banded was the best thing I ever did for myself and my family. My husband even bought me a pink and white beach cruiser for my birthday so we can start riding along the beach with the kids this summer !!! Before I was banded I would have returned the bike and spent the money on bills or even going out for a nice dinner but now I can't wait for the kids to be out on summer break so we can start riding !!! I am very blessed to live at the beach in SoCal where the wether is usually beautiful but I never took advantage of it until now and it feels great =0)

I've been kinda down the past couple of days because I've been seeing the scale either not move at all...or move in the wrong direction. Of course, I'm chalking it up to PMS. You know, water weight and all.
 
I'm also really bad about stepping on the scale every freakin' day. I have to stop that.
 
Instead of going to church today, My son and I stayed at home and watched Dr. Charles Stanley on television. His message today was about waiting on God's best for you. Wow! I needed that reminder. You see, when we don't wait on God...when we move ahead of Him, we step outside of His will and His plan for us. We can wind up hurting ourselves or others. We can get frustrated, distracted or disappointed. But mostly, we lose out on His BEST for us. Sure, whatever we get might be okay or even good. But when we move ahead of Him, we lose out on His BEST.
 
That really hit home for me. Learning to wait, to be patient and knowing that everything, especially this LB journey, takes time. I didn't get my body in this shape overnight, and I'm not going to get it healthy overnight....but I am taking steps to get there.
 
I'm just going to trust Him and this tool He gave me, to get there in just the right amount of time...and stay there this time around!
 
I pray God blesses you all richly and abundantly!

Just thought I would post in the blog. Haven't posted in a while. Today I weighed and I am down 60 pounds! Very pleased considering I had failed at every diet out there. I will say the band is not an easy way out, it definitely requires a mindset change and lots of committment. I will say though that having support from family is the best thing ever too. However, I don't think I have support from my dad. He's never really been around and when I do talk to him on the phone it was always a lecture about my weight. Well I talked to him the other night and he says to me..."you havent given up have you??...I'm like on what? And he says to me "on losing weight". He says he hasn't seen a picture of me for a couple of weeks and so he was checking to see if I have given up. Are you serious? A couple weeks he hasn't seen a picture of me and he thinks that??? Needless to say I was a little crushed by his comment. I wanted to scream to the heavens...I have lost almost 60 pounds in 3 and half months for goodness sake! Some people are never happy I guess! Well enough about him even though it did take me a few days to get over his comment because then I would just look at myself and begin the doubting part. But today I am better, the scales moved again downward of course and I couldn't be happier. This journey so far has been incredible and I don't regret the band one bit. Well, that's enough rattling on for me for now. Hope everyone has a great day and good luck to all of you as well!

So I got alittle side tracked..Ok alot side tracked..But I can say that I have learned to eat alittle slower and the sweets have been cut way back..prolly not as back as I should but alittle...I think my challange is the whole eating every three hours...Anyway...back to the Dr for a fill and then 2 days of liquids and 2 days of soft...what a better place to do that but at a friends...Goin on a Mini for me vacation to the old neighborhood...lol I can do this!!!

good afternoon all....
 
I have been upset since being banded I have not seen my scale move more then 3 lbs....
I have been walking miles every day and just not being a couch potatoe at all....eatting all good things...trying not to eat to much of it...but not always good there...but still the scale wont budge...( waiting for my first fill)
This morning on the way to church my 10 yr old yells as only a 10 yr old can...WOW MOM YOUR BELLIE DOESN`T TOUCH THE STEERING WHEEL ANY MORE !!! I had to take a moment and smile and rejoice in his excitment and my joy .....God is Good !!! and who needs the scale !

I've been kinda down the past couple of days because I've been seeing the scale either not move at all...or move in the wrong direction. Of course, I'm chalking it up to PMS. You know, water weight and all.
 
I'm also really bad about stepping on the scale every freakin' day. I have to stop that.
 
