Flagstaffian

Hey y'all. Sarah here. I was active on the boards until about a year ago...now I'm BACK! I am a 30 year old retirement planner, living the dream in the SF Bay Area. Oh wait- almost living the dream- first I need to take off this 160 lb fat suit I've been dragging around the last 7 years. See, I've always been fluffy, voluptuous, "a big girl". Still, I was ususally happy with who I was and how I looked. It wasn't until I broke up with my college boyfriend of 4 years at age 23-24, that I started gaining serious weight. I was about 170 back then, and had always worn a size 12 or 14...now I'm a 22. I just started eating to deal with the serious depression, then I would get more depressed because of the way my clothes stopped fitting, and thus began the ugly cycle that I've been in since 2006. At this point, I'm in treatment for depression (for WAY more issues than just the weight) and luckily, over the last 3 years, my depression has become manageable. It still rears its ugly head once in a while, but I can handle it now. The meds have really worked. I KNOW that WLS isn't a cure-all, but I also know in my heart of hearts that if I wasn't super-morbidly-obese, I would be loving life a lot more. Just ask anyone who has lost weight and kept it off. ANYONE. I also have co-morbidities: carpal tunnel syndrome, joint pain, foot pain, back pain, mild-to-moderate sleep apnea, hidradenitis suppurativa (its BAD right now). Most of the time, I can still buckle my airplane seatbelt, but I know it's because I have a pretty small frame (I'm 5'0")...still, I had to "fake it" during one flight because I couldn't bear the burning shame of asking for an extender. I'm effing fed up with this bs. I have been trying to lose 35 lbs for the last 18 months. I have not been successful thus far. Gee, it almost seems like I have an overeating issue.... HENCE WHY I NEED VSG! Unfortunately, Kaiser Permanente NorCal approved me but only if I can get my weight down to 250. I have been in counseling and I've been trying to eat right...GOSH ITS ALMOST LIKE I NEED SOME SORT OF PHYSICAL RESTRICTION TO KEEP ME FOCUSED ON THE GOAL. Kaiser offers no ongoing counseling or diagnoses for overeaters, compulsive overeating, or binge eating disorder (even though it is in the DSM...they don't care). I was allowed one appointment with their eating disorders clinic therapist: She told me to buy Judith Beck's book, "Diet for Life"....that's right, that is the treatment offered to me by Kaiser: buy a book. They don't offer personal training or exercise programs, they don't offer ongoing counseling for overeaters, they actually told me, "Ma'am, if we did that for you, 20% of our patients would qualify for these programs". Ok, so....too many people need help, so they're just NOT GOING TO OFFER IT. Look, I know that ANY surgery is safer if you're at a lower BMI. I know about fat on my liver, too- but I also know that the liquid pre-op diet DOES help to shrink that down. I know KP is VERY conservative when it comes to treatments, hey, they're a health maintenance org. However, I have begged just about every department I can (including seeing my surgeon, Dr. Baggs, personally & begging for the surgery)- no one cares. It's up to me to lose 35 lbs, or self-pay. Because you know what?? Chris Christie (governor of NJ) just got the lap band. His BMI must have been sky-high, but HIS TOP NOTCH WORLD CLASS DOCTORS still gave HIM the surgery... I truly believe that I am a fine candidate for VSG, and that is why i am now considering, very seriously, self-pay. I'm going to post this in the main forum also. However, since I am on a limited budget, I am seriously considering surgery in Mexicali or TJ.

Thank you, JessicaAnn. This should be a place of support. Putting someone down, insulting their posts, etc doesn't help anyone. That particular poster has now begun PMing me to further her "views" on why I'm wrong/shouldn't be posting here We all have our own struggles to deal with, that's why we're here, right? To each her own...live and let live...Sleeve, Sweat, & Be Merry!

