DELETE THIS ACCOUNT!

Plateau finally broke, and I have dropped 5 pounds since my fill on Friday. Last couple of days have been really interesting as I believe I am in the green zone with 4.3 cc in a 10cc band. Well today is different and my body has been hungry most of the day. But I ate my normal dinner, and had my evening treat (Skinny Cow), but I was still hungry. So I pulled a couple of chicken thighs out of the fridge, warmed them up and I am munching on those.
 
The sweet treats are nice, but the protein is what keeps the hunger away for me.

My wife and I have been quite open with our two daughters (9 and 12) about my lap band. Before surgery we walked them through what would happen, how it would affect my life and more than that why I was doing it. So as I have had to adjust to my new lifestyle, my daughters and wife have adjusted with me. But I didn't realize the extent of that adjustment until I heard these words come out of my 9 year old's mouth "Mom, you are chewing too fast, you need to slow down!" The look of shock on my wife's face was priceless

I was going to wait on making a blog entry until next month as April 16 is my one year mark of my surgery. Today I stepped on the scale and I was 321. I had a sudden realization of how thing have changed in just a short month and a half. I'll explain shortly.
 
Since I was banded in April of 2012 I always had this thought that weight would slide off seeing that I was so big and typically big people lose quicker. As time went on I realize that is not how it works and I begun to accept that. Even though I understood slow and gradual movements on the scale I never seemed quite pleased. Now before you scoff or judge me because yes I have lost a ton of weight in a short time it still didn't seem quite right. It seemed I would lose two pounds then the scale wouldn't budge sometimes for like 3 weeks. Sometimes even longer. I often times got really frustrated in the beginning but slowly I adjusted to it.
 
So going back to today. Today I weighed in at 321 and when I got my last fill on Jan 29 I was 341. I have lost 20lbs since my January appointment. My food intake changed drastically as did my attitude. Eating a cup of food is more of a chore then ever as of late. I thought before this latest fill I was in the green zone but as I crept closer to January not so much. Now since this last .5cc I am actually there and for the first time I am seeing the weight move like I originally expected. I am hoping it keeps up for a little while but I know the more I lose the slower it will become.
 
So take it from someone who is someday hoping to become an actual veteran bandster that the green zone can be very allusive but once you find it...WOW.
 
Missy (Mis73) told me time and time again that .5, yes a just half of cc can make a whole world of difference. She wasn't kidding!!
 
I hope the downward trend continues and I hope you're all losers....just like me.
 
Have a wonderful healthy day and weekend!
 
-Jim

Okay ladies I was worried about this one since he wanted to go to dinner. I was actually going to say "No” but I'm glad I didn't because I had an amazing time. Any of you who read my profile know that I was in an abusive relationship for over 9 years. So to have a man treat me like a Queen was wonderful. I was worried because "what if I ate to fast" or "what if I had a stuck episode"? But I prepared myself by looking at the menu online before meeting him at the restaurant so I already knew what was on the menu and what I would order. And during dinner I just remembered to take small bites and chew, chew, chew, and chew some more lol. Things went perfect. Although I didn't finish my meal, so I hope he doesn't think I was wasteful but all in all it was a great night!!!! Loving the new me!!!!

http://dailyhealthpost.com/are-bananas-as-bad-for-you-as-cookies/?utm_source=taboola#axzz2NXmpdREq

I've been down the last month or so because my weight didn't seem to be moving. I was following the doctors orders, doing what I was suppose to, but the scales were not moving. Then last week all of a sudden I came to realize geez my pants are falling down, my shirt feels bigger. The scales weren't moving, but the inches were. I purchase some summer shorts and capri's in 14's and 12's - holy cow, WOW!! A XL in the ladies section is to big, I need a large.
 
Yesterday the hubs and I went to the mall to finish getting what we needed to our Florida vacation in a few weeks. I tried on a new pair of flip flops and was standing in the mirror looking at them. It took a second for it to register I was looking at my leg- OMG- it's not huge. I look nice. I am sliming down all over. When heading to the store I was tell the hubs- last year at this time I was poured into my 20/22 capri's and wearing a 2XL shirt; yesterday I had on a pair of 14 shorts that are loose in the waist and a size large ladies t-shirt.
 
