CowgirlJane

It is interesting how many of us experienced the same thing. I was very large when I started (BMI about 52) so when I got down to just "obese" the people in my life were wowed by the change. It was the last 25-35 pounds however that really transformed me from a looks perspective. I don't even notice it now but there was a time when I felt like everybody was looking at me. What it really was the magical shift from invisible to visible... and in some people's eyes attractive. The way I FELT at times was that I looked terrible, that I was dressed wrong or some reason was not socially acceptable. I am over that, but it was a form of the condition of dismorphia when we don't really see ourselves accurately...

I had lost 50# before anyone noticed. By 100# everybody noticed. By 150# lost...va voom!!!

A year ago I was 20# thinner, way under goal and had ribs sticking out on my chest and back. While being thin was awesome I also didn't really look that great and my doc was concerned about my health. When i look at pix...well...some of them weren't that great. Now I am annoyed that my size 2 shorts don't fit but I look way better, I feel better... I think this bounce is somewhat normal. I am 3.5 years post op.

@@sarsar Beautiful photos! Maybe it is okay for me to say it now that you have posted pix but your hubby is a hottie...haha I think Lipsticklady is fine, but she is not a gentle soul... at least the way she posts. I actually don't think she will LIKE it here as she likes to stir things up a bit! @@coops that sucks that your foot is still infected. All from a tatoo eh? Well, at least it is a COOL tat so worth it! I have been pissed off over my hip. You know how I see it - as punishment for my years of obesity. I realize that is not really the right energy to carry but it is how I feel right now. I feel like I am way too young, way too active etc to have a freaking advanced arthritic hip. I know that "fair" is meaningless, but it feels not fair. I am working on getting over it. I am thankful it is that over bone cancer which frankly what I was most scared of... so I am trying to have a grateful attitude. I am still pissed off though.

As a recipient of opening emails from guys I think that super short does NOT work. Here is the classic dead end message. "Hi - you are beautiful (or sometimes a less gentlemanly adjective us used)" Let's imagine I actually want to reply to this message... what do I say? i have even tried actually starting a conversation from this kind of opening and then I get a reply like: "Hi - are you having much luck fishing?" like seriously... you want to talk about THAT? About my dating? I then come to the conclusion that I am going to have to do way too much work to ever get anywhere... so forget it. I have received really really long intro messages too. they can go either way. One was very successful and was probably the most interesting email i have ever received. I in fact decided to meet him even though he didn't meet some of my ideal criteria (location for example). However, most of them are not that great and give too much detail too soon. I think a more tried and true way to message is something in the medium range. It is really cool if there is some hint they read and understood what you were trying to communicate in your profile. It is nice to be complimented on looks too, but I like it when I feel there is a connection beyond appearance. Telling a bit about the self, and asking or commenting one one or two things that give me content to work with for a reply is even better. I will say that my current go around on OKCUPID is generating much more interesting contacts. The filtering is putting the weird stuff in the spam folder so all in all it is going well. I like a little humor/ wit but that has to come naturally to a person otherwise it can come across wrong. I also don't like anything that can be construed as negatively. Example, I have no idea why a guy would think I am flattered by comments about how many boyfriends or dates i must have. There are a number of other remarks that I don't find particularly flattering and I can only assume it is just that people struggle with what to say. I am one of those that does NOT like endless emails. I decide pretty fast if I want to talk to and potentially meet a person so for me, it is really just those first few messages that determine if I meet a person.

@@Oregondaisy, how did the counselor meeting go? I decided I want to get back to learning to dance. I have 3 areas of interest - swing type dancing, country western style and salsa. I am NOT a natural at dancing so it is effort. I was feeling pretty comfortable doing basic swing dancing but got out of the habit of going and feel kinda awkward again! I think I am going to go at least TRY salsa lessons. ha I am doing really well in many ways. I feel a certain peace with some aspects of my life which is really great. I do still feel at times a certain...out of sorts or internal unsettled but it is getting much much better. It is making it easier for me to make life decisions, I am getting "unstuck" when I feel less uncertain about my world. I had a major insight that has helped. I realized that i have always been so goal focused. Finish college, get that career, buy that house, raise that family, lose that weight...whatever. I have reached that phase of life when not only do I have few goals, but the whole goal driven life just doesn't even make sense any more. My friend Shawn quite unwittingly made a statement that really reasonated - which was - just have fun for now. To a large extend I DO JUST THAT and am in fact her inspiration. What she was really saying is make that the deal, the focus, no reason to come up with a larger life purpose just yet. I sometimes find myself slipping into the question of "what am i doing with my life?" but I am getting better at making peace with the fact that I don't really need to answer that. I thought that at the root of all this was my fear of aging, the middle aged crisis thing. I do feel that sense of time going by, but frankly I have always had that "drive" inside me so I think I have used age as an excuse rather than it being my actual source of angst. Anyway, I have extended this to asking myself what I even want out of dating/relationship. I don't know the answer to that question anymore. I felt so sure I knew but I really don't. i know I really really want a good physical relationship again and haven't had it in quite awhile. I want to go back to my old friend Steven but that isn't the right path for alot of reasons. I am not worrying about it, but letting the idea roll around a bit in my mind about having a summer romance that is just FUN and really has no other expected outcome. I haven't found a likely candidate or anything, but the IDEA sounds kinda nice!