Hey y'all. Sarah here. I was active on the boards until about a year ago...now I'm BACK! I am a 30 year old retirement planner, living the dream in the SF Bay Area. Oh wait- almost living the dream- first I need to take off this 160 lb fat suit I've been dragging around the last 7 years. See, I've always been fluffy, voluptuous, "a big girl". Still, I was ususally happy with who I was and how I looked. It wasn't until I broke up with my college boyfriend of 4 years at age 23-24, that I started gaining serious weight. I was about 170 back then, and had always worn a size 12 or 14...now I'm a 22. I just started eating to deal with the serious depression, then I would get more depressed because of the way my clothes stopped fitting, and thus began the ugly cycle that I've been in since 2006. At this point, I'm in treatment for depression (for WAY more issues than just the weight) and luckily, over the last 3 years, my depression has become manageable. It still rears its ugly head once in a while, but I can handle it now. The meds have really worked. I KNOW that WLS isn't a cure-all, but I also know in my heart of hearts that if I wasn't super-morbidly-obese, I would be loving life a lot more. Just ask anyone who has lost weight and kept it off. ANYONE. I also have co-morbidities: carpal tunnel syndrome, joint pain, foot pain, back pain, mild-to-moderate sleep apnea, hidradenitis suppurativa (its BAD right now), GERD. Most of the time, I can still buckle my airplane seatbelt, but I know it's because I have a pretty small frame (I'm 5'0")...still, I had to "fake it" during one flight because I couldn't bear the burning shame of asking for an extender. I'm effing fed up with this bs. I have been trying to lose 35 lbs for the last 18 months. I have not been successful thus far. It seems like I have an overeating issue.... HENCE WHY I NEED VSG! Unfortunately, Kaiser Permanente NorCal approved me but only if I can get my weight down to 250. I have been in counseling and I've been trying to eat right...GOSH ITS ALMOST LIKE I NEED SOME SORT OF PHYSICAL RESTRICTION TO KEEP ME FOCUSED ON THE GOAL. Kaiser offers no ongoing counseling or diagnoses for overeaters, compulsive overeating, or binge eating disorder (even though it is in the DSM...they don't care). I was allowed one appointment with their eating disorders clinic therapist: She told me to buy Judith Beck's book, "Diet for Life"....that's right, that is the treatment offered to me by Kaiser: buy a book. They don't offer personal training or exercise programs, they don't offer ongoing counseling for overeaters, they actually told me, "Ma'am, if we did that for you, 20% of our patients would qualify for these programs". Ok, so....too many people need help, so they're just NOT GOING TO OFFER IT. Look, I know that ANY surgery is safer if you're at a lower BMI. I know about my fatty liver, too- but I also know that the liquid pre-op diet DOES help to shrink that down. I know KP is VERY conservative when it comes to treatments, hey, they're a health maintenance org. However, I have begged just about every department I can (including seeing my surgeon, Dr. Baggs, personally & begging for the surgery)- no one cares. It's up to me to lose 35 lbs, or self-pay. Because you know what?? Chris Christie (governor of NJ) just got the lap band. His BMI must have been sky-high, but HIS TOP NOTCH WORLD CLASS DOCTORS still gave HIM the surgery... I truly believe that I am a fine candidate for VSG, and that is why i am now considering, very seriously, self-pay. I'm confued, is there ANYONE out there with a similar sitch? If you respond, please don't lecture me on the importance of a high-Protein, low-carb diet. Please don't SHOCK me with the news that exercise is good for me & necessary to achieve lifetime results. And yes, I've met with the Kaiser dietician several times- I know what to eat. I eat too much of it, and that's not something a NUT can fix. Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Mrs Pierre, your headband rocks. TakingBack, this is the perfect time for some spiritual growth. God loves each and every one of His children, but would also like us to take care of the body that He lent us for this earthly life. Hmmm... do I really believe that 100%? Not always, but I'm kind of religious, and pretty spiritual, and I feel like this is a dialogue that I have with God, often...Now, is it a dialogue if I'm the only one talking....I think so...I'm sure God does sometimes answer us, albeit indirectly. Maybe the next 5 days are a time to reflect on your relationship with the Eternal...or maybe find some Bible passages about being healthy, or taking care of our bodies...or even try 1 Samuel 16:7, which just makes ya feel good: For [the LORD seeth] not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. Be strong, be strong, & may you be strengthened.

You are all so helpful & supportive, thank you. It's always so great to hear "you're not alone". My doctor put the kibosh on any shakes or Protein supplements, but I am thinking I might just need to "creatively document" those meals for my food diary (aka My Fitness Pal- so awesome-seriously-it is amazing). I kinda felt like OA was weird after I mentioned my intention to have the surgery. And maybe it was just the meeting I was at, but did you ever feel like, idk, judged or something? B/c I know that's not the point of OA meetings, but the people at my meeting seemed pretty anti-WLS?

Grrrl...I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I took so long to start losing weight that I had to start Kaiser's Options program AGAIN (boo). Kaiser NorCal has a lot of requirements, including the 10% TBW loss to start...but if you need the surgery to lose weight, but have to lose weight to get the surgery, it becomes kind of like the chicken or the egg, LOL. The most frustrating part about it for me is that Dr. Baggs (bariatric surgeon at KP Richmond) specifically states & is adamant about his patients NOT using Protein hakes or supplements. He says that they are a crutch and don't prove that you have made lasting changes to your eating habits. I SAY TO THAT: Crutches are fine! They help you STAND fortheloveofGod!! And I also say: HOW ON EARTH are we supposed to get in 70 grams of protein post-op with our tiny lil stomachs if we don't use shakes or powders?So, I I'm really struggling with that requirement. Did KP give you any req like that? Please share!

Lau, Wait a second. Take some deep breaths...if you went through the surgery, then you were probably sleeved (LOL)! In my 1.5 years of research, I've learned that different doctors use a different bougie size, which can mean that some people's stomach sleeves are literally larger (and so can hold more) than others. It also sounds, based on all the info on this site, like it takes a lot more time than 1 month for your new stomach/digestive system to really figure out what's going on. So, if you are able to get in all of your water and your protein grams, and STILL have some room for 2 pieces of asparagus...well, that's good, right? Because I know right now, with my (as-yet-unsleeved) stomach, I can fit a whole heck of a lot more than what you described. So, have faith, friend. These things will all straighten themselves out. This is a time of new beginnings, experimenting with what works, and surprises (happy and maybe otherwise...). I wish you the best! Sarah

AMAZING, GRF!! Mucho Congrats!! You must feel so freakin happy!!

heatwhip, moontime is just not very fun...I'm hoping that weight loss will seriously improve that! I'm sure your body is still getting used to all of the changes...good luck! Congratulations on making your goal weight!!