Instead of going to church today, My son and I stayed at home and watched Dr. Charles Stanley on television. His message today was about waiting on God's best for you. Wow! I needed that reminder. You see, when we don't wait on God...when we move ahead of Him, we step outside of His will and His plan for us. We can wind up hurting ourselves or others. We can get frustrated, distracted or disappointed. But mostly, we lose out on His BEST for us. Sure, whatever we get might be okay or even good. But when we move ahead of Him, we lose out on His BEST.
 
That really hit home for me. Learning to wait, to be patient and knowing that everything, especially this LB journey, takes time. I didn't get my body in this shape overnight, and I'm not going to get it healthy overnight....but I am taking steps to get there.
 
I'm just going to trust Him and this tool He gave me, to get there in just the right amount of time...and stay there this time around!
 
I pray God blesses you all richly and abundantly!

I've been kinda down the past couple of days because I've been seeing the scale either not move at all...or move in the wrong direction. Of course, I'm chalking it up to PMS. You know, water weight and all.
 
I'm also really bad about stepping on the scale every freakin' day. I have to stop that.
 
Instead of going to church today, My son and I stayed at home and watched Dr. Charles Stanley on television. His message today was about waiting on God's best for you. Wow! I needed that reminder. You see, when we don't wait on God...when we move ahead of Him, we step outside of His will and His plan for us. We can wind up hurting ourselves or others. We can get frustrated, distracted or disappointed. But mostly, we lose out on His BEST for us. Sure, whatever we get might be okay or even good. But when we move ahead of Him, we lose out on His BEST.
 
That really hit home for me. Learning to wait, to be patient and knowing that everything, especially this LB journey, takes time. I didn't get my body in this shape overnight, and I'm not going to get it healthy overnight....but I am taking steps to get there.
 
I'm just going to trust Him and this tool He gave me, to get there in just the right amount of time...and stay there this time around!
 
I pray God blesses you all richly and abundantly!

well today makes five weeks for me and i still can't believe that i am on this journey:) i guess it became really real for me when i went back to work this week for the first time since having surgery and everyone seemed to notice my weight loss...i was very shocked by this and a little uncomfortable i must say. when i look in the mirror it all looks the same and i really think it is. i started this journey wanting to lose 80 pounds and i am only down 27 pounds---14 pounds since surgery...not a real huge difference...but they noticed...
 
i am happy this week because i am finally in the 2teens which was the first goal i set for myself! i am 219, but a 2teen none-the-less:) i have been alternating my eating with the pre-op diet this week because i felt that i was stuck, meaning that i hadn't lost weight in two weeks...so M-W-F of this week are pre-op diet type days for me...my next goal is to be in the single digit 2's and then under 200 of course! i don't have dates set to meet these goals...so no pressure...right?!
 
i have still been eating soft meats, cooked veggies, and soft fruits and don't feel any restriction. i actually heard my stomach growling today, but i didn't feel ravished with hunger. i am still focusing on the difference between head and physical hunger...i have caught myself eating when i'm not really hungry and feel horribly guilty...i did this yesterday and was really upset with myself for finishing a whole salad when i was full after eating half:/ overeating a salad...wow! my first fill will be coming up next friday and i am nervous and ready!
 
i am still managing some type of cardio exercise daily and my weight regimen every other day...i have been alternating walking on the treadmill and taking the dog for a walk. there have been quite a few times before i went back to work t hat i would do both. i walk at least 3 miles a day and my best day i walked a little over 8!!! that included a slow walk with the hubby, a walk with the dog, and getting on the treadmill...this weekend i began a mission to buy bikes for me and the hubby and have been on craigslist like crazy...well we hit the jackpot today and got brand new beach cruiser type bikes for a steal. they were in perfect condition and we went riding this evening for 45 minutes and i truly felt like a kid again! it has been over 18 years since i have been on a bike and while i was a little wobbly in the beginning it all came back to me and i was soaring through my neighborhood zipping and zooming down streets that Miles (my dog) and i normally walk! i am so proud of myself (pat-pat) because last summer i barely left the house...
 
