nicole1

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<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;I was born skinny and spent most of my younger years skinny. Every one called me &ldquo;chicken legs.&rdquo;&nbsp; I ate anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. Fresh baked cookies were always ready after school and desert always followed a full dinner.&nbsp; And I burned every calorie!! Until&hellip;PUBERTY!!!!&nbsp; It is like I didn&rsquo;t know what hit me. I started puberty at age 9! And everything I ate stayed with me.&nbsp; I just did not get it. I steadily gained weight all though my teen years, going from fad diet to fad diet and to different gyms, with little success.&nbsp; Then to top it off I got hurt, I tore my cartilage in my right knee, putting me off my feet for 6 weeks!! At age 13 I was 5&rsquo;6&rsquo;&rsquo; and 150 lbs.&nbsp;&nbsp; I was also diagnosed with Depression about the same time and was on medication through my teen years.</p>
<p>&nbsp;It wasn&rsquo;t until I decided to join the military with my 2 best friends that I finally lost the weight and the fact I was totally in love with my Army recruiting sergeant!!&nbsp; I got down to about 128 lbs, and then went up to 138 lbs due to intense and insane basic training and a lot of muscle building. I looked awesome!!! Then I got hurt!!!&nbsp; The depression came back strong and so did the weight. It was destroying my marriage and any potential military career.&nbsp; At 21 I got pregnant at 155 lbs. and was discharged from the military due to my disability.&nbsp; When my daughter was born I was at 199 lbs., extremely depressed and in an extremely abusive marriage.&nbsp;</p>
<p>At 22 I divorced, went back to college and started working out with my best friend and started on her Herballife.&nbsp; I only worked part-time and had free daycare to go to the gym 3-4 times a week.&nbsp; I was also steadily on SSRI&rsquo;s and going to counseling. I got down to 155 lbs.&nbsp; I swore off men and just took care of my daughter and myself for 4 years!&nbsp; I fluctuated between 155 lbs and 165 lbs., depending on finals week!</p>
<p>I remarried at 27 to a great man with 2 kids he had full custody of.&nbsp; It all went downhill from there.&nbsp; At first it was because of how he ate. He rarely ate simple dinners it was always Black Angus or Outback.&nbsp; The dinners were huge and growing up poor and told to eat everything on your plate, well I did not matter how large the serving.&nbsp; Our 1^st year together I put on 40 lbs.!!!!&nbsp; The other 65 lbs. came over the following 5 years, due to poor eating habits, going to graduate school for 3 years, both of our ex-spouses reappearing, a hateful teen step-daughter and just a feeling of overwhelming despair.&nbsp; Food became my best friend. That one bite of chocolate would relax me enough to be able to walk in the door and deal with my life without everyone else feeling my bottled up frustration and pain.&nbsp; That one bite of chocolate lead to a candy bar on the ride home to a box of cookies to the hidden cake in the garage fridge.</p>
<p>At 32 I graduated from college, we moved to Tulsa, Ok and life mellowed out.&nbsp; I worked out 2-3 days a week, went on different diets with my husband and started counseling again.&nbsp; I dropped down to 240 for a while, but keep fluctuating between 240 and 250.&nbsp; I had maintained that and had not gained anymore than that in 4 years!!! Yah! Some do not realize the accomplishment that was for me to not continue to gain, but it was huge for me.&nbsp; But I felt stuck!!!&nbsp; Every time I start losing again my Rheumatoid Arthritis flares and I can barely move or I will get sick and miss going to the gym for 2-3 weeks.&nbsp; I get sinus infections and bronchitis 2-3 times a year!!!&nbsp; I feel like I just can&rsquo;t win. I was finally in a good place emotionally (most of the time) and I was eating right and exercising, but I just couldn&rsquo;t seem to get below 240 again.&nbsp;</p>
<p>August 2007 my husband took our 2 girls and moved to Portland for a job, while I stayed with his 18 yr. old daughter so she could finish high school where she started.&nbsp; We flew back and forth a lot and tried to stay connected as a family as much as possible, but things changed.&nbsp; Although I have snored for years it is much more noticeable to my husband since I moved to Portland in June 2008, since we had not shared a bed for so long. It is so bad that I now sleep in the guest room and have since July 2008.&nbsp; The move put a lot of stress on my marriage, but the weight is making it even worse.&nbsp; He lost weight while in Oregon and wants to go hiking and biking and all of the fun things that my weight prevents me from doing.&nbsp; My weight is too much on my injured joints and my inflamed joints.</p>
<p>&nbsp;So I signed up for you a weight loss seminar in April 2009, went to it, turned in my application and was working on a way to pay for the surgery and had a sleep study scheduled for 10/30/2009 at the VA hospital. Then on 10/29/2009 I was hospitalized for Venus Sinus Thrombosis (blood clots on the surface of my brain) and placed on Heparin for 9 days.&nbsp; Then I was on Warafin for 12 months.&nbsp; The headaches were debilitating.&nbsp; Any time I got my heart rate up they got worse.&nbsp; My depression was worse and life just sucked.&nbsp; After 12 mths on blood thinners and 3 MRI&rsquo;s later they determine what few clots were left had become permanent parts of the vessels like scar tissue they said.&nbsp; I had headaches on and off over the past year, but they have decreased in frequency and duration, with an increase of frequency with stress. Oh and I gained weight, surprise surprise!</p>
<p>So here I am over weight with snoring, short of breath and aching joints affecting my marriage.&nbsp; I don&rsquo;t sleep well and have nightly heartburn.&nbsp; My depression is worse due to the stress on my marriage and embarrassment of my weight, which makes me want to binge eat again and it is so hard to remind myself that&nbsp; is what got me into this mess in the first place.&nbsp; I know I need to break the cycle but do not know how to do that without losing more weight, so here I am trying to find a way to lose the weight in a health way that will help me keep it off.</p>
<p>I am now scheduled for self paid Lap-Band surgery for 1/4/11</p>