DELETE THIS ACCOUNT!

This morning I had my first follow up appointment in 6 months. I had been struggling the last week or so deciding on whether or not to get a fill. I got some good advice and some suggestions and after talking with the PA today we decided there is no need for one right now. I am eating 3 meals a day with no snacking or cravings. I am going anywhere from 3 to 5 hours without getting hungry and I have found for me I tend to get hungry sooner after having the shake but with real actual food I can go 5 or 6 hours.
 
At the end of the day I do believe I was factoring my fill needs on 1. Getting hungry at times sooner than what I was months ago. 2. Scale is not where I wanted it to be.
 
So....# 1 is OK as I have narrowed it down to why I get hungry sooner and I can adjust.
 
#2 is definitely not a good reason for a fill. Getting a fill certainly has nothing to do with the scale and getting a fill will not help the scale move any faster. Thank you to Missy for reaffirming that for me. I mean I knew in the back of my mind it was not a valid reason for fill but hearing it from someone else just made more sense.
 
I also found this morning that my last fill was not in April it was actually back in January when I got .5cc. I had it written down in a notebook but hadn't actually looked it in a while.
 
Lastly, my PA is going to work on getting insurance approval for a new sleep study. 240lbs later it is obvious an adjustment is need on my CPAP.
 
Other then that I am living the dream and enjoying life. Happy 5th Anniversary to my beautiful wife Kelli (Kelli1016).
 
If you read this then I wish you a happy Friday and I hope you're doing well and rocking your band or preop diet!!

It was hard to face reality a year and a half ago, they I was just shy of 250 lbs and had to do something to stop it before I hit 300.
 
The first year I must say was the honeymoon period with my band. I felt like I hardly had to work at losing weight, it just fell off. It was wonderful and exciting. Then bang- my one year aniversary hit and my weight loss came to a streeching halt- the band's fault- nope mine.
 
The first year, was easy because my weight was high and I was eating far less that what it takes to keep that weight. I couldn't eat as much as normal- so I lost weight. As the weight came off, I hit the titration point- I had finally lost down to the amount that my eating was matched.
 
Now, I have to face reality, I can keep going with what I am doing and stay in the same zone. I can, make changes- eat even less and or add exercise. The thing is, at this point, it's not going to be so easy. Now I must really work at it. I, also, must deal with weakness in myself, that I never really got rid of. Stress makes me want to eat. Last night as I lay watching TV with the hubs (Ziva's last episode on NCIS) I started thing, boy I want a snack. The thing was I wasn't hungry. I didn't need to eat anything. However, I gave into the weakness and went and got a bowl of ice cream. It slapped me in the head as I sat the empty bowl down in the sink, that I had just done something I would have done pre-band. That was not good- I have to nip that in the bud now. Will it be easy, no, but I must do it to maintain and to further succeed on my journey.
 
I know what I must do, I know what I need to do, yet I have not done it for months. Now, it's time to pull on the big girl panties and make some difficult choices and changes. It's time to face the music, because the reality it, if I go back to old way I will gain back all I have lost. The reality is I must, for my health, for my future, for my peace of mind- I must make these changes.
 
Is it my band failing me, no, it is myself and my human weakness trying the make me fail. But, here is the thing- I have the power to stop it, to change it, to change it now before it goes to far. Yeah, I may have lost even more if I would have gone with the sleeve or bypass, but I likely would have run into the same stumbling block at some point.
 
I hope I can do this!

As some of you know I watch tv until the wee hours and sleep late. On Nightline last night was about going out of the country for less expensive surgeries. A company in NC with letters like HSM (can't recall exactly) had two employees who needed surgery. The company sent them to Costa Rica first class all the way. The woman had by pass or sleeve (was not the band) and the man had knee replacement. Plus the company gave them each $2500. for sh*ts. The company felt by sending them to Costa Rica they saved about 1/2 price.
 
After they showed everything and of course everything came out ok they had on a Harvard lawyer. The lawyer said that if there was a problem there is no mal-practice insurance and how great are the doctors etc. The knee replacement inserts (I'll them) were around $7-9000. and in this country double. They said that is why people go to other countries for surgery.
 
Just giving Arlene's thoughts and informing others about out of country surgeries. I have seen on this site that some people go to Mexico. There is a weird saying that a person who finishes last place at medical school is still called 'doctor'.

The weather today in Boston is around 77 degrees and sunny. Tomorrow even warmer.
Lately I have been going to the gym again. I go for around 30 minutes, better than nothing.
 
I live about 2 miles from a community college and my husband (age 63) is now a student 2 days a week. We have one car so today I drove him. I got to the college early so I could walk around the campus. WOW-it took 10 minutes and my Fitbit said about 800 steps. I was shocked how fast the long walk was and how little steps I took. Before the band I never would have even thought about walking to the end of the parking lot, let alone walk around the building. I guess being obese you look at the picture as huge, like my body was, and not as I can do it and will do it. My husband said I should have walked around 2 times but I didn't like the area. The side walks ended and you had to walk through a parking lot with vehicles always moving. Not very safe. Before you know it wonderful winter and snow will be here and you can't walk around outside.
 