life is getting greater and i am feeling fine!!
 
btw way hubby is 8 days post-op and doing wonderful! he walked three miles today and rode bikes with me for 45 minutes:)

I almost feel stupid blogging about this, but had a revolation this morning! So when you are a fat chick, you can't just go to Victoria Secret for the latest and cutest bra selection. Me personally, I have found Lindathebralady.com to be the most comfortable, but they're not cheap. So as I've lost 41lbs the girls have been less than perky. I've been dreading paying another $54 for another bra. I know that's a good problem to have needing to buy new, skinnier clothes and bras, but 54 bucks is 54 bucks!
 
Here's where the "I feel stupid" moment plays in. So I'm getting dressing this morning and like a profound moment of my entire life I realize, "duh, you don't have to use the last fasteners on the bra you big dork!" Being fat pretty much my whole adult life, I've ALWAYS had to use the last fasteners. I'm proud to say I'm on the first one! Not only is that exciting, but cheaper too! It's funny seeing things in a skinnier light!
 
Woohoo!

I have to say, I am simply amazed by this journey thus far! I wanted to post my story (in a condensed version) for those of you who are thinking about getting this procedure or have just begun your journey.
I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I just ate what I wanted, and enjoyed it very much. I had little to no concern about my health. I remember in middle school, I would sit in my bedroom closet just eating a can of icing. How disturbing is that?! I finally started thinking about WLS about a year ago. My highest weight was 259 LBS. Although I didn't have any health issues, I had began to miss my monthly visitor (sorry for the TMI). This really concerned me because I desperately want children in my future and I knew that the direction I was going in would make that difficult. I went to meet with a surgeon, and got the ball rolling! My insurance required that I meet with a nutrionist for 6 months before surgery. Those 6 months just FLEW by! However, I had not originally planned on getting the Lapband. My heart was set on getting the Vertical Sleeve. A week before surgery, my Insurance Cordinator gave me a call saying that my insurance will not cover that surgery as I needed to have a BMI of 50. I was really far off. However, I COULD get the Lapband. So after crying my eyes out all day, I decided that this is how it was supposed to be and I agreed to get the Lapband. It was the best decision of my life!
I stayed one night in the hospital. It was my first surgery ever, and was relatively easy. The only difficult part was that I felt more comfortable resting in a chair than I did in the bed. I did not sleep much that night. Also, the first time they got me up to walk, I thought I was going to throw up and/or pass out. It got better.
Today, it is exactly 4 months since my surgery, which I got on November 21st 2011. Today, I am exactly 60 pounds lighter. Today, I am FINALLY in Onderland (199 pounds)!! It has been simply amazing!
I have had 2 fills. My doctor decided to hold off on another one due to the amount of weight I have lost. My weight loss has slowed down a bit, but I am still losing about 2 pounds a week. I will probably ask for another fill when I see him next month.
I know everyone says this, but the band really is a tool that YOU have to use. I believe you have to want to put some effort into this before even getting the surgery or it won't work for you. Your mind has to be in the right spot. You have to WANT to change. You have to be willing to give up some of the foods you love or at least only have them on a very rare occasion. You have to be willing to work out. I guess its possible to lose weight without working out, but you will lose more slowly and you may end up looking disproportionate. Thanks to the band, better choices, and the gym, I have lost 60 pounds. I never thought I would be here. I love to work out as it makes me feel so much better and I have so much more energy. I also do the Couch to 5K Program. I strongly suggest this program to anyone and everyone! Although I am only in the 4th week (9 weeks total) I am seeing an improvement. My thighs are smaller, I have lost inches, and I am more fit! Since my surgery, I have also lost 2 inches on my neck, 7 inches on my waist, and 6 inches on my hips. Oh, I also use myfitnesspal like a fanatic! Feel free to add me on there. My username is legnarevocrednu. Also, feel free to message me on here if you have any questions. Good luck to all of you on your journey! I still have about 54 pounds to lose, but I'm glad that I could finally post my story as a success!!

