HadToDoIt40

Seriously??? Did that happen to ME?? Three co-workers called me skinny yesterday. I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER, EVER, EVER been called skinny in my entire life. I am still trying to process the new me. It has taken some adjustments, especially trying to shop for clothes. I don't know what size to buy anymore---I find myself gravitating naturally toward the plus sizes. I still feel like and see myself as the fat girl, and it shocks the heck out of me to see a picture of myself. This is so bizarre, but totally bizarre in a wonderful, surreal way. I decided to have the sleeve for better health, and before the surgery, being thinner was not the biggest motivation for me. I have never been thin, and I had no plans or big ideas about what I would look like after losing weight; I just wanted to be healthy. I thought I was so prepared emotionally and mentally, but I just can't comprehend this new person I see in the mirror. I am very grateful that the weight is coming off, and having met my goal of being healthy has been great. But, I don't know how to deal with all of the attention I am getting. Part of me, of course, likes to hear the compliments. But, a great part of me is kind of embarrassed, shy, and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the questions: how are you doing this, give me some pointers, show me what you are doing, etc. Until I saw a recent picture of myself and compared it to my before picture, I just didn't realize the change in my body---I look in the mirror every day, so I don't see the changes as much. I have not shared how I am losing weight with a lot of people, so the questions of how I am losing weight is a bit difficult for me to answer. My standard answer on how I am losing weight is HARD WORK! I sometimes feel deceitful when people ask me how I am losing weight, but hard work it is!! I tell them I am on a high protein, low carb diet, and that I exercise at least 4 times a week. And that is the absolute truth! Does anyone else feel bad for not sharing the whole story when people ask you how you are losing weight?

What can I say that was not said already?! I am absolutely in love with my sleeve. I am absolutely in love with the person that I have become through this process. I am in love with the control that I have over my eating. THE BEST feeling ever :wub: !!!
 
I had this surgery to take charge of my life again, and I am learning to do just that. I am more outgoing, more active, more confident. I am a better mom and wife. I have a new lease on life and I am going to do my best to live it to the fullest!!
 
My only regret: that I did not do it sooner.

Last night was for sure the best night of my life. Last year I went to an event with my husband. I felt beautiful but yet uncomfortable the whole time. I had on a pretty dress, nice make up, a pretty smile, and my handsome husband right next to me. But yet I felt like I didn't quiet blend. This year was a different story. I walked in and own my space !!!
 
I was so happy to be in a room FULL of food but yet my attention was not on that( Nothing taste as good as skinny honey!). We spoke to other people and flirted with each other like little kids :wub: Needless to say I fell in love with the man again!
 
I felt proud of myself. When I asked my husband to take me to the dance floor, his facial expression was priceless!! Before I would have bite his head off for even suggesting it. But last night I ASKED! he loved it! we danced songs, after songs until my toes begged for mercy lol!!
 
I am grateful to God for allowing me to see this day. I went from a size 28 to a 16 and that is the best XMAS present ever...
 
1st picture: Picture of last year VS this year with my hubby
 
2nd picture: Me, Last year VS this year

HAPPY WITH MY PROGRESS!!! I used to run away from the camera....not lately lol!! Love the camera better than the scale :wub:

My little reward for losing 85 lbs!! 1ct diamond pendant... just a little somethin' from the hubby
Now, I did want to reward myself at the -100 lbs mark, but who am I to tell the man no?!
 
THANK YOU SLEEVE!!!
 
What was some of your rewards for reaching a goal?