Enjoy this wonderful weather where ever you are. The walk is shorter than you think
It takes me 30-60 minutes to do food shopping than take a fun walk. Never thought of it like that.

Good afternoon.
I am watching the Doctor's on tv right now. They just had on a couple that had by pass surgery together. In a little over one year she lost 95 pounds and he lost about 190. The wife said it is a tool. She is right. I hope they keep up the good work. The Doctor's gave them a year's membership to a fancy health club/gym near them. That helps.
One of the doctor's said that WLS is not for everyone. He is right. We know that because of the mean bashers. Maybe bashers need to look in the mirror and blame themselves for messing up. (see I can use nice language).
Enjoy your day.
Arlene

Greetings and salutations my friends and fat followers! I am contacting you today from the other side. No, I am not dead and this is not a creepy seance. I'm talking about the other side of 200 pounds. That's right baby. I finally cracked the elusive 200 number. Mark the date and time fat fans, for this is the first time since the mid 80's that I have had a 1 in front of my weight. This is BIG news indeed. I finally feel like I am accomplishing something.
 
You may ask "What The H, Johnny. You've lost 56 pounds and you don't fell like you accomplished anything? You've lost half of a person, why the lack of satisfaction?"
 
Here's why. When you're a scale bustin fatass as I was in April, losing a few pounds here or there is no big deal. My weight used to fluctuate five pounds on any given week depending on how many buffets I hit. Lose 10 pounds. So what. Lose 20 pounds. I'll hardly notice. 30 pounds. That's something, but I was still in the "Biggun" category. Forty pounds ... 50 pounds, great. But what really makes me feel like I'm winning is that 1. Normal people have a 1 in front of their weight. That's the answer. I am approaching NORMAL. Soon to be average. Now THAT means something!
 
As I previously alluded, I have not had that 1 in front of my weight since the mid 80's. The exact date I busted the deuce mark is not clear to me. Matter of fact, the whole decade is not too clear to me. I was awash in self indulgence. My never ending search for a good time is what got me started on this path to bodily destruction. But that's another story for a different time. So let's use these dates. I remember going on some type of diet and getting down to around 165 pounds. I had a picture taken at this time leaning on a new Delorean. That makes it 1982. Obviously that diet didn't take. It took me a few years to work up the weight ladder. I'm pretty sure it was a chicken wing at a Super Bowl 19 party that pushed me over. That would make it 1985.
 
1985 - It was a very good year. (I think.) Reagan was still president. Gas was $1.09 a gallon and it only cost $3 to see a movie. Michael Jordon was just a pup and the Bears were stocked with now legendary names like, Fridge, Hamp, Mongo, Mama's Boy and the Punky QB. Things were bouncing back from the dog days of Jimmy Carter and 22% interest rates. There was reason to celebrate. And celebrate I did. Nightly. And usually to excess. I was living the single life. Fast money, fast cars and fast women. Unfortunately, fast food was a daily staple. My bodily empire was beginning to fall and I didn't heed the warnings. The 2 came a lot easier on the way up then the 1 did on the way down.
 
Let's leave the maudlin memories behind. It's a new day, a new age and a new Johnny. I have lost about 56 pounds since April 9. My weekly weight loss is still averaging about 1.5 pounds per week. I know it's going to get slower as my under metabolized body adjusts to my lower calorie intake. But if I could average 1.25 pounds per week, I will hit hit my goal by March. I planned on this taking one full year. I am on schedule. But just think. What if I kept that Delorean? Maybe I could have got up to 88 miles per hour and zapped my way back to 1982. If only I knew then what I know now.
So Long for now. We'll talk soon.
 
Johnny T.

Well, it's post op day 4 and I'm trying to figure out this new me! Happily I am feeling really good! The surgery went well and I'm glad I was able to stay overnight in the hospital...I do feel it made quite a difference in my confidence coming home. I did not experience the gas some complain of and was able to sleep in my own bed laying on my side the very first night. Only needed some liquids Tylenol for pain too.
 
I have tons of info to read and re-read but when it comes down to the nitty gritty your pretty much on your own to figure out your new "innards".
 
I need to drink lots of fluids as not to dehydrate but that's tough one sip at a time...I'm getting in as much as I can! Not nearly what I should. Will keep working on that!
 
