DynamoMini

Kat817 - Yes, I considered that. But I decided to tell her because i would want my sons to tell me. The karmic thing. I will have to cut her off from food talk, band talk, and her trying to "support" me. I already told her this that I don't want to hear anything about food or weight from her, positive or negative (bc she can't tell the difference). I know she loves me but she is nuts about dieting, food, and weight herself. My whole family has or had eating disorders. Now, however, being the principal child, I will just have to find my way through this. Thanks for the support,

O2Bthin - I understand the pain of loss. I really try to enjoy every minute with her, knowing our days are numbered. When a special person dies you do remember all the great stuff between you. In a way it is a healing process. My husband, the love of my life, died in 2000. He was only 52. All the stuff that was problematic when he was alive, vanished after death. Now there isn't a day that passes that I don't remember something special about him. It sounds like your mom was special too. I hurt for your loss. But with the living the force of mom is here and now. In therapy I've been peeling the onion, getting to the core of my dysfunction and mom is the middle. It is like she is inside me, which makes the love I feel phenomenal and the pain I feel all the greater. The impact is visceral. So the idea of "growing up" is nice on paper, not so reality based inside me. The only way I will grow up is by taking charge of my health, and perhaps insulate myself with supportive people until my will is strong and full blown. It might be the same for you. Best wishes,

I know this issue is immature. I know I need to grow up and get over it. I know it in my mind, yet it still affects me and my choices. That is why I aired it. Of course, I love and appreciate my mom. I'm happy she is alive and kicking. It has helped banning her from comments about food, choices, etc. Amazingly, it has freed me up to work on myself and my own headgame. I'm sure the abuse she dishes out was done to her. My sister was buolimic and my brother escaped at the age of 18 and is a veggie. So it isn't my imagination. Mom can be plain mean. Now, I am the principal child with my mom. She moved 20 minutes away from me. I am lucky she is busy going places and doing things. I also know that I can't allow her to interfere with my journey because it blocks my progress and I deserve a healthy life. When she dishes her stuff, I react like I did in my childhood and eat to protect myself. Help! Any ideas how to explain these needs so she will hear them and control her comments?

You go girl! You have a right to a healthy life. I wish you good luck on your surgery and recovery. Yeah! I have surgery April 16th. I am just lining up supportive people to be around me. I think the surgery plus the new lifestyle will propel us into living our full lives. Best wishes,

Okay Miss Scarlett, one of my favs too, I think there is a parallel between need for extreme control and just plain meanness. My sister was buolimic, my brother escaped the household at 18, and I was a momma's girl. Making excuses for her inability to really love me like I deserved and actually I acted as the parent. She is still wanting to be the center of everything, control everyone's lives and making comments. I sat down and told her about the surgery, knowing she'd be out of town, now she has changed her reservations and made lots of intrusive comments. I will have to be really clear about my boundaries, and that this is my journey, it isn't about HER. Yes, I do think a mother thread would be good. Hugs to you,

Miss Scarlett - You are doing this yourself! I had to get through that too. This is just the next step, not one to feel guilty about, but really to feel proud of the commitment you've made to your health and well being. Hurrah! I am thinking about starting a thread about mom's - it amazes me the lasting affect of her comments and behaviors has on me. Love to talk with you more about this. I am working to keep her out of my surgery and post op stuff. It is hard because there is so much love there too. I am working on this in therapy.

It is pretty beautiful today, too. i don't know about the rain. Usually rain turns into rainbows here. Hugs and best wishes to you, Michelle

Northernsun - I am amazed that you have dropped 94 pounds in a year. Wow! The menopause thing has been part of my life since a hysterectomy at age 45. I was on HPT for awhile so the whole thing wasn't an issue. Now I am totally off the hormones because I had cancer surgery three years ago. Recently I have been using a vaginal cream for dryness, oh will it ever end, but the flashes are pretty gone. Exercise and good nutrition seem to help. I hope my banding on April 16th, just supports the positive changes I've already made. Sweet alternatives like SF popsicles, fudgicles, or gum help some. My mom sets me off to need sugar and carbs, I think post banding I will just allow myself to cry. Emotional release is better than self destructive behavior. I will be learning right along side of you. Best wishes, Michelle

Congratulation! You are now an official banster! You give me so much hope for my future surgery on April 16th. I want to be up and at 'em asap. I am starting my preop diet on April 5th. It is just high in proteins and low on carbs with protein drinks added to up my protein levels for healing.

WooHoo Lap Dancer! Call them or go on line to see. I haven't been there, but do have a gift certificate, so will go soon. Happy spa ing! What a beautiful day here in Colorado! Spring has finally sprung!

