nicole1

Nicki good luck with the job possibility. I know jobs are a hug stressor and a big part of our over eating. I am considering looking to move to a different school district for that same reason. So I totally get it. I have not logged in forever. I am afraid of what it my said to me. " where have you been, get your act together!! LOL

Love the idea LadyB!! I might have to workout an extra day this week if I'm posting!! LOL

189.9 Monday afternoon. 80.1 since LBS

Amer. congrats on the vacation success!! And the 2 piece!! I still have not gotten stuck so I have not experienced the headache thing. As for the holidays I plan to take very very small portions the 1st round so there is room for seconds. You have to have seconds at thanksgiving! It's tradition! I am worried about the pies. There are always more than one to try so maybe ill go with a sliver of each. Well happy Halloween everyone! So far all I've had is 2 pieces of candy but the might is young!!

Well my update is I finally made it past 190, I was 189.7 for a whole day, now I am back up to 194, but it felt good to know I can do it. I do have a great NSV One of my goals was to be able to wear knee high boots that did not come from LB or Avenue. So I bought these great boots that felt a little loose I wore them for a full day and was shocked how loose they were, Well I looked at the box when I got home and they were "wide calf" so totally deflated I took them back and asked to try on a normal pair and the fit!!! I love NSVs!!

I didn't meant to be too harsh. I did not realize you are in the place you are in. So I love the idea of a semi- break. If you remember I did that for all of September. I ate whatever I wanted but kept up with the exercise. Trust me i ate more than share of cookies and ice cream that month!! I was in survival mode and it sounds like you are there too. I thought it was just the ice cream but it sounds like so much more is going on. Let us know. Enjoy your break but you might want to give yourself like a deadline of when you're going to stop and think and make the decision whether to continue to survive or to move on back into The groove of things. I think we all need a break and just to feel normal for a little while it's important to keep us feeling comfortable with ourselves.

Oh and good luck with the job!!

Ok Nicki it is time for the cold hard truth. For weeks you have been posting about your ice cream addiction and state you know you have to give it up, but you're not ready...well you will never be ready but you have to do it. It is like ripping a bandaid off. You seem to keep picking at it, but never take it off. It is time! Just throw the ice cream down the sink and wash it away. Tell your family not to buy you any no matter how much you beg. But for it to work you need a replacement food. Make one of those shakes you used to make or a sugar free pudding or Kettle Popcorn. If you don't replace it you will just want it more. Trust me I'm a psychologist! Good Luck!! We are all here for you!!!!

So I gave in and bought new PJ pants and they are a size Large!! Note X-Large, but Large and fit just right!!! Oh and I got new underwear that doesn't sag!!

Nicki try liquids for a few days and see if it will shrink back. I have hear of them doing an unfill one day. Let your stomach settle then fill you back up. I would defiantly call your doctor if the liquid diet doesn't help. Good luck!!

So I went in for a fill got .2cc a total of 3.8cc. So I have lost 8lbs in 4 wks! Amazing considering last night I had only lost 4lbs!! So on an interesting note the doctor want me to take bite no bigger than my pinky nail chew 20 times swallow wait until I feel it hit the band & go down then take my next bite. Does anyone else think that sounds weird?? Or tedious?? I thought we were to learn new habits not look stupid eating!!

Halloween Hording! Well last year and probably all previous Halloweens I would buy the candy in bulk and "hide it" from everyone in the house so there would be some for the trick or treaters. LOL yah right! Since "I" knew where it was I would probably eat about half of the stash. Also since I work at a school, but not as a teacher I would float from class party to class party collecting yummy goodies. Well this year it has made it half way to Halloween and I haven't even thought about buying candy. NSV!! I was at the store today and noticed I was in the seasonal isle and didn't even think about grabbing a bag! I also have a very busy day scheduled for the 31st to avoid classrooms & staff rooms. If I start to feel worried I might just call in sick!! I will not gorge myself this year!!!!! So being in the season what are your Halloween should not and will dos??