Eating...wow...that's a whole new world...again get in your protein shakes first...very important, but only can take in 3-4ozs at a time...trying to throw in some soup to add some variety but not a lot of protein there! I'm very much looking forward to mushies (actually looking forward to some tuna fish)-don't know why but I am! Then there's the whole- are you full??...it sounds easy to know pre-banding but not so much after! Afraid of taking that one more sip that may push you over the top....I'm getting it-slowly but surely! Still some very old habits to break there (going slower, actually thinking about what your doing when you eat, and the whole clean your plate club)--all of which are very embedded after years and years of use.
 
Then there's the vitamins...need to get them in but their chewable and big and I'm on liquids-so I chew and chew and dissolve them all the way! They taste pretty yummy...lol.
 
It's a lot of pressure to follow all the rules. That parts a no-brainier for me-it took me a long time to finally decide on WLS and I won't jeopardize anything by cutting corners...but it's hard...not a bad hard just a new hard.
 
Many said the band is a lot of work and they weren't kidding! I know I'm fresh out of the starting gate and things will continue to progress, heal, and I will become more accustumed to and knowledgeable about my new me!
 
I'm blessed to have the most supportive hubby and two little ones who are being gentle on my belly but still sharing lots of hugs and kisses with their mama. I'm blessed to have been given this new chance to make a change for the better concerning my health and to finally feel better about myself and who I
am.
 
So this is a whole new chapter in my book of life!
 
And these weren't complaints or gripes about the band but more of an acknowledgement that I have much to continue to learn about me and my new little friend...
 
They say you learn something new everyday...ain't that the truth....and a good truth it is!
 
So to all those who have helped me get this far, and you know who you are...I say a great big THANK YOU-because as scary and as daunting and as exciting of an adventure as this whole banded world is -it's nice to have people who know what you're taking about and care to help!

Ok none of us is totally perfect. You come on this site and tell us that you were extremely bad and don't want people to comment. If you robbed a bank, killed someone etc. would you still be pissed people commented? Same thing in my eyes. Do something wrong and write about it, people will say something. This is the USA, freedom of speech.
 
That's all folks for tonight.
Arlene

Why, do you get WLS, any type, and then not listen to your doctor or dietitian? Why?
 
When I was given the pre-op diet, I followed it to the 't' because I was afraid.
 
When it came to the post-op diet, I followed it to the 't', also.
 
When I get a fill, I am on 3 days of liquids, 3 days of mushy and then back to my regular foods. I listen to the doctor and his staff. They have been dealing with WLS for many many years.
 
So WHY, get the surgery and just follow your own rules??????
 
Think before putting the chip, the french fry, McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts in your hand, let alone your mouth. If you have to have one of these, at least wait until your surgery has healed and you can eat regular foods.
 
People who have had the band for a while, I have had mine for almost 14 months, maybe some of us know what we are talking about. I listen to the masters, they have been here longer than me. I try to help and if I don't have an answer, I will say it.
 
So when you are getting wheeled into the operating room, just remember WHY, you are there. To get healthy and live longer.
 
Have a great night.
 
Arlene
 
ps
Saturday night I have a wedding and yes I will eat but not over eat and I do not drink when I eat and never alcohol.

Yup. I'm stuck. Not the lap band "I need to toss my cookies" stuck. Weight stuck. I have reached a weight number that I cannot seem to bust through. If you look this phenonenom up in the FatAss World Dictionary, Volume 17, Second Edition, you will find that this is called a plateau.
 
A plateau for the over active metabolism crowd, is a nice place. The top of a mountain perhaps. Where you can gaze at beautiful vistas and see for miles. A plateau for the overly girthed is quite another matter. It's a tortuous place that plays with your emotions. It's a place that reminds you that your journey ain't easy. In fact, it reminds you that the road in front of you is only going to get harder. Moving off this plateau is metabolism over mind. Sometimes it's just out of your control. It's part of the process. I don't plan on pitching my tent and staying on this plateau. I plan on moving on as fast as possible. So I'll soldier on. Head down, focused on the goal.
 
Being stuck is about as frustrated as you can get in a weight loss campaign. Here you are doing everything right. Following the same plan that has worked for you for months with good results. Only to get kicked in the nuts with your daily or weekly scale visit. In my case, it's daily. I weigh my self every morning. For the last 10 days or so, my weight has fluctuated back and forth about a pound and a half either way. A couple days ago, I hit the low end and I thought "this is it. I'm gonna break this mark tomorrow." Only when tomorrow came, I bounced back up a pound. ARRGHHH! If my ultra high tech FitBit scale didn't cost so much, I would have flung it out the window. So I kicked it. (Note to self: Kicking your scale hurts and can only do bodily damage. Please refrain from hostile acts of aggression towards said device in the future. Resort to colorful language instead.)
 
