caligalles

I'm starting this with the uncertainty whether I hope or dread anyone reading it, not to mention the hard-earned inability to believe that even this step will really be able to accomplish the thing to which it seems I've dedicated my life: losing weight. Unsucessfully, natch.
 
I remember being on my first diet by the age of 9; I got my lap band (a Realize band, actually) on February 1, 2012, a little less than 3 month before my 37th birthday. Did I give up on losing the weight on my own? Maybe, but I prefer to think of it as giving up on the DELUSION that I could lose it on my own. Yes, I said it--it was a delusion. Delusional thinking. I've dieted for almost my entire life; if dieting actually led to weight loss, I'd be f'ing Kate Moss by now. Heck, I'd have melted away to nothing more than a decade ago. Atkins? Did it. Sonoma? Did it. Cabbage soup? Grapefruit? Mayo Clinic? Done, done, done. Jenny Craig? Check. Weight Watchers? Which of the nine times do you want to discuss? Counting calories? Yup, as well as counting fat, counting carbs, and counting numbers of bites. I became a human abacus. I saw a nutritionist for two years, and a therapist for even longer. I worked on my issues even as I worked harder at losing weight than at anything else in my life, but the lesson I learned from all of that work was that dieting doesn't. It doesn't work, and it most especially doesn't work for me.
 
Enter, the band. Through five little incisions right in my belly. It is even now wrapped around my stomach and giving me a new (if still shaky) hope that maybe I can finally solve this problem. You know the one. The one that makes buying clothes not only difficult, but occasionally humiliating. The one that makes other people's gazes either slide right over you, or linger in that way that makes you want to crawl under a rock and hide. The one that makes doctors blame anything you ask for their help with on the same thing, regardless of symptoms, cause, or duration. The one that makes anyone in the medical profession ask if you've ever considered losing weight, as if you hadn't noticed you were fat and the idea of attempting to be thin had never even occurred to you. Yeah, that one.
 
The issue here is that one week after surgery and 13.7 pounds down from my pre-pre-op-diet weight, I still haven't decided whether or not I believe this solution will work. I hope--God knows, I hope--but I can't quite commit to optimism yet. All I've got at the moment is that hope, and the kind of anticipation you feel before a huge exam. I know I studied, and I know the material backward and forward, but I still can't help feeling that I still could fail, just because I've done it before.
 
Still, fingers crossed and breath held and band installed. I've even begun to transition (with desperation induced permission from my surgeon...I couldn't take liquids anymore) onto purees. Maybe this will work. Maybe I'll blog here more than this once. I don't know what the future holds yet, but I really hope it's good.

This journey is different for everyone and we all have our individual struggles as well as our individual triumphs.
 
My main reason for lapbanding was basically to lose weight in a healthy, but fairly quick environment. On my own, I quickly lost motivation and patience when the scale didn't move, or didn't move enough and then quickly resorted back into the comfort of food/drink.
 
There has been alot of discussion lately on what is an acceptable or average weight loss per week/per month.
 
I just have to say that 1 lb a week is UNACCEPTABLE to me.
 
My surgeon practices at one of the country's best hospitals and assures me I can do 20-30 lbs a month if I stick to his rules, so I am! I am averaging 5-8 lbs now a week. Since my surgery December 15th, I have lost 27 lbs. Overall loss is 38 lbs.
 
I could have done 1 lb a week without having surgery and spending a small fortune. I know this is a TOOL, but it needs to do its job when I do mine - the perfect partnership. I feel absolutely no restriction right now, so it is pure will-power - something I have never had, but I am not going to risk hurting my lapband by overeating or eating the wrong things. I know in time I will feel the restriction and it will provide some support to my own will power and I can rely on the band a little more each day and not feel I am alone.
 
Please remember, this is a different journey for all of us, but the desired result is the same - a healthier, happier YOU! God Bless and stay the course!
 
Leslie

This journey is different for everyone and we all have our individual struggles as well as our individual triumphs.
 
My main reason for lapbanding was basically to lose weight in a healthy, but fairly quick environment. On my own, I quickly lost motivation and patience when the scale didn't move, or didn't move enough and then quickly resorted back into the comfort of food/drink.
 
There has been alot of discussion lately on what is an acceptable or average weight loss per week/per month.
 
I just have to say that 1 lb a week is UNACCEPTABLE to me.
 
My surgeon practices at one of the country's best hospitals and assures me I can do 20-30 lbs a month if I stick to his rules, so I am! I am averaging 5-8 lbs now a week. Since my surgery December 15th, I have lost 27 lbs. Overall loss is 38 lbs.
 
I could have done 1 lb a week without having surgery and spending a small fortune. I know this is a TOOL, but it needs to do its job when I do mine - the perfect partnership. I feel absolutely no restriction right now, so it is pure will-power - something I have never had, but I am not going to risk hurting my lapband by overeating or eating the wrong things. I know in time I will feel the restriction and it will provide some support to my own will power and I can rely on the band a little more each day and not feel I am alone.
 
Please remember, this is a different journey for all of us, but the desired result is the same - a healthier, happier YOU! God Bless and stay the course!
 
Leslie

This journey is different for everyone and we all have our individual struggles as well as our individual triumphs.
 
My main reason for lapbanding was basically to lose weight in a healthy, but fairly quick environment. On my own, I quickly lost motivation and patience when the scale didn't move, or didn't move enough and then quickly resorted back into the comfort of food/drink.
 
There has been alot of discussion lately on what is an acceptable or average weight loss per week/per month.
 
I just have to say that 1 lb a week is UNACCEPTABLE to me.
 
My surgeon practices at one of the country's best hospitals and assures me I can do 20-30 lbs a month if I stick to his rules, so I am! I am averaging 5-8 lbs now a week. Since my surgery December 15th, I have lost 27 lbs. Overall loss is 38 lbs.
 