Wow- this has worked, I did it. I have lost weight. I feel good.
 
At the start of this journey I said I would be happy to get to a size 12/14, well I am here. But, now I am thinking a 8/10 would be nice. Me in an 8/10 WOW- what a thought. I never imagined that could happen and I could still eat good food.
 
I don't feel like I am being deprived or eating rabbit food. I eat the same things I have always loved, just less of it. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. The only thing I could totally go for that I really should avoid is a slice of Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet Cheesecake. Most likely I will get one for my anniversary (we got engaged there), but I will likely eat it over a few days vs at one time or share it with the hub.
 
So for anyone reading this just starting out or hasn't been banded yet, good news, you can loose weight and still eat good food. It's possible to have it all!!!
 
Today I am on top of the world!!

This is probably one of the most destructive lies that my head hunger tells me...

March 22nd it will be 9 months since I was banded. I have lost right at 52 lbs, which puts me half way to goal. I have learned so much in these 9 months. I use to say, gee I don't know why I am so fat, I don't eat that much. Well, I have learned better. In 9 months I have made meals at home, had the major holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas, traveled for work, and eaten out.
 
What did I learn-
I WAS lazy.
I DID eat a lot!
 
So what has changed....
 
My MIL purchased me a fitbit for my birthday in November. This counts my steps, flights of stairs taken and calculated my calories burned based on my age and weight. When I started with the fitbit I was taking about 4500 steps a day, this shocked me, I really thought it was more. Now during the week I take between 7-8000 steps on weekends 10-12000. So I have increase my activity. I am busy like most of you out there who work full time and have a house and hubs and 4 creatures in my house.
 
So how did I increase my steps: At work instead of calling a co-worker in the same building on the phone, I walk to their office. Instead of calling kids down to my office, I walk to their classroom and pull them out (we have a HUGE campus with 3 floors so I get stairs and steps). I park further from the door at the grocery store or mall (except when it rains, because I really don't like being wet). I play with my dogs- walk them, run around the house with them, play fetch. When I cook dinner I dance around the kitchen (my husband I come to this of this as entertainment).
 
Of course my food intake has changed, because if I want to lose weight it has to! While I use to believe I ate healthy and didn't eat much, I found out differently. Now I read labels, look for less processed foods, lower sodium and lower calorie. I do choose to eat carbs, but I look for complex carbs (whole wheats, couscous, whole grain, sweet potato) that burns energy just to process. I choose lean meats (chicken, fish, lean hamburger, turkey). For snacks I choose healthy ones, rather than processed- apples and PB, nuts (almonds), banana, greek yogurt.
 
Portion sizes have also changed (duh). Just the nature of having my band has forced the portions to be smaller because I just can't eat more. More than that the doctor said stick to a cup or less at a time. So what does this mean.... for instance when I use to eat a taco, it was taco's like 4, now one and maybe the inside of a second, but no more. When I would eat chicken it would be 2 chicken breast, now it's hard to eat one whole one, if it's large it will likely be half. I love talipia fillets and use to eat two, now it is about 3/4 of one.
 
Eating out.... before surgery I would go out any where and order anything that sounded good, plus and appitizer and sometimes dessert. Boy, that has changed. I plan where I will go out, google their menu and see what the healthy options are. I choose healthy items, I don't get an appitizer, I don't get dessert. Many times I will not get all the items on the entree (like I will say no rice, I don't want 2 sides).
 
I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by cutting back. I feel good. With the increase movement I have more energy and feel better and move better. Eating less makes my tummy feel better. I don't get that horrible stuffed turkey feeling after meals. I feel like my mind is clearer, I breath better, in general feel better.
 
So all in all, honestly now I am suprised that I wasn't bigger than I was. I am thankful that I went ahead a took the step to get my band at 31 rather than waiting till I was older and my health had declined.