REMINDER: This is a comic view of weight loss. Everything in this post is true. If the bluntness of some parts bother you, then I'm sorry....but when we lose weight, things change. Some of those things don't seemed to be spoken about much....until now. Enjoy the open truthfulness of this blog and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
 
I misplace something everyday. I am the queen of not knowing where I put something, or putting something in a "safe place" only to forget where that "safe place is". But, over time, I've always been able to stumble across the things I've lost. I've found keys in the freezer, my purse in the kitchen cabinet, a cereal box in the bathroom, and I've even found my underwear (clean) in the fridge. I am the master of having something in my hand and then getting sidetracked and I end up trying to do too many things at once, causing the items in my hands to end up in places they were never meant to be. If something can me misplaced or lost, I am the person to make sure that happens. I still can't find the money I hid in the house for emergencies...despite the many "emergencies" that we've had. Maybe one day I'll stumble across it when I really need it but I've looked everywhere I can think of and NOTHING!!! Apparently I am much better at hiding something than I thought.
 
The only thing that wasn't easy for me to lose was my weight. I would try everything I could think of. I've even offered to give it away for free to people who complained about not having enough boob or butt. However, that never seemed to work. Now, after the surgery, I am proud to say I've been loosing my weight faster than I can put my underwear in the fridge or my keys in the washing machine (been there and done that). The only problem is that with the weight loss, I've noticed that I'm losing something else as well.....my boobs.
 
Now, I was nine years old when I started wearing a bra. I remember thinking how excited that I was that I wouldn't be flat chested like my sister. I used to fill up balloons with water and put them in my shirt and dream of the day when my boobs would be that big. Apparently, someone listened and my boobs did grow...and grow, and I loved ever second of it. Funny thing is, I never realized just how big they were until college. My mother would make me wear baggy shirts and I had to "hide" them most of my adolescent life. But at the time, I didn't realize that's what I/she was doing. So, once I got to college and figured out I could flaunt them with out looking too trashy...I did. I love my boobs. They were a perky 38DD for most of my life. I am not sure how I got so lucky with them staying up the way they did, but I wasn't going to complain. Then, I hit my thirties and gravity started to rear it's ugly head. They started to droop a little but I was still very proud of them. Also, because I had gained over 100lbs since college, they were even bigger than before. All was well in my world when it came to boobs.
 
Then, two months ago I went through weight loss surgery. My husband told me I would lose them. I laughed. Even when I was thin (a size 9-10) I was still a DD. No matter how much I had lost in the past, I always kept my boobs. That is until now. In two months, I think most of my fat has come from my boobs. They have not only shrunk dramatically in size, I now have this excess skin that I can "fold over". I do this when I look in the mirror and imagine what they would look like if they were perky again. Even when I touch them and cup them in my hands they feel different. They used to overflow but now they almost fit in my hand. They have also decided that instead of pointing out, they like to look towards the floor. I never thought nipples could point that low but apparently mine can and they have decided they like what they see. I try to think that they are looking to see if they can seem my feet yet. They are getting closer, but not just yet.
 
It's funny, I never thought I would be sad to see fat go. But the fat in my boobs, well we have bonded over the years. We've become friends. We've gone through ups and downs together...mostly ups. They were still nice to me even when I would keep them locked in a small "room" all day that was too small it left marks on them. They took my abuse and still loved me. But now, they found their out. They seem to keep leaving a little bit at a time. Now, they have a room that is getting way to big for them. They never have any marks on them, and they can move around in the room as much as they want. But apparently that's not good enough for them. I even tried to put them in nicer more expensive rooms to no avail. They have just given up and left. The part that had stayed seems just as depressed as I am about the other part leaving. I mean why else would my nibbles point down the way they do?
 
Oh well, it looks like I am going to have to get used to it for now. I still have about 100lbs to lose so I am sure I will lose even more boob over that time. I have a feeling that when all is said and done, my boobs will turn into ski slopes and the nipples will be the launch area for the jump. But, what my boobs don't know is that one day they will find their way back up. They will look straight ahead and be proud of who they are once this is all done and the surgeon does a lift and fill on them. Then, they won't have any reason to look down but I will have all the reason in the world to look down and admire them again. Plus, my husband is looking forward to it when they look like they used to. He is not afraid to tell me how excited he will be when they get "pumped" back up. Sometimes I think he married my my boobs instead of me, but then he says things like this, "Honestly honey, I love you no matter what they look like. Your boobs don't listen to me or love me.....they just give me a place to lay my head at night." ummmm...thanks honey...they love you too. LOL
 