 
This is also doubly frustrating for me. Why? Because my low weight right now is 200.4 pounds. I have been waiting to get that 1 in front of my weight number. I'm as excited as a kid on Christmas eve to hit that mark. Come to think of it, I'm probably more excited. Hell, a kid only has to wait one year for Christmas. I haven't had a 1 in front of my weight since ... well, I know I still had a record player. I'll have to do some research on this. Suffice to say, it's been a LONG friggin time. So here I sit ... on the door step of a personal milestone. I can only hope that I will break through this barrier by next Monday. If you want to be there for the breaking news. Stand outside my bathroom window around 6:30 a.m. If you don't see a FitBit scale flying through the glass, you know I made it. If not, DUCK!
 
I will report back from the other side of 2.
 
Johnny

This past Week or so has indeed been a busy one. Last Saturday (9/14) Kelli and I along with our friends participated in 5K Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness. Walking a 5K is pretty much a breeze for me...or so I thought. I finished no problem but I did learn along the way that walking a 5K on the public streets is not the same as walking a track or a treadmill. I did end up finishing with a pretty decent time of slightly over an hour. We had a great time and it was for a good cause. We were walking in honor of our friends Mom who had passed roughly 8 months ago.
 
We called our team Bosom Buddies and on the back we had his Mom's initials.
 

 
Almost to the finish line...styling in my pink shirt..

 
Kelli (knick1016) and I

 
Finish line!!

 
Sunday was busy day as well between Laundry, Grocery shopping day to day stuff. Kelli had band surgery Monday. She got the Realize band. She was in surgery for about an hour and everything went great. As with all patients she stayed over night at the hospital and came home on Tuesday afternoon. She is on the mend but is dealing with the usual gas cramps and fighting some nausea today. I am excited for her as her journey is just beginning and she is inspiring me to keep on keeping on....
 
I am sure she will post in a day or so if she hasn't already. Her screen name is knick1016

so i just got of the phone with a coworker meeting was for work but as all-things go quickly led to the more personal area.. how are.. your having your surgery tomorrow etc etc. then she shared with me some tips on being successful while on the liquid diet.. she recently had her jaw reconstructed and knows all about having to eat all your meals through a straw.. she was don't be afraid to experiment. the strangest things can taste wonderful in a blender but to always start with only a small portion that way you don't end up wasting food.
 
But the thing she shared with me that i found to be the most interesting. she told me to ask the anesthesiologist to give you a subliminal message as they put you to sleep. She said that during her first surgery for her jaw 13 mts ago she asked that he tell her she doesn't need to smoke and that she will recover quickly well and with limited pain..Her recovery she said was fast and she has not smoked since that day 13 mts ago
 
so tomorrow if i'm not too embarrassed or don't forget because i'm freaking out .... i'm going to mine to tell me i will recover well with limited pain and that i will enjoy my new healthier life style....

I have had my morning shake at 6:30, and no I'm not hungry, but I would really like to eat right now. Why? A bit of boredom, a bit of panic when I realize that I won't eat again until 11:30 (3 hours), missing pleasure that comes from the act of eating.
 
Of all the things in my life, I think that overcoming the baggage that food has will be the hardest. Not impossible by any means, but hard.

A couple weeks ago, I hit my pre-op weightloss goal and recived my sugery date with the understanding that it was pending insurance approval. As of today, I had not heard from the center or my insurance company. One phone call later and I was informed that not only am I approved by insurance but that I'm the first on the list for my surgeon.
 
Um, this just got real and I think I may have wet my pants a little. LOL
 
Excited. Nervous. Butterflies everytime I think about it.

It's official!
 
 
 
I saw Dr. X on Monday for my monthly follow up. I have hit the the 50 pound loss mark. If you really think about it ... that's a whole big bucket of blubber. Fifty pounds is definitely life changing. Just about every aspect of my life has changed. My complete wardrobe (all three levels) are obsolete. My sleep habits have changed ... no more snoring. My exercise went from zero to above moderate. My eating habits have greatly changed for the better. My overall activity level has improved. My blood pressure went down and my resting heart rate is at the GOOD level. I'm only a couple of beats per minute over EXCELLENT and not far from ATHLETE. That's a hoot! So you can probably say that I had a complete makeover. Both in outside appearance and inside my head. It's the head part that's the hardest to change. I will have to struggle with this for the rest of my life. If I ever give in, it'll be back to the level 3 wardbrobe and I can't afford that.
 
Well I think it's time to get a real grip on what 50 pounds of fat ass real is. We reviewed it at the 40 level and that was kinda fun. And very eye opening. So let's look at fifty.
 
1) $200 in quarters ( that would be 800 coins) weighs fifty pounds. This begs the question: What would you rather have? 200 bucks or my ass full of quarters?
 
2) An average 7 year old child weighs fifty pounds. My kid is growing up right before my eyes. Remember? He was only 3 at the 40 pound level
 
3) A bale of hay weighs 50 pounds. My ass weighed about 10 bushells full.
 
4) A baby pygmy hippo weighs 50 pounds. We can all think of something wittty to say here. Let's leave at this: A few months ago, hanging out with me would be like hanging out with 5 baby hippos. Less the cuteness.
 
