journey4me

One year ago today I decided that if I wanted to get to see My Gramma years and meet any Grandchildren I am destined to have that I needed to lose weight or I wasn't going to get to meet them when ever it is they are born. There is so much I want to do with them and I have so much to teach them. I knew I had to make a conscience choice to take control of my weight/ health. So I started out on my weight loss journey. I have lost 46 pounds in a year. I had lap band surgery January 19th and I lost 29 pounds since then. The rest was pre-op. I am confident that this has gone the best way possible. My weight loss has been constant, but gradual. I think it is best to lose gradual. I am happy and looking forward to a great year! Happy Mother's day to all!!!

One year ago today I decided that if I wanted to get to see My Gramma years and meet any Grandchildren I am destined to have that I needed to lose weight or I wasn't going to get to meet them when ever it is they are born. There is so much I want to do with them and I have so much to teach them. I knew I had to make a conscience choice to take control of my weight/ health. So I started out on my weight loss journey. I have lost 46 pounds in a year. I had lap band surgery January 19th and I lost 29 pounds since then. The rest was pre-op. I am confident that this has gone the best way possible. My weight loss has been constant, but gradual. I think it is best to lose gradual. I am happy and looking forward to a great year! Happy Mother's day to all!!!

I have been going up and down a few pounds. It is like mental torture. I did drop 8pounds in 7 days but the reason was I have pneumonia, so that doesn't count. Now it is TOM and the water weights here! Well at least I got to see that number and boy it felt great. It has inspired me to dig in, because although I saw the number because I was sick, I now know that it's there....really....strange when you step on the scale and see a number you haven't seen in 15 years! Keep trudging along until I get there. Can't wait til ONEderland!!! There is going be a party!

I have been going up and down a few pounds. It is like mental torture. I did drop 8pounds in 7 days but the reason was I have pneumonia, so that doesn't count. Now it is TOM and the water weights here! Well at least I got to see that number and boy it felt great. It has inspired me to dig in, because although I saw the number because I was sick, I now know that it's there....really....strange when you step on the scale and see a number you haven't seen in 15 years! Keep trudging along until I get there. Can't wait til ONEderland!!! There is going be a party!

This journey has so far had many surprises and mostly all great experiences. From the people I meet to the friends around me that are all so supportive. It is definitely a journey. I believe my children are learning from this too. They see the good I am doing for myself and I know that they are happy for me. I think they like the idea I am taking care of myself now that they are a little older. They like to see me do things for me. I am so glad to be where I am at this point in my life....life is good!
p.s. the above Title "Fitting in" is because I had a very supportive friend give me a pair of pajamas for Christmas that were wayyyyy to small,( she said she bought them really small so I could work toward fitting into them) but now I'm" fitting in" them just fine! Thanks Peggy!

This journey has so far had many surprises and mostly all great experiences. From the people I meet to the friends around me that are all so supportive. It is definitely a journey. I believe my children are learning from this too. They see the good I am doing for myself and I know that they are happy for me. I think they like the idea I am taking care of myself now that they are a little older. They like to see me do things for me. I am so glad to be where I am at this point in my life....life is good!
p.s. the above Title "Fitting in" is because I had a very supportive friend give me a pair of pajamas for Christmas that were wayyyyy to small,( she said she bought them really small so I could work toward fitting into them) but now I'm" fitting in" them just fine! Thanks Peggy!

This journey has so far had many surprises and mostly all great experiences. From the people I meet to the friends around me that are all so supportive. It is definitely a journey. I believe my children are learning from this too. They see the good I am doing for myself and I know that they are happy for me. I think they like the idea I am taking care of myself now that they are a little older. They like to see me do things for me. I am so glad to be where I am at this point in my life....life is good!
p.s. the above Title "Fitting in" is because I had a very supportive friend give me a pair of pajamas for Christmas that were wayyyyy to small,( she said she bought them really small so I could work toward fitting into them) but now I'm" fitting in" them just fine! Thanks Peggy!