UPDATE: I wasn't able to post this blog after I wrote it due to the site being down. So, I decided to do other things around the house...one was to shower. I noticed something crazy...my boobs are bigger. I think they knew I missed them and asked the fat in my legs or stomach to ride up the internal elevator and join the party at club BOOBS.....but the sad thing is I know it's only because I am going to start. my period in a few days. Oh well, at least I can enjoy them until that's over....maybe my husband can enjoy them before it starts. He better be careful, I may attack him when he walks in the door this evening.....hummmm we'll see. Maybe I will let him attack me today....All I'll have to do is show him how much bigger they are today and that may do the trick. Hope so. LOL

I thought I covered what type of blog I was writing in my first one. But, apparently, not everyone reads all the entries. So, from now on I think I am going to have to do the following.
 
 
*******DISCLAIMER!!!!! What you are about to read is to be taken lightly. It's goal is to make you smile, laugh, and hopefully see the funny side of going through weight loss surgery. This blog is in no way my feeble attempt to get advice (unless I ask for it), or to be told what I am doing or saying is wrong. We are all different. We all heal differently. We all experience different things. With all this in mind, please enjoy my take on life after the sleeve. I hope it helps make your day just a little bit easier and happier. *********
 
 
Now that all that is out of the way. I feel the need to talk about the looks I've been getting from people when I tell them I've had weight loss surgery. I actually find the looks funny. For example. Today I went to GNC to see if I could find some type of protein drink that I can actually handle. When I went in, I got attacked by the vulture (aka the sales man). So, I proceed to explain to him that I had weight loss surgery and I was looking for a protein that I could handle (and that tasted good). It was interesting to see the look on his face when I said the surgery thing. It was only a split second or two, but it was obvious that he did not approve of my surgery. Not that I asked or wanted his approval. All I wanted him to do was help me find some protein I could handle. So, I ignored him and followed him around the store as he explained to me how, everything "tastes amazing". I know not to trust sales people, but really, EVERYTHING??? I highly doubt that. We are talking about protein and I have rarely met a protein that I found "yummy". So, after he promised me I would "love" this one brand, I decided to throw him off his game. I asked if he had samples or if they sold them per bottle. I refused to buy a whole thing of them only to get home and find out I didn't like it. So again, the sly fox of a salesman pulled this one on me, "No, we don't. However, I will give you this bottle if you PROMISE not to tell my manager. I really am not allowed to do this." I actually laughed at him as I saw the bottles behind the counter that they used for such an occasion.. Did he really think I was going to buy that line? Well, as shocking as it sounds, it really wasn't that bad. It's called GNC Total Lean, Lean Shake. It has 25g of protein, 2g of sugar, 3g of fiber (which I really need but more on that later), total fat 6g, and 170 calories. I had to taste it warm and I was able to stand it so I am sure once it's ice cold, it will be much better. As a whole, the unapproving, over zealous salesman did a good job. And, he gave me the first, "I don't agree with your decision" look since my surgery which I kind of enjoyed in a strange way.
 
Next I headed to Walgreens. I needed a fiber supplement and I needed one fast. Not to give TMI, but my first number 2 after 9 days and two things of Miralax, was more like the number 2 of a VERY LARGE rabbit. It wasn't fun passing, and as soon as I was done, I was ready to find a way for that not to happen again. After staring at all my options for a good 15mins, I finally gave up and went to talk to the pharmacist. I proceeded to tell her my issue and included that I had the gastric sleeve and because i was unable to get much food in, my fiber was almost non-existing. There is was again....that LOOK. She took a little longer to recover than the GNC guy (if she did at all). Even while she was telling me about what fiber would be my best option, she was unable to hide her disapproval of my decision. So it was right then, in Walgreens that I decided. Screw YOU....SCREW ALL OF YOU who think you have any idea what I have gone through, or why I decided to do this. No one asked for your approval or disapproval so don't give it. And, if you do give it, be prepared for me to tell you I don't really care what you think. I did this for me. I did it for my health. I did it for my medical reasons. No, it's not easy. No, I couldn't just eat less and exercise. I've tried that. It didn't work. So, keep your two cents and I promise I won't judge you on your attitude (which sucks) , your clothing (I don't care what the magazines say, you do not look good in overly tight jeans and five inch heals), your hair (1980 called and they want their puffy bangs back) , your makeup (yes, it looks good on models, but you are not a model and you you didn't have a professional do it) , your marriage (don't lie and say you have a perfect marriage, we all know your spouse is not "running errands", he/she is running around on you), your children (a rough patch is a few months or back-talking not years of getting arrested and being pregnant at 12) ....or any other decision you've made or thing you've had happen during your life. If you don't want to be judged, DO NOT JUDGE.
 