Well, I finally did it! I finally lost an amount of weight in one week that didn't show up on the scale as 0.something or 1.something. This week, I lost 2.8 lbs!!! (Picture me doing a happy dance here. It involves sparkles. And trained poodles.)
 
This feels almost like I've got a lap band. It's hard sometimes to read about how fast other people are losing weight when I've been losing mostly a pound a week, if I'm lucky. 2.8 brings me real satisfaction. Even if it doesn't happen like this every week, getting a result like this at least every once in a while is like a shot of inspiration. I can take this and run with it. GO ME!!!

A little over 24 hours since Fill #1, so anything I say here is speculative at best and ridiculous at worst. Good thing ridiculous has never stopped me.
 
My surgeon instructed me to stick to liquids for my first meal after the fill, but said that I could progress to mushies after that and back up to soft solids and then solids as soon as it felt comfortable. I'm assuming I still have some swelling, but no discomfort at all. Having liquids yesterday was touch and go. I felt full quickly at lunch (my liquid 1st meal), but it didn't last more than a couple of hours. I went to mushies for dinner and had no problem getting anything down, but I did notice that the more substantial meal stuck with me a loooong time. I ate at about 4 PM (because I was starving after my liquid lunch) and was still not hungry when I went to bed at 10 PM (yes, I live like an old woman at 36. Sue me ) That was great!
 
Today, I had a poached egg for breakfast and was good for about 4 hours. My lunch was tuna salad and it really filled me up! I ate about the same amount I was eating before the fill (about 1/2 cup) and I can totally notice the difference in satiety. Before the fill, that amount would end my hunger, but the reason I stopped eating was because the food was gone, not because I felt physically full or satisfied. After the fill, I feel full off the same amount of food. Not stuffed or uncomfortable but full, as if I would choose to turn down more food if it were offered (and free of calories!). It's a delightful feeling, because it tells me my band is really there! And it's working!
 
I wouldn't call what I feel "restriction" per se, because I don't feel anything unusual going down, and nothing is having any trouble sliding through, but like I said, I feel full off smaller amounts of food. Maybe that's what restriction is supposed to be? It could be that I've been misunderstanding the term all along. And it could also be that it's not really my band making me full but that residual swelling from the fill. Doesn't really matter to me at the moment, because either way, it's working. If this feeling fades in a couple of days or a couple of weeks as the swelling goes down, I can go back for a second fill in 3 weeks. Yay!
 
I'm on my way, kids, and nothing can stop me now!

I recently responded to someones post about this and thought it would be a good blog topic. This is something I heard quite a while ago that has stuck with me. Any time I am struggling to change something, I remember this saying. In this instance, it has to do with the gym. I do NOT like the gym. I don't like the crowds, seeing people I know (I work at a local bank, and I know half the people there), feeling like people are looking at me etc, etc. I just don't like it! However, I signed up telling myself that if I could do this for one month, then I'm good. Why only one month? Because I know that if I could be consistent with one month, than I obviously have it within me to make it a habit. And guess what? A month has come and gone, and I'm still going strong! I have left myself with no excuses. If I ever stop going, it will be because I gave up. I AM NOT GIVING UP! I love the results I've seen even in this short span of time. The positives obviously outweigh the negatives. I have lost 54 pounds in less than 4 months. See this as an encouragement to you! If I can do it, anyone can do it!

I am happy my LapBand surgery date seems like it's almost here though it is a couple of months away. I went to my consultation on Feb.19th 2012 I believe, but one thing for sure is my surgery date of May 30th 2012. I went to my first nutrition class yesterday 2/23/12 and thought the session was great. Like everything in life this process has obsticles. My problem is JUICE ... whew i said it. I love juice but now I will be drinking only 2 cups a day that are the size of my fist to slowly ween muself. I will be drinking crystal light. I'm fine with whey shakes due to drinking them already. I lay here in my bed thinking about my life before and how i think its gonna be after. I must say, I am excited and not nervous at all. I don't wanna be know as the fat one out of my sisters lol. Anyways I have a psych consult monday and my endoscopy thursday. I hope the process of getting to the surgery day is a smooth transition. My surgeon is great and very informative. This juice thing is complicated but for my health I am ready and willing to kick the habit. I feel like i'm on the journey to a wonderful life change.