This journey has so far had many surprises and mostly all great experiences. From the people I meet to the friends around me that are all so supportive. It is definitely a journey. I believe my children are learning from this too. They see the good I am doing for myself and I know that they are happy for me. I think they like the idea I am taking care of myself now that they are a little older. They like to see me do things for me. I am so glad to be where I am at this point in my life....life is good!
p.s. the above Title "Fitting in" is because I had a very supportive friend give me a pair of pajamas for Christmas that were wayyyyy to small,( she said she bought them really small so I could work toward fitting into them) but now I'm" fitting in" them just fine! Thanks Peggy!

well today makes five weeks for me and i still can't believe that i am on this journey:) i guess it became really real for me when i went back to work this week for the first time since having surgery and everyone seemed to notice my weight loss...i was very shocked by this and a little uncomfortable i must say. when i look in the mirror it all looks the same and i really think it is. i started this journey wanting to lose 80 pounds and i am only down 27 pounds---14 pounds since surgery...not a real huge difference...but they noticed...
 
i am happy this week because i am finally in the 2teens which was the first goal i set for myself! i am 219, but a 2teen none-the-less:) i have been alternating my eating with the pre-op diet this week because i felt that i was stuck, meaning that i hadn't lost weight in two weeks...so M-W-F of this week are pre-op diet type days for me...my next goal is to be in the single digit 2's and then under 200 of course! i don't have dates set to meet these goals...so no pressure...right?!
 
i have still been eating soft meats, cooked veggies, and soft fruits and don't feel any restriction. i actually heard my stomach growling today, but i didn't feel ravished with hunger. i am still focusing on the difference between head and physical hunger...i have caught myself eating when i'm not really hungry and feel horribly guilty...i did this yesterday and was really upset with myself for finishing a whole salad when i was full after eating half:/ overeating a salad...wow! my first fill will be coming up next friday and i am nervous and ready!
 
i am still managing some type of cardio exercise daily and my weight regimen every other day...i have been alternating walking on the treadmill and taking the dog for a walk. there have been quite a few times before i went back to work t hat i would do both. i walk at least 3 miles a day and my best day i walked a little over 8!!! that included a slow walk with the hubby, a walk with the dog, and getting on the treadmill...this weekend i began a mission to buy bikes for me and the hubby and have been on craigslist like crazy...well we hit the jackpot today and got brand new beach cruiser type bikes for a steal. they were in perfect condition and we went riding this evening for 45 minutes and i truly felt like a kid again! it has been over 18 years since i have been on a bike and while i was a little wobbly in the beginning it all came back to me and i was soaring through my neighborhood zipping and zooming down streets that Miles (my dog) and i normally walk! i am so proud of myself (pat-pat) because last summer i barely left the house...
 
life is getting greater and i am feeling fine!!
 
btw way hubby is 8 days post-op and doing wonderful! he walked three miles today and rode bikes with me for 45 minutes:)

This morning I got up and I stood in front of the scale, as I always do....looking down as I stepped onto it, (I believe I stop breathing each time as I wait for the numbers to appear) it said 219!!! I have waited to hit the point where I was in the "teens"!!! I thought there would be a happy dance, but instead I was in awe! I don't think I have come to yet! This is a big step in my journey for my mental part of this. I realize I can do this! What a great feeling!
One number less and in overdrive with confidence! Hip Hip Hooray!

I remember seeing someone wearing a rubber band around their wrist. I asked them why. They said to remind them of something they needed to do. They said that if they saw it on their wrist they knew there was something they needed to remember. So as crazy as it sounds I'm going to try it! Remind myself what I need to be doing and that's eating better. It might help to put it on the wrist I eat with! lol

I remember seeing someone wearing a rubber band around their wrist. I asked them why. They said to remind them of something they needed to do. They said that if they saw it on their wrist they knew there was something they needed to remember. So as crazy as it sounds I'm going to try it! Remind myself what I need to be doing and that's eating better. It might help to put it on the wrist I eat with! lol

So, I'm almost two months out, down 34 pounds. Yeah! Woohoo. Well rewind, really it's only 32lbs because I was down to 282 the other day and I thought, sweeeeet that's almost down to the "seventies"! So what did I do? Well how else does a fat chick celebrate an accomplishment? Eat, right? I tell you what, this has been a challenging journey thus far and holy cannoli I'm only in two months! I don't know how I was physically able to eat a FOOTLONG Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. I have got to get over this hump in my brain to actually listen to my stomach when I'm full. It's as if I feel sorry for the food left on the plate (I know because bread and sweet onion chicken have feelings, right!). Tonight I found myself getting my husband DQ (at his request) and although I didn't choose my normal large, opting for the mini midnight truffle, I was STILL GETTING DQ!
 