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day)
Weight- 244 (Highest 247)
3/3/14 weight- 192.8
Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L
 
So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself.
 
My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days.
 
My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people.
 
Lapband site folks:
 
Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about.
 
Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster.
 
Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap.
 
The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind.
 
Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier.
 
So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!

Who I am now isn't so important as how I came to be this person, wife, mother, grandmother, sister. The history is what formed me, challenged me to overcome, compelled me to do better than those who came before me.
 
I was born near the mid-point of the last century, in a large western US city. My parents married because they had conceived me when my mom was 16. My birth father was 19. As it turned out, he was a violent paranoid schizophrenic and a pedophile. My mom was later Dx with Borderline Personality disorder. I won't go into detail, suffice it to say that my earliest memories are horrific. My two younger brothers and I suffered the abuse and neglect until I was 9 1/2 years old, when a neighbor girl was assaulted by my birth father, he was arrested and sent to a state psychiatric hospital for treatment. I was taken in to protective custody for four days, while my mother was investigated and cleared of complicity in my abuse. He was not allowed within 300 miles of me, upon his release, 4 years later. When I was 14, he committed suicide.
 
My mom had remarried in 1960 to a wonderful man I refer to as Dad. He earned my trust, respect and love. They had two more little boys in the two years following their marriage. My Dad died of sleep apnea in 1978, we were all devastated and heartbroken...it was the undoing of my mom and my dearest brother. My mom turned to scotch for comfort, inviting my 17 year old brother to be her drinking partner. My mom died 8 miserable years later of pancreatic cancer. Those 8 years were awful, watching my mom decline, my brothers suffer. She raged constantly, told me often that I had no idea of her pain, her suffering. She made life a living hell for her family and circle of friends. She was diagnosed and died in 12 short weeks later.
My brother died 14 years later, the victim of a predatory female who took advantage of his alcoholism, a recent injury, subbed his Rx pain Meds with extra strength Tylenol. Took him 3 weeks to die of liver failure, on our dad's birthday. My heart was broken. This brother was the first male I had in my life who loved me unconditionally. He was born when I was 11 and he was like a son to me. He was my husband's best buddy, my kids favorite uncle, everybody loved him. Yes, he was an alcoholic, very high functioning, but losing him was the saddest event of my life to date.
 
My brother has been gone for 12 years...I think of him every day. I remember my little grandkids running up to the car when I'd arrive at their house, all four of them would climb in the car hugging me, asking me "...is you sad? Did your Brubbie die? Sorry *****, usses loves you! ". They did this for months, until I finally told them I felt better because they healed my broken heart. I have 8 grandkids 6 teens, 2 in their twenties. The youngest 4 are all the same age, 3 identical girls and a boy. I am blessed.
 
Of my four siblings, two have passed. The oldest, died at age 51 as a transient. He inherited the mental illness genes and I never saw him after my mother's death. The next oldest lives in NM, his mind ravaged by years of alcohol and drug abuse. We have minimal contact thru FB. The youngest has never been able to form healthy relationships with anyone...I see him once per year when he comes to visit. He misses his big brother too. He tells me that his true home is wherever I am. I wish my mom had let me take him when he was 15 and she went on her 8 year binge.
 
So...this is my emotional history, in a nutshell. The other stuff doesn't matter, except to say that my family is healthy, successful and happy. We celebrate often, mourn together when the time comes and love and support each other faithfully. My kids have all been married to their HS sweethearts for over 20 years each. We have done better than the generation before us...the bar was low on my side, but my husband and his family were great role models. I'm thankful every day for their love, support and example. I miss them painfully.

As you know I reached my goal a couple of months ago and am now in the maintenance stage of my journey. Simple, all I have to do is maintain my weight.
 
I still check in with my doctor every four weeks (my choice not his).
 
This last month has been full of ups and downs with a lot of changes, basically life has been happening. I had to battle the head hunger on more than one occasion.
 