I'm back! Just took my daughter to return jeans at Levi and it was kind of cool to try on stuff with her! I don't think she was cool with mom shopping in "her" store!! Ready-how is the heart burn issue? I had the same repair and have not had heart burn since the operation. Good luck with it! Let us know what the dr. says. Meredith-did you get your groove back yet? With your new fill it might be easier. I have been eating badly lately too, it kind of goes in cycles. We are only human! Skinny people must eat bad food too!! Chrissy-I had the same experience of weird sizing too! I didn't buy a pair of 18s even though they looked awesome on me, but they fit like all the 14's did, I just didn't want that size in my closet ever again. I know stupid, but I am just so proud of myself for being a 14 again. Congrats on the 12, that is my actual goal size!! What is your goal size and why did you choose that size or weight? LadyB-Sorry to hear you are stuck at 172 hopefully by the time you read this you will have dropped below. I can't wait to be at 172!! My goal weight is 165, what is yours? Horse-I know you can get to onederland soon, you are so close!! keep up that riding!! Is it true that horseback riding makes your thighs smaller?? NJ2NC-oh my gosh your pic looks amazing!! It doesn't even look like you!!! I have not been logging my food, but make ok choices, but I agree that the portions is the issue. I think portion size will be my big issue during the holidays, especially when the patters go around the table for seconds!! You're right about the compliments they are the best part and make us want to loose more!! Valann- how was it shopping at The Limit? It must have been a lot of fun being able to shop at such a fancy store for work clothes!! You are right about last summer having gained weight instead of loosing. So what are we going to do for goals about the holidays? How about we can have seconds if our first serving is supper small!! No seconds on desert, but have some thing and enjoy every single bit!! Any ideas?

Part 2 Nicki- I know how you feel about the ice cream. I was wondering if you have thought about buying just one of those sample ice cream containers each week. they are around $1-$2 depending on the brand and sales. I will buy one if I am craving. As for the motivation/determination waning it is totally normal so don't beat yourself up over it. Write down a plan for the week and stick to it, but give yourself some wiggle room, so you don't feel like you have let yourself down. Such as workout 3-4 days a week and log 6 out of 7 days, etc. I notice when I write down my goal I stick to it, but life happens and a miss a log or a workout. Do you have a pair of goal pants or shirt for this month? I just think we need little things to look forward to. As for the mental part ... it is the hardest part!! Our lives are a roller coaster to start then to top it off we are making huge mental changes, rethinking what we eat, when we eat, how we eat!! It has taken me 39 years of learning bad habits with eating so it is going to take more than surgery and 9 mths to change my old way of thinking especially with the holidays approaching. I think we all need to be proud of ourselves and give ourselves a break, We have made it a long way in a really short time and honestly there is no deadline or finishline. We need to enjoy the victories we have and look forward to the ones to come, Holidays..??? What are we going to do to survive?? Maybe we need to create holiday eating goals. LOL I'll be back later to post responses to everyone, kid needs to go to the store!! TTYL

Hello everyone!!! I know I have fallen off the radar and the wagon! LOL. but I am doing well. Work has been really difficult and down and out depressing but I surviving! I have still been working out 2-3 times a week and watching what I eat but I have slipped a few times with bakery cookies. Oh well. The interesting thing is food really doesn't make me feel better like it used to, but I still find myself stopping at the bakery after a bad day and getting a few cookies. They taste great but they no longer have that calming effect they used to but I also don't have the guilt I used to have. I am 193 today and bouncing up and down a few lbs but staying below 200! My goodwill shopping went well. I got a lot of slacks in size 14 and tops in XL-L. But I am having a hard time dressing myself. I wore certain clothes before because they hid my bad spots and I found myself looking at the same styles. I think I might take a skinny friend shopping with me next time. It will be fun to shop together now. Before I hated shopping with anyone not at my weight. I hated that they had to go to stores not for them and wait for me. Now we can shop in the same stores!! It sound like a new fun experience!! It is late and I want to respond to everyone. I will make the time tomorrow! But I must say I love love love all of your updated profile pics!! You all look amazing!!!! We should all update our before and after pics on our profile pages so we can check each other out!! Live you guys!!