5) 2 big sacks of potatos weigh fifty pounds. Formerly easily consumed by me either fried, baked, sauteed, mashed, boiled. It didn't matter. Also, A potato is the Father of the Chip. Forever whorshipped.
 
6) A medium pit bull terrier. 50 pounds of sheer muscle. Can't say that about 50 pounds of ass.
 
7) 5 bowling balls. Yep. Strap 'em on and go up and down the stairs a few times.
 
It never gets old! If we had time, I would go around the house and weigh all the appliances. I know my ass was at least as heavy as your average microwave oven. Or maybe even your refrigerator. It was big and it was heavy. Now, not so much. Yes, I am still of large ass. But not of fat ass. Hopefully soon, I will be of normal ass. Fret not my friends, I will always be YOUR horse's ass.
 
Hasta la vista, baby!
 
Johnny!
 
P.S. I'm in the game for real now. Dr. X gave me another full c.c. in the band. I'm at 35% restriction. I will report any changes soon

Good evening,
On Yahoo I was just reading an article that said Tim Gunn thinks it is awful the way designers treat plus size women. Finally someone on our side. He said if he was on the 8th floor at Saks in NY he would jump through the window because the clothes are that bad.
I am not in plus size any more but I totally understand what he is talking about. When I wore plus size I wore a lot of Ralph Lauren. The jeans fit the best and lasted forever.
Maybe now the designers will listen because Tim has a lot clout!!

What's new you ask?
 
Quick answer.... underwear! Yup. I had to replenish my entire supply of unmentionables, even the new ones I got last Christmas. They just weren't doing the job anymore. The always dependable waist bands were stretched beyond repair and my incredible shrinking ass left the backsides saggy and mis-shaped. Not to mention, all security for the family jewels had completely evaporated. I was dealing with an uncomfortable jail break every hour or so. This caused more than a few strange stares from others during what I thought was a private adjusting period. Good thing I wasn't near a Kinder Kare. That would have been hard to explain. So I solved the crisis. I went out and bought some new skivvies.
 
While this may not seem like a big deal to most of you. It was to me. Reason... I don't think I have bought my own underwear for twenty or so years. Why? Because every year when I am asked what I want for Christmas, I give the standard man-swer. "Underwear". So I get underwear. Every Christmas morning, I march up to my dresser with my new present stack and clean out last years Jockeys for this years models. I guess models is an overstatement. Other than a few new colors, the basic design hasn't changed since I was a kid. I mean, really. What can you do to improve underwear? And why do you need to?
 
Well imagine my amazement when I came upon the shorts section of my local department store. I was flabbergasted to see rows and rows and racks and racks of man-derwear! So many brands! So many styles! So little time. And the advertisements, oh my! Here I am, fresh off an embarrassing, not so private reorganizing incident, staring at a life size cut-out of a buffed teen lad with come hither eyes hiding nothing but his schvaanzen behind a scanty pair of man-ties. Honestly, I had to look around and make sure some cop wasn't following me. Or some hidden camera from one of those second rate TV shows.
 
As overwhelmed as I was, I was on a mission! I had to replenish my underwear supply. Two racks over, I spied the familiar Jockey logo. Thank God. I sauntered over thinking I'd pick up my shorts and be on my way. Wrong again. I guess Jockey, in an effort to keep up with times, has totally expanded their product line. Boxer briefs, sports shorts, low rise, high rise, full coverage or tiny pecker pouches. Ugh. After walking around three racks, I finally found the Classic style. Whew. My new size offers me a plethora of color choices. Sure beats the color selection at the old fat man's shop. There used to be three sizes ... FAT, REAL FAT and YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING. And there was only two color choices ... Santa Red and Your Wives's Gonna Kill You White. I always wondered why they would want to see a fat man in red briefs.
 
Without further adieu, I chose the multi colored 6 pack. Six pairs for the price of three, awesome. I took them to the checkout counter and pulled out a ten spot and expected some change. Wrong again. This paltry pack of panties was over $30! I had to double check the pack and see if there was some kind of vibrating device included. Nope. I pulled out a couple double sawbucks and through those down with the ten spot. I got my poor excuse of change and headed out the door.
 
I sure have been out of the man shopping game for a long time. And I am about to get a real education about shopping in the new millennium. My current wardrobe is completely nonfunctional. I had hoped to get through to next spring with some heavy alterations and cheap pants. But that ain't gonna happen. It's gonna cost me. I need to buy a functioning intermediate wardrobe. You know it would be nice if the current men's fashion were of the Fred Flintstone variety. Then I would only need one all purpose tunic.
 
That's all for now.
 
Johnny
 
P.S. I see Dr. X today for a weigh in and another fill. Let's hope I get a GOLD STAR again.
 