Then about a week and a half ago I started noticing that my daily calorie intake was creeping up. 10 calories more, then 20, then 30, etc… I was starting to get hungry (physical hunger) in between breakfast and lunch, this hasn't happened since bandster hell.
 
That was the deciding factor for me, I needed a fill.
 
I went for my four week checkup today and to no surprise I was up two pounds. After discussing things with my doctor I got the fill I wanted (just a small one .2cc).
 
My point here is that once you reach your goal you’re not done. In fact, It’s harder to maintain your weight that to loose, in my opinion.
 
Guess I need to change my ticker now.

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I'll have a strong cup of decaf and play a video game instead.

So when I started my blog, I promised to be open and honest about as much as I possibly can with progress with the band. I want my blog to be a place where newbies or those going in for their diet visits to get some honest info. No scare tactics, no BS.
 
So I have read the boards and forums but I have never seen anyone say step by step what it is like to get a fill. Today I went for my first fill and this is step by step how it happened.
 
First I had a meeting with my dietitian. I had tons of questions for her today. I was upset that I had seemed to stall out on my weightloss. She said in fact I had lost more weight that I was unaware of. She also explained with the amount of exercise I have been doing, I am building muscle even though I am only doing cardio right now. So she explained the muscle will weigh more than the fat and eventually I will start to lose again. She told me to calm down and stop wigging out. My husband and I have decided I should not use the scale anymore at home to weigh myself. It drives me nuts and is obviously not accurate. I just bought a new one and it still drives me bonkers. I absolutely love my dietitian. She was very patient with me today. She explained in detail how the fill helps. I was confused as to why the fill is supposed to help when I am already only getting about 800 cals a day. However, I also have the plication. Because I was unfilled sometimes I would eat just a tiny bit too much. By the time the food got to the plicated part of my stomach I would be uncomfortable but just a little. She explained to me the nerves that tell us we are full are at the top of our stomachs. The goal is for my band to put gentle pressure on my stomach so that the nerves are triggered easier to tell me I am full. That was I will not over eat with that one more tiny bite that sends me into discomfort.
 
After I spoke with her it was time to get the fill.
 
First the nurse took me back to the fill room, had me lay down and looked for my port with the ultra sound machine. Once the port was located, she then put iodine on the port location.
 
Once I was prepped and ready the doctor came in. Now, my doctor is the kind of doctor who is very friendly and chatty. At the same time he is a no bullshit kind of guy. If you are messing up he is going to tell you. So he comes in chatting away and I am immediately put at ease. He numbs the port site with lidocaine. Honestly this was the worst part with a tiny burning sting. I have had kids.. this aint nothin... so they say.
 
Once the port area is numb, Dr. DeBarros then put the needle for the saline into the port. The nurse helped me stand up and handed me a cup of water. Dr. D told me to drink the water while he was doing the fill. He was looking for the point where the water would back up. So the funny part was because I am used to sipping he kept telling me to drink faster. So about the third time he said that I stopped and said.. You are not supposed to do that on the band, Dr. D. He just laughed and said, "I didn't say stop." Now all of this took about 5-10 minutes start to finish.
 
They he asked me about my exercise and was surprised I am already up to 45 minutes a day. He said I was doing great. My diet for the next few days is to move up each stage one day at a time. Today is clear liquids, tomorrow fulls, Sunday will be mushy and then i can work my way up. My next fill appt is set for March 22. If I do not feel like I need one I will just go in for a check up and talk to the dietitian. I am so happy that I get to go visit the office once a month. I cannot imagine having a procedure where you see the doctor once and that is it. I am supremely grateful that my surgeon's office has a full staff that answers my questions and can give me the education I need to succeed on this journey.