Quick NSV. My underwear is too big they sag!!! LOL. Gotta love it!!???‹

Hello!! I have been reading but not posting. I know that it's bad. But I'm here now. Thanks to all of you for your support and suggestions. So I basically have been in survival mode for the past few weeks due to work & depression and I am still doing pretty good. As some of you suggested I did pack my lunch with high protein low carb & low cal. And just packed it the same everyday. So even though I am not tracking I am still paying attention to what I eat. I continued to go to my circuit training class 2 times a week & that has helped. my trainer knows what I am going through and has been very helpful through motivation and humor. I had a fill and am at 3.9cc I have felt the stuck feeling but just stop eating & let it pass. Some times I get that extra dose of saliva but never throw anything up. According to the dr scale I lost 4lbs in 6 wks which is the same as my last appt. as for onderland I went back up and came back down so I am at 198 and have been for a week so I think it will stick!! I am also having the evening munches. It starts around 8pm so I have been trying to drink flavored water instead but then I have to get up and pee at 12 & 3 am!! Part of the munchies is the kids started leaving their junk food on the counter & I see it so I eat it. Time for a family meeting. I was doing well with my own food cabinet & never touching their cabinets. Out of sight out of mind!!!???ˆ So the weather has changed over night!! From 90 to 65!! Big problem I don't fit into my size 12 goal pants (remember I bought them from Eddie Bauer on clearance) and I only have 2 pair of slacks. looks like I am hitting the goodwill! Oh and have any of you tried on your old winter coats!!! Oh my gosh it looks like 2 of me could fit in it!! Can't wait to go coat shopping in the normal sizes they come in so many colors!! I love you all. You are all amazing women!! I will write more this weekend and make comments. This novel is enough for now!!???˜

Hello and thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. I have been really stressed at work with all the changes due to buget cuts I have twice the work and I feel like I have no idea what I am doing a lot of the time and I have always been proud of myself for being able to think on my toes and figure stuff out. So it has been really hard. On top of that I am trying to time my water intake, time my meals around my water, log my meals, remember to eat, get my kid to & from soccer, cook dinner, dealing with a dying dog (bladder & bowel issues & a lot of laundry) and still trying to find time to exercise. Last night I finished my last report at 9 pm there was no way I was going to workout. That is what my last 2 weeks have been like and to top it off I have been depressed & have to find time in my crazy schedule for counseling. I am thinking of taking September off to get adjusted to my life. I will still watch what I eat, but not log it, eat when I want no matter how long it has been since I drank something (this often causes me not to eat because I forget to go back & eat after the 30 min then later I realize I'm starving), I will not feel guilty for not working out, but I will still go to my 2 classes (I already paid for them). I guess this will be like a test to see what it is like just to maintain my weight. Yes I was unhappy when I was over weight, but back then I was obese. Now I'm just 35lbs overweight and I have better control. I will still post too!! As for the time of this post, I woke up with an anxiety attack about work and could not get back to sleep. So I might as well take the time to do a few things for me before the crazy day starts!! Ttyl

Well I did nothing today. I did do dished & laundry. But I didn't workout or log my food or even care what I ate, which wasn't good. I don't know, I kind of think that while my life is so stressful I should stop putting so much pressure on myself. I am thinking of taking a break from the constant work of trying to loose weight. It has been 8 months and a lot of exhausting work. I've done great but I think I need to just feel normal for awhile. Just a thought not a final decision yet. What do you guys think?

Niki men are just a pain. They are unhappy when you're over weight then their unhappy that you're looking good. You can't win. And as for wanting your attention they get upset when you interrupt their game or show or what ever they are doing when all you want is adult conversation! But you do you're own thing and they complain you're not spending enough time with them! We just can't win!!! They want us, they don't want us! As for the slow weigh loss my doctor keeps reminding me it is normal. The less you need to loose the slower you loose it. Which really sucks. It kind of feels like we got all pumped up and excited then it feels like you've been let down from all the hype. It was like getting excited about a parade, watching it then when it is over you feel blah. I'm glad the increase resistance helped you have motivated me to go e en higher on mine this weekend!! The highest 30 min of elliptical was a level 6. Maybe I'll try 30 min of 7 tomorrow! Chrissy you sound like me this week!! It was my 1st week back at school with kids and it was crazy busy!! I still logged most days and went to my circuit class twice this week. But I also spent a night feeling sorry for myself. I'll talk again tomorrow!!