Ok -listen to puddin, Becky, she's your age and knows men of your vintage, But if you go slowly and carefully I don't see the problem with someone loving you. How can you really know, unless it is over time and experience? I got kinda tingly for you. Take it slow to be sure that what is there is REAL and not what either of you IMAGINE it without substance. Hugs and good luck,

Macale + Chula, I don't know that side of the city for spa services, but there is a place called Beau Visage for Skin Care Salon and Spa at 5988 S. Holly Greenwood Village, Co 80111 the phone number is 303/779-5002, the website is www.bvspa.com. A good friend of mine trusted them to do a Brazillian wax job and still loved them. I go to other places a lady up in Breckenridge for facials, a Vietnamese woman for nails, toes and eyebrows, so I am not a good resource of personal experience. Hope that helps, the greatest of luck and good wishes,

fabuless - I loved your entry. You could have been me at 28. Now I'm double your age and still stuck in the same mind set. Wow! Working the head stuff is so important or we'll gain again to be anonimous, hidden. I am so impressed with your progress. Do you like this guy? Don't just like him because he "loves" you, don't settle, but isn't it wonderful to be the recipient of his affection? Good luck with sorting this out and other stressors on your journey, Becky. let us know how it turns out. Smiles, Michelle

I gotta remember the two years idea, when I am such an instant gratification person. But if we lose 2 pounds a week that is 100 in a year. I remember a time I did Optifast and four months into the liquid fast of 450 cal. per day, I didn't lose any weight for THREE weeks. Inches, but not weight. The next week i dropped 7 pounds, so I have gotta remember STAY THE COURSE and the weight will come off. Better yet, I can't wait to see the health issues resolve themselves.

CJULZGO - Hi again. The website is http://www.band2gether.net/showthread.php?p=38507#post38507. Go there and read what the group is going to offer. It will start on the 31st of March. Remember get the workbook, not text. I made that mistake. Best to you,

CJULZGO - I think there is really something to the high insulin levels. I know the harder I work at it, the more the problem pushes back. It is an addiction. I am working on a workbook called "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life." We are doing this study group on B2G website. You might want to consider it. Sorry about your daughter. Diabetes is rampant in our children. Good luck helping her to cope. Michelle

It gets right at the addiction piece of obesity. I do great on proteins and fruits and veggies, then I eat carbs and whammy - I go into this intensely crazy eating pattern. I can't get enough carbs. I guess my job is to accept that this is my truth. WW doesn't really work for me because there are too many carbs. I do better with protein shakes or smoothies, protein, fruit (apples or berries), and veggies. The craving lets me go and I can think more "normally" about food without obsessing. So my truth sucks, but then it doesn't FEEL good to be out of control either. So I hope as I "grow up" and accept my journey I will do better and the band will hopefully support me doing that. You know this website has been a powerful ally. Never have I been this honest with others, as well as myself. I understand when people say they are addicted to the websites. I read postings and see myself in everyone else. I love you guys!

CJulzgo- Your story sounded familiar to me as I went into puberty too early, period at age 9 1/2, breasts requiring a bra in 3rd grade. It was mortifying to me, a basically shy person to look so mature for my age. My parents hyper-reacted to it, feeling ashamed of me (I thought but now I wonder) the message was lose weight and then your boobs won't be as big, but we had to clean out plates, conflicting messages. I also have the hypoglycemic reaction if I don't at good intervals. It is worse when I have eaten little and wait too long. So I resorted to constant feeding. I have type II diabetes, and I'm sure there is something to it. I am so happy for you and the surgery. You won't have to do it again or alone without support. We are here for you. Hurrah that you are choosing a healthy life.

Machele from Kansas City area, I'm so glad to share my doc with you. Dr. K has a great rep, good track record and is an all round nice guy. I don't have surgery for a month - April 16th, but find I am chomping at the bit to get going. Have an easy surgery and quick recovery,

From what I've been reading, I think every body is different in how much they can eat, digest, and still lose weight. I have to remember that I might not lose as fast as a 20 year old, but then maybe I will. I am trying to adjust my mind to healthy living, great lifestyle, and lots of chewing.... my surgery is April 16th so I am trying to mentally prepare. I think I may do liquids for a bit, but I won't give up my filet mignon, even at smaller portions, that's after the healing process.

Kyethra - At 23 you seem to have figured out some really important self-care issues. I, too, keep the positive people around me, altho' sometimes even they faulter, then it is my job to be a positive responder for them. I sometimes have to figure out what is my stuff and what is their's. Have you figured out what made you eat to comfort yourself? Maybe because I'm more than twice your age I've spent half my life trying to figure out the past. Not a very constructive way to confront an addiction. I think positive actions are a much better way to go. Best wishes on your surgery and let us know how you are. My surgery is April 16th.

Machele - Wow! you are doing great. I get into this last hurrah thinking, which is soooooooo counter productive. I hope you have an easy surgery. Where are you from? Denver area? Best wishes,

Davyna - It is amazing to me how we "adapt" to weird eating behaviors. I had a second breakfast with my grandma and felt that love was food. The consumptive quantity eating came later, but with each age, a new "adaptive" behavior was added. It is a wonder that I don't weigh 500 pounds. It isn't about a size 5 pair of jeans now it is about my knees, blood pressure and Type II Diabetes. I am a little overwhelmed by the changes I want to make and have started taking steps of exercise, some better food choices, but the band for me will force the focus and care to get me to the place where I can put this extra 100 pound backpack down. Surgery is on April 16th. I can't wait.

Cblancha9 - Good for you. I am amazed that at my age it seems to take more time, not less, to take care of myself. You can do it. My surgery date is April 16th. I'm both nervous and excited.

Green - I am the same age as you and am happy to hear of your swift recovery. Thanks for the list of must have items. My surgery is April 16th, I keep writing it so I will not back out, although at this point it will be like my hysterectomy - a happy surgery - something I really want. Thanks,