P.S.S. isit my blog: TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

I am sure that the subject of this blog sounds funny. Yes, I have made the decision to get banded. I have been in the program for about 4 months now. I have my surgery date but even now, as I type this, I am still having a hard time accepting my decision.
 
Let me explain. I grew up fat. I was a fat kid, I was a fat teenager and I am now a fat adult. If you had talked to me about the word fat maybe 15-20 years ago, I would have been super offended. Now, it’s just a word. Yes, I am fat.
 
In my childhood and teenage years, I was your “typical” fat kid. I was offended by the word fat that I was constantly called. I was always self-conscious and picked on for my weight. I was ashamed. I can recall a time in 7th grade when a class mate complimented me on my jeans. I was questioning why she was even talking to me since she and I were in completely different cliques – she was one of the “cool kids” while I was the new girl – or better yet, the fat new girl – at the school. Alas, when she asked me where I got my “so cute” jeans (and they were) I replied, “Sixteen Plus”. The next thing I heard were snickers and laughs because I was clearly shopping in a store for “plus sized” people. From that moment on, I vowed NEVER to mention store names again. I would shop at stores that had both junior and plus sizes so I never had to bear that “shame” again.
 
This is how much of my adolescence and teenaged years were. Never had a boyfriend – sure, I had plenty boy friends but never a “boyfriend”. I had one such friend who, when we were alone, would confide in me and once even told me he loved me (oh, middle school love…LOL) but would not be seen talking to me in school. High school and college were filled with more of the same. Boy friends – some of whom I liked more than a friend but I would NEVER tell them because they would NEVER “like” the chubby chick as more than just a friend.
 
Enter my early 20’s: I’m not sure when the realization came but I found myself developing a confidence that I had never had before. I had never considered myself ugly, after all I’ve been told “You have such a pretty face” for so long that I knew that if I weren’t fat, I’d be “so pretty”. (That is another blog post in itself.) However, I was dressing better. I was putting more effort in to my appearance. I was deciding that I was worth something. I was approached by a male colleague (whom had no romantic interest) who handed me a newspaper article on plus sized modeling. He suggested it was something I look into. He told me that I was a beautiful girl and should really give it some thought. I was BESIDE myself. A compliment without the caveat that all I had going for me was my “pretty face”. As the time went on, my confidence improved. I began to get attention from the opposite sex. I was complimented and asked on dates, left and right – granted some of these dudes were on the sketchy side – but when a random stranger tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, it’s always nice no matter what. My dating life ramped up and I found myself eventually in relationships with people who were attracted to me – fat and all.
 
It was then, that I decided to take back the word fat in my life. I was no longer going to look at it as a bad word. Yes, I was fat. So, what?!? I was otherwise healthy and happy. Things were going in the right direction for my life. I accepted myself. I would proudly admit that I bought my “so cute” shirt or pants at Lane Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus! Yep, that’s where I shop and I love my clothes. Yes, I am fat but that’s OK with me. Here I am, a confident fat woman. Take that, society!!!
 
Over the years, I have maintained that attitude. Of course, I have areas of my body that I hate – boobs are for the chest, not the back! LOL But, I always looked at it as I have the ability to change the things about my body that I hate, if I put my mind to it.
Enter the current time. I am still that confident woman who accepts the word fat. However, about 3 years ago, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with this wretched disease as my family is laden with it. I have watched it reach havoc on my Mom as she has had many years where she did not properly take care of herself and this disease. I have done well over the years keeping my diabetes at bay. My A1C is almost always good. Unfortunately, this success comes with medications that I hate and the knowledge that it is only a matter of time before this disease will reap havoc on me, if I do not get rid of it once and for all. The only sure-fire way for me to do that is to get myself to a healthy weight.
 
My husband and I have been married for 5 years this October. It was when he underwent his lap band surgery last year that I began thinking about having the surgery myself. He’s had amazing success that he has worked very hard for. I feel that with him at my side, I can have a similar success. However, I can’t get past the feeling that I am going against “my morals” with this surgery. I feel like I’m taking all that confidence that I worked very hard at and saying “society wins”. It’s silly, I know, because I know I’m not doing this to be skinny – I’m doing this to be healthy. I just still feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have been SUPER hesitant to tell anyone about this choice. Any one I have told has been supportive but I am still uneasy. I don’t know why…..
 
If you have managed to stay with me and read all this, thank you. I know this is super long – especially for my first blog post to the site.

Today I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it:
 

 
I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?'
 
So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'.
 
Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway???
 
I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying!
 
Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?

It is said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. I began my journey on April 9, 2013. That's the day it finally hit me. I was sitting on a plane. I was an Oreo away from the ultra-embarrassing plea for the belt extender. I could barely fit in the last of my emergency wardrobe. I was tired. Tired of trying to accommodate my fat life style. Because that's what you do. You accommodate your fatness. I just couldn't go on like this. I was ready for a change. I was already through all my hoops for the Lap Band surgery. I was in limbo waiting for my insurance company to green light me. But I couldn’t wait any longer. I decided .. that minute.. that tomorrow I would start my quest for Thindom.