On a positive note, I've picked back up on my exercise and have even gotten my step kids into the Just Dance 3! I know there are going to be ups and downs, and ups and downs both numerically on the scale, as well as emotionally in my head. Just thought I would vent my feelings here tonight, because I just needed to. Kind of like going to confessional, it just feels good.
Thanks for listening

This morning I got up and I stood in front of the scale, as I always do....looking down as I stepped onto it, (I believe I stop breathing each time as I wait for the numbers to appear) it said 219!!! I have waited to hit the point where I was in the "teens"!!! I thought there would be a happy dance, but instead I was in awe! I don't think I have come to yet! This is a big step in my journey for my mental part of this. I realize I can do this! What a great feeling!
One number less and in overdrive with confidence! Hip Hip Hooray!

This morning I got up and I stood in front of the scale, as I always do....looking down as I stepped onto it, (I believe I stop breathing each time as I wait for the numbers to appear) it said 219!!! I have waited to hit the point where I was in the "teens"!!! I thought there would be a happy dance, but instead I was in awe! I don't think I have come to yet! This is a big step in my journey for my mental part of this. I realize I can do this! What a great feeling!
One number less and in overdrive with confidence! Hip Hip Hooray!

So do any of you miss just being able to go out to a restaurant and pig out? I've had this "sadness" just a few times since my surgery. I do really great during the week because I'm so anal about planning things out and being prepared. However, on the weekends, my husband and I like to go out to different restaurants. As a bandster, I still can eat out, I just choose much healthier options and when my entree arrives, I have the waitress bring out a box with the meal so I can portion out my food I will eat and the rest I save for leftovers.
 
My husband is not the most romantic, but he suprised me with a date Friday and took me to the Hawthorne Inn in this little out of the way town called Labadie. Apparently the whole town of Labadie decided to go too, because we waited for 45 minutes. I chose the salmon with baked potato and it came with a salad. So the salad came and although I enjoyed a few bites, I stopped because I want to save room for the $21.95 salmon. I LOVE salad. I know its not a protein though and I have to get that in. Which brings me to the point of why I got the band to begin with- SO THAT I WOULDN'T EAT LIKE A PIG. But, every once in a while I get mixed emotions about my band. I thank God everyday for my band, because I was really becoming unhealthy. On the other hand, I sometimes have a pitty party for about 2.5 seconds and just wish I could finish my WHOLE salad, my WHOLE potato and MY WHOLE salmon.
 
Funny how my band, Prudence brings me back to sanity though. Once I'm "full" then I think, Maggie you're a weirdo. What a strange thing to miss. You feel great, you are full off of a fraction of what you used to eat and you've lost 32lbs! Like I said, I don't get bummed out a lot, and realize that I had a very unhealthy affair with food. Glad my relationship with food is changing, but it is an ongoing struggle everyday to change.

So here I am--almost 3 months post op. Ive had 2 fills & Im just not feeling it 100%! Everyday I ask myself is it me? What is it about me that I dont feel it? I started off at a great momentum losing weight, but I havent lost a pound since January.
So, today & tonite Ive been thinking really hard on it & trying to be totally honest with myself. Have I exercised enough? No
Have I eaten something I shouldnt have? Yes--but not like I did before the surgery!
On the plus side---Ive stayed away from diet coke. Ive avoided what I call the useless foods---chips, candy, bread, carbs, starches.
I think we all must go thru this at some point---for me part of the problem is this time of the year. The weather keeping me indoors, and then the dreariness really sucks!! And Im so tired after work, I dont have the energy to go work out.
Ive not lost the faith & committment to this lifestyle change, just slowed down a little!
 
 
I need to recapture my excitement & momentum that carried me thru to the end of January. ugh
 
OOHH!!! there goes my excitement & momentum running up the stairs--better go catch it now!