Oh, I used to always tell people that the last 40# were hand to hand combat, one pound at a time. It is a joke of course, but the visual is actually quite representative of the emotional state about it. It was like the first 100-120# came off following normal bariatric rules, but the last bit required a force of will to make it happen... You know what, I think it is perfectly "ok" to stop before hitting that "ultimate goal" too. This is very much an individual choice but part of my soul searching conclusion was "I want this life. I want to buy clothes at any store. I want to be the woman who can fit in the small spaces. I want to weigh less than the man in my life... for once in my life I want to maintain a weight/size that feels just normal"

I went through something very similar. I lost about 100-120# (or thereabouts) but still had more to get to goal. My losses were grinding to a halt and I had to ask myself some tough questions. 1. Do I actually WANT to be slimmer? I had lost enough that I was much healthier, was able to move and do stuff comfortably but I had a nice matronly look about me. the remnants of the "fatsuit" made me feel safe and comfortable. The decision to really push and get to goal was a little like deciding to strip in public - it was very very unsettling to me. 2. I had let certian "healthy foods" become my new junk food. Quest bars are fine once a day, but when you start nibbling them like the new snickers bar... your losses will stall. I had to really decide to not use food that way anymore. Really. Not even healthy food. 3. I had to change up my workouts to give me a bit of extra "burn". I went to high intensity interval training and loved it. I decided to go for it and hit my goal of losing 150# 14 months from my revision. I found out that for me, the loss of the fatsuit gave me a great deal of angst. My biggest learning from all this was the deep understanding of how that "anxiety" has always contributed to regains in the past. My surgery was Dec 2011. I hit goal in Feb 2013. It is now almost first of july 2015 and i am still maintaining... and I am very aware of all this now. The angst over how I look (that being exposed thing) is pretty much gone now but it was harder then you might think...

While I agree with your main point, i have some slightly different perspectives. one of the reasons i had a hard time maintaining with the lapband is I never got to goal! I am 3.5 years post revision to sleeve and maintenance isn't always easy. One of the very motivating things for me now is that I WANT to stay in single digit clothing sizes! I did the surgery for health, but my motivation for maintenance comes largely from feeling and looking normal size. With the band, I never got there so even though I was better off as a size 16 versus 24W it still never made me feel successful. one of the benefits of the sleeve and bypass is you lose enough weight, fast enough, to help with that "motivation". It made a big difference for me. According to what I have read, the rate/speed of loss is only slightly higher with the bypass. for most people, I am not sure the difference is really that significant. I don't really agree that there are big benefits to losing slower. I am not convinced your skin turns out better or any other side benefit. We lose at the rate we lose - not just surgery type, there are many other factors both obvious and mysterious.... Having said that, years down the road it makes absolutely no difference that it took me 14 months to get to goal versus some other number of months... It REALLY IS ABOUT MAINTENANCE. I could write that about 1,000 times and still not convey how critical it is to know that. As @@JamieLogical said most of us could lose weight reasonably well, we could just not keep it off. WLS is an effective maintenance tool but it is still a bear at times.

At 3.5 years out I sometimes long for the days when I had to eat like I was taking my medicine - I had to eat for good health but had no appetite. Now, I have an appetite and eat normal, but smaller portions.

Fashion report! I went to the Kenny Chesney concert in upper 80s/low 90s weather so all the cowgirls were wearing summer clothes. It is very trendy to have cool strappy tops. i saw brastraps everywhere - all ages - and I think part of it is just "get over it". What looks best is thinner straps, color matched to the outfit, or ver neutral. Some ladies were wearing "tube style" strapless bras abut even the backs of those showed and nobody cared. what doesn't look good is big ole industrial sized wide bra straps in brite white.... I have a couple of different bras I use for these situations, and I try to make the color compatible with the top, and try to choose colors that look more like the 'strappies' then a typical bra strap. Example, i ahve a racerback bra where the straps are a very light, pretty blue. I also have one that is more traditional style, but the straps are a very pale, light green. Those colors go well with some of my summer tanks

Right...but when its disabled in okcupid the people have contacted see it as disabled. pof is better because when you email someone they"see" you like normal.