Thindom is a mystical place. It’s the fat ass version of Vallhalla, Atlantis and the Lost City of Gold all rolled up in to one. For a fat person, Thindom is a legend. It is a utopian place that the over -girthed can only dream about. No fat ass has ever been to Thindom and come back to talk about it. Many expanded explorers have tried, but all have failed. It is said that those that enter Thindom, are blessed with a new life filled with hope and joy. Everyone smiles and beams with optimism. It is a place where one size really does fit all. It’s heaven for the hefty.

But beware you of fatness! The trail to Thindom is wrought with danger. There are obstacles at every turn. Unknown creatures and mythical beings lurk in the shadows; their only goal is your defeat. To get to Thindom, you must soldier through these adversities. You must plan your adventure carefully. And you can NEVER look back. You can NEVER give up. There is no yellow brick road. There is only nachos and cheese.

I have made it half way to Thindom. I’m currently navigating my way through the evil forest of fat. I can see the magical mountains of Munchies in the distance. Once I cross their jagged peaks, I hope to spy the valley of Thindom. I know it is there. I can feel it.

Alas, my journey has had its ups and downs. I have danced with the Devil. I have succumbed to the liquid offerings of Al C. Hall. I have fought the beautiful temptress and her sultry offers of cheeseburger and fries. I have dueled with the Duke of Doughnuts. Yes friends, there have been pitfalls. But every time I fell, I got up. The demons in my mind have not deterred me from goal.

I have managed to shed 45 pounds of unsightly blubber. I have 41 to go to hit my goal. If my present pace continues, I will have a 1 in the front of my weight in a few weeks for the first time since Reagan was president. Yes, I know. The road to Thindom gets harder as you get closer to the gate. I hope it’s not just fat ass folklore. When I get there, I will try to contact you from the other side. I wonder if Thindom has wi-fi?

Until we meet again….
Johnny T
Please visit my blog:
TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

Though I often read the blogs, I rarely write my own.....
 
Well, this time is different!!!!
 
This weekend my fiance and I went to Six Flags Great America with my daughter and 2 of his kids. He hadn't been to an amusement park in over 20 years. For me, it hasn't been that long since I have been there (it's only 45 minutes away). I have been there and to several other amusement parks through road trips with the kids and family as well. I always wanted my kids to have fun, even though I had to wait while they went on the rides as I was too big to ride. My kids always had a great time but I felt an emptiness that I could only stand on the sidelines and not have fun WITH them.
 
In addition, my sister ended up meeting us up there yesterday with her boys and husband. My b.i.l. is quite overweight and unable to go on the rides. Of course, he and my sister gave other reasons, but having been there... I got it. It was sad knowing that was ME for so many years.
 
Well, a year after being banded and down 80lbs. I WENT ON THE FREAKING RIDES AND I FIT!!! The best part of the day was going on XFlight w/ my daughter, for the first time, and her looking over at me, doing a fist pump and saying she was proud of me and asking if I was excited. HECK YAH I was. I even rode the go karts and bumper cars w/ my fiance's son and have always avoided those as well as the seatbelt wouldn't fit!
 
I am still a ways from goal, but this was a great reminder of what I have been missing out on in life and how much more this is than just losing weight. We walked the park for 12 hours (yes, from open - to close) and though I was exhausted, I DID IT!!
 
YAY, ME!!!

I’ve been so lazy since being on vacation from both jobs but not too lazy to not workout. Thursday was my 3 month bandversary! I can’t believe it been 3 months since I’ve been banded. So what have I learned? I learned that God has blessed me with the best support system in the world. I learned I am getting much better with time. I learned how to be sociable again. Also I learned its okay to have a cheat day.
So how did I celebrate my 3 month bandversary? I went shopping! I am not going to lie to you guys I’ve been avoiding shopping like the plague. It’s all mental for me. I remember going shopping and I will find a very cute outfit but it never came in my size. So I decided to save myself from the embarrassment and shop on line. I can’t do that now because I am over 50 pounds lighter. Yesterday was one of those days that I really wish my best friend Lesley was there with me. She would have told me to get over it and be proud of the fact that I am 50 pounds lighter!
Anyway I started slow. I grab a size 14 and a size 16 pair of pants to try on first. The 16 fit fine but the 14 I was able to put on but wasn’t able to button up. It’s okay tho because I have a new goal now. Anyway so I tried on a size XL shirt it was a little too big so I garb a large and the large fit! I didn’t cry on anything but it was overwhelming. So I just brought the shirt and a couple of accessories but next time it will be different.
I had a follow up appointment with my primary doctor. Last time I seen her I was weighing 236 pounds but yesterday I seen her weighing 214 pounds! She told me that she was very proud of me and she knows that I can do this. Also I no longer have high blood pressure and I am not longer morbidly obese just obese. So that is an improvement.
Today I ran 2.5 miles and I am tired. I need to clean out my closet and get rid of my size 20 clothes and 1X shirts so I can make room for my new clothes. I don’t see that happening today so let try again tomorrow.
Life is good and I am loving my band!
Thanks for reading.