Now, before I get attacked for children/marriage/clothing/hair/attitude thing. I know there are always other issues at play. I was just using these as examples of things people do talk about and look down at others for. Funny thing is, people will not be as blunt with their feelings with those people as they are with me for having weight loss surgery. And my decision is one to help me and make me healthier. Doesn't something just sound wrong with that?

Hard to believe that it's been 1 month today. I really can't believe the difference! This weekend has been absolutely awesome. Saturday, we worked at the Food Bank, then came home for lunch and a nap (I had tuna salad, hubby had tuna salad sandwich with fresh fruit and potato salad). Then we worked on the fence around our barn, as some of our hens have been sneaking out during the day to go foraging around. We live out in the country where we have foxes, racoons, possums, bobcats and even black bear. Not to mention the dogs that everybody seems to like "dumping" out here. So now the girls can't get out and get eaten. I would dearly miss their fresh eggs! Their eggs have been a god-send during my initial recovery! Later we went to town, and went out to eat. I was nervous about going, but felt that it was time for me to step out and see what I could handle. We ended up at Red Lobster. I ordered the wood-grilled scallops, shrimp and chicken, with asparagus on the side, hold the salad please. I was able to eat 2 scallops and about 5 stalks of the Asparagus - they were super tiny. Got a "to go" container and brought the rest home. DH even ate super slow with me, (got a to go container too) and we spent the time talking and catching up on stuff from the week.DH even confessed that he was absolutely terrified for me having the surgery, but wanted me to be happy, and felt that if this was what it took, then he would support me. He said that he was so thankful that it was working for me, and that I was feeling really good, and he was also very glad that the first month was past.
 
Today, while I was getting ready for church, I noticed that my pantsuit was way too big. So I had a mild panic attack thinking that I didn't have anything to wear. I looked further back in the closet and found another pantsuit that I hadn't worn in a long time. It was a size 20. I held the pants up to me and told DH that there was no way I could wear them. He said for me to try them on. So I did. And what a shock it was that they went on with no problems, and even after I zipped them up . . . they weren't the least bit tight!!!!! I was so shocked!! I've lost 30lbs so far, but I didn't know it would make such a difference. Prior to surgery I was a 24W, and now I'm in 20's. I keep thinking that maybe they have the wrong size tags in them. After church, DH and I enjoyed our leftovers. I still couldn't finish all of mine, so I had them for dinner tonight too.
 
On Friday, as I was taking Mom to town for 2 of her doctor's appointment's, she said, "I don't think you notice this, but you have so much more energy". I said, "Well, I'm almost a month out from surgery, and if my energy wasn't starting to ramp up, I'd be a bit worried". She said, "No, that's not what I meant. I mean your energy is much more that it was even way before the surgery. Before the surgery, you always seemed tired. I am really proud of what you've done. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, and I'm really proud of you for doing it". Wow - Mom made my day! I know my Mom loves me, but I can't recall the last time she told me she was proud of me. And, since she's mentioned it, I have to say, that of course she's right. I hadn't really noticed it, but I DO have more energy than I've had in a while.
 
What a blessing this has been for me so far! I look forward to the next 30 days to see what is in store for me