I think that there is alot of variation depending on where you live, your age, what you seek etc. Here are my personal experiences... for me the problem is never things like single guys not having good grooming. I am a successful career woman and so far have managed to only meet guys that have at least some basic levels of grooming and socially acceptable behavior etc. The problem is that I am picky. I only want to date men who I find attractive, have chemistry, have a compatible lifestyle and who "interest me" in terms of conversation, hanging out and enjoying their company. It really helps if they are both outdoorsy (hunters, hikers etc) AND have an interest in ubran things too. Here is the kicker - add in a level of fitness and activity that I seek (but not necessarily the triatheletes crowd) AND a bit of city tastes too. Turns out that is not to easy to find! I think my biggest obstacle is frankly my age. I have a youngish looking face/body but I am 51 and guys always want younger women so I struggle with the fitness/activity level of men in the 55-60 range which is my realistic "target market"...haha I dated someone for 4 months who was 5 years my junior and that was a good fit activity etc wise. I saw someone awhile ago who is in his early 40s - it was never serious and he eventually moved to another city. He called me a few months back to tell me that he had dated 3 other women since we had seen each other... and that he realized he really missed out by not pursuing something more serious with me while he lived here. He brought up the age thing and stongly communicated that he knew he would be better off with someone in his same "life phase" etc. and since he is also pursuing early retirement felt he and I were more on track with each other than the younger women he had dated. anyway, none of that helps me ...haha... because men STILL prefer women 10 plus years younger and if they have the looks, fitness and income they have no problem (apparently) finding that. I am not depressed or discouraged, but it is a reality for me. My Profile: So, as far as profiles go - I have experimented with different approaches and I feel like I have struck the magical combination. I keep it light, lots of very flattering RECENT pictures that show me in all walks of fun and life (good face closeups, good full body pictures, pictures of me windblown on the beach and mountains, cocktail dress, cowgirl dancing etc... I get lots of compliments on my photos because they are diverse and show me enjoying life. What surprised me is that I get very positive feedback on photos that are not necessarily what I consider the "best" - like all made up and pretty. It seems like the ones that grab people's attention are me on top of a mountain, with frizzy hair blowing in the wind more than all dolled up. Even the close up one - i have a selfie that isn't really my favorite because I think I look goofy, but I have a huge smile and that one gets alot of compliments - my smile has been called megawatt more than once. Interesting. I think the point is to be honest and yet positive and upbeat - look like someone who is fun to hang out with. For the write up, I don't get too detailed, I avoid negativity, I keep it light and yet give strong indication of me and what I considered compatible traits. I also very much believe in "picking who you desire, rather than waiting to be picked" - you get a better quality pool of potential dates that way. I know that men want to pursue, but sending a brief, sweet but not too pushy or flirty intro email seems to not violate that "rule". Guys don't always respond, but many do and they are the ones I am interested in of course! I have matured in my approach to dating and I don't know if it is my new attitude, but I am beating them off with a stick right now...haha... it is easy to let someone pursue you, let them know you have some interest but let them do the chasing when you have many potential suitors. in fact, I have to regulate just how many I can be in conversation with otherwise it burns me out and makes me jaded - so I have to carefully manage my approach so my energy and vibes stay strong, optimistic, confident and all those things that people find attractive. Attributes of men's profiles that send me running the other direction: -whining about how awful women are -whining about how frustrating online dating is -whining about how many fat women, liars, cheaters (or fill in the blanks) they have encountered in online dating -whining in general -too many detailed criteria/checklist of what they are looking for. Even if I think I meet the criteria, there is a point at which I think... "this guy has a vision in his head that no mortal can live up to" (note that even though I am picky, I do not put the checklist in my profile because I want to keep an open mind). Also, the most picky ones often strike me as not having that much to offer - I mean they don't have a compelling message of why I should be interested, but they give alot of details on who they don't ever want to hear from! -photos that appear way old -profiles that read like they are describing someone they want to be, not who they are -anything that sets off that feeling of desperation or dejection -small signs of being married, cheater etc. I have my things I look for, but this is tricky and is probably more intuition - so who knows if I am on target. I don't worry too much if they aren't the smoothest writers, the man I dated for 4 months is highly intelligent and successful but due to his dyslexia, his profile was not the wittiest, cleverest or best written.. My experiences on the folllowing websites: match - by far the worst - only tried it at the beginning of my dating experience. This is where I found the most players, liars (mostly about age) and otherwise sleasy dudes who LOOK like they are normal and respectible. Match has way more women then men so they get away with it there??? OkCUpid - I think in many ways this is the best site, but it lacks a "Hide your profile" option for free members. I also have a problem of getting wrapped up in the questions and forget to really focus on the guy...lol. What I like the most is that the way the (optional) profile is guided really divides things into catagories. Example, under "what are the things you are really good at" - I list a few typical things then just for grins I thew in "can back up a trailer". I have received at least 10 messages from guys who say "you had me at backing a trailer and then when you mention you like going on the wine tours - you sound perfect"... that kind of deal. It is a quirky, silly thing to mention, but it gets alot of attention. Under "who should contact me" I mention about someone seeking a real relationship, but more importantly that it is someone who is less focused on the goal and more interested in the journey. I said this because I had personal experience of someone who was adament he wanted a permanent relationship/marriage potential but I sensed he was't ready and he indeed had a bit of a meltdown when things started becoming more serious. So, just like people who claim to insist on "low dram women" are almost always "high drama men" and I avoid them! I am just suspicious of anyone who is so dogmatically set on something like that, often points to their own insecurities or emotional discomfort on a subject. POF - well, I have actually had the most success on POF but there is a basic trick that I must use and I suspect most women should use. Hide your profile. That means you don't get all the scammer, creepy, completely inappropriate type contacts. Those contacts make me jaded and I don't want that negative energy in my dating mentality. The way it works is the only men who can see your profile are the ones you contact first. I have some thoughts about the email messages too... but this post is already long enough!