This morning got up early and went to my son's house. Last week my grandson was 13 and we had to bring him his b. day gifts. My son went and bought fresh made bagels. I was polite and asked for 1/4 of a bagel and he put Smart Balance on it. Nothing. That is how I felt about eating a former breakfast food. Nothing. I can live without them. I loved that. Some foods I can not go without but bagels are on the good bye list.
On my never live without list is pizza, bread in restaurants, almonds, pasta and Chinese food. I think that is it. If you can't have what you really love and enjoy yourself the Band will not work with you because you will go after all these forbidden foods. Or that is how I see it with me.
Have a wonderful weekend and hopefully no storms where you live.
"Eye Candy"

I remember during my undergrad studies in Psychology reading a paper that talked about people who were addicted to gambling and a peculiar memory trait that only allowed them to remember the times that they won. This caused them to constantly misjudge the odds when placing a bet, because the were overly optimistic about their chances.
 
I think that we who are fat have a similar trait, but in reverse. We only remember the times that we have failed in our journey to be fit, and so when there is temptation, when there are rough spots we err by forgetting all the scale victories, all the nsvs, all the times that we beat temptation and made a right choice and we only remember the times when we failed. So we believe that failure is inevitable and give in.
 
Today has been a hard day for me, I am experiencing a bit of bandster hell, combined with a generous portion of head hunger and emotional eating and the only thing I can think about is why bother, I am just going to fail anyhow. No, I haven't given in to those voices, but I have had one NSV after another this last week, I am within 4 pounds being at the lowest weight I have been at since I was a freshman in high school, and yet my failures are the memories parade before me today.
 
One of the things that the people of the Old Testament did when God did something spectacular in their lives was they built a marker, a pile of stones to remind them of the victory that had happened in that place. I think I need to start building some markers in my life so that I can concentrate on the victories, and not the defeats.

I watched the end of The Biggest Loser and the man voted off said, I did not want another man to raise my son. I loved that. I don't want another woman with my husband or her wearing my jewelry and being grammie to my grandsons. So I can quote him too. I now know I am doing something to keep me around longer.
Enjoy your day. Have a happy Fat Tuesday to all who celebrate.

Cleaning our closets out finally got to me, so I went in to do mine, and it is only about a quarter full now. Got a nice NSV in the process as well. 2005 I hit the lowest weight of my adult life when I went from 324 to 249.8, I stayed there for a couple of weeks and then started gaining again. During the that time I bought a couple of nice sports shirts that I really loved, but haven't been able to wear since, and I ran across them while I was cleaning. On a lark I tried them on and they fit.
 
Now looking forward to the sale at Kohl's in a couple of days with a 20% off coupon in my hot little hand.

The band continues to amaze me. I am down 2 lbs since last week and I haven't even been trying. Granted I am not eating recklessly or anything but I have been eating normal (for bandsters) portions which I don't have to measure anymore thanks to 26 months of practice.... But I had a few bites of cheese cake for my birthday and ate out alot this week due to a busy social week....and I was sure I would have gained a lb or 2 ... And I actually lost 2 lbs. the band is doing exactly what I hoped it would do!!

Good afternoon from blizzard Boston.
In the local paper there was an article from Soma Intimates. They said that when women that leave their abusive person they usually forget bras. So Soma is collecting used and new bras for DOVE. I know having lost weight I have many large sized bras. Maybe some of you do to and we can all donate them.
Enjoy your TGIF.

I Corinthians 10:13 ESV
13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it
 
 
I have seen a common theme in the posts of new banders, and it is "I don't know if I can do this, what if I fail?" This where the I draw solace from the stories of our veterans, successful or not. I know that I am not going into uncharted territory, that someone has been there before me, faced the same issues as I will and they were successful, and if they were successful, I can be as well. It is also one of the reasons that I answer the posts that I do, not because I have all the answers (or really, any of them), but it is just to let people know that they aren't alone, that yes it sucks right now, but there is an end to it and they need to focus on their goal, they too can reach the other side.
 
 
Oh, and the verse also speaks to the care and control that God exercises in our lives, but that is a topic for a different blog

I ran across a post about using baby silverware or chopsticks to help get the proper speed and bite size for bandsters. So I decided to try it out. This morning's breakfast consists of 2 scrambled eggs, 1 cup of spinach and 1 Tyson reduced fat sausage patty. I cut the spinach and sausage to the proper size, dumped that and the eggs into a microwavable container, and when I got to work this morning microwaved it for a couple of minutes. I am now sitting at my desk with the chopsticks I bought off of Amazon, eating breakfast, and it is working well. The chopsticks slow me down and force me to take small bites and I don't feel nearly as silly as I would with a baby fork or spoon. That and the sticks are much easier to clean.