OK here is today's post. I jumped on the scale on Friday morning and I was 198.9 finally in Onelander!! Although it is a 3 day weekend I do not feel it will last, but I will take the NSV!!! Work was stressful and it was hard not to eat bad food, but I did pretty good this week! I logged everything and exercised 3 days this week. So I have caught up on everyones posts!! Melissa welcome!! You have done amazing 380 to 316!! That is huge!!! What have you been doing to track everything and what is your exercise routine? Meredith congrats on the 14!! Even if they are a tad tight still wear them they will encourage you to want to make them loose!!. Also I am just like you with shopping!! I go in with huge arm fulls of clothes and leave with nothing and totally discouraged!!! It has gotten better since I have lost the weight even if something does not fit, I get excited stating maybe next time, in the past I could never have said that!! as for the getting dressed to exercise and not getting the motivation to do it, put on really loud music and start dancing, then you will have the endorphin's needed to get motivated!!! Oh and congrats on the new Job too!!! Kymie I am happy for you being able to eat slowly and feeling good about what you are eating. I was wondering do you still feel hungry though?? NJ2NC congrats on Onderland!!! keep up the good work! Nicki you are so lucky to be able to work out at lunch time!! I love the eliptical!! If you increase the resistance it will help with the strength training part, but you will have a hard time at first getting the amount of time complete due to it being really hard!! I am up to resistance level 6 and it kicks my butt and I can do it for about 35 minutes. I tried level 7 and I could barely do 25 minutes. Chrissy congrats on the new job and the size 14!! As for the feeling ashamed for eating bad food, we all have to remember that skinny people eat junk food too! We should feel bad if we binge, but remember that the band will help us not over eat and forgive ourselves. Savannah you are doing the same tiptoeing around onelander like I am I got to see the scale below 200 for one day and it has encouraged me to keep working at it! Ladybandito- we all self sabatage, we have done it all our lives, that is how we got to the high weights, the nice thing is the band keeps us from going so overboard like we did before. I have learned over the last few weeks, that it feels bad in the moment but i Just need to get over it and start fresh each day. Good luck!! Horsegirl I agree the compliments are the best NSV!! OK all of you who have hit your greenzone or sweetspot I am so jealous!! I have my next fill on 9/18 and I want my sweetspot!! still can eat just about anything and still feel hungry, but try to ignore it or drink more water. Well congrats to you all and I have you to look up to!! TTYL

OK I tried to post this on Wednesday and my phone would not work, so I saved it and here it is: Yesterday and today were better days. My psychiatrist did not change my meds but encouraged me to see my counselor weekly for awhile. My counselor asked me what is it I really feel like doing. I told her I feel like hiding in my room curling up in a ball and crying myself to sleep. She said go for it. As adults we think it is not ok to cry it out that we need to "suck it up and move on". So I don't ever cry it all out. I typically "suck it up" food wise. So I had a good cry. Then cried some more and cried in front of my kids. And you know I feel a lot better!! So as for my original goals I have logged all of my food for the last 2 days, worked out twice so far this week and read this forum daily. So far so good for this week. I also am doing liquid except for dinner to get the sugar out of my system. Kind of a reset button on my weigh loss Thank you everyone for your kind words it really meant a lot to me and reminded me of the importance of a support group! Thank you!!

Hello everyone. I have been off the grid for awhile. My depression hit an extremely low point this month & it has been really hard to do anything. I have not been logging or even watching what I eat. I have even been hiding food again. I saw my counselor last week and she asked if I have been posting & I told her no I am not, I'm too embarrassed and ashamed. My problem is I am too much of a perfectionist and if I can't do it perfect I won't bother to do it at all and I don't like to let anyone down either. So hence if I'm not going to eat right why bother logging. If I am just going to let myself & everyone else down why bother posting. Today was my lowest point. It was my 1st day back at work (I'm a school psych) and it was horrible they laid off 204 teachers & staff and moved 40% of remaining staff, I got moved & hate where I am. After I dropped off my daughter at soccer I went to the store bought cheesecake, cookies and chips and went home to eat my feelings. To my disappointment what used to make me feel better didn't. Normally I would bite into a cookie and feel a calm wash over me it didn't happen not with any of it so after a few bites of everything I gave up and put the rest in the dumpster. Then I just cried & cried. I am still crying a little now and I actually feel a little better. The rude awakening today is twofold. In one sense it is good the food no longer gives me the instant feeling that everything is going to be ok, but the other side is if the food doesn't make me feel better what will? Don't worry about me I have another appointment with my counselor and psychiatrist tomorrow and a fill next week. I know it was a long downer post, but it feel like a relief to tell this to people who really, really understand the impact of food on my life. My family tries but they just do get it. Thanks for listening and for being there for me. I love you guys!!