OMG, thank you for saying that!! One thing I have been really worried about is if KP will treat me if there are complications or problems. When I first began the WLS program with them, they specifically warned me against going outside of the system, and even took the time to tell me "Mexico Horror Stories"..now that's just mean!

Thanks, Kandi! I appreciate the support. I agree 100% with everything you said. I'm not living in denial, I am trying to actually be real about this- can I continue to struggle for months or years with my weight to meet Kaiser's requirements? Or do what I think is best? So, I am researching various self-pay options. No one that's been through all of this would EVER say this is "the easy way" or that it doesn't take a TON of work....but I think that getting sleeved is sometimes the catalyst that drives people to stick to their healthy choices.

Dave, Thanks for sharing your story! I was wondering, even after the little things that went wrong, did you feel like they were legitimately professional? It didn't concern you or your wife that they kept "forgetting" to do medically necessary things for you? (Sorry, I'm a worrier). I know you specifically said you don't typically "see" doctors at home, and we all need to be our own medical advocate, but I'm just wondering.... Also- update on YOU, please! How are you feeling now?? Losing?

Hoosier, did you feel like 1 night was enough? How did you feel leaving the hospital? And, did you fly home right away or stay in a hotel as part of the pkg? Thx, Sarah

Thank you everyone for your input! I know the universe will unfold as it is meant to. I also wanted to add that I was a Grand Canyon Guide (I'm Flagstaffian, after all!) in college, and was hiking and biking almost every day for 7 years. i was overweight but pretty durn healthy. Now, if I walk to dog for more than 10 minutes, I get such pain in my lower back that I have to sit or lay down. It's embarassing and frustrating to be at this point at age 30. I think it's just begun to really, really get to me.

Thank you, sexy goddess! I appreciate your situation and I know I need to keep on keeping on...self-pay would cost about $9000 out of pocket...vs. $250 with kaiser...I don't know if I can feel like this for another year while I struggle to lose 30-ish lbs. That's kind of where I'm at. I have the money to self-pay in Mexico...I just know KP will be upset if I do so.

Don't give up on your dream of being a mom! I don't have monetary advice for you but you are beautiful and it will happen for you! Good luck & muchos abrazos!

Congratulations and best wishes for best health! At this rate, you'll be ready for SF Pride next weekend!!

Hi there! I am going through the program with KP NorCal, and it is SUPER-FAST. My surgeon, Dr. Baggs, is really caring and the staff is great. I was only told to lose 15 lbs before they would schedule me for surgery. The only hold-up is my slow-@$$ weight loss...which I struggle with, but the lbs. are coming off, one ounce at a time!!

...all medical professionals seem to say to me.... Now, are they SAYING that? Or is that just what I'm HEARING? A rant: I sat down today with a primary care physican/internist to ask about a consistent, aching knot that has been living in my right shoulder blade for about 5 years. I figure it is from stress, or tension, or improper posture, or poor ergonomics at work. Sometimes a massage helps, but it never works it all the way out. I wanted some medical info on this, to see if massage really helps with muscle tension/pain, but what did I get instead? A lecture. On being overweight. About how my gut and my boobs are too big, and how that causes back pain.... But wait, doc! I was asking about a knot in my shoulder! And I'm exercising, eating healthy, and having VSG in a few months! Can you please give me some actual advice relating to my shoulder pain?! She just kept veering back to the weight issue. Because, for me, it's hard to try to stand up to a doctor, and I'm usually not the one steering the conversation. She eventually told me to try some Vitamin D or a heating pad. OK, fine. I'll try that. But I feel like I'm WELL aware of all of the detrimental effects of obesity. That's why I'm trying to get the weight off! Sometimes, I just want a doctor to give me an answer, and not relate it to the one medical issue I am fighting tooth and nail. Thanks for letting me rant, VSG Talk friends. I feel better :smile1: (HUGS) SF

YAY FOR YOUUUU!!!!! I'd imagine that you are flying high with this, and that confidence will carry over to your job interview. Great job!

Maybe walk around witha team of crying babies and nagging mothers-in-law all day to perk you up and raise your bp? JK!! I don't know, but I wish you luck on this!

Congrats, mama! Your little ones are so lucky to have a mom that will be around for a long time to come

Writergirl, I'm a writer too. With an analytical mind. That loves to consider self-sabotage...but honey, it doesn't sound like you're purposefully sabotaging yourself, even subconsciously. It sounds like you just had MAJOR FREAKIN SURGERY and your body IS screaming uot "WTF?!". I don't have NUT advice for you, but I did want to tell you that I'm rooting for you, and I hope you keep us updated. ((HUGS)) SF

OH, Aunt Flo, you nearly caused me to go berserk last week! Aaah, the blessings of womanhood...thanks, Eve!