Two months ago my doctor said as far as they were concerned I was at goal, 175 lbs. I was happy with that and started onto the maintenance stage of my journey.
 
Last month I gained 2 lbs, first time I had a gain but hey holidays. Doctor’s office was still very pleased and said that my weight will vary like that on maintenance.
 
Then a dear friend here on LBT put out a challenge “100 miles in January”. Walk or run 100 miles during the month of January. I was in! I needed something to get me moving more. I reached the 100 miles on Monday; my total should be around 120 miles for the month. (go me!)
 
Today I went back to the doctor, weighed 171! (lost 6 pounds in 4 weeks) I haven’t seen that much loss since the beginning months of this journey. So, what did I do different? My eating was the same as it has always been 1200 calories a day, etc…. The only thing different is the increased walking for the challenge.
 
I am so happy with myself. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Okay, maybe a tummy tuck and….. Well guess I could ask for more.
 
I love & respect my band. Yellow rose you serve me well, thank you!

I packed my normal breakfast of a Protein shake and a some steel cut oats, and drank my shake when I got to my desk. a couple of hours later I was hungry again and pulled my oatmeal out. Then Mistress Band spoke, "I'm not eating that stuff, get me some more protein!" So down to the cafeteria for a couple for eggs and hash browns, threw 3/4 of the hash browns away, and Mistress Band is now one happy camper.
 
When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty lethargic, I knew I had been doing a lot of physical labor on 1300 calories a day with the constant snow fall here, but I thought I had been allowing for that. My body disagreed, and a real part of my journey is learning to listen to my band and my body.
 
Food for thought.

As many of you know I have a special needs son....who is in and out of the hospitals .
 
Well he just came home from his latest stay and this was the first time I wasnt the fat mom
 
It made such a differance...so many things I never realized...
 
I was so much more of a advacate this time...I was not afraid to go ask for a nurses help...or any thing that I thought would make him more comfortable or even for myself....When it was time for his meds and they were not there...I didnt feel like Oh gawd...what should I do...I knew what to do and I did it...and to my surprise I think I was treated with more respect...or at least its how I felt on the inside and that all showed on the out side...
 
And any one who has ever slept on a hospital cot over night knows how that feels when your 100 lbs over weight.....and this stay it still wasnt comfy but it wasnt uncomfy with the added OMG blankets dont move and uncover my big O butt while I sleep...
 
After some stays I can remember being so hungry but I wouldnt dare ask for anything from the nurses.....what would they think the fat lady wants more food !!!
This time...I asked if I could get some SF jello...or some crackers and peanut butter...
and I was proud of that....simple pleasures being with in a normal weight ...
 
I can not thank my Drs and Nut for the new life they gave this lady !!!

I was banded on 1/7/13 and one of the things that my instructions talked about was that during the "Healing Phase" of my eating, many patients stop losing or actually gain weight. With this in mind I have been very careful to log all my food and count calories Even thought my NUT said that calorie counting wasn't necessary, she told me to shoot for between 1300 - 1500. So, this morning I was able to go back to one of my pre-band rituals of Saturday morning breakfast with a friend, but I was scared because I was flying solo, no scale, no measuring cups, just me and "Mistress Band".
 
So, the result? I ordered two eggs and hash browns, I pre-cut all my food to the proper size, and tried to focus on the conversation and my eating. Pretty soon I hit a soft stop (hiccup) and then each bite I started asking myself why I was taking that bite. When the answer because "Because it tastes so good" I put my fork down and moved the plate out of reach.
 
At that point, I was satisfied, not full, but satisfied and it looking at my plate, I realized that I had eaten about the same as I would have if I had pre-measured it. Maybe one day, I will be able to move rely totally on listening to my body and my band, but until then, I will log and count.