One of the most humbling things, I think, that one can experience is for someone to tell you that you've inspired them to do or be something. Wow! What an impact.
 
Having struggled with my weight most of my life, I never really thought about the possibility of being an inspiration to anyone in the area of being healthy.
 
Sure, I try to inspire my son to be a child of God, to work, and go after things the focus on the talents God gave Him. I try to inspire my husband to see the positive side of life and encourage him that he is a good father and husband. I've tried to inspire people in faith and that God is an awesome God.
 
But that's not really happened much in the health arena. Until now.
 
Since I've been posting about my procedure, my success AND my failures on facebook and in my blog at www.chrissyluther.wordpress.com, I've had two people say that to me and have wanted to know more about the surgery, my doctor, the band itself, the diet, the food, excercise...everything. I feel so blessed that God would give me this opportunity to share what I'm experiencing and learning as I go. I understand what these particular people are going through...I've been there. Its not fun. Its not easy. People look at you weird and judge you without ever knowing you...and most times don't take the time to get to know you.
 
I think that's one reason God give us trials to go through. So that from that experience, we can learn, move forward and then on to helping someone else who is going through the same thing; letting His love for that person flow through us, into them.
 
I want to encourage you today, that if you've not made that step to get healthy...branch out and take it now. It doesn't have to be LAP-band. It doesn't have to be surgery at all. It might not even be about losing weight. But trust that God has a solution in mind for you, and He will show if you ask Him to and listen for Him to do so.
 
I'm praying for you.
 
Blessings,
ChrissyLu

One of the most humbling things, I think, that one can experience is for someone to tell you that you've inspired them to do or be something. Wow! What an impact.
 
Having struggled with my weight most of my life, I never really thought about the possibility of being an inspiration to anyone in the area of being healthy.
 
Sure, I try to inspire my son to be a child of God, to work, and go after things the focus on the talents God gave Him. I try to inspire my husband to see the positive side of life and encourage him that he is a good father and husband. I've tried to inspire people in faith and that God is an awesome God.
 
But that's not really happened much in the health arena. Until now.
 
Since I've been posting about my procedure, my success AND my failures on facebook and in my blog at www.chrissyluther.wordpress.com, I've had two people say that to me and have wanted to know more about the surgery, my doctor, the band itself, the diet, the food, excercise...everything. I feel so blessed that God would give me this opportunity to share what I'm experiencing and learning as I go. I understand what these particular people are going through...I've been there. Its not fun. Its not easy. People look at you weird and judge you without ever knowing you...and most times don't take the time to get to know you.
 
I think that's one reason God give us trials to go through. So that from that experience, we can learn, move forward and then on to helping someone else who is going through the same thing; letting His love for that person flow through us, into them.
 
I want to encourage you today, that if you've not made that step to get healthy...branch out and take it now. It doesn't have to be LAP-band. It doesn't have to be surgery at all. It might not even be about losing weight. But trust that God has a solution in mind for you, and He will show if you ask Him to and listen for Him to do so.
 
I'm praying for you.
 
Blessings,
ChrissyLu

One of the most humbling things, I think, that one can experience is for someone to tell you that you've inspired them to do or be something. Wow! What an impact.
 
Having struggled with my weight most of my life, I never really thought about the possibility of being an inspiration to anyone in the area of being healthy.
 
Sure, I try to inspire my son to be a child of God, to work, and go after things the focus on the talents God gave Him. I try to inspire my husband to see the positive side of life and encourage him that he is a good father and husband. I've tried to inspire people in faith and that God is an awesome God.
 
But that's not really happened much in the health arena. Until now.
 