I Can see my toes and actually the whole top of my foot! So exciting. I have also discovered that I have a collar bone! I can wrap my fingers around my wrist and touch the floor! My joints still hurt and I am hoping it gets better with losing more. I am so happy!

I Can see my toes and actually the whole top of my foot! So exciting. I have also discovered that I have a collar bone! I can wrap my fingers around my wrist and touch the floor! My joints still hurt and I am hoping it gets better with losing more. I am so happy!

So I weighed in yesterday and lost 0.9 lbs. This led to the immediate recognition of the fact that at the moment, I have a split personality. I call them Logical Me and Emotional Me.
 
Logical Me tells me that any weight loss is good weight loss. I'm currently in "Bandster Hell," that period of time between my surgery and my first fill when my appetite has returned, but the band is not yet offering me any restriction. Logical Me points out that a lot of people stop losing weight now entirely and many even gain some weight. She also wants me to remember that the slower the weight loss, the better my skin will be able to adjust and the less loose skin I may have when I reach my goal. And finally, Logical Me would like to point out that I've spent at least ten years getting to this weight from my last lowest point, so it's dumb of me to expect that I'll lose it in a couple of months.
 
Emotional me is too busy wailing and gnashing her teeth to tell me anything. Somewhere buried in her incoherent sobs, I am able to make out a few thoughts, though, like how can I not lose more weight when I've been eating no more than 1000 calories per day? Or, OMG am I going to fail this attempt at weight loss just like I have all the other ones after I've spent all this money on having surgery? Maybe the band won't help me. Maybe I'm just destined to be fat my whole life, and I'll just keep gaining weight even if I stop eating all together for the rest of my life. Maybe this was all a wasted effort and I should just go crawl under a rock and forget about ever being healthy and happy with myself.
 
I'd like to slap Emotional Me across the face and tell her to shut her w&!@# mouth. I know those thoughts are ridiculous, but that doesn't mean I can completely erase them from the back of my mind. All I can do is turn up the volume on Logical Me, keep reading the forums, and keep poking along at whatever pace my body deems appropriate. After all, when it comes down to it, I didn't get this surgery just to drop weight; I got it to help me make a huge and permanent lifestyle change that will result in gradual and permanent weight loss.
 
Maybe if I got that tattooed on the back of my hand, it would be easier to remember...

Nothing much to report back on solids again, had a chobani for b/fast with some granola (1 T) and yogurt covered raisins (1 T), was feeling fine until an hour before I could eat again and my stomach is growling, I know that's not "real" hunger but it's annoying.
 
Wooo talking about "real" hunger, um let's see what have I learned this week: headaches and fatigue for me = hunger. On Tuesday, I had a huge headache, I was still on liquids per mds orders so I thought "well maybe I'm hungry" made myself a protein shake and sure enough voila! Problem solved!
 
Yesterday, I was so tired that I ordered a cup of coffee (something I don't usually do after 4pm) and a packet of veggie cream cheese (since I was still on mushies) at D & D and I don't know if it was the coffee or the cream cheese, but once I got home, I was ready to go kick some @$$ at the gym!
 
So, I think I figured when my stomach is growling, that's just my body being pissed off. When I have headaches or am about to fall asleep standing up, that's hunger.
 
Also I ordered a Keurig for my office, I really do think I need a pep in my step in the afternoon. It's 1:30pm here and I'm yawning!
 
Have a good weekend! I'll be back on Monday!!!

In 24 hours I'll be banded...queue Europe's "The Final Countdown". I can't believe it's finally here. I remember the first time I seriously considered the band, last May at my son's little league pool party. One of his coaches (whom I considered to be a "guys" guy) told me he'd had the band for about a year and was loving it. Loving the time he was able to be more active in his son's life, the ability to get more out of life, how it brought him closer to his spouse, and I just remember thinking "if I would just swallow my pride and accept I needed help with my weight, I could be a lot happier".
 
You see, my wife was already planning her lap band at this time and I fully supported her decision to get healthy and reclaim her life, but up until this point I had pretty much resigned myself to being a "fat" dad... the one who was a master at the barbecue pit during family cook-outs but who didn't get into the pool with his kids or play catch with them...because it's too hard.
 