Went to the Kenny Chesney concert last night with my friend. It was a great time!

Revise from ? To ? I revised from band to sleeve in 2011. Maintaining a massive weightoss pretty well now.

It was so awesome to see Sarah. She is a sweet, fun, cute woman! I feel like our meeting gave me a boost. Neither of us are where we want to be...or used to be...but are still damn good! It's a good reminder to not be so damn harsh on ourselves.

I lost over 50% of my starting body weight in 14 months (sleeve).

There are a couple of approaches to this - I will share what I learned on my 5 plastics consults. 1. For very high BMI people, it might make sense to do some skin removal while they are losing weight (ie not to goal) as the skin may be causing problems like constant rashes, interfere with exercise etc. I didn't fit in that catogory 2. For some people, they should wait until at goal at least 1 year, maybe longer, because the skin can firm up SOME and if you are on the fence... you might decide to skip a procedure after all those changes become apparent. I didn't fit in that catgory either since I lost over 150# even with some "snapping back" it didn't change the procedures I needed. 3. Most of us are advised to wait until we are at goal, feel confident that is where we want to be and start getting consults then. Your best results are if you stay wihin about 10% of that weight/size. I had plastics when I weighed 150 which gives me approx 15# leeway on either end of that number. Don't imagine you are going to lose massive weight due to plastics. The doc only removed about 5.5# from my lower body lift for example. I did lose more weight later, but it had nothing to do with plastics. I did my first consult the month I hit goal, had plastics about 8 months later.... I took a lot of time researching, talking to others who had been down this path, seeking opinions and thinking....

This is a good article. Due to a family history of polyps I need to have a colonoscopy every 3 years. After my sleeve, I was scared of doing the prep stuff so i called my surgeon's office to ask about it. I found out, low and beyold, they do GI surgery and they do colonoscopies! I had so much peace of mind going back to my trusted Bariatric surgical practice for that!

If you told me you have 300# to lose and have lost less than 30# in 2.5 months... maybe that is slow. You really didn't share enough info to say, but my key point is don't look at pounds lost, look at percentage of excess weight lost. That is how the nutritionalists do it. And, we all lose at our own pace. I am in maintenance and I can tell you that years down the road, it really doesn't matter how long it took to lose the weight....

My advice is to not engage in the weight loss conversation with "detractors" - it is a no win situation. Just do what you do... and let them think what they think...I had WLS to save my life and what other people think about that just doesn't matter too much in my view.

I would like to just comment that I had no expectation that the sleeve would make me sick if I ate "the wrong foods". I don't vomit, etc. I do seem to be slightly lactose intolerant since sleeved so it did cure me of wanting ice cream as that gives me the runs now...haha. for me, other than the ice cream thing, all the sleeve does is greatly reduce my appetite, and greatly reduce my "capacity" as long as I eat dense Protein. That is it. No more.

Look who came to visit! It was such a joy to meet Sarah and her beautiful family!

I only tried Lexapro for anxiety and eventually couldn't take the side effects either. However being on it for a few months really helped "reset" things. I am not claiming a cure, but it is much much less severe and I haven't been on the meds in quite awhile.

I think Ann's shrink is right. I might add another frequently seen issue....physical problems develop and interfere with the new active lifestyle. I haven't really regained/floating around goal, but I wear bigger clothes due to the working out issues.