Since I've been posting about my procedure, my success AND my failures on facebook and in my blog at www.chrissyluther.wordpress.com, I've had two people say that to me and have wanted to know more about the surgery, my doctor, the band itself, the diet, the food, excercise...everything. I feel so blessed that God would give me this opportunity to share what I'm experiencing and learning as I go. I understand what these particular people are going through...I've been there. Its not fun. Its not easy. People look at you weird and judge you without ever knowing you...and most times don't take the time to get to know you.
 
I think that's one reason God give us trials to go through. So that from that experience, we can learn, move forward and then on to helping someone else who is going through the same thing; letting His love for that person flow through us, into them.
 
I want to encourage you today, that if you've not made that step to get healthy...branch out and take it now. It doesn't have to be LAP-band. It doesn't have to be surgery at all. It might not even be about losing weight. But trust that God has a solution in mind for you, and He will show if you ask Him to and listen for Him to do so.
 
I'm praying for you.
 
Blessings,
ChrissyLu

One of the most humbling things, I think, that one can experience is for someone to tell you that you've inspired them to do or be something. Wow! What an impact.
 
Having struggled with my weight most of my life, I never really thought about the possibility of being an inspiration to anyone in the area of being healthy.
 
Sure, I try to inspire my son to be a child of God, to work, and go after things the focus on the talents God gave Him. I try to inspire my husband to see the positive side of life and encourage him that he is a good father and husband. I've tried to inspire people in faith and that God is an awesome God.
 
But that's not really happened much in the health arena. Until now.
 
Since I've been posting about my procedure, my success AND my failures on facebook and in my blog at www.chrissyluther.wordpress.com, I've had two people say that to me and have wanted to know more about the surgery, my doctor, the band itself, the diet, the food, excercise...everything. I feel so blessed that God would give me this opportunity to share what I'm experiencing and learning as I go. I understand what these particular people are going through...I've been there. Its not fun. Its not easy. People look at you weird and judge you without ever knowing you...and most times don't take the time to get to know you.
 
I think that's one reason God give us trials to go through. So that from that experience, we can learn, move forward and then on to helping someone else who is going through the same thing; letting His love for that person flow through us, into them.
 
I want to encourage you today, that if you've not made that step to get healthy...branch out and take it now. It doesn't have to be LAP-band. It doesn't have to be surgery at all. It might not even be about losing weight. But trust that God has a solution in mind for you, and He will show if you ask Him to and listen for Him to do so.
 
I'm praying for you.
 
Blessings,
ChrissyLu

One of the most humbling things, I think, that one can experience is for someone to tell you that you've inspired them to do or be something. Wow! What an impact.
 
Having struggled with my weight most of my life, I never really thought about the possibility of being an inspiration to anyone in the area of being healthy.
 
Sure, I try to inspire my son to be a child of God, to work, and go after things the focus on the talents God gave Him. I try to inspire my husband to see the positive side of life and encourage him that he is a good father and husband. I've tried to inspire people in faith and that God is an awesome God.
 
But that's not really happened much in the health arena. Until now.
 
Since I've been posting about my procedure, my success AND my failures on facebook and in my blog at www.chrissyluther.wordpress.com, I've had two people say that to me and have wanted to know more about the surgery, my doctor, the band itself, the diet, the food, excercise...everything. I feel so blessed that God would give me this opportunity to share what I'm experiencing and learning as I go. I understand what these particular people are going through...I've been there. Its not fun. Its not easy. People look at you weird and judge you without ever knowing you...and most times don't take the time to get to know you.
 
I think that's one reason God give us trials to go through. So that from that experience, we can learn, move forward and then on to helping someone else who is going through the same thing; letting His love for that person flow through us, into them.
 
I want to encourage you today, that if you've not made that step to get healthy...branch out and take it now. It doesn't have to be LAP-band. It doesn't have to be surgery at all. It might not even be about losing weight. But trust that God has a solution in mind for you, and He will show if you ask Him to and listen for Him to do so.
 
I'm praying for you.
 