I know the band is not a magic wand that fixes all aspects of one's life, but for me most of my unhappiness stemmed from not having the ability to control my own issues with food to the point that it was affecting my relationship with my kids and my wife. Tony is 10, I have 8 years left with him "full time" and only about 3 more until he becomes his own person and starts socializing outside the home, how long before he doesn't want to do anything with me regardless of what I can and can't do physically? Josh is 4, if I keep going the rate I am I will die before I see him turn 18.
2005.. the start of my weight gain.
In regards to my marriage, we had our kids very young. We've never had the time to ourselves to really be just a couple. We have always made plans to travel and enjoy each other when the kids are grown, but without a healthier lifestyle what are we going to be able to do? Watch Food network and visit every buffet restaurant in the state? I want more than that! I want us to climb a Mayan Pyramid and see top of the Eiffel Tower. I want to be intimate without fear of throwing out my back.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And now here we are, 7 months later. one day away from go time. I have the usual nervousness and apprehension that comes with any procedure, but all in all I am ready. Ready to make the effort to change my life, ready to put my family and my own health as the number one priority in my life. READY.
 
 
 
 
 
follow my whole blog at http://gerryslapband.blogspot.com/

Well I'm totally committed (or my husband would say I need to BE committed!) to exercising. I know that the scale staying at 18lbs lost for a week was because I needed to get up and shake what my momma gave me! I am doing Zumba on Tuesdays/Thursdays, but I was searching for something I could do at home. Low and behold, I bought the Just Dance 3 for the Wii. HIGHLY recommend! Everynight when my hubby goes to bed I get my controller strapped on to my wrist and I go to town. I'm sure if anyone was videotaping me I would go viral instantly because I'm sure that is a funny site to see! It actually lets you keep track of your week and your "sweat points". Not sure really what that means, but I'll take it!
 
NSV of the week:
Going back to work and having two boxes of Krispy Kreme GLAZED donuts on the table and not even having a desire to eat one!

So, in this wonderful adventure of pureed foods, I acquired some produce to make mashes: parsnips, turnips, cauliflower, red potatoes.
 
Now, in Kuwait it is very challenging to keep fresh veggies from spoiling. Unfortunately, by the time I got around to doing my mashed parsnips and mashed cauliflower, both had begun to die slow, horrible deaths. I painstakingly salvaged what I could of the veg and commenced my juggling act of pots and emulsion mixer. Sadly, I ended up with far less mash than intended. This, however, is not the worst part.
 
I finished the parsnips, put the cauliflower on to steam, and commenced to boiling the potatoes. I stepped away for a minute (not really a minute, but still) and by the time I returned to my pots both had begun to burn! I can see how I burned the steaming cauliflower - I don't have a steamer. But how did I burn a pot of boiling potatoes? Super skill.
 
Again, I salvaged what I could and ended up with a small pot of mashed potatoes and about two cups of mashed cauliflower. My lemonade out of lemons.
 
As it was time to feed myself (I'm still not hungry), I dished up a cup of mashed potatoes and added some sour cream. Now, since surgery I have been eating a cup of food every few hours to make sure that I am getting enough food into my body because my body is not sending me a signal that it needs food. This has been relatively successful. However, this time I ended up stopping after half a cup of food! I GOT FULL. On half a cup of mashed potatoes. The girl who used to have a couple of heaping serving spoonfuls of mashed potatoes (artfully sculpted into a scale model of Mt. Fuji with hidden butter magma inside which splooshed out upon squishing the volcano), was full on half a cup of unbuttered mashed potatoes! Amazing.

Well--my pants are getting pretty loose now, but I refuse to buy new ones cause I have so much more weight to lose.
So---at least for my work pants-which are work issued ugly pants--I decided I had to break down & get a belt. So since I need a plain black leather belt, I just went to JCP & the mens dept. Well when I found the right belt size, I realized that its length was almost as tall as me!!! YIKES!! I AM NOT BUYING THAT!! My waist is almost as round as I am tall???? DENY DENY DENY!!
I hastily changed that plan & decided that I will risk a walk down a camera monitored hallway & have my pants fall to the ground to the amusement of everyone!!
Americas Funniest Home Videos here I come!! lol