And I missed it!
 
I may have a brand new band in but I still consider the 1st August 2008 to be the first day I became a bandster.
 
And despite the ups and downs, it has been a game changer for me. It transformed my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to articulate. Not just in my weight, my health and my prognosis for my future health, but in my confidence, my view on life, my career and my value in myself.
 
Happy bandiversary to me! It's been an amazing 5 years and here's to many many more to come.

OK....so after all the drama I found here from one 'crazy' thread....and the fear I found from it...tonight I can say that i have PEACE.
 
I made my follow-up appt. with my surgeon (after the initial consult) and went in with my ever supportive hubby (i am truly blessed) and my full paged typed in tiny font list of questions I have come up with since my initial consult on May 28th. Many of my questions stemmed from many of the posts found right here and some came from my continued researching to learn all I can about what I am getting into when I have my surgery on Sept. 19th with the LapBand with Plication.
 
What I found out was that the band is meant to be a LONG-TERM tool in my quest to remove this excess weight and keep it off...the plication is there to help...i love my surgeons analogy of its "a belt with suspenders".
 
If I am compliant with my surgeon's directions and use the excellent aftercare program that is set up by my surgeon's office I will be just fine. He stressed that any questions or problems that may arise should be called into the office immediately so that it can be checked out....most times it will be nothing!!
 
I know that my surgeon is one of the best with the proper training and experience performing LapBand with Plication. I am in good hands and this is the BEST DECISION FOR ME!
 
What I take from this...if you have questions ASK YOUR SURGEON...if you have doubts about what your are going to do....ASK YOUR SURGEON....if you don't truly know what you are getting into(pre and post op and long term) ASK YOUR SURGEON.
 
At first I was nervous and felt ridiculous going back to my surgeon and asking my "silly" questions....some generated here and some elsewhere...what would he think??....honestly, I think he was happy I was coming back and straightening out many untrue statements and POSSIBLE complications that I was told WERE SURE TO HAPPEN TO ME IF I GOT THE LAPBAND!
 
I left that office feeling great about my decision to move forward and I take that very seriously since I have 2 small children who count on me every day!
 
And before anyone :ph34r: can say "hey there WILL BE complications"....yes there COULD be and yes there MAY NOT BE ANY!
 
So with that...I move full steam ahead and continue trying out protein shakes to find the best ones for me and I move forward and buy myself some tiny plates to eat from and I move forward and start cutting liquids from my meals and I move forward and start practicing eating slower and taking small bites....
 
...and most importantly.....I AM MOVING FORWARD! :wub:

One year ago today I was Banded!! So how was my year? Well, I was very very good for about 8-10 months and then I went back to my eating ice cream, too often. I almost always have soft serve but with jimmies(chocolate sprinkles, if you're not from Boston).
 
I was going to the gym (since December, when my husband and I joined) about 4-6 times a week. As the nice weather came, that stopped. We are going today, we are in our workout clothes!! I need to get my s**t together and start over with my new life.
 
My eating has been for the most part great. I love my morning protein shakes. I drink hot tea and iced tea all day and night. I brew my own iced tea, so it's decaf. I enjoy my large salad about 1 hour before my dinner. I have never used salad dressing, so I know I am great in that department. I do eat bread but only in restaurants with really great bread. I do have Chinese food with brown rice and where I usually eat you can get luncheon specials all day and I bring 1/2 of it home for another meal. Use to be I ate the whole plate full and then some more. I also never have fast food. I hate it. I know what you are thinking, a fat person who hates fast food! WOW! If I did any it was maybe french fries (no salt) (hate salt)
or a shake and I gave them up and don't miss them at all. My grandsons are mad I won't go to McDonald's with them. Grampie will take them but never Grammie.
 
So as far as my pounds lost, I started my weight loss March, 2012 with replacing breakfast with shakes and lost 26 pounds before my surgery. As of this morning I am down 74 big ones!!! Could it have been more-of course. I am not perfect. It was a few pounds more but the ice cream took care of that and the less moving of the body.
 
I go to the doctor Friday for a fill. I have a 10 band with 3 fills for a total of 1.5 I guess my doctor goes slowly with the fills and I am fine with that.
 
Everyone is different with your loss, eating and working out. Be you and not someone you're not. We do all compare ourselves to everyone, me included. Work towards who you want to be.
Have a great day! I will try.
Arlene aka "Eye Candy"