Blessings,
ChrissyLu

You know, relatively.
 
First off, I feel the need to simultaneously thank and apologize to everyone who read through yesterday's bitter, angry rant. I did need to get that off my chest, but now Logical Me has woken up from the knock out punch she took from Emotional Me and is able to add a sliver of rationality to the discussion. Because there IS more to this than calories in and calories out, and I'm not in this for an overnight weight loss. I'm in this for the long haul.
 
I really do appreciate everyone who took the time to point out all the things Emotional Me didn't want to hear, because I do need to remember all that, things like: we're more than an equation, plateaus happen, the band does work, calm down and just keep chugging along. I did need to hear that. I didn't really want to yesterday, but I needed to.
 
One good thing--one really good thing--did come out of yesterday, though. I had my mad on yesterday, and I was plenty bitter. I had more than my share of "to hell with it" thoughts, and in previous years that would have equalled a cheeseburger at the very least. Instead, I just kept plugging. Yeah, I ate a few more calories than the day before, but I tracked them all and I still stayed below 1200, which in bandster hell is still something of a victory. I kept working, and even if I didn't have a smile on my face the whole time, the work is the important part.
 
So today, I woke up and got back to it. Breakfast was a small protein shake and half a banana, and I already have lunch and dinner planned with lean protein and fresh veggies and the knowledge that I can't control the scale, but I can control my own behavior. Thanks to the band, that is. We just need to keep getting to know each other and figuring out how this all works.
 
I think we can do it.

Ok I had my surgery December 1, 2011....The only people that know are my mom and dad, the ex-co worker that had it done, and moved on ...so there is no real communication anymore, and 2 of my current co-workers who were sworn to secrecy. MY OWN HUSBAND DOES NOT KNOW.... Either way I was talking to a coworker about the light progresso soup that I had been eating, and she said oh I tried that I didnt like it because it was bland....and I said thats why its a light soup because it has low sodium and low calories. And then I said "take a look, cant you tell it's workin for me"
 
 
And out of no where another co-worker turned around and said really loud "Come on Dee, the whole office knows you had gastric bypass" .......Which she was wrong I had lap-band thank you very much!
 
I was taken by surprise and at 33 years old I wanted to run out of the office crying, but I stood there and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "No I didn't" She turned back around with a smirk on her face and I said one or two more things about my eating like the crystal light flavors that i like to add into my water, then I scurried back to my lab area.
 
How did she know, did one of my favorite co-workers spill the beans? I was horrified!!
 
A Little history: I work in a medical office with 2 female doctors and 5 other females EVERYONE of them is on this freakin Paleo diet as of November 2011 They are all caucasian and thin. I did not want to be the only large and black female in the office, ....dont get me wrong i did this for me and so that i can have energy for my 1 and 2 year old sons and my full time job and my husband... but walking into work everyday hearing about this freakin paleo diet and watchin them jump on and off the scale was making me sick...i wanted to show them that I could lose weight too, and mabey faster than them! I guess the jokes on me...I really dont want to go into work tommorow ....how could she be so mean? This really changes the way I feel about her as a person.

Wow! What a difference a week makes! I had my first fill last Wednesday, the 15th. According to my home scales, I've lost 5 lbs this week! Wow!
 
Before that appointment last week, I was so worried that I had made a big mistake and this wasn't going to work the way I thought. I was a little depressed (even though I had lost weight...geez I'm an idiot sometimes). I thank God for whoever created this forum. Reading the testimonies of others, recognizing issues others had already worked through, connecting with people currently experiencing what I am....it helped so much to get me out of my pity party and back in to the wonderful expectation of this gift!
 
I'm inspired, already, to challenge myself in a couple of things: a) I joined a weight loss challenge at my fitness center (hey...cash prizes are a great motivator!) and signing up for a 5k in April at my son's school. I walked a 5k in November BEFORE i had any weight loss. I figure I can do it again with a little more ease by the time April rolls around.
 
