LacieMC

Girl! I went to deception pass yesterday and it was beautiful! I would love to do this and meet some WLS people from the area! I am definitely on board, sounds fun!
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absolutly lets do it!

I am in lake Stevens also! I would love to do a hike. Im 5 months today and lynn helped me do the math...73 pounds!!! I plan on posting my story and pics soon. Lets plan a WA hike after you ladies are all healed up. I bet lynnz and i would even do a day trip to meet you. I love the Bellingham waterfront...and we could all eat off one plate! LOL!

I am in lake Stevens also! I would love to do a hike. Im 5 months today and lynn helped me do the math...73 pounds!!! I plan on posting my story and pics soon. Lets plan a WA hike after you ladies are all healed up. I bet lynnz and i would even do a day trip to meet you. I love the Bellingham waterfront...and we could all eat off one plate! LOL!

It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride! I have felt every emotion from pure happiness to complete failure. I have stepped on the scale feeling on top of the world, and at other times thought my week 3 stall would never end. I have mourned food and celebrated SF pudding...sometimes in the same half hour!
I would do it again in an instant! For the pre-oppers out there...it's not butterflies and sunshine all the time, but it IS worth every second. I travel a lot for work and eating out in Hotels is really tough, but I love cooking when I get home. So far I am down officially 42 pounds this morning. I'm even wearing my hubby's Levi's today! (He is a tall skinny guy with the metabolism of a fruit fly!).
I just feel really good and really positive and just very happy!

It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride! I have felt every emotion from pure happiness to complete failure. I have stepped on the scale feeling on top of the world, and at other times thought my week 3 stall would never end. I have mourned food and celebrated SF pudding...sometimes in the same half hour!
I would do it again in an instant! For the pre-oppers out there...it's not butterflies and sunshine all the time, but it IS worth every second. I travel a lot for work and eating out in Hotels is really tough, but I love cooking when I get home. So far I am down officially 42 pounds this morning. I'm even wearing my hubby's Levi's today! (He is a tall skinny guy with the metabolism of a fruit fly!).
I just feel really good and really positive and just very happy!

Yeah, exactly this. For me, this tiem period is hard, because i actually do have to buy new clothes, but because its clothes, it feels frivolous, so I feel that guilt, too, but its unfounded.
That said, I do definitely have problems with impulse control with spending (in addition to food--call it compulsion, addiction, whatever you want to call it, the end result is behaviors we have difficulty stopping that are relieved by doing things that taken one at a time, seem harmless, but if its a repeated pattern, it adds up to big problems.)
If you always pay off your cards and have never had debt/money issues in the past, I wouldn't feel guilty, but I would be watchful as to whether the new behavior is now soothing things that food used to. Your gut about it is probably right.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

Wow this was a great post, very inspiring. I'm happy you "woke up" this is the new and improved you, don't look back, and you have no reason to beat yourself up tomorrow, you took control of your life Yay!!! Congrats on your first NSV!!!! :purplebananna: :not_ripe: :purplebananna:

Good job recognizing what your process is. It would be highly advantageous to set up a plan for next time your in your emotional state and want to binge. Maybe you can take a walk, or a hot bath, or call your best friend that can give you some support. This is your pattern that is habitual and is very hard to change. CONGRATS!
I would also advise seeking a therapist to stop these behaviors before they start.

You are a great writer for sure!! Congrats on being able to see what was going on and stopping when you did. The emotional part of this is one of the toughest. We have to find healthier outlets. I can totally relate to what you went through at work, I've been there myself. I hate that feeling of having to act like something doesn't bother me when it does. You did a great job recognizing the patterns.

Lacie, I'm so touched by the fact that you could articulate this whole mental process and that you did it here, in public. You know why you wanted to binge and you stopped yourself rather than relying on the sleeve to do it. Yeah, the sleeve told you "Nope", but you could have found a way. Instead, you listened to it. I'm proud of you, not in a condescending way but in a "You go girl" way!!!
The head work is the toughest part of this surgery. You sound like you have a good handle on things, but I'm still going to encourage you to see a therapist if you can. As you get further out from surgery, your capacity will increase. A therapist can help you work through the issues before you get to a point where you're having a tough time...or a tougher time.
Great job on not giving in to the binge!!!

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

Hi all,
You all have been so supportive the last couple weeks and I want to thank you and update you all. I have been doing sooo much better, Im starting to figure out the liquids and how to sip, sip, sip. :smile1: I tried a few bites of egg tonight and it didnt hurt like yesterday. I think I ate too fast last night. So far I am down 28 pounds. It's crazy...everytime I start to miss food or feel sorry for myself I just think abut the weight falling off and I get over the pork chops and cheesy rice pretty quick. :smile1: The most difficult thing about being at work is lunchtime when I smell all the different lunches being nuked. I'm not hungry at all, it just all smells so good.
Anyway...here is my most recent pics :smile1:
The first was taken late DEC and the other was taken yesterday.

Mrs. Tiny Dancer,
I think the compliments from our hubbies mean the most- at least to me! That is sooo great and I am so happy for you!

So I woke up this morning, and stepped on the scale and it said I was down 18 pounds. I didn't believe it and had to step off and step on again! 18 pounds in 8 days! That is crazy right? So of course I went to my closet and found my size 18 jeans and they fit!!! I feel like I am living in a dreamworld. I'm not hungry at all, have no pain and except for a little tired feeling, am doing great! These boards have been a lifesaver as far as learning what to expect and how to eat post op! So these 18 pounds are yours also!!! Thanks to you all and I cant wait for next weeks numbers!

The Above post is a plant from A Lighter me trashing Dr. Kelly again. NoJess, you are actually damaging your own companys reputation. Just stop- this woman is looking for real answers- not your Dr. Kelly scare tactics.
Barbie,
Either doctor would be good. Dr. Garcia performed my surgery and I am doing great. Changes have been made at the hospital and I am sure you will have a wonderful experience.

So I woke up this morning, and stepped on the scale and it said I was down 18 pounds. I didn't believe it and had to step off and step on again! 18 pounds in 8 days! That is crazy right? So of course I went to my closet and found my size 18 jeans and they fit!!! I feel like I am living in a dreamworld. I'm not hungry at all, have no pain and except for a little tired feeling, am doing great! These boards have been a lifesaver as far as learning what to expect and how to eat post op! So these 18 pounds are yours also!!! Thanks to you all and I cant wait for next weeks numbers!

Mrs. Tiny Dancer,
I think the compliments from our hubbies mean the most- at least to me! That is sooo great and I am so happy for you!