I could have done 1 lb a week without having surgery and spending a small fortune. I know this is a TOOL, but it needs to do its job when I do mine - the perfect partnership. I feel absolutely no restriction right now, so it is pure will-power - something I have never had, but I am not going to risk hurting my lapband by overeating or eating the wrong things. I know in time I will feel the restriction and it will provide some support to my own will power and I can rely on the band a little more each day and not feel I am alone.
 
Please remember, this is a different journey for all of us, but the desired result is the same - a healthier, happier YOU! God Bless and stay the course!
 
Leslie

One of the most talked about subjects you learn of when going through weight loss counseling is the difference between real (physical) and psychological (head) hunger. What's the difference? "When I'm hungry I'm hungry and that is all that matters"...I know that's how I felt (and occasionally feel), I'm sure many of you feel the same way.
 
Well, it turns out there is a difference, and surprisingly one is much harder to control than the other. Physical hunger ( I associate it with stomach growling) only happens to me about twice a day and it's technically remedied with anything from a piece of fruit to a big glass of water. Honestly, when I reach the point of true physical hunger I don't like eating greasy or fast food because it makes me nauseated (this is the correct way to use this word; read a book!).
 
When I am "head" hungry I find it really hard to think about anything besides eating. At work, school, or home it doesn't really matter what I'm doing or where I'm at all I want to do is eat. Now, does that mean i think about eating 24x7? No. But it means that when that psychological hunger DOES hit (usually for me around 12 noon and 8pm at night) it's really hard to focus on anything else. Now, like many heavy people, I have not always been obese. When I was in shape I still used to have these cravings, everyone does. Except when you are fit, the cravings are called "hankerings" or "in the mood for's". When you are large, the cravings are called "Eternal God Masters of chicken nuggets" (or whatever your poison is.. for me it's the mighty McNugget). Basically the cravings start to run your life. You know you are making bad choices (with the internet access and the focus on our country's health, how can you be totally oblivious to what is healthy and what isn't?) yet you make them anyways because the pleasure your brain has associated with the flavors of fast food, junk food, cola, etc. is so powerful you simply don't care. *
 
All that being said, today was a small victory for me and a big one for will power and truth/justice/americanwaysoforthandsoon.. As you can see by my weight loss calculator I am down 12 lbs. since starting my pre-op diet. Not bad at all. I've also been hitting the gym lately trying to gear myself up for daily life after the surgery. So today at work I decided walk across the street to Wendy's to get lunch. I don't know if it was the good weather, the confidence from losing weight or the desire to not lose my parking space... but I was determined to walk. The walk itself was easy enough, but the funny thing is ... when I left the building I was going on full head hunger... I was still feeling good from my Atkins shake this morning and more than anything just wanted something to get the NutraSweet taste out of my mouth. By the time I returned from Wendy's with my Chicken Caesar salad in tow... I was starving (physically). The simple act of walking 1/2 a mile to the store and back had built up enough physical hunger for me to actually need to eat. Score one for my side! I can't describe how good I felt upon return. Instead of sitting down with my usual baconator and a side of shame, I sat down with my salad and a side of triumph.
 
* Now I must say as a disclaimer for now and in all future blogs that even though I say "you" I really mean "me". I can only speak for myself... I know plenty of folks are born with genetics that contribute to being large, or thyroid problems, etc. but for me... its pretty much just a love of crappy (albeit delicious food).
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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http://gerryslapband.blogspot.com/

I have hit below 300 for the first time in a year and half! Just wanted to share my milestone!

I have hit below 300 for the first time in a year and half! Just wanted to share my milestone!

After a week of anxiety and wanting to eat everything I could find (good thing I didn't find anything!), I had my first fill yesterday. So excited to report that my total weight loss is 34 lbs - weight loss from date of operation 22 lbs! I am excited, but I have to make a confession. I haven't given up my wine or bloody mary's - even though I have been drinking SO much less, I haven't cut it completely out. My nurse didn't seem upset about it, but reminded me of the calories in alcohol and to add what I drink to my total calories for the day. I haven't seen anyone on this site ever talk about alcohol.... Well, here I am. I can do without the chocolate, anything sweet, but don't take my wine! LOL
 
I have found a life-saver in food tracking and excercise tracking - MYFITNESSPAL.com There are even apps for every type of phone. I found it very enlightening (however, not surprising) that I was under-counting my calories, so when the tracker showed me the actual calories, carbs, protein and sodium, I made immediate adjustments. The best recommendation on protein shakes I have is make sure you have some everyday! Now that I can eat more, I have cut my protein shake serving down to 8 ounces - which is 23 g protein, 1 carb, no sugar and 95 calories! Doesn't get better than that! It is SMOOTHIE KING'S GLADIATOR chocolate protein powder. Mix it with water.
 
I feel hopeful, excited, nervous and grateful for my new journey with my new best friend, her name is Lapsa. Take care all and I look foward to keeping up on the site - it is most encouraging and educational!
Leslie

I have hit below 300 for the first time in a year and half! Just wanted to share my milestone!

This is my first entry as I just found this wonderful site! It is three weeks to the day that I had my lap-band surgery. I am feeling great (can finally roll over in bed without pain!) but I feel my appetite creeping back! My first adjustment is on Monday 1/16 - I am a little nervous about it, but excited at the same time. I have only lost 18 pounds and that plays tricks with my mind. I am eating less than 500 calories a day.... doesn't compute. I started walked about 20 minutes a day about 3 days ago and I am starting to feel better. I have a long road ahead of me, but looking forward to the once in a lifetime journey. 18 down 155 to go! Have a blessed day! Leslie