If you're reading this, and you're in a mud-hole like I was...just hang in there! Its worth it! Remember, the band is just a tool. We still have choices to make in order for this tool to be successful. You can do it! Just take it one step and one day at a time.
 
May God give you all strength, endurance, patience and peace in the coming days of this journey. I'll be praying for you!
 
Blessings,
Chrissylu

I want to thank everyone who's been reading my ranting posts, and especially all of you who've taken the time to comment. It's such a relief to get these thoughts off my chest sometimes, but it helps even more to hear from others and know that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. Maybe it's my persecution complex talking, but there are times when being a fat person in our skinny-obsessed society is the most isolating experience in the world.
 
And being a fat person who has been unable to lose weight is the worst. If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked if I've thought about losing weight, I'd be rich. I might also be in prison, because the more it gets asked, the more I want to smack them upside the head while yelling (at my loudest and most sarcastic), "No! I've never thought of that! Oh, my goodness, I've been having SO MUCH FUN being fat and ostracized and mocked and ignored and insulted and slighted and exposed to ridicule that it NEVER EVEN OCCURRED to me to try to lose weight! Thank you so much for being the frst person to point out that I'm fat, or I never would have figured it out!"
 
Not that I'm bitter or anything.
 
Anyway, I don't need to be bitter anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still fat. In fact, for another 5 pounds or so I'll continue to be mordibly obese. After all, I was only banded 2.5 weeks ago, so the journey is just beginning for me, but for the first time in my life, I honestly believe that I have a chance to succeed. Even with my band unfilled, I still am able to be satisfied with eating much less than I ever have before. I'm conscious of my portions and my calories, but I'm content with what I'm allowed, not always finishing a meal still wanting more and not starving in between them. Once I get some restriction, I really believe that I'll be able to succeed where in the past I've always failed.
 
Even better than that, though, is the knowledge that I'm so not doing this alone. I have all the other members here at LBT going through exactly what I am. I can share my feelings with you and know you'll understand. I can ask questions and know that you'll answer. And I can get tips and ideas I never would have thought of myself without having to go digging through the entire internet to find them. That rocks so hard.
 
So, thanks, all of you. And here's hoping we all succeed together.

So I weighed in yesterday and lost 0.9 lbs. This led to the immediate recognition of the fact that at the moment, I have a split personality. I call them Logical Me and Emotional Me.
 
Logical Me tells me that any weight loss is good weight loss. I'm currently in "Bandster Hell," that period of time between my surgery and my first fill when my appetite has returned, but the band is not yet offering me any restriction. Logical Me points out that a lot of people stop losing weight now entirely and many even gain some weight. She also wants me to remember that the slower the weight loss, the better my skin will be able to adjust and the less loose skin I may have when I reach my goal. And finally, Logical Me would like to point out that I've spent at least ten years getting to this weight from my last lowest point, so it's dumb of me to expect that I'll lose it in a couple of months.
 
Emotional me is too busy wailing and gnashing her teeth to tell me anything. Somewhere buried in her incoherent sobs, I am able to make out a few thoughts, though, like how can I not lose more weight when I've been eating no more than 1000 calories per day? Or, OMG am I going to fail this attempt at weight loss just like I have all the other ones after I've spent all this money on having surgery? Maybe the band won't help me. Maybe I'm just destined to be fat my whole life, and I'll just keep gaining weight even if I stop eating all together for the rest of my life. Maybe this was all a wasted effort and I should just go crawl under a rock and forget about ever being healthy and happy with myself.
 
I'd like to slap Emotional Me across the face and tell her to shut her w&!@# mouth. I know those thoughts are ridiculous, but that doesn't mean I can completely erase them from the back of my mind. All I can do is turn up the volume on Logical Me, keep reading the forums, and keep poking along at whatever pace my body deems appropriate. After all, when it comes down to it, I didn't get this surgery just to drop weight; I got it to help me make a huge and permanent lifestyle change that will result in gradual and permanent weight loss.
 
Maybe if I got that tattooed on the back of my hand, it would be easier to remember...